estuary

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Posts posted by estuary


  1. Culture Unplugged has all sorts of documentary videos available for online viewing, including this one - Embrace- that's about yogic practices related to sacred mountains. It's available for viewing for a little while...

     

    http://www.cultureunplugged.com/documentary/watch-online/play/50479/Embrace

     

    in Tibetan with English and Chinese subtitles (that sometimes go a little fast, but…)


  2. Dear WillingToListen,

     

    can I ask you about your creative practice*?

     

    Obviously in the past it was a life-line for you, which is good because it shows that even if you're currently in a lull, you've got the experience of having it as a life-line.

     

    There's a LOT of information available online showing that creativity and depression (and other mental issues) often go hand in hand. In fact just today I came across this: Channeling Depression into a Powerful Tool for Creativity.

     

    I've had major writing/creativity dry-spells - most recently about 3 months long (and maybe still going, I'm just taking it day by day). It is the hardest thing in the world to not worry in the face of that because of how existentially I relate to creativity and when I read what you've said here (and hear the anguish), I relate completely.

     

    It might be helpful to think of the "assurance" you're feeling that writing is gone, and there's never going to be anything else, as the voice of your inner critic. This character neither represents the totality of reality nor has your best interests in mind. Funny enough, this character sometimes speaks depression's words verbatim. They might be one and the same a**hole, in fact.

     

    You might want to take my next idea with a grain of salt as I wouldn't know a kundalini from kabeljau if one bit me in the butt, but I wonder if maybe your strong reaction to notions of "the path" should be seriously considered (without snide remarks from anyone) and from a position of some gentleness.

     

    How would it feel to you to not worry at this point about awakening or spiritual "levels" or schematics and praises of "The Path" (Heaven help me for posting that here on TTB), but what if you did the simplest possible practice without any aim other than taking a moment of non-judgmental calmness? Even if you can't get calm during a 10 minute session of meditating, only part of you will be experiencing the un-calmness and another part will be observing you experiencing it. Thus the observer will be calm (sly fellow).

     

    Obviously this doesn't help you with the basics of livelihood, but when you're in panic mode, the brain is incapable of accessing its other functions. Panic mode overrides lots of other options and the only thing to do is figure out what practices work for you for disengaging the alarms.

     

    You're overwhelmed and you sound depleted. Be patient. Even depleted ground eventually will allow something to sprout. Silly humans call them weeds but truly nature is so brilliant to have created plants that can *only* do well in barren places.

     

    -----

    *I know I started this with a question about creative practice and then never really went in that direction. I'd like to go there but this post is already so long. Would you like to have that conversation?

    • Like 1

  3. Dear WillingToListen,

     

    I don't really have any advice, but would it help if you knew that someone was thinking of you and wishing you well? I am and I do. It must be a very difficult time. I hope that you find something helpful here.

     

    In my experience, depression tries to be very believable (it wants to sound like your best most trusted friend, like it has your back, like it KNOWS everything). Strangely enough, it's a lying SOB. Ok, a little semi-advice - recognize that the depression and despair are there but don't let them call the shots. Obviously somewhere inside you desire to live, to flourish - depression may tell you that it's unreachable, that every option is too far away, too big. But ANY small step will affect change. It might be small change, but change nonetheless.

     

    Let's work on finding the small step you can manage for now.

     

    (and seriously consider Songtsan's reply too)

    • Like 3

  4. 意拳 yiquan, the name says it all.

    I laughed because my Chinese is really poor (I call it kitchen-Chinese because of my only-daily-life vocab) and I can't read worth a damn so I google-translated yiquan and got: Italian boxing!! Anyway, thanks for your comment and recognition of the sometime-need to bypass the mind's tendency to fixate on pain before it's been trained to move past it...

     

    Hello. I am so glad to hear you are beginning this study. Ideally, you want to practice this outside. Let nature be your music. As far a TV goes, DON'T. It may provide noise, but also offers the temptation of 'looking' when an interesting story or scene appears. Even if you don't look, the desire to look will take away from your standing results. To get the most benefits, remaining stationary is important. Even just turning your head or your eyes will change the feelings. If you must do these indoors, I prefer a soft music without words. Lyrics only translate to images in your head. There is actually music for tai chi and zhan zhuang. Just go to Google and search for MP3's of tai chi music or something similar. You will find what you need. Your focus should be on 'Nothing' for the simplest method.

    These all sound like intuitively good suggestions, thank you!

     

    I'm waiting for the snow to melt and the temp to rise a little before going back out to do zhan zhuang. Outdoors will be a periodic thing, as my main allotted time is before the kids are up.

     

    I definitely haven't watched tv or videos - THAT seems way too distracting. Music "seemed" fine to me but then so too did the language lessons... ?

     

     

    Just feel. This method builds energy on its own. While 1 minute may produce energy, 5 minutes will produce a different feeling. Everyone experiences different things at different times. For me, 5 minutes per posture was the game changer. 10 minutes was better yet. 20 even better. At first, these may be painful and annoying, but as you relax more and align better, standing will become effortless. There are so many subtle things to simultaneously incorporate during practice, that it may take you several minutes to incorporate them all. DO NOT RUSH to get to higher times. Add time to your standing gradually. Keep reinforcing the principals. Say them over and over during practice. It doesn't matter how long you stand if you are not standing the right way. Play games to occupy the mind (email me for specific examples), focus on an object in the far distance, feel the pressure on the foot at all times to determine where the weight has shifted, etc, etc. There are many ways/things you can do to pass the time while standing still. You will discover more as you practice more. Stick with it! This is an amazing practice.

     

    This really affirms the attitude I've had so far - I'm in no hurry. Just wanting to feel what there is. I'm not sure I'm really "reinforcing principles" per say, but I do keep bringing attention back to what there is (or noticing how I try to "flee" when things get uncomfortable... ah, silly humans!!). One of the most surprising things so far is how it's possible for my feet to feel rooted, grounded...and good in that.

     

    Thanks for the "stick with it" - periodic bouts of doubt have plagued me. :) ("What the heck AM I doing!?!")


  5. Thanks for the stimulating replies, everybody!

    There are many posts on the same subject. It would be advisable to go back to find them in the earlier pages.

     

    I did a brief search but perhaps the often-vague subject titles didn't lead me in the right direction and I don't have enough online time to wade through really long, diffuse, threads - many of which are really beyond my level anyway. So, sorry, I had to ask my newbie question up front. :blush:

     

    It's interesting to hear such diverse suggestions - everything from: 1 minute of quality time is primo vs. undistracted, purposeful cultivation is better vs. don't complicate it, just stand.

     

    I guess then I have spinoff questions and comments:

     

    don't try and keep time...

    unfortunate reality is that I have a timeframe in which to do this before the day runs rampant.

     

    quality is better... if u can build ur energy in 1 minute of standing u dont need an hour of torture with no building

    How likely am I, a total beginner with no foundation, to get that 1 minute of building anything? Maybe this is a misguided idea, but the fact that I am currently oblivious to energy flow gives me this image: a kid making mud pies versus a master potter having put in thousands of hours of attentiveness in order to throw clay on the wheel and "magically" make it a beautiful vessel.

     

    I'm wary of delusions of grandeur (mine or anybody else's) and figure I should probably work my way through some basics first. Honestly, I'm just Average Joe - nothing miraculous happening (yet?).

     

     

    Seriously though, if you're only starting and working from 5 min up, don't you have enough to focus on with maintaining your posture and balance and focus without having media playing..? I'm already trying to use the mind to relax the body at the extreme ends, as things start getting sore or seemingly, and I'm only working upwards of 6 minute intervals!! I think that one might only be able to take in other media after a certain level has been reached. Not as a recommendation for just starting out. You don't want to establish bad habits from the start, right?

    "Don't you have enough to focus on?" is a valid question and my answer is "I don't know." I don't find balance difficult. I could keep my eyes closed through the whole thing though I'm not sure it's recommended. In spite of what I'm listening to I still pay attention to the rest of the experience - though admittedly my attention comes and goes and travels through the whole experience - from my breathing to locating tension, to noticing relaxation, to experiences of warmth or "buzzing." I've been alternating between listening or not listening to something and the only major difference I've noticed is that if, after a day or two practicing in silence (when all I could hear was that ridiculous critic chattering away about how much discomfort I'm in and how stupid I am) upon listening to either music or the StandStillBeFit audio or my German lesson, I just stand. The idiot shuts up. I have the vague sense that the session is very slightly "diluted" but I'm still likely to get similar warming/tingling/trembling - just minus the mental pain-maker.

     

    I don't have a problem with being "tricksy" at all - if that dear internal/infernal voice gets bypassed and meanwhile I teach my arms that they're not going to die because I held them in front of me for 6 or 10 minutes I'm not sure that's bad. Like getting a kid to ride a bike by reassuring them that you're still holding on! meanwhile they're off and around the corner!

     

     

    There is nothing wrong with employing the postures while watching the news, brushing your teeth etc, but don´t

    count it as cultivation. It is training for the training.

    Really? Maybe it's the cause of my having "accomplished" very little, but I'm very process oriented. So I don't know if I have a goal here at all that cultivation can "count toward." Why exactly then am I doing this? Ok, there is a goal - I think it's good to pay attention to my body, to figure out what's going in/with/around/because of it. I'm curious to see if these very basics like attention, breath, stance are so fundamental that everything else is fluff and frosting. (that sounds cockier than I mean, please take no offense). I'm aware that I've had 42 years of non-training (interspersed with bits and bobs) and maybe it's good to just take a moment and look at basics and my honest experience.

     

    I think most people are complicating the practice of zhan zhuang. It is really a very simple method for all martial arts.

     

    !!

     

     

    Don´t bring your life into your cultivation.

    Bring your cultivation into your life.

     

    :)

    not sure I understand that but it sounds nice - I kind of think of the "boundary" as porous anyway and the traffic as two directional...

     

    If you play music, make sure it supports both relaxation and clarity of mind. For me Zen flute music does that.

    Try "Music for Zen meditation" by Tony Scott if you like to try it.

    I may look into that, thanks!


  6. I've been doing the very beginnings of zhan zhuang (according to Stand Still be Fit on youtube and The Way of Energy) for about 6 weeks. According to Lam Kam Chuen, it's ok to listen to music or a tv or radio program while practicing.

     

    I'm wondering what those of you who've practiced this (or even another relevant qigong method) have to say about this. Is it a distraction? A useful tool to get the time-keeper mind to shut up and just let the whole thing unfold? I think it's helping me get past some really early hurdles like "4 minutes in and I hate this" when I'm plugging along on my audio German lesson or listening to music that I know will end at the right time. I don't have to fight anything it seems. But I wonder if it short-circuits my ability to also pay attention to what's going on in the body. Any drawbacks to this?

     

    Thanks!


  7. oh, I wasn't really trying to debate. My reply was to the OP - and not knowing his/her actual experience, just thought I'd throw my uninformed personal experience out there in case it was just, you know, a normal thing. No offense intended, and not trying to deny that amazing stuff actually CAN be seen.


  8. It is possible to "see" one's pulse in the eye (appears as a rhythmic expansion/contraction or a kind of throbbing - but may be perceived more weakly), and as mundane as it sounds, we all have "floaters" though we're aware of them to varying degrees. Are you sure you should be ascribing mystical visions to things that might likely be easily explained by physical phenomena?

    • Like 1

  9. Flolfolil,

     

    I wanted to echo what others have said just for the support value it can offer: hang in there, recognize that it's temporary.

     

    I don't have experience, really, in energy practices, so can't speak to whether it's good to continue or take a break, but as one who's gotten waylaid by perceptions, I understand how difficult it is to know "who" to listen to. Depression is a liar fundamentally - just hold tight.

     

    Good wishes to you.


  10. I'm having trouble signing out after being here - nothing happens though I click on the link. Yesterday when I signed in I accidentally didn't un-check "keep me signed in" and now I can't undo that. Not that this is critical, but I LIKE not having things automated.

     

    Suggestions?

     

    Thanks!


  11. It's nice to get your different (though similar) perspectives. I kind of figured most people were using them for the purpose of accountability, but wondered if that was pretty much the gist of it.

     

    It seems additionally there's the benefit of being able to pull in multimedia as a kind of scrapbook of the journey, the fact that it's accessible to others (and those self-selected for interest in the topic) but not the entire world and as a record so you can go back and say, "Oh, look, I really only meditated for 5 minutes a day at the beginning, I guess I have upped my time."

     

    Those sound like good uses. I'll have to see if it's something I'd like to do - first though, I think I'll keep clicking around to see what folks are up to.


  12. (totally time for taoist tongue twisters?)

     

    ...oh, ahem, focus here! back to topic at hand....

     

    I've been browsing around and have found the personal practice boards of interest. Not sure if I want to start my own or not yet, but I thought I'd inquire into how you fine folks have used your own page, what you like about using that forum (or what's stopped you), and if it's actually helped your personal practice.

     

    I'm working a writing project and there's really a lot of benefit to social accountability - telling someone else what you're going to do and then reporting on your progress. So I can see that having the PPD is akin to that, but I'm just curious if there's more to it than that. Also, asking this question up front saves me from the time-suck reading EVERYONE'S page would be. Sorry, I guess this counts as research-by-cheating... :)


  13. Hi all,

     

    I feel kind of like the potential novitiate (or the stray cat) sitting on the boulder outside the monastery gate. Folks are doing some interesting stuff in there. Meanwhile, this is a friendly boulder and the sun is nice...

     

    :)

    • Like 2