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It is possible to see realities that are madness and understand fully that they are not only incorrect thinking but fully loss of tangible balancing points. Like a one armed bandit they constantly flow in an uninterruptible trance of random positive reinforcement utterly lost. Such is the case for many in the USA at this time - a great many are fully entrained and on a path that can easily enter the tragic madness that beset the people of Germany as the grotesque figure of Hitler grew to hold their Will in his hands - the hands of a madman. For those of you not inside the politics and lifeblood and religiosity of these disparate states that make up the “United” States of America - many harsh statements regarding it can be made out to be opinion. And many are. But it is not opinion that the madness that became the German’s under the pin head Hitler - is a madness that is growing here in these disparate states. Nor is it opinion that the madness that possessed the Inquisitors of the not Great Inquisition - was Christianity Gone Insane. And it is not opinion that Fox “News” is not a news agency but an extruder of myth and fantasy and madness - and the mouthpiece of sewer mind and false religiosity and oven making inquisitors. For many decades now - the sewer mind of dying religions has been allowed to snake its way back into our society - it was kicked out of Europe - it owns the Middle East - it is tainting our schools, pulverizing our sanity, distorting the air. It is becoming the house of babble. Sometimes opinions are not opinions - if your boots are getting wet and yellow - it is not opinion to understand it is not raining.
grabmywrist4 posted a topic in General DiscussionI have had this problem for so many years. I have been to monks, I have been to teachers, I have seen my guru many times, nothing ever, ever, permanently fixes this problem. When I meditate, energy moves into my head, it builds into a giant ball of pressure, and then anger, delusion, confusion, and insanity start to arise as a result. For years I have tried to fix it, I have been taught so many techniques to fix it, nothing fixes this problem. When the pressure builds up in my head, it starts to hurt my heart and lungs below. I have felt like I was going to have a heart attack before. Every morning I wake up, there it is, the big ball of pressure stuck in my head, i meditate, it gets worse and worse. Everyday is another day of suffering and misery. Horrible horrible emotions constantly arising day after day due to this energy being stuck in my head. Is there anyone in this world that knows how to fix this problem? I haven't met one yet :\
I am posting this in hopes that it might be useful to someone who is actively trying to reach awakening … it is essentially a road map describing my own journey down the last section of the path to enlightenment… From the very beginning, my meditation was focused on one thing only… silencing the voice of my mind (delusion)… then destroying that voice completely… all of my meditation practice was insight meditation, and because I made steady progress from beginning to end, I never tried anything else… my insight meditation consisted of fixing my awareness on my nose, and passively observing my breath as it went in and out of my nose…while repeating “Buddho – Buddho – Buddho”… then when I became proficient in Samadhi (concentration), I started doing investigation of my mind… I first spent a few weeks at a Theravada Forest Monastery in the north of Thailand… I did this several times, but just when I started to get results, it would be time to leave… so I decided that the next time I would stay for as long as I got results… and I ended up staying for a full year, during which time I got rid of my anger and greed and reached equanimity… then I did solitary meditation at a house in the mountains (here in Thailand) for a year… then spent another year at the monastery primarily doing “body investigation”… then again I returned to a house in the mountains to do solitary meditation … after doing “body meditation” at the monastery I had reached a high level of attainment, but was unsure of what to do next…so I decided that I would attempt to reach awakening, or to at least scout out the territory… but I realized that I didn’t really have a clue where to start… so I decided that since the process of meditation and awakening takes place in the mind, knowledge of how the mind works would be extremely useful… so I surfed the internet looking for research and other information to update my knowledge about how the mind worked… after I digested it all, I wrote a short summary of it for my own use (conscious & subconscious mind… see below) which also includes my own observations and insights… with this information I could see how to proceed, and why… so I then wrote a step by step “road map for awakening” for myself that took me to awakening… see below)… then after my awakening, I wrote a description of what I experienced when I awakened… (awakening … see below)… later I wrote an epilogue describing how I felt 6 months after awakening… see below… Dawg CONSCIOUS MIND & SUBCONCIOUS MIND (Summary of my research and insights) The left hemisphere of your brain was generated from your father’s DNA, and contains your conscious mind, which is the male mind (Yang), and seventh chakra… the right hemisphere of your brain was generated from your mothers DNA, and contains your subconscious mind, which is the female mind (Yin), and sixth chakra (third eye)… the conscious mind is “father sky”, the subconscious mind is “mother earth”… …………………………………. THE CONSCIOUS MIND THE CONSCIOUS MIND IS A SERIAL PROCESSOR (with only one image or thought at a time, in a lineal sequence). The conscious mind can process 40 bits (nerve impulses) per second… the conscious mind understands “words” and “logic”, it is very “rational”… THE CONSCIOUS MIND IS THE MIND OF OUR PHYSICAL BODY AND ITS SENSES… “Consciousness” is usually defined as being aware of the physical senses… if a person cannot see, hear, smell, taste, or touch, they are said to be “unconscious”… NOTE... The “conscious mind” is used to survive in the physical world (world of the body’s senses)… The conscious mind is concerned with our personality and the survival of our body… when a person reincarnates, their past personality and conscious mind becomes a part of their subconscious mind, and a new conscious mind and personality is created… When a baby is born, it is taught (conditioned) how to survive in the physical world (physical survival), and how to survive within the context of the culture that it is born into (personality)… The conscious mind is just a temporary superficial interface that allows our spirit to reincarnate in a physical body, and experience the physical world… while our subconscious mind is the eternal spirit that we are, that is connected to, and is a part of the spirit universe …………………………………. THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND IS A PARALLEL PROCESSOR (with many images and thoughts arranged in many different complex patterns and structures simultaneously). The subconscious mind can process 40,000,000 bits (nerve impulses) per second, so it is 1,000,000 times more powerful, complex, bigger, or faster than the conscious mind… and can think hundreds or thousands of different thoughts simultaneously… the subconscious mind understands “visual images”, “emotions” and “feelings”; and is totally “irrational”… the subconscious mind controls our body… it keeps our heart beating, our lungs breathing, our stomach digesting our food, etc… it repairs and replaces the cells of our body… it creates our health or sickness… this is why the Buddha said that “every man is the author of his own sickness or health”… the subconscious mind is extremely powerful, but we seldom use more than a tiny fraction of its power, because we are unaware of it… If you see someone that you know; your subconscious mind “recognizes them” (visual image), and your conscious mind “remembers their name” (word)… this is how they work together… The conscious mind cannot cope with the simultaneous "multiple images and thoughts” in the subconscious mind, which is the reason why the subconscious mind is subconscious to the conscious mind. The conscious mind is simply unable to process and "be conscious" of the complexity of the "subconscious mind”… NOTE... If a “normal” mundane person were to unwittingly make their subconscious mind conscious, they would “think” (a logical lineal sequence of thoughts in their conscious mind) that they must be going “crazy”; because of the flood of conditioned multiple interacting reflex thoughts that would flood through their mind. Clinical insanity is when the subconscious mind of a mundane person becomes conscious, when he has tapped directly into his “spirit”, and neither the mundane person, nor the mundane world around him, understands what is happening… but this is also why some cultures consider “crazy people” to be “holy”, and why some “holy men” appear to be crazy… likewise a meditator who unwittingly makes his subconscious mind conscious, might “think” that meditating has made him crazy, and so be afraid to meditate any more… but if you recognize it as simply the natural state of the subconscious mind and are not afraid, it is no problem… it is fear of it that is the problem… if you ever fall into fear, simply start repeating “Buddho… Buddho… Buddho…” again and again until you feel safe… it will anchor you to something good, and protect you from fear… NOTE… When our subconscious mind becomes conscious, we have the potential to instantly and spontaneously “know” (with certainty) even the deepest and most complex universal knowledge and truths… NOTE… The subconscious mind simply collects information. It takes in every bit of input whether it is positive or negative. It does not make judgments about the information that it collects since that is the responsibility of the conscious mind. Every sight, sound, taste, smell, or anything we've experienced since the day that we were born (and what is carried over from past lives...karma) is stored in our subconscious mind for future retrieval…. Our subconscious mind is similar to a six-year-old child. It is innocent, naive, and wants to help us in any way it can, but has no idea how to help us. The subconscious mind wants to do the “right thing”, but it can only respond with what it has been conditioned to believe is the right thing (“mundane reality”, usually “ignorance”), so that it does not always make the best of choices… NOTE... The subconscious mind is “telepathic” and can hear the thoughts of other people, and communicate with the subconscious minds of other people, without our conscious mind being aware of it… this is what is called “intuition”… NOTE... Psychologists or behavioral change experts speak about writing goals or affirmations. Affirmations are positive, goal-directed phrases that are worded as if we have already achieved these goals… experts suggest we review our goals or repeat affirmations just before bed or just as we wake up… The reason is at these times our brainwaves are naturally in the correct state (the alpha frequency) for communicating with our subconscious mind. In alpha, the conscious mind is in abeyance, and we can speak directly to the subconscious mind… let's say you wrote the affirmation, "I love to exercise and have a compulsion to leap out of bed and exercise for 30 minutes every morning"… If you were in the alpha state, this message would go directly into the subconscious mind, unchallenged. But if you forgot to repeat affirmations just before bedtime, and repeated them while in the beta frequency (normal awake conscious mind) instead? Do you really think you could say this phrase without, at least, rolling your eyes? And most likely, that little voice in your conscious mind would be saying, "yeah, right"… …………………………………. Our subconscious mind is running our life! We have two separate minds that create our conscious mind’s controlling voice. There is the conscious mind that can think freely and create new ideas “outside of the box of our conditioning”. Then there is the subconscious mind, which is basically a super computer loaded with a database of programmed behaviors, that we carried with us from a past life (karma), or that we acquired before we reached the age of six or seven (when we were most gullible and impressionable) and were taught (programmed to believe) what the adults called “reality” (how to think and act)... The subconscious mind cannot move outside of its fixed programs… It automatically (reflex) reacts to situations with its previously “conditioned” behavior responses; it works without the knowledge or control of the conscious mind. We are usually not even aware that most of our actions are subconscious conditioned reflex responses. Studies from as far back as the 1970’s, show that our subconscious mind begins to prepare for action just over a third of a second before we consciously decide to act. In other words, even when we ‘think’ that we are consciously deciding to act, it is our subconscious mind that is actually making the decision for us...the subconscious mind is controlling us 95% of the time! Neuroscientists have shown that the conscious mind of a normal person provides 5% or less of their cognitive (conscious) activity during the day, and 5% they say is for the more aware people, many people operate at just 1% consciousness. It is the subconscious mind which shapes how we live our life… Note that the reason that an enlightened person is said to be “awake”, is because they are no longer in the “hypnotic trance” of conditioned behavior and sleepwalking through their life… they have awakened. Most of our decisions, actions, emotions and behavior depend on the 95% of brain activity that is usually beyond our conscious awareness, which means that at least 95% of our life is conditioned behavior that comes from our subconscious mind. Our life reflects our subconscious conditioning, because the job of the subconscious mind is to create a “reality” out of our subconscious conditioning. If our subconscious conditioning is negative (caused by negative experiences), our subconscious mind will recreate those negative experiences in our life, again and again. The voice of our thoughts, is not our voice… it is the voice of all the people who have conditioned us… our thoughts are all the “value judgments” and “control trips” that our family and our culture have programmed us with, to control our behavior… our awareness is clean and pure… the defilements in our mind are these conditioned “value judgment” and “control trip” thoughts that other people have filled our mind with. Whatever thoughts that our mind keeps returning to, are unresolved issues… If we have unresolved issues, it is usually because we have been conditioned with contradictory behavior… that is to say that we have been conditioned to do something (because it’s “good”), and also conditioned to not do the same thing (because it’s “bad”)… unresolved issues are usually a result of this situation… this situation produces conflict in our mind, so that we like to do something, but we feel guilty about it, and consider ourselves a bad person because we do it… it is a conflict of two conditioned value judgments… to resolve the issue we must make a choice of one or the other… either we don’t do “it”, or we do “it” and let go of our guilt about doing “”it” (assuming that we are not hurting anyone, including ourselves). “Guilt” is nothing but a control trip that someone has put in our mind to control us… we should not be deceived into thinking that it is a “natural response” to the “badness” of our actions. If we have negative conditioning (caused by negative experiences) in our subconscious mind, 95% of the time we will recreate those negative experiences in our life. Most of the conditioning in our subconscious mind is control trips based on negativity and fear that were put there to control and shape our behavior… we have been conditioned by our parents and other family members, school teachers, religious teachers, friends, enemies, books, newspapers, magazines, radio, television, movies, the internet, the government, etc… For example : if we are repeatedly told that we are “bad”, we are “stupid”, we are “worthless”, we are “incompetent”, we are a “failure”, or we fear what other people are thinking about us, or fear that we will not be accepted loved and respected as we are, fear that we are inferior to other people in some way, etc… these thoughts will keep popping into our mind, and this will cause us to have low self esteem, and a negative opinion of ourselves, and to believe that we are worthless. We then hate ourselves so are unable to accept and love ourselves as we are, and as a result we are unable to love others... Our subconscious mind is conditioned by a form of hypnosis that we call “education”… we are conditioned (hypnotized) when we voluntarily agree to believe what “respected authority” (parents & family, school teachers, religious teachers, government, media, friends, etc.) “suggest” to us… they suggest to us what things are good or bad, true or false… how we should behave, how we should think, what is “normal”… what is “reality”… so that the 95% of the time that we are controlled by our subconscious mind, we are in a hypnotic trance… simply reacting to stimulus with conditioned reflex behavior… our conscious mind’s “ego” thinks that it is making all of our decisions, that it is in control of our fate, but in reality it is just a puppet of the subconscious mind… We are taught to be greedy, and to want as much money as we can get… we are taught to chase pleasure and sex… we are taught to get angry when certain things happen to us… we are taught that what we believe is right… and anyone who disagrees with us is wrong… and so on. And as time passes we forget that we have learned these behaviors from other people, because they become automatic responses, so that we think that they are our natural and spontaneous reactions… and so that we become locked into a mundane hypnotic trance state that we consider to be “REALITY”… we are like “zombies”… THIS CONDITIONED MUNDANE REALITY IS THE IGNORANCE AND DELUSION THAT IS CALLED “AVIJJA”… this MUNDANE REALITY is the “DELUSION” that we must see through to liberate our mind… then it is as if we “awaken” from a long sleep, and see the true nature of our existence. But be warned that Avijja (mundane reality) has one last trick… it will try to convince you that you will “go crazy” if you let go of mundane reality… don’t believe it, you will “go sane”, and you will be free… forever and ever… MY ROAD MAP FOR AWAKENING (My strategy for attaining awakening) …………………………………. MY ANALYSIS (1) ………………MEDITATION……………… Meditation… The whole object of meditation from start to finish, is gaining control of, and silencing the voice of the mind… so that we can investigate the mind and purify it… then permanently destroy the voice of the mind by destroying “Avijja”, the delusion that is the source of that voice… when we have destroyed “Avijja”, all delusion falls away and we become awakened… and we clearly see the truth of our existence… (it does not matter what method we use to purify the mind, and destroy Avijja, that is of no importance… all that is important is that the method works)… Breathing during meditation… When meditating and observing our breath, we should not control our breath with our conscious mind, but instead let our subconscious mind do our (automatic) breathing for us, then we should be aware that by observing our (automatic) breath that we are observing our subconscious mind, and get in sync with it, and then simply let go, and let it “lead the way”… this helps to set up “investigation”, or set up “communication”, and/or “interaction” with the subconscious mind… Meditation in solitude…To reach awakening, it is very helpful (maybe necessary) to have days or weeks of uninterrupted and undisturbed meditation in solitude… away from the sights, sounds, and constant interruptions of the mundane world, away from all other people… to develop and sustain the necessary intensity of “concentration” and “determination”… the sights, sounds, smells, and feel of desolate unspoiled nature is the most ideal environment for meditating in solitude… (2) ……………NECESSARY SKILLS…………… It It is necessary to have concentration… The action or power of focusing one's attention or mental effort… dealing with one particular thing above all others… It is necessary to be deft… moving or acting in a quick, smooth, and skillful way; clever, showing good sense and skill in ... It is necessary to be cool… in a composed and unconcerned manner… It is necessary to be efficient… expending the least effort for maximum result… It is necessary to have determination… unshakable “intent”… (3) ………………STRATEGY……………… TO DESTROY “AVIJJA” (delusion) WE MUST UNDERSTAND : 1)… “WHERE IT IS” 2)… “WHAT IT IS” 3)… “WHAT IS ITS WEAKNESS” 4)… “HOW IT CAN BE DESTROYED” RESULTS OF MY ANALYSIS 1)… “where it is”… the first major insight on my path to “awakening”, was when I suddenly realized that my subconscious mind was my “Citta”… and since I knew that Avijja (delusion) and the Kelisas (defilements) were in my Citta, that meant they were in my subconscious mind… 2)… “what it is”… the second major insight was that a single conditioned reflex response in our subconscious mind is a “Kelisa”… and that the self reinforcing structure of interconnected conditioned reflex responses in our subconscious mind that we call “mundane reality”, is “Avijja”… 3)… “what is its weakness”… so how do we “fight” Avijja” (DELUSION) and destroy it… we can’t punch, kick, bite, stab, or shoot Avijja, nor beat it to death with a big stick… Avijja is not physical, nor is it even “alive”… so how do we fight something that is not physical or even alive… Avijja (delusion) has no awareness of its own, it is just a system of programmed reflex reactions stored in the subconscious mind that we call “mundane reality”… when we realize this, we have understood how the magician (Avijja) does its trick, (how we are deluded) so we are no longer fooled by it… we have discovered both the strength and the weakness of Avijja… and because we now understand its trick, we have already greatly diminished its strength (its ability to control and deceive us)… 4)… “how it can be destroyed”… It is not possible to “delete” anything from the subconscious mind, it remembers and records everything permanently… But we created Avijja (“mundane reality”) in our subconscious mind by accepting and believing mundane information and ideas, that we were taught were “true” (real, reality)... We were taught how we should respond to every possible situation, what we should like and dislike, etc… so that, 95% of our cognitive thoughts and actions are really just “programmed reflex reactions” dictated by our subconscious mind… this is “Avijja”, the “mundane reality” or “delusion” that we want to destroy… But consider that if we created Avijja (“mundane reality”) in our subconscious mind by accepting and believing mundane information and ideas, that we were taught were “true” (real, reality)... it is possible to reprogram our subconscious mind with a stronger new “awakened reality” based on the “truth of our existence”, that supersedes mundane reality, replacing it as the new default reality… This I now realize, is why the monk who taught me, had me do body investigation… body investigation is just a way to reprogram the subconscious mind to see the truth of our body… the truth of our existence… So it is possible for me to use whatever knowledge and skills that I have, and my understanding of the conscious and subconscious mind to reprogram a new awakened default reality… so starting now, the “middle path” of the Buddha IS my new default reality… I will do this by using “concentration”, “deftness”, “coolness”, “efficiency”, and “determination”… by continuously reaffirming to my subconscious mind that “reality” is the “truth of the middle path”… and by “intently” believing ( having my mind and will focused on this one specific purpose) and acting as if it already was the new default reality” (this is important), and I will even “intently” thank my subconscious mind for making it so (this is important too, remember that our subconscious mind is not only aware, but it has more awareness than our conscious mind)… and by continuously reinforcing the truth of the middle path as the existing new awakened default reality, while continuously reinforcing the idea that mundane reality was just childish ignorance… I can make the new “awakened reality” stronger and stronger, as I make the “mundane reality of delusion” weaker and weaker… then when the new “awakened reality” becomes stronger than the “childish ignorance” of mundane reality (Avijja)”, delusion will break up and be permanently destroyed… that will be the moment of “awakening”… AWAKENING (Written days after I awakened) I had been doing intense solitary meditation for many weeks trying many different strategies to get into and reprogram my subconscious mind, and/or trying to establish better communication with my subconscious mind, without any noticeable results… then one day without warning, and when I least expected it, I awakened… One minute I was listening to a bird chirping, and the wind rustling the leaves on the trees, the next minute I was inside my subconscious mind and could visually see Avijja (mundane reality) like it was a huge dam breaking up, making deep rumbling loud sounds, and also “zinging” high pitched sounds, that seemed oddly musical… It was like a musical earthquake… This was accompanied by blinding flashes of light, like flash bulbs on a camera going off in my face… And then the sea of information and thoughts (my subconscious mind) that had been held back by the dam (of mundane reality) swept out over me, carrying me away... I could hear the devas (heavenly beings, my spirit guides) excitedly cheering me on, laughing and clapping like fans at a football match… So I felt very reassured that I was “safe”, and that whatever was happening was a very positive development, so I had no fear… Instead of trying to get out of this sea of thoughts which was my subconscious mind (remember I had just spent weeks trying to get into my subconscious mind), I kept pushing deeper and deeper into it… I was like a scuba diver systematically descending into the depths of the ocean... I would go deeper into this sea of thoughts (exploring), and then pause for a while observing what was going on and acclimate myself to the intensity, then go deeper exploring again and pausing to observe and acclimate myself again so that my awareness always remained clear and lucid… I did this for about a day and a half, until I reached “the bottom”... I then spent more than a week, day and night, submersed in this sea of thoughts, feelings, and images exploring and observing, and all the while I was in a state of extreme bliss... I laughed a lot, not because anything was humorous (although many things were), but because a zillion volts of pure joy was shooting up my spine (kundalini ?)… Both my conscious mind and my subconscious mind were conscious to me, and I was in both the physical world and the spirit world at the same time. My third eye was wide open… My two minds (two lobes of my brain) talked to one another as if they were two different people, while I was both of them. At one point I could see multiple copies of myself everywhere doing different things, and each of them could see all the other copies, and I could see all the other copies they were seeing, etc… it was like being in a hall of mirrors… My subconscious mind seemed to have no limitations... It could fragment into a multitude of many minds, all thinking different things, and I could keep up with all of them… the subconscious mind “thinks” with moving images (eyeball movies) like the dreams we have when asleep, or drug hallucinations, both of which occur in the subconscious mind… and with words, feelings, and emotions… It is impossible to describe with words, the many different things that I saw and experienced… There are no words to describe it, and even if there were, no one would understand the words, unless they had personally experienced what the words described… It seemed that the whole universe was available, but most of it didn’t interest me any more… I saw the “Akashic Record”, but things like “’past lives” seemed totally irrelevant and uninteresting, and the only thing that interested me was what my subconscious mind was doing NOW in this moment, in this life… I don’t remember sleeping, but one or both of my minds could have gone in and out of one pointedness (total concentration) without me having any awareness of time passing, without me even noticing… or I could have been “asleep” & “awake” at the same time (asleep in the physical world and awake in the spirit world, or asleep in the spirit world and awake in the physical world), a state that I have experienced many times before... My only awareness that time was passing, was that the sun kept coming up and going down, I was always in the “now” (and still am)… I fasted most of the time, not because I decided to fast, but because I never got hungry and my body didn’t seem to mind, but I drank a lot of water... The devas stayed with me the whole time, which made me feel very safe and protected… It took me two full days to come completely out of my subconscious mind, and totally back into my conscious mind again exploring and observing, pausing and acclimating as I did so… The weirdest and most unexpected part of it all, is that with the destruction of delusion, my subconscious mind which now contained my new “awakened reality”, fused with my conscious mind, and now it is a “soul mate” (??? union of yin and yang ???)…whereas before I never thought much about my subconscious mind, I now love my subconscious mind, and I can feel its love for me… in any case it is my spiritual partner and best friend, who will help me in any way that it can… at first my conscious mind felt that it was really very very very strange having this “other person” (other conscious mind) in my body with it (“what now ? who the hell is this ?”)… until it realized that it was the same subconscious mind... (“is that you Dawg ? I didn’t recognize you”)… “Dawg” is the name of my subconscious mind… my subconscious mind adopted the name “Dawg” several years ago, so that it would “know” for sure when I was talking directly to it… I can say “hey Dawg ! listen up, I want to talk to you”… and Dawg listens… Dawg dictates to me what to write, then edits it after I type it… my conscious mind is just the typist)… my new awakened subconscious mind now makes me feel “whole” and “complete”, so that I love everybody now… (even if I don’t even like them !!!)… “you must love yourself, before you can love anyone else”, comes to mind… although my communication with my subconscious mind (Dawg) is now very much improved, it can still be difficult sometimes because the subconscious mind is so unlike the conscious mind… I have to use the right key words, mental images, and keep it simple… for all of its power and complexity; my subconscious mind (Dawg) is like a small child in some ways... or like a very gentle and brilliant simple minded giant with magic powers who knows absolutely everything… and because Dawg is now enlightened, whatever Dwag tells me is totally trustworthy… the absurdity of it all, still makes me laugh with joy whenever I think about it… Every meditation method that I tried in the weeks before I awakened produced results, not only did I awaken, but I raised the Kundalini and opened my third eye, and also unified the yin and the yang… a grand slam… it was awesome… the smile on my face is still five miles wide… EPILOGUE (Written months later) I can say without any doubt that “I am awake”… because if you are awake there is absolutely no way you could not know that you are awake… even if you were dead, you would still know that you were awake… it is impossible not to “KNOW”… if you wonder “IF” you are awake, you are not awake’’… The extreme out pouring of bliss and love has subsided… I feel so different since I have awakened, but in the best possible way… and so many unnecessary things have dropped away that I feel as if my life before awakening is a “past life”… “I feel as if I have been reborn”… The change is permanent… and it seems that there is no longer any “need” to meditate, because my mind is totally empty, and because there is nothing in it to investigate or meditate about… but I can still call up a thought, observe it, and instantly gain insights, then let it go… although my mind is usually totally “empty”, I see and hear everything, it is just that my mind does not respond to anything…nothing arises in my mind unless I make an effort to cause it to arise, and it disappears as soon as I cease making the effort … I’m never bored, or aware of the time passing, it is always “now”… the normal state of my mind is for it to be filled with silence, which I now realize is “the sound of one hand clapping”… My awareness lives in the present moment, the NOW !... my personality and my body are not “me”, they are just masks that I can put on and take off (as and when necessary)… the only thing remaining that I could call “me”, is pure awareness that is simply aware of being aware… and even that is just a part of a larger universal awareness… but I have never in my life felt so totally “normal”… this is obviously the way physical human existence is supposed to be… When I was a small child I saw the world as a very “magical place” where everything that I saw or heard was “real” and “existed”… George Washington, Mickey Mouse, Dinosaurs, Spiderman, Grandpa and Grandma, Uncle Sam, Santa Claus, angels and devils, bed time stories, movies, etc, etc… were all equally real… when I learned what the adults called (mundane) “reality”, bit by bit the world lost all of its “magic”… but now that I am “awakened” I find myself once again living in a “magical” world where the “magic” is not only real, it is reality… It is the subconscious mind that experiences awakening (a new reality), not the conscious mind… upon awakening, the conscious mind becomes empty with no mundane thoughts to distract it, so it lives in the NOW (present moment), the only place in the physical world that is real… which is the world of the body’s senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch)… NOTE… As a child you believed that santa claus was a reality who brought you Christmas presents… then one day you realized he was not real (you awakened) and realized that your presents were put there by your parents… so you no longer believed in the reality of santa claus … but you still remembered who he was… you can’t just delete him from your memory… the memory remains, but you no longer believe he is a realityl… in the same way you can destroy avijja as a reality, but the memory of it remains… when you destroy the reality of Avijja (delusion), you no longer create any new karma… but your past karma is the memory of avijja, so it remains active until you die (even if you are enlightened)… then it drops away because you go to the highest heavenly realm, and no longer reincarnate… NOTE… You have spirit guides that want to help and protect you, but they can’t help or protect you unless you ask them to help you and protect you, because they would be interfering… talk to them as friends and allies, and ask them to help you, and tell them “how” if you can (they can lead things to you, and you to things, without you even realizing that they are involved)… and don’t forget to thank them… NOTE… Anyone dear to you who has died (parents, siblings, children, grandparents, spouses, friends) can hear you if you talk to them, most of them can come to you in an instant… call them to come… tell them that you love them and miss them, and pour out your heart to them… they are not “dead” (it is impossible to die, even if you wanted to), they are just someplace else… NOTE… Learn to talk to your subconscious mind, ask it to help you… remember that it is more conscious than your conscious mind… and if you let it, it will love you unconditionally, just the way you are… tell it your dreams and aspirations… it can help you in ways that you cannot even imagine… it has complete control of your body…24 hours a day, it keeps your heart beating, your lungs breathing, etc, etc… your subconscious mind is always aware, it never sleeps, it is always taking care of you, every second of your life… and it is always listening to the thoughts in your conscious mind, and those thoughts create your health or disease…