Icedude

Imagine my ex and the Dalai Lama walking down the street in a relationship. The Dalai Lama wears normal clothes, else people would laugh at him, and probably incarcerate him. Officially, he is nothing more than her "muppet". They never speak of deep things or even emotions. She just prefers to watch TV. Her life is filled with hate and fear and misery and an endless chase after meaningless things. Occationally the Dalai Lama tries to convey some sort of wisdom that he thinks is suitable for her, but she dismisses it as "rubbish talk" before she even considers it. One day she has a random emotional breakdown for little to no reason. She cries and she feels extremely ashamed and somehow she decides it's his fault, as he's talking to her at the time. The stupid useless muppet is thrown out, and is told to never even contact her again. She decides to live a life in complete misery instead. The Dalai Lama thinks back to the moment when he actually admitted to her that he was a zen master. The reply was "In what game?". This is why I need a diploma: So that people can take me seriously enough to listen to me.

I'm speaking of learning all the skills outside school. ...by experimenting on cats. ...and the occational dog. There's probably sufficient material on how to be a neurosurgeon floating around on the internet, so you can learn it all without taking a single actual lesson, and feel like you've mastered it. (This type of buddha is apparently called samyaksambuddha.) However, without taking a single test, you will never prove to yourself or others, that you meet the defined requirements to be acknowledged as an official neurosurgeon. ...so you can skip lessons all you want, but there needs to be a test. At least in my country you can schedule tests without having to attend classes. That's basically how universities work here. There is of course proof that reaching buddhahood can be done without taking lessons: Siddhartha Gautama for one. >I hear you can attend a "get certified to be a ch-kung master" - on your lunch break. > >You get a diploma, and for just $199.99 more- you can also get a cool, kabbalah red thread >bracelet- but you must ACT NOW! I of course don't want just *a* diploma. It needs to be official and certified and genuine and stuff. The whole idea is to get approved and validated.

I still haven't preached a fraction of the years that Buddha preached. For Buddha, reaching Nirvana meant work. This is also why I said that I'm typing *from* Nirvana, and not *in* Nirvana. I totally get people who are too lazy to read, too lazy to write, too lazy to do anything, too lazy to fuzz over anything, and too lazy to even feel any shame over being lazy. ...but even laziness won't give you peace of mind in the end.

If you don't know anyone who can tell you what being "hungry", or "thirsty", or "dying" is, but you're just told "Eat until you're not hungry, drink until you're not thirsty, and watch out for dying!", then you'd end up an obese nervous wreck who has to go to the doctor every once in awhile to see if you were "dead", not knowing what it was yourself. ...so yes, we need definitions, especially when there's so much conflicting information, conflicting definitions, and talk of different levels of conciousness. I know that I'm not spiritually hungry or thirsty anymore, but so do atheists, and schizophrenics, and every headstrong man, and every redneck shooting salt after kids in order to get them off their lawn. They all agree that they don't need no meditation in their lives, and schizophrenics may even believe that they are Buddha and Jesus combined, if they get to "tell themselves the truth". That's not for them to decide, because they're not the ones that made up the definitions to begin with. There was this guy named Siddhartha Gautama, who founded one of the largest religions on Earth, and for some reason, he wasn't just some guy sitting underneath a tree who just wasn't spiritually hungry or thirsty anymore (like his former believers believed when they abandoned him). He discovered a place called Nirvana, which is what all this buddhist hubbub is about. He told people that there is a way to escape suffering altogether. The same goes for Dogen, and Lao Tzu: They didn't just say: "Ah, to heck with it." They reached awakening, at least if you are to believe the scriptures. Now, you may feel more at peace when you're meditating, or doing yoga, or any other technique, but a moments peace is like a drop of water compared to the ocean of Nirvana. It comes and goes, and without a goal, meditation is just an addiction, no different than morphine. It may at best make you healthier, but it's not spiritual. It won't transcend you into a different state of consciousness permanently if you just stop when you feel calmer. If it was just a matter of telling myself that I'm great, then there would be no need for teachers or temples or scriptures. That's basically just called "being confident". Compare that to all these weird things that people experience when they meditate, and they say that they *still* haven't reached Nirvana. Reaching Nirvana means feeling attachments fall away, leaving you limitless. People describe Nirvana in many different ways, and yet there is only one state that Buddha himself defined as Nirvana.

Then what is the point of buddhism? If you don't know when you've reached the end of your awakening, or even where it is, then you don't know how to get there, and if you don't know how to get there, then what are you doing with all this meditation, all this yoga, all this acupuncture, all these mantras and chakras? If there is no goal, there is no way. I'm trying to be polite here, but you probably understand what I'm implying here: If there's no way to prove Nirvana, then that makes you all fools.

I appreciate your offer, and I'd probably take it if you had actually reached Nirvana yourself at least once. I'm serious about this, because people don't respect my authority, and it ends up it them disregarding my advice, and then live miserable lives after that. >I'm pretty sure there are some folks over in (the tourist sections thereof) wudang mountain >who would be more than happy to help you out... though it wouldn't be free, and you would >have to get out of your chair . Silk pajamas extra. That's over in China, and I don't know chinese, and I don't have a passport, or even money for a plane ticket or a travelling interpreter. I'd settle for a western temple. Still, isn't there a better way to "transmit" than simply staring at eachother?

>You have to find an organization of people who already have diplomas preferably with >prestige and recognition in this field to give you one (like neurosurgeons). I think you should >try to get a trophy too. Yeah, I'm thinking of travelling to the nearest buddhist temple in my western country, and asking people there. Still, I'm expecting a reply like: "No, I don't think you won our staring contest, but maybe if you spend three more years at this temple, you might win it someday. ...not that anybody won a staring contest with me yet, but you can always hope, and then give up that hope for inner peace." >You can have one Taylor made very professionally for $10 online. Is this "Taylor" a buddha or a bodhicitta? See, I need somebody with authority, or I'd just ask my mom. Well, I'm kinda writing this from Nirvana, if that makes any sense. ...but maybe I'm not - who am I to judge if I'm just deluding myself or not? I tried to read up on what Nirvana is, and how to get there, and the definition varies depending on your beliefs. Some people (I think it was tibetan buddhists.) claim that you have to transform into a tiger mutant. ...so I guess I just have to go to enough temples until I find the one where my state of mind is defined as Nirvana.

I've learned great understanding, unbound by laws, ethics and emotions. Yes. *hugs*

Well, it started with sexual abuse. I consider my abusers to be my teachers. Without opposition, you'll just stride ahead, thinking everything is okay, and that everything that you think and feel is the only true way of thinking and feeling. Without encountering other paths, you'll never be aware that other paths exist. It also started with "commercialistic" depictions of soothing flute music, peaceful zen gardens, and friendly monks. It was portrayed as a sort of heaven on Earth. How awesome is that? Then I had some time over, so someone I was attracted to, lent me a simplistic book on taoism. Then I read Tao Te Ching. Then I solved Mumonkan. (I know I wasn't supposed to do that, and I'm sorry.) After this I began taking lessons from life itself. When it comes to taoism, I reckon that Tao Te Ching has to be a necessary step. There is relativism and nihilism, but I don't think it becomes taoism unless you understand what "tao" is. After that, if you want to become enlightened after that, I recommend solving Mumonkan. It belongs to the buddhist rinzai zen philosophy, where people just sit around and think about it all day, but as a taoist you actually pass through the gateless gate that way. It was a fairly short journey to enlightenment for me, so it ended shortly after it began. Also 4chan is a marvellous place where you get lots of different paths intersecting. At least it was back in the day - now it feels dumbed down. 4chan is my meditation.

I may not have read through a single book of the Tipitaka, but (to put it as bluntly as you're putting it yourself) I'm convinced that you're wrong on all accounts. Firstly it's wrong because you are phrasing it as rules without reasons. I've never gotten Soto Zen, and I don't think I ever will, but simply imitating the Buddha by acting like he did, or thinking like he did after enlightenment, won't teleport you to enlightenment. Secondly, I'm going to pick apart the three categories: While taoism doesn't recognize any values as absolute (like its contrast Confucius did), it does recognize that people invent or adopt things like values, attachments and meanings naturally. As long as you are aware of these values being your own invention or your own adoption, you're perfectly free to have them. You're also perfectly free to just throw all values away, but I doubt that would make you any more enlightened. That just means that you have ended up pathless. Usually boredom settles in after that. On the contrary, Buddhism is about a *million* thoughts. It's about being mindful of numerous lists of conduct, or at least the four noble truths, to adopt Buddhas way of thinking. ...but Buddha didn't turn into a vegetable after becoming enlightened. What he *did* do was to "stop" his *desires*. Thoughts and desires/attachments, are two separate things. To somebody with OCD it may *look* like thoughts and desires are one, but they're really not. Like I said, I don't get Soto Zen. Maybe that one is about simply stopping thoughts, but I'd like to think that there's something less barbaric behind that tradition. It's most likely about calming desires as well. That's usually what meditation is about: Seeing a thought or emotion approach, letting the thought or emotion be thought, and seeing it leave again, without attaching to it. Thoughts and emotions that are stopped at the door to your mind, will probably pound on it until they break it down, making meditation a stressful experience instead of a calming one. When it comes to Rinzai Zen, it's about thinking with focus on a koan. This will cancel other thoughts, and some say that that is the purpose of Rinzai meditation. I personally [removed spelling error] think that the koans contain the necessary wisdom themselves, but I'm somewhat of a Rinzai abomination. Thirdly, I think you should question any religion, philosophy or any person, that tells you how to think without telling you why. I am in turn not going to tell you why you should think like I say.

Already did, but I'll gloss over them a second time, in case I missed anything. Take care.