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Posts posted by uselis

  1. 1 hour ago, Sora said:


    Hi uselis, this brought tears to my eyes for something similar happened to me years ago and I do understand how you feel in this whole situation.


    I talked concisely to some folks about my spiritual deviation in another post yesterday and ran into your post by chance. →



    I'm going to put together what I posted in that post and start a new one as well as extend further regarding details of that incident of mine. I'll update the link to my new post here.


    Let's see if my experience and any replies from other friends in TDB can hopefully help with your situation.


    Stay strong and calm and remember you are not alone.¬† ūüôŹūüŹĽ‚̧ԳŹ

    Thank you for support! I get small relief from comunicating with people who understands this. Yesterday I tried to explain my mom that even though I feel suicadal (not going to do this) it's something else then mere deprression. On evenings I hold my head by two hands and can't stand discomfort while my mom asks "what's exactly wrong" yet I can only answer that I feel my brain hot and not feeling well.

  2. 2 hours ago, Pilgrim said:

    When I was 37 / 38 years old I decided that since I could not connect to a Kriya Yoga Lineage I trusted that it would be best to practice Za-Zen. I found a teacher and traveled every Sunday an hour each way to learn from him.


    In private I sat daily. Like yourself erections unwanted and unbelievably strong. They were so ridiculous I videoed myself sitting to see what was going on. I swear I looked like a corpse while this was happening. Energy ripping through my spine and my body. De- personalization with my life, lack of feeling for anything and anyone.


    Unlike you however my energetic event nearly left me crippled I had to walk with a cane and doctors forbid me from lifting anything over 15 lbs. MRI's showed advanced arthritis in each and every one of my facet joints ogf my spine. Even worse I had only been at my new job for a few months.


    I asked the doctors if electrocution would cause this and they agreed but it would take a very large exposure like being struck by lightening or an un-breakered DC energy system as AC electric does not damage people in this fashion and was asked if something like this had occurred.


    I replied no it had not but knew I had hurt myself.


    It took 4 years before I was pain free and today there is no evidence of the Swollen supposed Arthritic facet joints and I can most certainly carry hundreds of pounds without issues.


    I feel very sympathetic towards you.


    The energy as English lacks better words is not just energy it is emotion it is thought it is solidified things from many lives shaken loose.


    What you need to know is it will pass and everything is going to be ok. You are going to be ok.  Develop a strong mental attitude that this is so because I have told you so as I like you have been in very bad places. If I can make it you can make it. Others have made it and you will also.


    You have encountered something that has always been part of you but you are not familiar with it and changes are hard. You will adapt. The way to adapt is to find a way to love where you find yourself in each moment. The past you is gone and it is ok.


    Once upon a time you were a lad a child now you are an adult where did the child go?  The difference is that was gradual and this is abrupt.


    Do be loving to your Mother fake it if you have to at first and seek that spark of love for her that is really there it is just obscured right now. Right now things are just confusing. Your life is still present and you will pick it up and continue. This is a phase and it may last longer than you might want but you will outgrow it.


    After a four year period I was visited by Lahiri Mahasaya and returned to Kriya Yoga. That is a story for another time but all has been well since even thought the changes in my life have been stupendous in a very short period of time since then. The last 7 years have been something else and all for the better with some big stuff in between.

    Thank your for support,


    That feels like really difficult experience you undergone. Glad you recovered. Quite inspiring story!


    It did feel like I've been lightened or touched by too much electricity. Everything you wrote makes sense and of course I am trying but this is so strong on my brain each day now feels like it's to much for it. 


    I don't see hallucinations, hear voices or speak irrationally but pressure in my brain made me to consider just going to psych ward. I took anti anxiety pills before but they just severely slows me down yet I still feel physical presence of pressure in brain that creates extreme fear - terror like experience each minute.


    That's why I am afraid because from day it happened to me it just going worse up to a point where I have 0 relief in my whole day until sleeping pills knocks me out for several hours.


    My mom wants to scan my brain but it's something else. Living in the middle of nowhere I'll just be treated accordingly if I eventually visit mental hospital. 


    Thank you for sharing your story. 

  3. 13 hours ago, rideforever said:


    Where did you learn Vipassana ?
    And were you doing Kundalini practices at the same time ?

    Best to just chillout, and watch funny movies.   Happened to me several times like this, always think it's really bad, two weeks later laughing a lot.   No explanation !

    Both it seems. Learnt Vippasana on my own and just "observed mind activities". My condition is so bad that I can't watch anything impossible to focus. Keep getting swallowed in my head and this psychological pressure alike state. I can't laugh anymore it's downright impossible to smile.

  4. 9 hours ago, Wu Ming Jen said:

    To achieve the heavenly one must first master the physical world.


    Hard physical work is needed. the material life and spiritual life always needs to be in balance Trying to archive great spiritual levels and ignoring the material life has caused a great deal of pain.


    Abandon all methods and achieve nothing, give it all up. there is nothing to achieve. When the achievement is forced life is a waste land and the spiritual flower dies. Toooo much heavenly energy without its partner earthly energy is a very weak and a sick force, not worth a penny.

    Wholeheartedly agree butvmy body took a toll also. I can't do much physical stuff before quickly getting exhausted. Something with adrenals it seems.

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  5. 6 hours ago, Zen Pig said:

    well said


    9 hours ago, Pilgrim said:

    Blocked channels. Something very similar happened to me over a decade ago now. 


    Do this 



    This is a great teacher and this technique should balance your 3 major channels and help. Best wishes. Eat heavier meals. 


    Can you share how similar you had? I wonder how bad my situation is. For several days I did Qigong spring forest beginners stuff starting with bouncing/tapping, moving ying and yang but haven't noticr big difference.

  6. 14 hours ago, Jeff said:


    Hi Uselis,


    Your situation is that you have had an opening at the heart, but sort of like stuck in a highly receptive mode related to energy around you. Kind of like you are taking stuff in, but not releasing it back out. It is sort of like it is overwhelming your system and spilling over into your mind.  In Taoist terms, it is a lack of balance of being too much yin, and not enough yang. The easiest way to help is working with another person (or being) that can go more receptive/yin than you while connected to you energetically.  That will cause you to naturally go more yang to balance the connection, which will allow you to mentally sort of let some stuff go and relearn to balance more. In more normal mind descriptions, it is about not hanging on so tight and just letting things go and pass through.


    Feel free to ask any questions.






    problem is I live in place where not so much people who could help me with this are around.


    By letting things pass through that's what I do but each day is getting worse.


    Yestersay my mom gave me cold wet towel to put on my head as discomfort in my head was unbearable. Felt like I am going nuts. That happens now every evening.


    I barely go outcnow due such disorientation.


    It's a long shot but perhaps you have ability and time to help me?

  7. Hey,


    thanks for reply but is beyond take a walk, do gardening or be engaged.


    I was healthy guy going for daily walks. This now looks and feels like disease/ilness. I can walk a bit but I feel so much agony, no pleasure, disorientation, etc. Plus quickly become exhausted. I can't express what kind of torture I am undergoing.


    Stopped meditations except Metta that relieved me in the beginning but now does nothing.


    It looks like I am detoriating daily mentally, physically and emotionally. 


    Didn't try fasting as I go too long without food adrenaline keeps flooding system. 


    Can't function properly. Almost as if I'd be mentally disabled from this energy. I am unable work and my mom watches over me currently.

  8. Hello folks,


    I have 0 hope but deep down I want escape this for my mother. She suffers so much due to my spiritual quest failure with her own health taking hit and tears taking over. Pethaps somebody will notice this and offer some hope - direction.


    30 years male living in the middle of nowhere (Lithuania, Eastern Europe). For three years kept celibacy and meditated daily for several hours with premature intention to have Kundalini. Thought it's going to make me better person and those around me. No drugs been involved nor manipulative intentions to use energy for evil purposes. 


    Did mostly Vippasana and concentration practices.


    One month ago I had erection and massive amount of energy flooded to my head. Since then every day became proggresively worse to the point that currently:


    Living in perpetual state that is mix of fear, anxiety, terror, suicidal deppresion. I call it agony which at times so intense. No positive feelings, no pleasure from anything. Can't do much physical activity yet staying stationary so unbearable as I feel energy is ripping me apart. 


    Cognitive abilities going down each day. I can't read, watch or even have conversation for long time. No concentration nor ability to understand. 


    I am becoming monster. By that I mean that it feels like only body left which concerned about food only and survival in general. No person inside left. Anytime I can cry (which is rare) I welcome it. It makes me feel like human again. I hug my mom yet I feel nothing.


    Can't sleep without strong pills and even with those it's 5h.


    My nervous system can't handle anything.


    Mostly I feel energy as a hot discomfort in my head yet I can't bring it down.


    Visited psychiatric which suspect psychosis yet I don't see anything or hear voices. I don't behave irrationally but I can't function being gripped by this energy. Other psychiatric diagnosed me depressed and gave SSRI's and anti anxiety pills.


    Worst part my family don't believe in Kundalini or whatever I have here.


    Guys, I am so desperate and I keep thinking that there is only way out. I don't want to expierence this walking dead life. I told my thoughts to psychiatrist and my family. I don't hide anything cause I am desperate for help yet any meds I've been given makes me suffer more.


    Did I put myself in permanent hell state and nothing will help now? 



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  9. Greetings,


    I am 26 years old male who is interested in semen retention practise. I recently went 132 days abstaining but little did I knew that mere abstinence is not correct way to go. I enjoyed good energy but was experiencing anxiety at the same time. This time I want to do it correctly so would like to ask some questions. Which subforum is best for that?


    I read a lot here on same topic so I am familiar with most of the pros and cons of this practise. Just looking for guidance this time.


    Thank you!