Hello folks,   I have 0 hope but deep down I want escape this for my mother. She suffers so much due to my spiritual quest failure with her own health taking hit and tears taking over. Pethaps somebody will notice this and offer some hope - direction.   30 years male living in the middle of nowhere (Lithuania, Eastern Europe). For three years kept celibacy and meditated daily for several hours with premature intention to have Kundalini. Thought it's going to make me better person and those around me. No drugs been involved nor manipulative intentions to use energy for evil purposes.    Did mostly Vippasana and concentration practices.   One month ago I had erection and massive amount of energy flooded to my head. Since then every day became proggresively worse to the point that currently:   Living in perpetual state that is mix of fear, anxiety, terror, suicidal deppresion. I call it agony which at times so intense. No positive feelings, no pleasure from anything. Can't do much physical activity yet staying stationary so unbearable as I feel energy is ripping me apart.    Cognitive abilities going down each day. I can't read, watch or even have conversation for long time. No concentration nor ability to understand.    I am becoming monster. By that I mean that it feels like only body left which concerned about food only and survival in general. No person inside left. Anytime I can cry (which is rare) I welcome it. It makes me feel like human again. I hug my mom yet I feel nothing.   Can't sleep without strong pills and even with those it's 5h.   My nervous system can't handle anything.   Mostly I feel energy as a hot discomfort in my head yet I can't bring it down.   Visited psychiatric which suspect psychosis yet I don't see anything or hear voices. I don't behave irrationally but I can't function being gripped by this energy. Other psychiatric diagnosed me depressed and gave SSRI's and anti anxiety pills.   Worst part my family don't believe in Kundalini or whatever I have here.   Guys, I am so desperate and I keep thinking that there is only way out. I don't want to expierence this walking dead life. I told my thoughts to psychiatrist and my family. I don't hide anything cause I am desperate for help yet any meds I've been given makes me suffer more.   Did I put myself in permanent hell state and nothing will help now?