Relationship advice

[VELLY]

9 hours ago, Nungali said:

Yes, but you see, I believe that all  of life is sacred and loyal ( 'loyal' to 'big mum'  , and 'loyal' to what she likes to see    )  - I partake of  'strange  and libertarian religion , a religion of joy and freedom , so my outlooks will be different .  Especially regarding relationships ;

 

Love is the Law, love under will .   Not love restricted by jealousies , social norms, legal conditions and contracts

 

" There is love , and there is love "  - or love  and lovers   

 

But it's important to have legal conditions(like in marriage). What you are talking about is possible for people with a very refined character and such utopian societies dont exist anywhere.

 

jealousy is often considered a part of a relationship. I mean to say its one of the outcomes of going in any relationship and its not possible to avoid it unless a person is a highly realized being.

 

Social norms and legal conditons do have there place. Love under will is very right but I guess some restrictions are also a part. I don't want to say let the love turn toxic but these restrictions force a person to give a second try to a weakening relation.

[Nungali]

18 minutes ago, VELLY said:

 

But it's important to have legal conditions(like in marriage).

 

Indeed, and that is one of the reasons why some countries legally recognise same sex marriage .  If you want a relationship like those that needs legal conditions  .  IMO thats fine if both are consenting , so is freedom, individuality , etc.  confusion does not help  - when that is around we have to navigate through it .

 

 

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What you are talking about is possible for people with a very refined character and such utopian societies dont exist anywhere.

 

Why thank you    .   It is achievable personally . Of course , socially  ( in societies ) they are all evolving , some backwards , but some forwards , and these one's are not 'there' yet . This is part of human evolution, individually and socially .    SOME societies have come a long way from clubbing woman and dragging them home by the hair , but none are' there'  yet . It wasn't  that long ago that western society was  still fairly backward in this area .

 

As usual, I will cite  Ida Craddock .

 

 

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jealousy is often considered a part of a relationship. I mean to say its one of the outcomes of going in any relationship and its not possible to avoid it unless a person is a highly realized being.

 

h yes, I have been misunderstood like this before . Its not that I don't get jealous, I have conditionings, and I am still evolving .  I just dont act on my  jealous feelings like a dork .  I like to process them and come to come to terms with them .  But maybe, even this low level is " a highly realised being "  ?

 

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Social norms and legal conditons do have there place. Love under will is very right but I guess some restrictions are also a part.

 

Restrictions ?  Ughhh . I prefer 'agreements' or 'parameters '  . 

 

 

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I don't want to say let the love turn toxic but these restrictions force a person to give a second try to a weakening relation.

 

Nothing wrong with multiple tries , but we all have our lines drawn in the sand in different places  , as you say, each relationship is unique ..... mutual respect pre-solves a lot of issues that might arise otherwise .

 

Lets hear a woman's view on it 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 1, 2021 by Nungali

[centertime]

On 2021. 05. 01. at 12:34 AM, Taomeow said:

 

Sometimes.  I don't think it was the case in this case, but I wasn't there. 

Here's where I "was there" and know the motives better:

I was 19 and crazy in love with my boyfriend.  Just bonkers.  But I never felt secure in our relationship, because he liked to play games.  Oh man.  It would take me a whole book to write them up.  And he could too -- he was insanely popular, and not only with girls of the legal age but with his female high school students (he was a young teacher).  Those fracking shameless 16-year-olds would do things like, e.g., spy on me, find out where I lived, then show up under my window in the middle of the night and start yelling drunken insults, calling me all kinds of horrible names and screaming for my parents to do something about my (!!!) behavior.  Stuff like that.  I was afraid to tell my boyfriend that it happened because, believe it or not, I was afraid he'd just laugh the whole thing off -- or worse, feel flattered that girls are fighting for him with no holds barred.  And it's only one example -- there was always something going on with him that kept me on my toes.

 

So I broke up with him -- way before I was ready to -- not to, as you put it, "test him" but because I was tired of feeling insecure, of never knowing what to expect, whether to trust him.  I won't tell the rest of the story, but just to illustrate that "women play games" looking for an "alpha male" is not necessarily the only scenario.   Two can play the game, and the nature of the game may vary.              

There was no need for games.. The guy was very insecure and emotionally instable... even probably fearful and maybe feeling loser for some reason.... So he did not look reliable, trustworthy partner.  probably lacking enough self awareness of his own insecure shadow.. would he have had it,  he would not have played it out so foolishly. immature

 

[Taomeow]

1 hour ago, centertime said:

There was no need for games.. The guy was very insecure and emotionally instable... even probably fearful and maybe feeling loser for some reason.... So he did not look reliable, trustworthy partner.  probably lacking enough self awareness of his own insecure shadow.. would he have had it,  he would not have played it out so foolishly. immature

 

 

He was a self-made superman.  There's nearly always a story of profound insecurity behind every macho man success story, in his case it merited more respect than in most.  He pulled himself out of a childhood disability (12 years on crutches) to turn himself, with no help from anybody, into a powerful all around athlete and martial artist, and from a shunned, rejected disabled kid into a stunning heartthrob.  But of course he was immature and couldn't help obsessively "proving" his worth to the world in his newly found strength, having tasted the bitter poison of the opposite.  On top of everything else he had a mind as sharp as a knife and erudition to match.  I didn't fall for, or expose myself to heartache, over just any which loser, you know.    He was complicated.  By the way, I have reasons to believe that he matured later -- overcoming his inflated ego in favor of a much humbler and much more trustworthy personality later in life.