Otis

I very much agree with that. I think this may be a little trickier. There are a lot of false teachers who make a significant change in their pupils, in the short term, usually by inspiring them to go beyond themselves. Cult leaders and politicians are good at this, and that's a big part of their appeal. Usually, with time, the charismatic front drops, and the hypocrisy or useless philosophy is exposed, but by then, the followers have been living a lie, for some time. Contrarily, some of the most inspiring people I've known, seemed clownish, when I first met them. They were utterly unafraid of seeming foolish, and thus were able to achieve without much effort. My initial reaction missed the value that was there, until I had been around them long enough to realize that I was seeing freedom (and thus power), not foolishness.

Your table tennis practice sounds great! I like the way that you were able to incorporate technique into your flow, rather than having to choose one or the other. That is a balance I haven't been able to fully find (since starting my flow practices). Once I start trying to learn physical actions from technique, it feels so artificial, so backwards, that I usually just back off. But I do recognize that there is value in the technique, and that if I could go through the awkwardness of trying, then I enjoy the benefits of technique, without the drawback of the my thinking brain's involvement. I think I'm leaning in that direction, but for now, trying to achieve a "right" way pushes me forcefully out of the flow. As for "analytical" - actually, I've been accused of being too analytical, and I think that shows up in some of my posts here. I think that the physical practice has been the antidote for me, in many ways, to get out of my head, to practice not figuring things out, and just doing. The practice leads me toward intuition, but I still insist on being very analytical with my beliefs, because I think that is a responsibility that I cannot forgo. And I'm a huge fan of science, FWIW. I think the value in it is most obvious, when I shift out of wu wei, into some form of self-consciousness, such as "how or what am I doing?" or "how am I perceived?" At that moment, the physical world feels more alien, more dangerous. I feel physical contraction in my body that didn't seem to limit me in wu wei. I feel "set back" from reality, like looking through John Malkovich's eyes. I start fearing other people's judgment. I become busy with thoughts, and feel like a "self" separate from life. Yes, the experience of wu wei is joyful, bright, clear, open, effortless, unafraid. But none of these adjectives are there, during the experience. It's only when I fall back into my mundane mind that I am aware of how different the two states are.

To the first question: wu wei was actually what led me to my various practices, and what taught me them. I don't have technique in any of them. Sword-fighting, staff play, parkour, breakdancing, all called me to them, and they taught my body (and my performance mind) to free itself. That said, Contact Improv is the dance that has informed all my other areas of practice. It's a total improv partner form with infinite possibilities. I feel very fortunate to have stumbled on that (and Taoism) while in college. And as for the second question, that's the one I'm always asking myself. How to extend the principle of surrender into the activity, into everything. And I have allowed my future to remain a mystery, rather than trying to figure out too much where my path is leading. When it comes to other personalities, I'm at my least native. A staff is a perfect empty partner; it is neither generous, nor does it have expectations. Same for parkour obstacles, and my own body dancing on the floor. Even dancing with partners can involve both of us disappearing into the flow. But when it comes to emotional jostling and negotiation, the tug and play of personalities, I am much more easily overwhelmed and frustrated (because I socialize from a place of self-consciousness). That's clearly the learning curve that is calling me to it, now.

This very much echoes my experience.

I think it means: "not knowing". It means: full surrender of habits, including the habits of belief. It means: zero certainty, as certainty is merely an emotional assertion of rightness. I don't think it means: "seeing things as they are". I think it means: realizing that I can never see things as they are, only empty myself out more and more, to get a less obstructed view. The more I think I know, the less empty I am. Delusion = mistaking my view of the world for the world itself. Surrender my attachment to my view, and I am no longer deluded. That surrender also means that I am lost, but I was lost already, before surrendering the importance of my view, of my experiences. Now I am without a ground to stand on, but at least I no longer fool myself into thinking that I'm on solid ground.

How in the world does one distinguish "remotely viewing ignorant people posting on forums" from incredible self-delusion, projection, and pathological grandeur?

Ah, that's my cue: "I don't know!" Excellent post, throughout, Steve!

I agree that verbs like "kill", when applied to the ego, imply a form of violence that seems counter-productive. After all, since I am my ego, how in the world am "I" supposed to kill that ego (short of actual suicide)? When it comes to self, I'd rather forget and surrender. Nor would I want someone else forcing my system to break, nor would I want to force someone else. That said, I do think a certain amount of ruthlessness towards my self, is worthwhile. When it comes to something like my self-importance (which is just a foundation of my ego, but not the "I" itself), then there's no need to be nice to it, because my self-importance does not feel. It's just a bunch of stories, that cover up pain. It's only the source of the pain that I need to be kind to. Of course, I don't see a use in berating myself, whenever I catch myself being self-important; that's just creating more internal schism between me and me. I have to be willing to forgive myself, whenever I fall back into the old habits. (Forgiving myself is just the same as not giving in to the habit/temptation to be angry at myself). Chasing myself is just a fool's delusion; who's chasing whom? But I do feel called to hold on to none of the self-importance, eschewing all self-stories, positive or negative. Self-importance has been somewhat useful on my path, helping me get started in my practice by magnifying my achievements. But it's time is done. My path calls me to move forward, without fear, but with no bravado either. To be a student of life, not a master, as much as possible, from here on out.

Agreed on the awareness part. I could describe my experience this way: my awareness is open, and something calls me to it. Sometimes it's pain in my body, sometimes it's openness, or the desire to move. My awareness goes there automatically (if I'm not squandering it on thoughts), and the action, if there is any, arises without my willing it. I'm also a fan of practice around distraction. Self-consciousness is the most reliable way of knocking me out of flow, so it's very worthwhile practicing in a place that challenges my self-consciousness. The distraction can also become the meditation. With barefoot hiking, my attention is usually at the place my feet meets the ground, where the slight, but continual pain response keeps me present.

I don't know what Wu Wei is, but I can describe my experience of it. When I am with my rattan staff, it dances about me, flies from my fingers, and lands in the other hand, without any intention on my part. When I am doing parkour, I don't think about the move I want to make; I just watch the environment unfold underneath me. When I dance solo, I make exactly one decision, to get on the floor. The rest happens to me. When I dance with partners, my only intent is to listen to that partner, with my whole body. The rest just flows. When I do improv comedy, I just commit. When I stretch, it is my body that stretches. As soon as I try to stretch me, then I lose it. Whenever I try to be cool in my dancing, impressive with my staff, funny on the stage, or to give a partner what I think she wants, then it falls apart. The less involved I am, the easier it is. Wu wei is what made me realize that I am only the ego, only the smaller part of the whole. When I get out of the way, then something greater than me (but which seems to include me), takes over, and shows me how it's done. It's also the reason why I'm not drawn to any tradition or form. Since my path is to forget myself, and to wake into this other being, then the practice that calls me to it, is that of surrender. For me to impose a disciplined structure on my practice feels like the opposite direction from surrender. Discipline, of course, is still necessary, on two fronts: Staying calm in the face of the unknown, and staying aware and present. But not in controlling the outcome.

Personally, I don't follow any forms. I let them inspire me, but I let my body make as many choices, as possible. I do inside-out, whenever possible. Outside-in always feels like an unnecessary side-trip through my thinking head. When I do try on asanas, or breathing techniques, it's to raise a new awareness, not to perform a rote action. The awareness is always what I'm after, and it is the awareness that I follow, when I dance and play. It's been very good to me, thus far.

Good stuff, y'all! I think there's also a lot to be said for slowing down and paying attention to pre-verbal humans. I've been astonished at how much understanding and communication non-speaking toddlers are capable of. It takes more patience on the part of adults, though, so I think people tend to miss how bright and communicative these kids really are.

Hear, hear!

My psych prof dad has told me about separated-identical-twin studies, which show that genetically similar, but environmentally distinct individuals, tend to have a great deal in common, including small habits and pet sayings.

I like your quote, but I loved your typo!

Excellent post, Kate! ( not meant as worship...)

Good points, goldisheavy.

too late.

Mewtwo, I'm sorry to hear it. I wish you the best of strength and grace, right now, and endurance and peace to your boyfriend.

I agree with Gold is Heavy that emptiness does not correspond with "knowledge" of energy systems. I think the systems are training wheels, to get the practitioner up and riding, but what the systems point to is not knowable in a formal sense. IME, however, it is entirely possible to explore "energy work" without any formal system, to stay empty to concepts about the "energy", while still practicing in that realm. In fact, approached without a system, the "energy" is really a metaphor for emptiness, because it describes sensation without perception. That is: feeling sensation so purely that I become it, without deriving any meaning from the data. That is both emptiness and energy exploration, without contradiction.

I was hoping to eventually respond to the "Concentration/Focus" part of your OP; thanks for bringing that back up. Can I offer a different example, with a less concrete "goal"? Let's say that I've met a girl that I'm really attracted to. What's my next step? Do I set a goal (which is a fantasy), and then work toward that fantasy? But that may have nothing to do with where the girl is at. Or do I put my focus on being present, unafraid, and listening, when I'm around that girl, so that I get to know her? Let her feel special, through my attention, rather than conjure up some "romantic-seeming" gesture, that works in theory, but may have nothing to do with her? Learn about her, by emptying myself? In this example, the "focus" for me, has very little to do with a specific goal, although it has everything to do with my desire. My desire, hopefully, will fuel my presence around the woman, so that I can humble my concepts and my grasping, and really tune in to her, let the immediacy of "what is" shape my path. Another way to put it: rather than focus vs. flexibility, I instead need courage balanced by caring. Courage to do what comes naturally to me (i.e. face the woman, without fear), and caring to listen to her, and appreciate where she's at, moment to moment, without trying to force things through goal-oriented behavior.

Thanks for the good words, Everything. I really do mean that: my path is to follow my desires. I just think that "desire" covers a much greater territory than the "immediate gratification" or "pain-covering pleasure cycle". I think that when the organism is healthy, then the desires are in balance. I think that the very first crisis in life, colors everything that follows it. That crisis, IMO, is: my parents (who are Gods to me) usually love me, but sometimes they do not; sometimes they seem to hate me (when they are angry, tired, etc.). When one's entire life is dependent upon others, then "not being loved" = death, so the infant desperately needs to figure out: how do I control and manage the moods of my parents? The first lesson is not about learning to trust one's self, but about trying to control others. So the desires that would lead us into self-discovery, are instead stunted, as we focus on trying to avoid displeasing the gods. Especially with parents who teach through "no's" instead of "yes's", it is constantly reinforced: "do not do what comes naturally!" Stop being who you are. So, now that I'm a grown-up, how can I find out who I am, if I'm not willing to follow my desires? As long as I remain in the mode of: I must control the world by doing the right thing, then I am stuck in that primary crisis, and will never explore the possibilities of who I actually am.

I hear you, Jetsun. I don't see any reason, whatsoever, to believe in reincarnation, but it would be a relief (to the part of my mind that craves "fairness") if there were some mechanism in the universe that brought bad consequences to bad people, and spared the good. Of course, if I'm really to shed the concepts of "good" and "bad", then there is nothing that approaches fairness. There is only a seemingly capricious universe, that doesn't care who suffers. And really, that's basically what I see, when I look out on the world. I see no valid reason that I should be a middle-class white male in America, and enjoy all the privileges that brings, while so many suffer in other areas of the world. Honestly I don't think it's possible to figure it out. Incredible minds have tried, but all they've arrived at are nice superstitions (reincarnation, heaven, chosen people, one true faith) to help us feel better about (in)justice. And those superstitions really beg the question, and just sweep injustice under the rug. They're kind of evil, actually, because they blame the sufferers, and increase the "we are the righteous ones, who deserve to be on top" mentality, for those in privileged places. Personally, I don't see a reason to hold on to the concept of "fairness" as it pertains to the universe, and instead just try to be fair, myself. Forget about suffering as a problem, and just focus on living my life as compassionately as possible. Let "what is" be "what is", and just concentrate on the part that I can change myself.

I don't understand what this means. As in: investing? Buying stocks?

Exactly (on the "we are all ignorant"). That's why I'm not too keen on judging intelligence in others. There are areas in which I think of myself as smart, but there are other areas in which I'm downright stupid. Can Bill Gates change his radiator? Can Stephen Hawking get a woman's heart to melt? Can Jackie Chan do stand-up? I think it's easy for us to favor our own kind of intelligence, whereas there seem to be an infinite variety of forms of intelligence. So I'd rather just not get involved in the calculation.