Rvel

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Posts posted by Rvel

  3. Posted · Edited by Rvel

    21 hours ago, Nungali said:

    I would nit blame 'screwing around' with spirituality, or the other stuff you mentioned .  I would blame watching too many zombie apocalypse movies and gaming  plus a certain 'individual psychology' you seem to be running .

    What is an "individual psychology"? Self-centeredness? 

    I would argue that the post is nescessarily somewhat self-centered due to it's content. If it is in excess, please let me know where so I can change it. I did not mean to sound as conceited, especially not in the realm of spirituality. I do not have firm proof of the connection, nor have I verified it with an expert on this subject. I am just saying what happened, and my personal take on it, and perhaps others will find it interesting or useful. Would it help if I added this into the original post?

     

    That is a fair argument, however, I had never watched a zombie apocalypse movie (and still haven't) or played any videogame prior to this event.

    My knowledge of zombies and minecraft came from youtube videos I'd randomly clicked on in 7th grade when I got my first personal computer.

    This was after I had started attempting to learn telekinesis through unorthodox forms of meditation for over a year, and I feel that my strong reaction to the content was an effect of that.  

  4. Posted

    Ok maybe not spriituality, i'm not sure how one defines that.

     

    I screwed around with some stupid stuff and meditations i found online that claimed to teach you telekinesis through entering an almost comatose state so you could feel your aura and then use it to manipulate objects. Kinda similar to astral projection stuff but a bit more extreme ig. I had wanted to get superpowers lol.

     

    I used the book Miracle Mastery by David Debold quite a bit. Not going to denounce the book, probably middle school me did not understand it well enough to practice it correctly, but that was the main guidelines I was going on.

  5. Posted

    So um…tw suicide and schizophrenic style delusions, NSFW

    Spoiler

    When I was much younger (middle school), I started experimenting around with spirituality and got non-stop energetic attacks that led to multiple suicide attempts. It gave me a schizophrenic style delusion that a zombie apocalypse would start around me at any second. Every time my parents took a step in the house I would plan how to kill them and get to the nearest exit in case they had zombified, and I couldn’t tell my daily nightmares from reality (I often wanted to die rather than face another nightmare). It didn’t help that I also had developed a porn and video gaming addiction thanks to my low qi looking for artificial ways to boost it.

     

    That experience has deeply influenced much of the rest of my life after that, and has led to chronicly low levels of qi. I got over that after 2 years through Christian prayer, the religon which I had grown up in, which I had overlooked recently in favor of taoism. I haven’t been having a daily practice or a teacher or anything, but I had started reading about it and making small lifestyle changes. I felt my qi rise to levels I’d never felt it at before middle school.

     

    Well that all ended today, because I had a sexual leakage. Shortly after I took a nap, and I had an extremely realistic nightmare almost exactly like the nightmares I’d experienced in middle school, and woke up with an extremely hollow feeling of qi, and a slight comeback of that paranoid delusion.

    I’m really weak right now, so please forgive my horrific writing, and have prayed to the Christian God and will take some traditional Chinese medicine later (bu zhong yi qi b/c i don't have anything better right now), but I wanted to share this account in case anyone finds it useful and in hopes that it will help me defend myself and recover. Also just some anecdotal evidence for the dangers of learning spirituality without a teacher (not to say it's impossible, just perilous).

    • Like 2

  6. Posted

    Sorry, slightly off topic, TCM tends to split between male and female. How does this relate to those who have yet transitioned? Or nonbinary people? 

    I completely understand if you do not know TCM or want to answer this question lol.

    • Like 1

  7. Posted · Edited by Rvel

    Hello, sorry I didn't check this in a while :( 

     

    Born in USA, lot of chinese culture growing up (parents came from communist china back when it wasn't that developed and pretty closed off, so very little strong western influence), mainly hang out with chinese/mandarin speakers, speak mandarin pretty fluently, working on reading -- I can't read ancient chiense :(. 

     

    Did some taichi as a kid (classes were mainly little kids + seniors), didn't like the insane amount of forms, so I chose baguazhang instead lol. 

     

    I have no formal study or training in buddhism but I went to Hsilai temple often as a child, and remember fondly the buddist monks. I will definitly check out those books you mentioned and watch that video (i'll get back when I'm done lol) -- tysm!!

     

    I deeply appreciate all welcomes and the time you guys took to read and respond to my post :)

    • Like 1

  8. Posted

    I am someone new to the Dao. Chinese-American background, have some experience with Christianity, wanted to reconnect to my heritage through Daoism after I became less satisfied with Christianity.

     

    Currently reading through Jerry Alan Johnson's medical qigong books -- the first one seems pretty accurate according to what I heard form TCM learners in my community, but it is taking me forever for me to memorize all of it (if anyone wants his books i believe i have pdfs of all of them). Also I'm unsure about the spiritual level of Alan Johnson after reading his biography.

     

    Also doing ba duan jin, thinking of starting baguazhang, and some meditation -- although i have no formal training in neigong yet.

    • Like 1