sunchild

by not saying anything. there's nothing worth arguing. remaining in silence.

most people who are serious about cultivation or have a high level of attainment, have little contact with humans.

there is no such thing as negativity or positivity.

only the ignorant refuse to accept that their notions of ‘good & evil', 'positive & negative' pertaining to others/the world, is strictly their opinion- that their judgement is not factual, that it has more to do with their cultural conditioning/influences.

i find most times when someone labels someone/thing as ‘negative/evil/wrong’- it’s just a facet of themselves that they are uncomfortable with or someone/thing that they personally believe should be another way, egoistic posturing.

only indifference is real.

an awful lot of humor on this forum.

If you do a google or youtube search for om mani padme hum you can find recordings of it so you know how to pronounce it. You can also find more information on the significance of the mantra. Once you get the hang of the sound then you can try to feel the energy of the sound radiating out from you extending to all beings in the universe. You can also bring people you know into the meditation and feel the energy of the sound blessing them. You can also add specific intent using the sound as a carrier wave. This is the easiest way I have found to become what Chunyi Lin calls a love radiator. Very simple practice and very rewarding.

 

As far as regaining interest in things I can say that I am more focused on how can I help others in whatever capacity I am able. Even if this practice was all I did I know I am helping others at an energetic level. I feel very blessed to have learned this practice.

thank you again.

thank you mystique enigma, that is the best story i've read in a long time

I have been reading many of your posts and you sound a lot like what i have been through. Over the years through the process of self inquiry i have lost my interest in most things of the world. I went through a period where i was praying to know my soul purpose because i really felt like i had no purpose or interest in this world. Then I was getting the hint to start doing a practice I learned from Chunyi Lin. That is reciting the mantra om mani padme hum in your heart/mind whilefeeling the vibration of love/compassion radiating out to the ends of the universe and blessing all sentient beings. Through this process you really do feel like a radiant field of compassioniate energy.

 

 

This is a practice that many tibetan rinpoches say can be your only practice and can take you all the way. Drubwang Konchok Norbu Rinpoche who was one of the yogis featured in the documentary Yogis of tibet spent more than 30 years in solitary retreat and was recognized as a highly realized master. He fearlessly proclaimed that this practice alone can take you all the way to complete realization. He was said to have completed 12 cycles of 100 million repetitions of this mantra.

 

 

Also, two of Lama Surya Das's masters who were recognized as realized masters used this practice as their main practice. Master Chunyi Lin has said that he has a recording of this mantra playing 24 hours a day in his home and office because he loves the feeling of the vibration.

 

 

I have been practicing this for the past several months or so and I can say that it is having a profound affect on both my inner and outer worlds. I have generally been happy for no reason and people have been commenting that when I smile I light up the room or that they just feel good in my presence. There are many other things in my life that are starting to change also.

 

 

So what I am trying to say is give this practice a shot. This is easily the best and most rewarding practice I have done.

thank you for this Who.am.i, today was rough. how do you pronounce/vibrate the mantra?

i've read about chunyi lin and seen some of his videos. i will give this a shot.

did you ever regain interest in any of the things of the world?

I will oftentimes tell someone to have a great day and they sometimes respond with "I'll try." I immediate respond with "Just do it."

me too. how grand.

Hehehe. Sunchild is trying to eliminate dualities.

am trying to enjoy life.

You can.

 

It's not about doing outward actions but generating that energy of love/compassion in yourself.

 

A worthwhile effort to be able to do this!

this response confuses me. could you elaborate?

before trying to erase the evil of the world, erase all the darkness inside yourself.

 

i recommend creating and becoming in touch with your body, but that's just me. It expands your mind, and eventually beyond the human condition of suffering,

 

It's important to remember the divine light is given to both good and evil. Even a murderer/rapist will not be denied the divine light and can become enlightened. Be kind and good, but move beyond your beliefs of karmas.

 

My teacher tells me that people who try to run around making up for stuff arn't training enough and often just keep spinning in rebirth. It's a sad truth, but you have to do more than just be a good person. It isn't easy.

it is impossible to erase 'all darkness' within myself, there is none spotless.

i'm not trying to erase the 'evil' of the world, that would be me projecting.

the divine light is given to 'both' 'good' and 'evil' because they are one. the division only takes place within the human mind.

i am moving beyond my beliefs all the time, i don't believe in karma anymore

there's no such thing as a 'good' person in my mind, good and evil are entirely subjective and based on ones cultural conditioning and egotism. all beings have the same amount of love and respect from me, 24/7? no, but i make an effort.

why are you talking about rebirth and being a 'good' person? i was asking about meditation and prayer

if reincarnation is real, i'm pretty sure you avoid it by simply by being able to maintain consciousness through death.

i don't think about that kind of stuff, it's too stressful/fear porn.

compassion and love generate more merit for me than all my qi gong and breath/energy work combined...

 

it's just... for me, the qi gong and breath/energy work aid me in being the compassion and love

my teacher always repeats this phrase:

kind heart

quiet heart

sincere heart

 

bit of a lovely cycle when I can maintain the inertial groove of it

 

best wishes...

i do what i can, and what i can do is improving.

i don't get out much. i can't really practice love and compassion in solitude

there aren't any local teachers and i have no transportation.

i had an experience that greatly mirrored the symptoms of qigong psychcosis, i'm not in a rush to return to that state nor to be left to 'fend for myself' in that state as i was before

qigong seems to be what most are recommending, i guess i'm looking for an alternative? :/

firstly, thank you to all of the members here who've spoken to me in public and private about "getting my stuff together".

i've decided i'm not just going to simply exist/wait to die, i'm going to try to contribute something of worth to the people around me/greater good. i am but a humble servant. i've been correcting my negative thought loops, i stopped listening to music for the time being, i'm getting more exercise and i'm trying to put together some semblance of a balanced diet. i've also returned to my practice of centering prayer, what my question pertains to.

in centering prayer, one aims to simple experience god/tao/void in complete silence. when thoughts arise they are gently pushed aside and one returns to their 'sacred word'/anchoring phrase.

i've been practicing the technique and i can 'feel' what it's doing, but i cannot decide on sacred word :/ the religion i had identified with so much up to this last year seems to no longer serve me and i feel very conflicted picking a 'sacred word'. i avoided using 'god' because people say it all the time.

i do my best to return to silence when thoughts arise, but i noticed that this is much easier when you're using a sacred word.

quitting smoking soon, i've quit several times before so it's a little intimidating.

i don't know what to do about the sacred word part, i do enjoy the practice.

once i get my candles back from a friend i plan to start candlegazing daily for a bit, until the 'muck' starts to break up again.

i've also been looking at israel regardies one year manual, after much deliberation, but the whole tracking the sun throughout the day and sun oriented prayers(using ra) are a little offputting. i did notice that a couple years ago when i was sungazing, that my body automatically timed itself with the sun- i'd wakeup at 5:30 exactly daybreak not tired and my health was noticeably better.

sadhu mouni's methods are the most direct teachings i've come across.

something i am worried about very much is 'broadcasting'. i've noticed my thoughts are much 'louder' in recent times then they've ever been and when i'm in a bad mood or hung up on negative thinking i see it affecting the people i'm near/my environment. what is something i can do to better 'clear' myself/my thinking, maintain clean thoughts/energy?

please and thank you

"Yep and what if they do and you just watch and take notice? What if it is important for that individual to experience suicide?"

......................

 

"In order for evil to flourish, all that is required is for good men to do nothing."

 

(Edmund Burke).

but there aren't any 'good' men or women, just human beings

This is just a phase that you're going through.

 

As you get older your priorities and outlook will alter.

it isn't a phase. it's a reoccuring sanity.

it's complete bullshit and i'm sick of people acting all happy happy joy joy about it.

its a load of shit. never escape duality no matter what type of 'higher' thinking you achieve.

always be fallible always.

i don't know what it is most of you here are trying to attain besides a fucking gold star sticker you can put on your third eye.

cultivate what? cultivating being sensitive. then go watch barney reruns or something instead of putting your body in weird positions and sending your nervous system/endochrines into a frenzy.

do the same things with the same kinds of people for decades.

fuck life. fuck all of you.

This can't be true because you're still in the converstion. You still discern fogginess.

 

 

 

So it sounds like you had no ill will, and yet you allowed people nearly complete control in how you define yourself and your art.

 

 

So it's scary to them. Did you ask them about it?

 

 

Then why are you still recognizable and distinguishable to me?

 

 

Right. So you know what would be joyous.

 

 

I see. You're "advice-driven." What a shame. No wonder you are indifferent to yourself. If you always go by advice, it means it's the job of the other people to care about you, and you no longer need to care about yourself. Then you become indifferent to yourself as a result.

 

So what you're teaching me, is that if I want to become indifferent and joyless I just need to follow the spiritual advice of the others. Good to know.

 

 

No, not even then. You're still clinging to your false idea of what "letting go" means. If you're always trying to let go, how can it be said that you've let go?

 

 

Nice Rasta reference, but no, sorry, I don't buy it.

 

 

Bullshit.

 

 

Make your life extraordinary.

 

 

 

OK, but you're talking about leaving life as it really is as if you're going to go some other place. Where are you going to? If you have nowhere else to go, how can you say you've left life as it is?

 

Being indifferent to a flower is not the same as enjoying it. And of course enjoying it is not the same as picking it up.

 

 

Love is not an emotion. Love is participation.

i dont want to be here anymore because of this bullshit dualistic reality and the myriad of trivialities and people i have to put up with/accept every day. why not just not do any of it. i really enjoyed it to a point. but now the fun has been had. theres literally nothing that holds my interest anymore, there's nothing important to me- maybe because life is meaningless anyway!! that could be it. maybe because no matter how hard i try i will always fail- the pendulum just wings back to the other polarity and then boom square one.

it's not about where i'm headed after i die, it's about where i'm leaving. i don't care if i just fade to black and rot in the earth after this. i just don't want to be doing this shit next year. there's only so much to do here. i am bored/jaded on it honestly.

yet you sit here and try to roast me for some fool because i no longer see any reason to want to participate in this circus any longer. life is beautiful, just not something i care for any longer. you can only beat your favorite game so many times before it becomes 'old'. and since this is a game you can't 'win' at all, you just kind of mindlessly wander through it for decades- doing the exact same shit with people who are exactly alike- for decades. if you think i'm bullshitting you when i say i'm over life here, then you can fuck off.

i don't care about life anymore. i don't know why it's so hard for you to grasp.

i'm sick of being stuck here with these endless herds of intellectual mammals damned who flail around blindly as they are dragged through life by their egoistic character/wants,needs,whatever. hopping trains through tunnels of self-centered selfish pursuit.

if love isn't an emotion and is a action to you. then love is no different from hate.

i'm glad you're enjoying life friend

Before these practices I saw myself to be stable.

 

At this point, with this amount of experience - I would highly recommend Not doing any practices that involve raising your energies in an urban environment. Or do you know any monk building his spiritual foundation on a garbage dump?

i'm also beginning to feel this way. thank you for sharing.

Pacifism based only on fear of conflict or self-hate is weakness, inferior to the compassion of one who jumps an assailant or sentences a murderer to jail for the safety of the public. - Seeker of Tao

i don't agree with much of what you said in your post, but specifically i don't agree with this.

to me this is just another of your egoistic musings.

to suggest that 'evil'/'good' are anything but your personal perception, and cultural conditioning, is false.

It's disappointing that most of society seems to be mired in mundane concerns, but we have to accept that all we can do is work on ourselves. Trying to teach people who aren't interested just leads to frustration.

^herein lies profound irony.

Seeker of Tao how do you win a game with no rules?

if someone likes pepsi, why are you going to try and teach them about the wonders of coca cola?

The past is completely irrelevant. I am asking you about your current state. I don't want to talk to your memory of you. I want to talk to you directly.

 

Aha. So you don't want to hurt people. When you were making your art, was it your intention to hurt people? Do people have the option to ignore your art? Or did you shove your art into people's faces?

Why is it scary to contemplate that we might not be alone in fearing alienation?

Keep digging. People always have the capacity to enjoy something. That "something" doesn't have to be conventional or specific. It can be something abstract too, or something ineffable.

Exactly. If you don't consider yourself to be worthy of attention, you must have some idea of what is worthy. Because without a definite idea of worth, why not pay attention to your current situation? In other words, if you had nothing to compare it to, how would you know your current situation was not joyous?

Aha.

You can always return to some reasonable semblance of how you used to be if that's what you want.

OK, so if you were terrified it means you still had something to lose. That means you still care about and love some aspect of yourself. That means you're not indifferent toward yourself, unlike what you said ealier. This probably needs to be investigated carefully.

 

Aren't you lying a little bit? You love life but don't want one? Seriously? You can't fool the universe. Try again.

my current state? i do not care enough about anything to engage it.

i no longer have any interests.

no i didn't make art to hurt others, a lot of my art was imbued with negative connotations/emotions. i didn't force it on anyone, i posted it on a website for posting/sharing music- soundcloud.

i didn't say it was scary. i was simply stating a realization about people and art that i had arrived at a while ago.

dig for what? i don't have a personality anymore.

i'd know my current situation was not joyous from lack of feeling anything and my dissatisfaction with life.

returning to a semblance of what i once called life goes against pretty much all spiritual advice i've recieved pertaining to my 'situation', so i think i'll hold off on that. i'm in limbo anyway.

so once i learn to be chill about aliens/spirits with low vibrations playing with my organs, i will have completely 'let go'?

lying? about what? i don't overstand where you are coming from

i love life i really do, its beautiful. everything around me is beautiful. i see it, i know it.

i just don't care for any of it anymore, its grown to be very trivial or mundane as some users here like to say.

i'm not trying to fool anyone. i'm over life, it isn't that great to me anymore. you act like you can't realize how amazing something is or see how beautiful something is and just leave it as it is. if you love a flower, don't pick it up out of the ground.

even these energy masters and qigong guys just meditate all the time and explore their inner headspace 24/7, besides 'heal' people. and no one seems to have a problem with that. they for the most part isolate themselves from society/life in general but they're 'cultivating'... whatever. i'd rather not lie to myself about it and admit i've just fallen out of love with life.

the truth.

and while im ranting what is up with all of these white lights i've been seeing for the last couple years?

i've noticed they appear more frequently when i'm relaxed and closer to 'the fog'.

sometimes they're flashes, other times they'll stick around in my field of vision for a while until i try to focus on them intently. especially the blue light, there's like this little light blueish light that appears right in the middle of my vision and tends to stay there- this light is more common when i'm meditating/praying/being absent from stress/the world.

then the last one is this yellowish/amber light that occupies the center of my field of vision for most of the day. it always there. its like a mini sun, i don't notice it as much as i did a year ago because i've went through steps to better 'ignore it' ha. whenever its 'more yellow'(mostly when i have more energy/higher energy) and it affects people i look at? if that makes sense

i asked to be able to help people about two years ago, i didn't like the way my life was going and i really wanted to make a change. i regret ever asking that.

people have recommended i 'let go'. i'm not sure what else i have to let go of. i don't even know who i am anymore.

my ex talked with me today and we worked through a lot of our problems. but i don't even feel like 'me' anymore.

one thing that burned my brain was when she said "people get in relationships to get something, everyone wants something from what they're doing". i felt that emptiness inside me when she said that, i don't really want anything at all anymore- besides being able to leave.

i'm tired of feeling like i'm retarded and all these people constantly staring at me, it was really bad a couple months ago. my friends even noticed it, recently when i went to the mall he was like 'why is everyone staring at me?!?!" but then i felt him notice they were looking at me and he grew quiet- now he's very distant i don't hear from him. a year ago another friend mentioned that he felt like he was in the movie inception with me "in my subconscious", he was scared how people around us were staring at me walking around.

Try to look into yourself and figure out how you feel about everything. What do you enjoy most in life? I don't mean on Earth. I mean what do you enjoy most in life, period, at all? What do you like about yourself the best?

 

 

 

Well, tell me what you like the most in life. Tell me what you like about yourself. Tell me what interests and intrigues you. Tell me what bores you and why. Tell me things you dislike and why. Tell me something about your dreams. Basically just tell me that which you think the world should know about you. Don't think of me as a person. Think of me as a representative of the universe. If you want to say something to the universe, what would you say?

all i really have to go on right now are things of the past i used to enjoy, past life interests. the main interest i used to have was writing- mostly poems/lyrics with the occasional short story.

this ruined my relationship. it's absolutely heart wrenching to reminisce over times past, especially those times when it was foggy. i can see where it got progressively worse. it is horrible. she cries so much, even now as we're separated. it feels like something took that warm love feeling away from me, forever. i feel 'evil' sometimes, i've grown so detached. it feels like i'm a world away from her even when she's right in front of me. i'm unsure as to whether i can even have a 'working/normal' relationship again.

sunchild,

 

What you describe sounds like on some level you no longer care about this phenomenal world, you know, the world you can see and touch.

 

It's not that your soul is missing, but your soul basically left this realm to some extent. Things here probably bore you, and your appreciation for whatever you experience here migtht be pretentious rather than genuine. Does this ring any bells?

 

If I am correct, you're starting to experience the natural ambiguity of phenomena. Since phenomena are not obliged to appear clearly delineated, it may seem like "fog" because in the fog everything is less distinct and less obvious.

 

When appearances do not interest you, then the distinctions between appearances become less interesting. This makes things more indistinct, more ambiguous. It's a necessary stage on some paths, depending on the path.

 

It's hard to say a lot more without knowing you personally.

i don't know how to describe it, but i wouldn't flat out say i don't care about the 'physical' world. i don't know, it's like a jadedness, it's illusory anyway right?

so you're saying my soul actually left? that would make a lot of sense. is there any way to 'ground' or try to regain that piece? it's quite awful having to live here without it.

you really think this is necessary? sometimes i'm not even sure of what 'path' i'm walking.

most of what you've said so far rings fairly true. what would you need to know about me to paint a better picture?

I hit this some years ago along with a profound falling away of my former "story".

It still is taking some getting use to having a life which is other than me.

 

I am not deflated by this as it comes with a long practice but I was not prepared for the suddenness and if I had not stumbled upon some teachings and a teacher and practice and books and podcasts and videos (perhaps stumbled is a bit mild), I would have been adrift in a fairly lonesome isolation while oddly less isolated than before but in a very flipped about way.

 

I don't really sleep in the same way now - their is no end to the change - but getting up in the morning is no different than going to bed at night and my body is much lighter.

 

My relationship with my wife completely changed - good but completely different.

For relationships this has got to be very difficult.

 

I think you have taken a very positive jump but were not prepared for the sudden non- identification with so much of what was you. You still have all of the abilities, but they are no longer ornaments on your chest plate and you are no longer interested in your coat of arms - it's a bit like looking at a past life as a goat herder - that life is somehow dusty and foreign.

 

I have found Qi Gong to be immensely enjoyable and helpful and a whole pile of other wonderful things!

 

You also may enjoy listening to the interviews at www.batgap.com (start from the first interviews not the latest ones)

These are interviews of people who have awakened, and what it was like before, during and just after.

it sounds very much like you have entered a phase in which hearing these interviews would be helpful.

 

I listened to them for 6 or 8 hours at a time - what would be sleep time - they were real eye openers and they also worked to soften my heart and bring its light to bare.

 

Vitalii - a member here - seems to have some good heart practice in that regard - you may wish to reach out to him or look at his postings.

 

Your note about music with voice is something I noticed long ago - if I knew how to put a smily face here now I would.

yea.

i saw what i think is the last half of this movie called 'the edge' with anthony hopkins and there's a scene where he and i think one of the baldwins is emerging from the forest, after a 'long story', and they say to eachother something along the lines of people always wanting to change what is but rarely so they just start over completely. i felt like that was very applicable to my current situation.

how has your sleep changed?

when i was having a peak experience and i had a lot of energy, the 'sleep' was pretty unnerving. to an extent it was as if i was still 'conscious' while sleeping. i noticed probably for the first time the silence that arose between the thoughts i had, it was like my words would echo- so i very quickly learned how to block out 'interference' because it was imperative to have a decent 'sleep'.

when you sleep are you still conscious of yourself/thoughts/surroundings? i've heard that being the case when one's 'third/heavenly eye' has opened, especially visually

yes, i hear you. our relationship became troubled, at times i had a very hard time expressing to her exactly what was going on.

the non-identifying factor didn't really 'hit' me until i came from out of my self-imposed isolation

qigong has come recommended to me a number of times but there aren't any teachers near me and transportation is a bit of an issue.

do you think Vitalii would have a problem with me private messaging them?

i've heard there are some sufi practices that are decent for heart oriented work/progress

i'll check out the website

thank you,