OMG, I just found something my deceased husband wrote

[manitou]

 

Joe was a shamanic man, he was a healer.  He did a little writing - nothing serious - but I just came across this entry in a notebook he had been writing in shortly before he died.  His life prior to alcoholic recovery was a street life and all that entails.  The depth of this man's heart was astonishing.  I share this with you because it shows what it's like to truly tend one's own soul.  It is the Practice of taking responsibility for one's own life.

 

 

 

"Fear - fear in any form, physiology or mental, distorts clarity.  Most humans have a great deal of fear, which denies compassion.  So when a person is afraid in any way he has no compassion.

 

There are many forms of fear, not being as strong as before, getting old, losing a loved one, feeling not as good as others, of being rejected, and fear of being abandoned.  I don't have to invite fear, it is there.  I'm a living human being now, and in that state your fears, though they may be dormant, are still there consciously or unconsciously.

 

I may be afraid of not having any money, one may be afraid of some past pain, and not wanting it again.  Go to the root of fear.  Where there is fear there are many kinds of neurotic actions, emotionally.  Being aware of conscious fear is okay, you can deal with it, but it is much more difficult to be free of fears which you do not know.  Fears that are hidden.

 

Observing thoughts, feelings and recollections, see who is recalling.  The thinker.  Mind is empty, emptiness is clear light.  Do not avoid life as it is, say yes to life situations, challenges, thoughts, pain.  Nothing that is suppressed goes away, strong emotion is a door.  Whatever arises in the mind is Me.

 

I have been conditioned to negative feelings, thoughts, emotions, that is all I've ever had.  I have been trained to fear, I've always had fear, the punishment of not living good.  Of wetting the bed, fear of almost everything, of being an ugly child, a no good child, a worthless child and an adult.  My dreams are negative.

 

I have learned to offer no resistance to what is.  I have learned to allow the present moment to be, circumstances to be and accept what is.  Study, read, learn, write.

 

Negativity ranges from irritation or impatience, to fierce anger.  Stillness, hold awareness in and around my thoughts, and emotions - do not deny them, know that they are there.  Practice stillness, silence, and spaciousness 5 times a day, commit my self to remembering inner refuge throughout the day.

  

[Miroku]

Beautiful! The last paragraph is actually as if it was spoken by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, was your husband by any chance a student of his?

 

[manitou]

1 hour ago, Miroku said:

Beautiful! The last paragraph is actually as if it was spoken by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche, was your husband by any chance a student of his?

 

 

 

Not a student, but well read in all disciplines.  His primary path was Castaneda.

[liminal_luke]

He sounds like a beautiful person.

[silent thunder]

Wow @manitou what a treasure to discover!

 

Thank you for sharing.  Synchronicity here on multiple levels.

 

[manitou]

6 hours ago, silent thunder said:

Wow @manitou what a treasure to discover!

 

Thank you for sharing.  Synchronicity here on multiple levels.

 

 

 

care to share?

 

Yes, it was a treasure.  It had just been written in a lined tablet, nothing special.  But what a picture it gives into this man's loving nature.  A loving nature that was borne of pain that is indescribable.  Mental institutions, prisons, alleys.  Dumpsters.  To Recovery, recovery by seeking himself out, within.  To end up with a shining pearl of a soul.  I feel honored to have gotten to witness that transformation, difficult as it was.  His heart was shining gold.

[steve]

What a beautiful post, thank you @manitou!