the most imp thing when you're a kid

[the buddha & the beast]

with a baby coming quite soon now, i have a question for everybody that i think is really important. it seems like everyone has something they wish someone would have done differently when they were little. sometimes it seems that parents, teachers, etc. can mean well but not really go about things the way we wish they would. here's what i want to know:

 

Q) What is the single most important thing you wish someone would have told you, shown you, or done for you when you were a little kid? (Or if you're lucky, what is an important thing that they did do?)

 

thank you so much, in advance!

[Aetherous]

If my parents had me make a Christmas wish list, I would've appreciated it if they actually got what was on the list.

 

Also, this is kind of personal but whatever: I was a pretty bad rebel teenager, and at one point my mom said she wasn't going to be my mom anymore. It was just said in anger, but that's the last thing a mom should say to her kid. Also tons of times my parents would threaten to kick me out of the house, and a couple times actually did...I don't think that's a good thing for someone to experience.

 

So if your kid is really really getting on your nerves, please just wait it out. Go somewhere else and don't argue with them. Be a good example of calmness.

 

And get them the presents they ask for!

[Unconditioned]

I think the most valuable thing that my parents had done for me was to not push me in a specific direction. They gave me the freedom to choose my own interests and they supported me the entire time. Obviously there's a balance between discipline and freedom to be a kid but looking back on my childhood, I couldn't be more grateful for the freedom that they gave me.

 

The one thing that I would've liked to see different was that my mother tried to motivate me through fear to get things done (chores mostly). I'm honestly still dealing with that fearful conditioning and I think this has held me back to some degree... I think that influenced my personality to be more of a people-pleaser and conflict avoider.

 

Congrats on the baby!

[Spiritual_Aspirant]

1. Make sure your child knows you love him/her unconditionally and say it always. This will make up for your other faults.

2. Communicate. Make sure there is a free flow of communication in the family.

3. Guide your children but don't stifle/smother them.

4. The relationship of the parents has a great influence over children. Make sure to show them that you love each other and never put them in a position where they have to choose sides.

[thelerner]

Don't worry so much about kidhood, you'll be on baby watch for quite a while .

 

Lots of contact, hold'em smile at'em. Get a Bjorn papoose, hopefully they'll like it. If they do its a nice experience to walk around with them, good exercise for you both and it allows you to get things done while being w/ the kid, a huge huge plus.

 

Sleep is a big problem, sleep when they do if possible. If you're anal enough, track both eating and pooping times. We did for our first born and we were able to anticipate his needs so it seemed less disruptive for all of us.

 

Last, babies cry, some of them cry a lot. My #2 was collicky for two years. Do what you can for them, but realize its not your fault, they will grow out of it.

 

 

Michael

 

Answering the question. Single most important thing..Be the parent 80% of the time. Loving, caring, but also strict, setting rules and boundaries. Be a friend 20%, on there level, no teaching, just play.

 

One of the joys of parenthood is having a chance to access the ages we once were. So be a baby w/ a baby, toddle w/ the toddlers. Have fun just rolling a ball around. Best toy, a puppet, because it allows you to fully interactively play.

[froggie]

learning (All (each in their time)) of the Right values. (and not per say just 'what looks good on the outside' , but moreso what really Is the best all in all. (It is) More valuable and in the end (they will have) much much more potential, even 'societywise'. (sheesh, people seem to have so much to learn, still, right?)

 

and it would be better to be 'empathic', know what they are doing, involved with, and make kind suggestions, don't order around, in time this will be better with results than trying to do it the other way around, although it will take (relatively ofcourse!) Maybe(!) a little more time than 'building' 'depressed 'drones', etcetera.

 

and oh yes, -do it right- from the beginning, if you do not do then then you will eb wasting time and as time goes by will become more and more frustrated (over the time it takes and the results and why it isn't working, etc. doing it right will help yourself not building a wall around yourself in time by which you will not be able to understand anymore what you are doing and why it isn't working, thinking you have done it right, telling your self you have done it right, but the fact was that you did it (relatively speaking, but nevertheless very real) wrong.

 

and don't be 'afraid' (of doing it wrong) either. JUST (simply) do it right... Let go and do what is teh most right in every moment. (kind of like they say huh? 'be in the moment' (just not as 'abstract *yikes* (i don't care much for being abstract and vague, unless it's for an extremely good reason, but nevertheless usually with anything abstract is no good. even making suggestions doesn't have to be abstract at all in my opinion for example

 

- keep the(se) (the first two) simple things in mind, above all. basically.

and get back to them at the first sign that something may be wrong or if you are wondering/forgetting.

 

1. Don't order around. Make kind suggestions.

2. Let them learn more than just the 'basic rules', That makes Real (intelligent), complete, wholesome, grounded and enlightened, all in one, best of the best never worst in anything people. (imo)

 

please accept my apologies for a long posting if it seemed too long, i tried to keep it as short as i could right now

 

sincerely,

froggie

Edited February 20, 2009 by froggie

[Wayfarer64]

I've noticed babies keep their eyes on the parent who is with them, just watching and listening... I remember just wanting to be in contact with my mom for most of my earliest memory - later on things changed but in the beginning it was all about ma...

[gendao]

Don't dump all your baggage, expectations and blind traditions on him.

Adaptability is the key to survival in a constantly-changing environment.

Recognize his own unique persona, dreams and different situation that he's in today.

Mentor and prepare him for the real world out there, not your own personal fantasy world.

Support him in finding his True Self (not yours).

Because the sooner he finds his True Self and "life purpose," the better his chances for success.

 

 

Good luck! From what I've heard, parenting can be one of the most difficult, yet rewarding, jobs!

[Aetherous]

Don't dump all your baggage, expectations and blind traditions on him.

Adaptability is the key to survival in a constantly-changing environment.

Recognize his own unique persona, dreams and different situation that he's in today.

Mentor and prepare him for the real world out there, not your own personal fantasy world.

Support him in finding his True Self (not yours).

Because the sooner he finds his True Self and "life purpose," the better his chances for success.

 

Very great advice!

[Bum Grasshopper]

 

Q) What is the single most important thing you wish someone would have told you, shown you, or done for you when you were a little kid? (Or if you're lucky, what is an important thing that they did do?)

 

 

I wish someone would have had the balls to turn my abusive parents in to the police or protective services. My best friend's parents almost did once. All that that amounted to was that I could not have my best friend over any more.

 

Be on the lookout for signs of abuse in the children you come in contact with and do not hesitate to make a call. It is a lot easier now a days. You just might be that person who did do the most important thing in a child's life.

[soundhunter]

If you want to be good to your children, be good to their mother

Be conscious of your own triggers as your children set them off, and work on them

If you were parented well, you probably know how to be a decent parent, if you or your wife weren't, then some parenting books or seminars would be beneficial. If you want recommendations, I would be happy to share

First time parents tend to overrreact about everything, crying, nursing problems, sleep training etc, try not to be nervous about every little thing, they are resilient and will be ok.

 

A beautiful book is the Tao of Mothering by Vimala Mclure

 

Recognize that you will screw up sometimes, just as your child will.

 

Enjoy the newborn thing, it is soo soo short and special, magical and amazing.

[steve]

The most important things that I got from my parents and have tried to give to my kids is:

unconditional love, honesty, and respect

and a dedication and commitment to my family

[WhiteTiger]

The teachings that what you do impacts others.

 

When you suffer from something its based on something your attempting to do and not successfully doing and it manifests itself through causing your own suffering.

 

Best way to deal with this is to not to allow yourself to be ignorant, of what is happening.

[seadog]

I was very fortunate to have great parents.

My childhood was full of laughter.

My Dad use to ask me every evening at dinner time.

What did you learn today and did you have fun?

[the buddha & the beast]

If my parents had me make a Christmas wish list, I would've appreciated it if they actually got what was on the list.

 

Also, this is kind of personal but whatever: I was a pretty bad rebel teenager, and at one point my mom said she wasn't going to be my mom anymore. It was just said in anger, but that's the last thing a mom should say to her kid. Also tons of times my parents would threaten to kick me out of the house, and a couple times actually did...I don't think that's a good thing for someone to experience.

 

So if your kid is really really getting on your nerves, please just wait it out. Go somewhere else and don't argue with them. Be a good example of calmness.

 

And get them the presents they ask for!

 

yah i actually had the opposite problem: my parents wanted me inside all of the time even though i was a really good kid. i was that punished-all-the-time-for-nothing sheltered kid. so i'll remember to find the happy median between pushing them away and being overbearing...& i'll make sure to get what they wished for on christmas =D

 

I think the most valuable thing that my parents had done for me was to not push me in a specific direction. They gave me the freedom to choose my own interests and they supported me the entire time. Obviously there's a balance between discipline and freedom to be a kid but looking back on my childhood, I couldn't be more grateful for the freedom that they gave me.

 

The one thing that I would've liked to see different was that my mother tried to motivate me through fear to get things done (chores mostly). I'm honestly still dealing with that fearful conditioning and I think this has held me back to some degree... I think that influenced my personality to be more of a people-pleaser and conflict avoider.

 

Congrats on the baby!

 

wow i was absolutely raised with fear, too~& i think it puts an automatic feeling of weakness on a person. i'll remember that =)

 

1. Make sure your child knows you love him/her unconditionally and say it always. This will make up for your other faults.

2. Communicate. Make sure there is a free flow of communication in the family.

3. Guide your children but don't stifle/smother them.

4. The relationship of the parents has a great influence over children. Make sure to show them that you love each other and never put them in a position where they have to choose sides.

 

My parents tried to get me to chose sides a lot. i always swore even if it didn't work out between my boyfriend & me, i would never try to take the child's dad away from them or harm their relationship in n-e way

 

Don't worry so much about kidhood, you'll be on baby watch for quite a while .

 

Lots of contact, hold'em smile at'em. Get a Bjorn papoose, hopefully they'll like it. If they do its a nice experience to walk around with them, good exercise for you both and it allows you to get things done while being w/ the kid, a huge huge plus.

 

Sleep is a big problem, sleep when they do if possible. If you're anal enough, track both eating and pooping times. We did for our first born and we were able to anticipate his needs so it seemed less disruptive for all of us.

 

Last, babies cry, some of them cry a lot. My #2 was collicky for two years. Do what you can for them, but realize its not your fault, they will grow out of it.

Michael

 

Answering the question. Single most important thing..Be the parent 80% of the time. Loving, caring, but also strict, setting rules and boundaries. Be a friend 20%, on there level, no teaching, just play.

 

One of the joys of parenthood is having a chance to access the ages we once were. So be a baby w/ a baby, toddle w/ the toddlers. Have fun just rolling a ball around. Best toy, a puppet, because it allows you to fully interactively play.

 

what's a Bjorn papoose~i've never heard of one before

 

 

learning (All (each in their time)) of the Right values. (and not per say just 'what looks good on the outside' , but moreso what really Is the best all in all. (It is) More valuable and in the end (they will have) much much more potential, even 'societywise'. (sheesh, people seem to have so much to learn, still, right?)

 

and it would be better to be 'empathic', know what they are doing, involved with, and make kind suggestions, don't order around, in time this will be better with results than trying to do it the other way around, although it will take (relatively ofcourse!) Maybe(!) a little more time than 'building' 'depressed 'drones', etcetera.

 

and oh yes, -do it right- from the beginning, if you do not do then then you will eb wasting time and as time goes by will become more and more frustrated (over the time it takes and the results and why it isn't working, etc. doing it right will help yourself not building a wall around yourself in time by which you will not be able to understand anymore what you are doing and why it isn't working, thinking you have done it right, telling your self you have done it right, but the fact was that you did it (relatively speaking, but nevertheless very real) wrong.

 

and don't be 'afraid' (of doing it wrong) either. JUST (simply) do it right... Let go and do what is teh most right in every moment. (kind of like they say huh? 'be in the moment' (just not as 'abstract *yikes* (i don't care much for being abstract and vague, unless it's for an extremely good reason, but nevertheless usually with anything abstract is no good. even making suggestions doesn't have to be abstract at all in my opinion for example

 

- keep the(se) (the first two) simple things in mind, above all. basically.

and get back to them at the first sign that something may be wrong or if you are wondering/forgetting.

 

1. Don't order around. Make kind suggestions.

2. Let them learn more than just the 'basic rules', That makes Real (intelligent), complete, wholesome, grounded and enlightened, all in one, best of the best never worst in anything people. (imo)

 

please accept my apologies for a long posting if it seemed too long, i tried to keep it as short as i could right now

 

sincerely,

froggie

 

 

i love that you said "make kind suggestions." i think it only works to a point but in my parents' generation, they were supposed to act all-knowing and not treat the kids like a whole person...i definitely want to talk to my kid civily and then reallly listen to what they say back.

 

I've noticed babies keep their eyes on the parent who is with them, just watching and listening... I remember just wanting to be in contact with my mom for most of my earliest memory - later on things changed but in the beginning it was all about ma...

 

aw =D

 

Don't dump all your baggage, expectations and blind traditions on him.

Adaptability is the key to survival in a constantly-changing environment.

Recognize his own unique persona, dreams and different situation that he's in today.

Mentor and prepare him for the real world out there, not your own personal fantasy world.

Support him in finding his True Self (not yours).

Because the sooner he finds his True Self and "life purpose," the better his chances for success.

Good luck! From what I've heard, parenting can be one of the most difficult, yet rewarding, jobs!

 

absolutely~my values are pretty vague to begin with & i don't think it's good to ever force a child to be into specific things. i'll let them find what they enjoy & then show them support with it.

 

I wish someone would have had the balls to turn my abusive parents in to the police or protective services. My best friend's parents almost did once. All that that amounted to was that I could not have my best friend over any more.

 

Be on the lookout for signs of abuse in the children you come in contact with and do not hesitate to make a call. It is a lot easier now a days. You just might be that person who did do the most important thing in a child's life.

 

this will also be great advice for me once i've become a teacher~you're right~i think all of us should keep an eye out for the signs of abuse of children!

 

If you want to be good to your children, be good to their mother

Be conscious of your own triggers as your children set them off, and work on them

If you were parented well, you probably know how to be a decent parent, if you or your wife weren't, then some parenting books or seminars would be beneficial. If you want recommendations, I would be happy to share

First time parents tend to overrreact about everything, crying, nursing problems, sleep training etc, try not to be nervous about every little thing, they are resilient and will be ok.

 

A beautiful book is the Tao of Mothering by Vimala Mclure

 

Recognize that you will screw up sometimes, just as your child will.

 

Enjoy the newborn thing, it is soo soo short and special, magical and amazing.

 

yah~i'm already worrying about doing everything right too much~i'll have to get my hands on that book

 

The most important things that I got from my parents and have tried to give to my kids is:

unconditional love, honesty, and respect

and a dedication and commitment to my family

 

that's awsome that u got such wonderful lessons from your family. i honestly don't always see such great families~the ones that are give me hope.

 

The teachings that what you do impacts others.

 

When you suffer from something its based on something your attempting to do and not successfully doing and it manifests itself through causing your own suffering.

 

Best way to deal with this is to not to allow yourself to be ignorant, of what is happening.

 

thanks! i'll try to always learn about the situation =)

 

I was very fortunate to have great parents.

My childhood was full of laughter.

My Dad use to ask me every evening at dinner time.

What did you learn today and did you have fun?

 

i wish my family would have been like that! i reallly want to make mine so full of happiness.

 

i bet most people don't respond to every response lol. but it's really given me a lot of clarity and peace to read what everyone said & reply. i want to keep all these things in mind. THANK YOU.

[Bruce]

What a great idea for a thread! Man, I'm thinking of a lot of things here, and wonder if I can boil it down to a few. I have a 4 year old and I've been a stay at home dad for the past 3 years. I don't think I've always done well. Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I feel that if I can just approach everything I do with love it'll all work out. I do feel that my failings, at least when I feel that I've failed or not done as well as I could've, likely come from a combination of how I was raised and whatever mental state I'm in at the time. That's one of the reasons that meditation is doubly important to me now. My mental states tend to not fluctuate as much and I tend to handle the tougher situations with more calm. I do still screw up, or so it feels, and it's one of the worst feelings ever.

 

The feelings of a child are so tender - so easily damaged, and that damage can last a lifetime. I can still remember times when my dad went off on me, and I know some of those experiences shaped my life in negative ways.

 

I don't know what answers to give really. Love, patience, EXTREME patience, lol! It's all a tricky business, isn't it. I just try to show my son that I love him and because I love him I also show him when he's been wrong. He seems to understand. I try to teach him respect, but not in the sense that it's this way because I said so (although sometimes you do have to resort to that). He is learning to respect others feelings and "things".

 

It's just a one day at a time - even one minute at a time thing. I just try to be there for him, encourage him, and listen to him, even when he's rambling on about nothing.

Edited February 21, 2009 by Bruce

[kevin]

Don't dump all your baggage, expectations and blind traditions on him.

Adaptability is the key to survival in a constantly-changing environment.

Recognize his own unique persona, dreams and different situation that he's in today.

Mentor and prepare him for the real world out there, not your own personal fantasy world.

Support him in finding his True Self (not yours).

Because the sooner he finds his True Self and "life purpose," the better his chances for success.

The Buddha and the Beast,

 

I echo vortex's words above (especially the part I put in boldface) and would also like to add some things.

 

Like Bum Grasshopper, my childhood was characterized by abuse. This is NOT a good way to raise a kid, of course, but I am not altogether sad about having been raised this way.... In some ways, it made me weaker and more brittle, yes, but in other ways, it strengthened me and taught me self-reliance. If I wanted something done, I had to do it myself. (I learned this when no one brushed my teeth; at the age of four, my teeth were so rotted that one or two caused me sharp pain. I've been brushing them since.) I had to hide or run from wrath, and stay on my toes, etc.

 

That said, there are certainly much, much healthier and supportive ways to raise a child.

 

Some of my thoughts follow:

 

1) Teach him/her about nature, how to respect it, live in it, etc. I suggest, as a basic starter, a book like Camping and Wilderness Survival: The Ultimate Outdoors Book.

 

2) Take responsibility for the child's education. Public school in the US is catastrophically bad. The boy scouts and girl scouts aren't much better at education in their own domains. If you want your child to read well, you must take it upon yourself to augment whatever public education your child is receiving. Same goes for writing, math, and other subjects.

 

3) Please do NOT vaccinate your children. Vaccines are laden with the most horrible substances they can legally contain. (See http://www.thinktwice.com/ for more information.) A much better defense is a strong, healthy, natural immune system, imo -- one free from pharmaceuticals.

 

4) Make decisions that better your health and the health of the child. (Soda pop, cotton candy, and Big Agra processed foods are not the most nutritious things to consume, for example. Another example: Fluoridated water is toxic and mind-numbing.) This requires a great deal of education.... I have no ties whatsoever to karen's website or business, but over time I have noticed that her health advice to members here is generally of a very high caliber. I have no qualms about directing you to her if you have questions relating to health. She's good.

 

5) Make a conscious decision to set aside time every day to spend with your child, and not grudgingly but eagerly, joyfully. This sends a powerful subconscious message to the child that he/she is loved, valued, and accepted.

 

6) If at all possible, breast-feed; don't bottle-feed.

 

7) Throw away the TV set. (Ok, ok, responsibly dispose of it; simply chucking it into a dumpster may not be such a good idea. ) It's a horrible instrument, one used for brainwashing and for the purveyance of lies -- the corporate media's and others'. There are other reasons to get rid of the TV, but for brevity's sake I will keep it at that.

 

8) If you can see God in yourself, how can you fail to see God in your child?

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I wish you and your child the very best!

 

Sincerely,

 

kevin

[Moonbar]

Don't dump all your baggage, expectations and blind traditions on him.

Adaptability is the key to survival in a constantly-changing environment.

Recognize his own unique persona, dreams and different situation that he's in today.

Mentor and prepare him for the real world out there, not your own personal fantasy world.

Support him in finding his True Self (not yours).

Because the sooner he finds his True Self and "life purpose," the better his chances for success.

Good luck! From what I've heard, parenting can be one of the most difficult, yet rewarding, jobs!

 

How close these words cut - but they are so true.... love your child but dont wrap them in cotton wool, dont cushion them with untruths, it will harm them in the long run-but of course use the discretion of your heart...it knows best

[Eric23]

For a little later on down the line. My parents were very good and I tried to do many of the things I remembered when raising my own kids. I grew up in an age when parents disciplined their children. Dad never let me get away with anything. If I got caught doing something wrong, I was punished immediately. If I got in trouble at school, I knew that whatever the teacher did to discipline me was nothing compared to what was coming at home. I was never hit or abused, but I did have to toe the line. Of course as I got older I learned how not to get caught! My wife and I were the same way with my son and he never got in what I would call serious trouble. I let up with my daughter to my regret. She made some bad decisions as a teenager that we're still dealing with now.

 

The one thing that my parents did that I always remembered was that they supported all my activities. Every little league game, track meet, motorcycle race, concert etc one or both of them were there. When my son discovered hockey I was there. Most practices, every game; out of town trips we did together. My daughter never really found an activity that she could embrace and I wish she had.

 

One thing for me was that I enjoyed being a father. Never saw the kids as hinderence. After the terrible 2's it's just amazing to watch them learn and grow. That's were we are at with my grand daughter and it's a real delight. Leads me to the best part of parenting, being a grand parent is even better.

[megamorphg]

This is a strange thing to be happy about for your childhood but having traditional parents, I'm glad that my parents imposed all their traditions, culture, and stuffy religion onto me because it is what impelled me to seek to become more WHOLESOME and true to myself... it's what has led me to seek more valid means for explaining life, consciousness, spirituality, and the universe.

 

For example, being a Muslim all my life as a child, I sought to escape this anger-suffused religion filled with fear and repression... leading me to Buddhism, Taoism, among other things!

 

I'm glad for the tribulations and pains my parents put me through which have made me less trustful of society, family, and everyone and seek to be a more wholesome, loving, wise, and happy person independent of those around me! Of course I don't know how I would ever bump into what I've bumped into without a local library and internet... so I'm also very happy to be born into a country which can focus on education and learning and provide a plethora of resources for that end!

Edited February 22, 2009 by megamorphg

[thelerner]

I've seen calm Buddhistic parents raise bratty monsters. Unconditional love is important, probably at the top of the list, but near the top is discipline too. Setting limits and responsibilities is essential (babies, you can spoil).

 

I literally had 5 Important Knowings for my kids. #1 was Me and Mom love you very much, but #3 was the timeless wisdom of Mick Jagger; 'You can't always get what you want'.

 

That is a very very important piece of information for kids to internalize (as well its corrollary 'you can try sometimes, and you might find, you get what you need). Fully understanding that is half the secret of happiness.

 

Example: IMO, a good parent does not allow the child to dictate or demand what they'll get as a present. You can take there wishes under consideration, but beware of being manipulated and getting on the Keeping up with the Jones track. Often less is more.

 

Also, a Bjorn Papoose is 'an over the shoulder baby holder' that straps on to your front. Not all babies dig it, but when they do its wonderful. Any frontal papoose is great.

 

 

Michael

[Ya Mu]

with a baby coming quite soon now, i have a question for everybody that i think is really important. it seems like everyone has something they wish someone would have done differently when they were little. sometimes it seems that parents, teachers, etc. can mean well but not really go about things the way we wish they would. here's what i want to know:

 

Q) What is the single most important thing you wish someone would have told you, shown you, or done for you when you were a little kid? (Or if you're lucky, what is an important thing that they did do?)

 

thank you so much, in advance!

 

I wish everyone had not tried to edify me as to their oh-so-wrong FACT that the spirits I saw did not exist. Such nonsense.

[goldisheavy]

Q) What is the single most important thing you wish someone would have told you, shown you, or done for you when you were a little kid? (Or if you're lucky, what is an important thing that they did do?)

 

The best thing my dad did for me was that he taught me to never be 100% sure about anything and to always leave at least 1% for doubt and questioning. This later lead me to question everything and to not take anything as a given. I would never change this quality for the world. It's like having the eyes to see.

 

The second best thing my parents did, was to allow me to go play wherever I wanted without the fear of "predators" catching me or anything like that. When I was as young as 5, I already traveled all across my city, alone and with friends. No excuses. Don't say "but we can't do it in my country, etc." Just let your kids go. You guide and teach them at home, but then set them loose and let them be. Even if it means they have to die, it's better to die free than to grow up in confinement. Just make sure you answer all the kids' concerns and questions and talk proactively about important topics like sex and drugs.

 

The third best thing my parents did for me was to give me thought-provoking books as gifts (they also gave me toys like plastic trucks, model airplanes, kites and so forth, so please don't think I got nothing but books all my life).

 

The fourth best thing my parents did was to encourage me to join clubs like tennis, swimming, judo and so forth, when I was little. I didn't end up staying in any of them, but I did develop a strong liking for exercise which I have till this day.

 

I got my share of beatings as a kid. There was one time when I was beaten almost daily. So the fifth great thing my parents did, is instead of going to school to deal with the bully, they taught me how to be a man and to stand up for myself. I have since had all kinds of blood and bruises fights with bullies, and gained respect and was left alone. It's unfortunate that some people can only respect your fist, but I am glad my parents didn't saddle me with bullshit, but just gave me the ugly truth in all it's beauty. I grew up in a very peaceful family and I am myself very peaceful as a general rule, but I also know how to fight when necessary and can kill if I must. And I am glad. This makes those times when I choose to be consciously non-violent meaningful. Otherwise, if I am non-violent simply because I am afraid of violence, it's not really a choice and is meaningless.

 

So think about it. Don't rip off your kids.

[DaoChild]

Also: just an important point to make

 

Ultimate you cannot affect everything that makes up your child in the world. You simply can't. My mom never bought sweets or soda (ever), but my brother who is 19 (i'm 21) drinks and eats garbage food all the time. I haven't had soda since 14, I cook all my own meals, eat organic, have extremely low body fat, am very active, in the gym most days of the week etc. My brother is the total opposite -- very much a couch potato.

 

You can control some things, but sometimes no matter how much you do (or don't) discipline your kids - you can't control how they come out.

 

My neighbor was raised in the same community as I am - very affluent, loving parents that would do anything for him, fun neighbors. But now (at 20 years old) he's one of the biggest drug dealers in town. That was affected by his friendships -- he never could make friends, and did whatever it took to make them. Even if doing drugs made him popular.

 

Soooo parents, don't ever feel like everything was or wasn't your fault. But always try to raise your children with a health dose of reality, respect, and discipline at least those are my 2 cents.

Edited February 23, 2009 by DaoChild

[KoolAid900]

Congratulations!!! I'm envious of you...

 

I had one of the most special mothers on Earth (I know a lot of people think their mother is special)! She has been my best teacher and guide throughout my whole life (28 now) and because of the tremendous person that she is, I have been able to (occasionally) deeply touch and deeply help others in the way that she cared for me. She is quiet, unassuming, non-judgemental, silly, absolutely caring, and very loving. She has been living at a Buddhist monastery for several years now. Though she is quiet and intraverted, many people are attracted to her because of her kindness and inner qualities and she is quite loved there. IMO, these qualities are also percevied by Bardor Tulku Rinpoche, one of the primary teachers there, and it is not circumstantial that she has been invited on 3 personal trips to Tibet with him. Anywaysss.....

 

The three most important things I learned from her

 

1) I (and everyone else) am absolutely valuable and nothing can chagne that

 

2) Always listen to my inner heart/voice

 

3) The correct way to live life is to take care of others and myself; this is the seed from which all happiness grows

 

I think it is sooo cool that you are able to get so much good feeback about being a parent! Maybe it is a bit pre-emptive as somebody mentioned, but it sure helped widen my perspective. Have fun!! :-)