Tryingtodobetter

Dealing with some sort of awakening of the subconscious?

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A few weeks ago I made a welcome post that outlined an emergency event I was having, and in the time that has transpired since then I feel I have more insight into my current situation and what I still require assistance dealing with.

 

It seems that my subconscious has become relatively conscious in that I am able to see almost immediately how advertising/labels and negative things that people say affect my mind, almost like snares. At the peak of this happening various fictional scenarios that people relatively close to me would say, mostly inconsequential, would manifest as dreams or as a nightmarish overlay to my reality. I think my mind is now incredibly sensitive to external stimuli in general, more so than ever and I'm having a difficult time of deciding what to do about it.

 

I suspect that an increase in my general magnetism for whatever reason, probably irresponsible candle gazing, has led to much of this.

 

It seems like highly charged thoughts that I have affect those around me almost immediately and I have some trouble ignoring the words of others having conversations that are not addressed to me personally, kind of like a continual eavesdropping and finding how their words apply to my own life. Both of which have eased slightly though still a nuisance as I imagine many of you could surmise. It also seems that my hearing has become more heightened, which is troublesome at times because it seems that my memory also has and I have linked together uncorrelated happenings time and time again.

 

Working indoors in an area with lots of advertising products or with a "corporate" playlist has an effect on me that is highly unfavorable.

 

I'm trying to find a peace in it and remain positive, though it is very difficult as feelings of unreality and general delusions accompany all of the aforementioned because of their perceived synchronization to my thoughts, social media in general is particularly difficult as it feels as though the entire thing is some self referential facade at times, as does many things in my day to day experience.

 

Is this a part of some awakening or just illness?

 

I would really like some feedback from anyone who has experienced something similar 

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I can't really know your mind, & this is probably just another entanglement for me, but I've been reading & rereading the Zuowang lun these past few weeks. 

 

Naturally that means I can see parallels in what you describe so I'll post some excerpts that maybe you can relate to, the text alongside others describing Zuowang can be found in its entirety in Kohn's Sitting in Oblivion. 

 

"3. Taming the Mind

 

The mind is the master of the body-self, the master of the hundred spirits. When still it gives rise to insight, when agitated to confusion. Delightedly straying in delusions and projected reality, it speaks of obligations and enjoys to be in the midst of action. Who would awaken to see this empty and wrong? 

 

Yet, as one realizes one's derangement of mind and consciousness being largely due to one's place of residence, one chooses a new neighborhood and goes to live there. This is already a great improvement. By careful choice of friends one will profit even more. How much more should this process apply when the body-self leaves the realm of birth and death and the mind comes to rest in the center of perfect Dao? Without giving up the former, how could one ever attain the latter? 

 

Therefore when one first begins to study the Dao one must sit calmly and tame the mind, let go of projected reality and abide in nonexistence 

 

... 

 

However, if one gives free reign to the all mental arising and does not attempt to tame and control it, then one is not really different from ordinary people. 

 

... 

 

Any confused deviance or disturbing fantasy should be eliminated as soon as one becomes aware of it. Upon hearing slander or praise, or anything good or bad, one should just radically cut it all out and not admit it into the mind at all. This because if anything is taken in, the mind will be full. With a full mind, Dao has no place to go. Whatever one may see or hear, it should be like one had not seen or heard at all. Then right and wrong, good and evil cannot enter the mind.

 

When the mind does not receive anything from outside, we call it an empty mind. When it does mit pursue anything on the outside, we call it a mind at peace. In a mind at peace that is always kept empty Dao will come to stay of itself. On the inside there is nothing the mind is attached to, on the outside there is nothing one would actively do. One is no longer pure or defiled, which is why slander or praise no longer arise. One is neither wise nor ignorant, which is why profit and loss no longer appear."

 

Maybe you're just aware of the perverse workings of the ordinary mind, its automaticity, a reality built from scraps of sensory data, reacting to stimuli without any awareness. Maybe you've become aware that the ordinary mind runs on delusions & projected reality, that the ordinary functioning of mind is deeply flawed, that this situation is no longer tolerable & you must find a way to discard this way of being. 

 

Maybe you've gone crazy or maybe you can now see how crazy you've always been. I can't tell you, neither does this replace any advice from your doctor, but I can say with certainty that insight into our suffering is the first step towards freedom from that suffering. 

 

Be still, 

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4 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I would really like some feedback from anyone who has experienced something similar 


I have experienced this exact thing...it was so intense that I actually became delusional, and wound up in a couple psych wards for a few days at a time back in 2011. You seem to be doing a little better in comparison, and asking for help is a good thing.

Luckily, I know the way to solve this problem!

What really helped me get past this was Dr. Amit Sood's "Attention Interpretation Therapy"...specifically, the attention training aspect of it. I'll explain how to do it in this post, but will give some additional info, too...

 

So...the Buddhists have a practice that's basically the same called shamatha, or calm abiding meditation. They would say to use either a "pure" or "impure" "external support". An external support means something that you pay attention to outside of yourself, like a picture for instance...that's in contrast to paying attention to something inside of yourself. "Pure" means a symbol of enlightenment, such as an image of a bodhisattva, and "impure" means anything else, such as an image of a tree.

 

So for attention training, you'll want to use an "impure external support". You basically just want any object to turn your attention toward. I prefer to just call it the "object of meditation". It sounds less judgmental, and in actuality it works better. As a side note, I think any object that trains the attention is "pure" automatically.

What Dr. Sood points out in his books is that it's easy for the mind to get distracted when it's only paying attention to one thing...so he recommends to look for "novelty" in the object of meditation. For instance, you can notice one thing that's new which you didn't see in it before.

Because that's the case, I liked to use detailed objects...like a bush where there are many different leaves blowing in the breeze, or like a single leaf from a tree held up close, or an orange, or a picture of a mountain range with a lot of details you can focus on.

leaf-detail.jpg orange-2-detail-halved-resized.jpg
 

So for the meditation, you spend 5-10 minutes gazing gently at the object of meditation, noticing new things about it. The point is not to go crazy trying to find new aspects of it to look at...the point is simply that your attention is being directed toward the object. It's simply training the attention to go where you tell it to.

In training the attention, the higher brain centers are activated and as a result the mind basically self heals. Currently, the mind is a little bit fractured in that it's not filtering out useless information, like random people's conversations, or the energies around advertisements or social media. Your mind is queuing into things that it doesn't really need to, and perhaps it will even start doing what mine did, which was attempt to create meaning from the various "synchronicities" (aka, coincidences) that can happen...connecting the dots where there is in fact zero actual connection. When it does that, I call it "magical thinking" and it's something which ends up being diagnosed as "delusion".

Besides meditation, a big part of healing the mind is to recognize any delusions and forget about them. Such storylines can keep one wrapped up in an erratic state of being, which prolongs the healing of the mind. Best to have no mind, then the brain has a chance to heal itself...versus the mind being wrapped up in any kind of drama or intense emotional experience.

So what we have now: meditate as described above for 5-10 minutes at a time (could be twice a day, could be more...with this type of meditation, it's not bad to do more). Secondly, try to recognize and forget about any delusions. Next, you should take care of your lifestyle...

The body and mind have needs in order to self heal. They need to sleep at night, and they need to have nutrition. Sleeping at night should start before midnight, and last for 8 hours. Nutrition should be 3 meals a day, breakfast taking place within the first hour of waking up...and each meal should have protein. Meat is good but not in excess.

Skipping meals or having ones without protein is a sure fire way to have the body and mind start malfunctioning. Same with going to bed way past midnight, like let's say at 3 am...if you do that you're going to be lacking in some important foundations of health the following day. For healing the mind, the system needs to be working optimally!

There should also be some exercise and enjoyment...like the equivalent of 45 minutes to an hour of walking outdoors in a day. Something that is kind of strange which helped me during the roughest time was watching the tv show Psych...it worked because it was lighthearted and made me laugh sometimes, and it wasn't something that my mind tried to read too much into. I could also use it as a time to pay attention to novelty, basically meditating while just relaxing watching tv. Rest and relaxation are as important, if not more so, than getting adequate movement.

So yeah, those are the keys to healing the mind, in order of importance:

  • The right kind of meditation.
  • Dropping delusions and having "no mind".
  • Good sleep.
  • Proper nutrition.
  • Rest and relaxation.
  • Adequate movement.

Oh yeah, and a final note about meditation... Focusing is not the goal for training the attention. We don't want to cultivate "hypervigilance". The goal is to release the mind by bringing attention back to the object of meditation. It's not to become more intense in our control, but actually to become more freeflowing in our demeanor...while also having the filter which naturally blocks out information that isn't relevant.

The meditation works, and doesn't require anything else other than paying attention to the object of meditation...the results will come naturally and don't require any effort other than in doing that.

Best of luck and please report back if the problem resolves.

Edited by Aetherous
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20 hours ago, 七星門 said:

I can't really know your mind, & this is probably just another entanglement for me, but I've been reading & rereading the Zuowang lun these past few weeks. 

 

Naturally that means I can see parallels in what you describe so I'll post some excerpts that maybe you can relate to, the text alongside others describing Zuowang can be found in its entirety in Kohn's Sitting in Oblivion. 

 

"3. Taming the Mind

 

The mind is the master of the body-self, the master of the hundred spirits. When still it gives rise to insight, when agitated to confusion. Delightedly straying in delusions and projected reality, it speaks of obligations and enjoys to be in the midst of action. Who would awaken to see this empty and wrong? 

 

Yet, as one realizes one's derangement of mind and consciousness being largely due to one's place of residence, one chooses a new neighborhood and goes to live there. This is already a great improvement. By careful choice of friends one will profit even more. How much more should this process apply when the body-self leaves the realm of birth and death and the mind comes to rest in the center of perfect Dao? Without giving up the former, how could one ever attain the latter? 

 

Therefore when one first begins to study the Dao one must sit calmly and tame the mind, let go of projected reality and abide in nonexistence 

 

... 

 

However, if one gives free reign to the all mental arising and does not attempt to tame and control it, then one is not really different from ordinary people. 

 

... 

 

Any confused deviance or disturbing fantasy should be eliminated as soon as one becomes aware of it. Upon hearing slander or praise, or anything good or bad, one should just radically cut it all out and not admit it into the mind at all. This because if anything is taken in, the mind will be full. With a full mind, Dao has no place to go. Whatever one may see or hear, it should be like one had not seen or heard at all. Then right and wrong, good and evil cannot enter the mind.

 

When the mind does not receive anything from outside, we call it an empty mind. When it does mit pursue anything on the outside, we call it a mind at peace. In a mind at peace that is always kept empty Dao will come to stay of itself. On the inside there is nothing the mind is attached to, on the outside there is nothing one would actively do. One is no longer pure or defiled, which is why slander or praise no longer arise. One is neither wise nor ignorant, which is why profit and loss no longer appear."

 

Maybe you're just aware of the perverse workings of the ordinary mind, its automaticity, a reality built from scraps of sensory data, reacting to stimuli without any awareness. Maybe you've become aware that the ordinary mind runs on delusions & projected reality, that the ordinary functioning of mind is deeply flawed, that this situation is no longer tolerable & you must find a way to discard this way of being. 

 

Maybe you've gone crazy or maybe you can now see how crazy you've always been. I can't tell you, neither does this replace any advice from your doctor, but I can say with certainty that insight into our suffering is the first step towards freedom from that suffering. 

 

Be still, 

 

This was a good read. Cultivating dispassion is something that I need to work on.

 

Thank you for the response, the last paragraph resonated with me the most as there have been times when things have flared up in the past though this is definitely the most pronounced that it has ever been to date.

 

 

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18 hours ago, Aetherous said:


I have experienced this exact thing...it was so intense that I actually became delusional, and wound up in a couple psych wards for a few days at a time back in 2011. You seem to be doing a little better in comparison, and asking for help is a good thing.

Luckily, I know the way to solve this problem!

What really helped me get past this was Dr. Amit Sood's "Attention Interpretation Therapy"...specifically, the attention training aspect of it. I'll explain how to do it in this post, but will give some additional info, too...

 

So...the Buddhists have a practice that's basically the same called shamatha, or calm abiding meditation. They would say to use either a "pure" or "impure" "external support". An external support means something that you pay attention to outside of yourself, like a picture for instance...that's in contrast to paying attention to something inside of yourself. "Pure" means a symbol of enlightenment, such as an image of a bodhisattva, and "impure" means anything else, such as an image of a tree.

 

So for attention training, you'll want to use an "impure external support". You basically just want any object to turn your attention toward. I prefer to just call it the "object of meditation". It sounds less judgmental, and in actuality it works better. As a side note, I think any object that trains the attention is "pure" automatically.

What Dr. Sood points out in his books is that it's easy for the mind to get distracted when it's only paying attention to one thing...so he recommends to look for "novelty" in the object of meditation. For instance, you can notice one thing that's new which you didn't see in it before.

Because that's the case, I liked to use detailed objects...like a bush where there are many different leaves blowing in the breeze, or like a single leaf from a tree held up close, or an orange, or a picture of a mountain range with a lot of details you can focus on.

leaf-detail.jpg orange-2-detail-halved-resized.jpg
 

So for the meditation, you spend 5-10 minutes gazing gently at the object of meditation, noticing new things about it. The point is not to go crazy trying to find new aspects of it to look at...the point is simply that your attention is being directed toward the object. It's simply training the attention to go where you tell it to.

In training the attention, the higher brain centers are activated and as a result the mind basically self heals. Currently, the mind is a little bit fractured in that it's not filtering out useless information, like random people's conversations, or the energies around advertisements or social media. Your mind is queuing into things that it doesn't really need to, and perhaps it will even start doing what mine did, which was attempt to create meaning from the various "synchronicities" (aka, coincidences) that can happen...connecting the dots where there is in fact zero actual connection. When it does that, I call it "magical thinking" and it's something which ends up being diagnosed as "delusion".

Besides meditation, a big part of healing the mind is to recognize any delusions and forget about them. Such storylines can keep one wrapped up in an erratic state of being, which prolongs the healing of the mind. Best to have no mind, then the brain has a chance to heal itself...versus the mind being wrapped up in any kind of drama or intense emotional experience.

So what we have now: meditate as described above for 5-10 minutes at a time (could be twice a day, could be more...with this type of meditation, it's not bad to do more). Secondly, try to recognize and forget about any delusions. Next, you should take care of your lifestyle...

The body and mind have needs in order to self heal. They need to sleep at night, and they need to have nutrition. Sleeping at night should start before midnight, and last for 8 hours. Nutrition should be 3 meals a day, breakfast taking place within the first hour of waking up...and each meal should have protein. Meat is good but not in excess.

Skipping meals or having ones without protein is a sure fire way to have the body and mind start malfunctioning. Same with going to bed way past midnight, like let's say at 3 am...if you do that you're going to be lacking in some important foundations of health the following day. For healing the mind, the system needs to be working optimally!

There should also be some exercise and enjoyment...like the equivalent of 45 minutes to an hour of walking outdoors in a day. Something that is kind of strange which helped me during the roughest time was watching the tv show Psych...it worked because it was lighthearted and made me laugh sometimes, and it wasn't something that my mind tried to read too much into. I could also use it as a time to pay attention to novelty, basically meditating while just relaxing watching tv. Rest and relaxation are as important, if not more so, than getting adequate movement.

So yeah, those are the keys to healing the mind, in order of importance:

  • The right kind of meditation.
  • Dropping delusions and having "no mind".
  • Good sleep.
  • Proper nutrition.
  • Rest and relaxation.
  • Adequate movement.

Oh yeah, and a final note about meditation... Focusing is not the goal for training the attention. We don't want to cultivate "hypervigilance". The goal is to release the mind by bringing attention back to the object of meditation. It's not to become more intense in our control, but actually to become more freeflowing in our demeanor...while also having the filter which naturally blocks out information that isn't relevant.

The meditation works, and doesn't require anything else other than paying attention to the object of meditation...the results will come naturally and don't require any effort other than in doing that.

Best of luck and please report back if the problem resolves.

 

I'm also having problems with my sleep cycle and not getting much sleep each night, which I think is worsening the effects of what has been happening. Did you struggle with something similar, and if so have you found a remedy?

 

I remember reading this years ago and found parallels to my own life in it

https://www.lausanne.org/content/chinese-case-study

 

Did you ever experience people around you coughing or feeling that your thoughts were somehow imparted to those around you? If so how did you overcome that delusion?

 

Also as far as exercise and walking is concerned, is there any sort of thought or meditation that you would recommend? Trying to have no mind? I just remember when I had a less severe case years ago, when I would try to walk or run it seemed as though I became more entrenched in the delusional patterns because they would flare up when I tried walking in public.

 

Thank you for the helpful meditation, I observed immediate results when I performed it this morning, though I had a stressful afternoon and was not in a geography/mindstate to perform it then.

 

P.s.- If it isn't too much to ask have you managed to overcome most, if not all, of the delusions that you found to be the most troublesome?

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19 minutes ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I hope that this is the proper forum for this post, I could not think of anywhere more appropriate to post

This is a proper forum for your opening post.  It should get lots of views here too (and hopefully responses).

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3 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I'm also having problems with my sleep cycle and not getting much sleep each night, which I think is worsening the effects of what has been happening.

 

Yes, I'm sure it isn't helping. The brain needs rest.

 

3 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

Did you struggle with something similar, and if so have you found a remedy?

 

Yes, a big aspect of what started that state of being for me was not getting enough sleep. It's very essential for you to get it. When I was able to finally rest for a long period, that's when I slowly got better.

It's good to get enough exercise in the day so that the body is tired when night comes. Just walking around is enough. Getting good nutrition throughout the day will help a little bit.

Then the biggest thing...when it gets dark out, wind down with the sun. Turn the lights down, maybe even have candlelight...don't have screens or tvs, and if you do, get some blue light blocking glasses or something.

 

When it gets late enough to sleep, it's good to have the room pitch black...zero light entering from outside, zero electronic lights, etc. It's good to have the room cool, so that it's uncomfortable to lay there without the blanket but feels cozy with the blanket over you. And also have a fan on, so that the white noise from the fan will let the mind rest.

All of these details are really important. If you lay there for a couple of hours and can't sleep, then have candlelight and read a fiction novel...something where it's a story that you can get really lost in. That will help get you into the relaxed and dreaming state, so you'll naturally want to sleep. When you feel the tiredness roll over you, let it and go to bed right then.

 

3 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I remember reading this years ago and found parallels to my own life in it

https://www.lausanne.org/content/chinese-case-study

 

Did you ever experience people around you coughing or feeling that your thoughts were somehow imparted to those around you? If so how did you overcome that delusion?

 

Yes, it's like zero boundaries in that state of being.

Simply doing the meditation every day is the strongest thing that will help. Doing the rest of the lifestyle stuff will help support the process of the brain healing itself.

 

3 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

Also as far as exercise and walking is concerned, is there any sort of thought or meditation that you would recommend? Trying to have no mind? I just remember when I had a less severe case years ago, when I would try to walk or run it seemed as though I became more entrenched in the delusional patterns because they would flare up when I tried walking in public.

 

It's best to walk in nature. Ignore people. Pay attention to simple things in nature, like the feel of the breeze on your skin, the color of the leaves, birds chirping in the distance, etc.

If something really does increase delusions, then it's best to not do it, even if people say it's good for you. I'll give an example: psychologists would say that having close ties to your circles of family and friends is good for mental health...but during this state of being, my mind would misinterpret what my family and friends would say, to the point of it being severely alarming. It was actually better for me to just watch Psych and rest, and not get caught up in the drama of those close to me. So the point is: do what works, and if it doesn't work, there might be a reason. You'll get better over time and won't have problems with stuff.

 

3 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

Thank you for the helpful meditation, I observed immediate results when I performed it this morning, though I had a stressful afternoon and was not in a geography/mindstate to perform it then.

 

Yep, it's very effective!

 

3 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

P.s.- If it isn't too much to ask have you managed to overcome most, if not all, of the delusions that you found to be the most troublesome?

 

I overcame everything. It was literally like crawling out of hell (that's how bad my experience was of this) and then getting "back on the horse" to become successful in life again. After the experience, I went back to earn my bachelor's degree...then went on to grad school and am less than 2 months from graduation. I have zero problems of this sort these days.

It really is as simple as letting the mind rest, so the brain can repair itself. All of these types of problems will go away with enough of that.

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By the way, I should have the disclaimer that what I say isn't medical or psychological advice. I simply think it will work based on my experience, but your experience will determine what works and doesn't.

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On 3/22/2018 at 8:54 PM, Aetherous said:

 

Yes, I'm sure it isn't helping. The brain needs rest.

 

 

Yes, a big aspect of what started that state of being for me was not getting enough sleep. It's very essential for you to get it. When I was able to finally rest for a long period, that's when I slowly got better.

It's good to get enough exercise in the day so that the body is tired when night comes. Just walking around is enough. Getting good nutrition throughout the day will help a little bit.

Then the biggest thing...when it gets dark out, wind down with the sun. Turn the lights down, maybe even have candlelight...don't have screens or tvs, and if you do, get some blue light blocking glasses or something.

 

When it gets late enough to sleep, it's good to have the room pitch black...zero light entering from outside, zero electronic lights, etc. It's good to have the room cool, so that it's uncomfortable to lay there without the blanket but feels cozy with the blanket over you. And also have a fan on, so that the white noise from the fan will let the mind rest.

All of these details are really important. If you lay there for a couple of hours and can't sleep, then have candlelight and read a fiction novel...something where it's a story that you can get really lost in. That will help get you into the relaxed and dreaming state, so you'll naturally want to sleep. When you feel the tiredness roll over you, let it and go to bed right then.

 

 

Yes, it's like zero boundaries in that state of being.

Simply doing the meditation every day is the strongest thing that will help. Doing the rest of the lifestyle stuff will help support the process of the brain healing itself.

 

 

It's best to walk in nature. Ignore people. Pay attention to simple things in nature, like the feel of the breeze on your skin, the color of the leaves, birds chirping in the distance, etc.

If something really does increase delusions, then it's best to not do it, even if people say it's good for you. I'll give an example: psychologists would say that having close ties to your circles of family and friends is good for mental health...but during this state of being, my mind would misinterpret what my family and friends would say, to the point of it being severely alarming. It was actually better for me to just watch Psych and rest, and not get caught up in the drama of those close to me. So the point is: do what works, and if it doesn't work, there might be a reason. You'll get better over time and won't have problems with stuff.

 

 

Yep, it's very effective!

 

 

I overcame everything. It was literally like crawling out of hell (that's how bad my experience was of this) and then getting "back on the horse" to become successful in life again. After the experience, I went back to earn my bachelor's degree...then went on to grad school and am less than 2 months from graduation. I have zero problems of this sort these days.

It really is as simple as letting the mind rest, so the brain can repair itself. All of these types of problems will go away with enough of that.

 

Thank you again for the helpful meditation and advice, however I'm still having some difficulties.

 

I have been having insomnia and not getting a good night's rest for the majority of the time after posting this. I think it has to do with my body recovering from the extreme stress and the scenarios I was entertaining. Also I took an antipsychotic for a couple weeks and discontinued after I found that it exacerbated the mania I was experiencing, and it wasn't doing much in terms of the delusions, the meditation helped with that a lot. Im unsure of what to do at the moment since this seems to be a key part of recovering from this.

 

Do you think that me continuing to smoke cigarettes regularly is damaging the process?

 

Also to try to curb the insomnia I've been walking and it seems like energy keeps rising into my head when I do that and I have to fight to keep my mind blank so it will calm down. Im having a difficult time trying to get proper exercise when it seems like that keeps raising that energy.

 

It seems like I'm struggling with some of the delusions still, though overall I'm in a much better place. The correlations I was drawing between conversations have stopped somewhat. I really just want this to calm down and to live a normal life. There is a woman i m currently talking to that I care for a great deal and this event has really been straining my ties with her for me personally, I tried to use social media again because I don't have anyone else to talk to outside of the internet and i just want my life back

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The rising of the energy to the head could  mean blockages from throat and down. So opening up the chest and heart would probably help. 

 

Looking at screens (pc, mobile) makes the head symptom worse. 

 

You could use yellow glasses in the evening to decrease blue light and increase melatonin production to help you fall asleep. 

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4 hours ago, johndoe2012 said:

The rising of the energy to the head could  mean blockages from throat and down. So opening up the chest and heart would probably help. 

 

Looking at screens (pc, mobile) makes the head symptom worse. 

 

You could use yellow glasses in the evening to decrease blue light and increase melatonin production to help you fall asleep. 

 

Thank you, I will look into the glasses because I think that's kind of unavoidable for me at this point

 

How do I got about opening up the heart and throat? I ask because this will be an ongoing issue if I don't get it resolved because I've had it happen in the workplace and the accompanying state is usually unpleasant and delusional in my opinion

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1 hour ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

 

Thank you, I will look into the glasses because I think that's kind of unavoidable for me at this point

 

How do I got about opening up the heart and throat? I ask because this will be an ongoing issue if I don't get it resolved because I've had it happen in the workplace and the accompanying state is usually unpleasant and delusional in my opinion

 

For throat and heart I channel divine energy and work on my issues - being kind, being gentle, not harming others etc. 

 

There's a link in my signature to one system. 

 

You could also just ask the divine to help you and it will happen gradually. 

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6 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

Do you think that me continuing to smoke cigarettes regularly is damaging the process?

 

Perhaps...they're a stimulant, and your nervous system doesn't need to be more stimulated. But maybe it would be more stressful to quit, in which case it'd be better to just continue smoking. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think you can get through this whether you smoke or don't.

For health long term, it's best to quit smoking...maybe once the mind is totally normal, then work on the next step of quitting. Or maybe quit now and see if it helps. It's all up to you.
 

6 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

Also to try to curb the insomnia I've been walking and it seems like energy keeps rising into my head when I do that and I have to fight to keep my mind blank so it will calm down. Im having a difficult time trying to get proper exercise when it seems like that keeps raising that energy.

 

In that case, if walking is making it worse, best to not walk. Maybe going to a gym and doing resistance training wouldn't have that effect? Whatever works. If it doesn't work, don't do it.

I personally experienced that walking would make energy go to the head, but lifting weights was better for me...so maybe you'll experience the same?

Try to get as much things in your life that are calming and normalizing as possible, and take out the things that cause energy rising to the head/stress/delusional thinking. I think you will get better if you do that.

 

6 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

It seems like I'm struggling with some of the delusions still, though overall I'm in a much better place. The correlations I was drawing between conversations have stopped somewhat.

 

It's promising to hear of some improvements. Just continue with the meditation, and in time you'll improve.

Definitely try to get the sleep resolved, in as natural of a way as possible (not taking ambien or anything). I posted some tips before for doing that...try to include every detail that was recommended, if you haven't already.

If results could be better, or if they end up worsening, then maybe you want to be seeing a psychiatrist at the same time as doing the lifestyle and meditation advice (although, sounds like you are already, having taken some medications).

Best of luck!

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11 hours ago, Aetherous said:

 

Perhaps...they're a stimulant, and your nervous system doesn't need to be more stimulated. But maybe it would be more stressful to quit, in which case it'd be better to just continue smoking. I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think you can get through this whether you smoke or don't.

For health long term, it's best to quit smoking...maybe once the mind is totally normal, then work on the next step of quitting. Or maybe quit now and see if it helps. It's all up to you.
 

 

In that case, if walking is making it worse, best to not walk. Maybe going to a gym and doing resistance training wouldn't have that effect? Whatever works. If it doesn't work, don't do it.

I personally experienced that walking would make energy go to the head, but lifting weights was better for me...so maybe you'll experience the same?

Try to get as much things in your life that are calming and normalizing as possible, and take out the things that cause energy rising to the head/stress/delusional thinking. I think you will get better if you do that.

 

 

It's promising to hear of some improvements. Just continue with the meditation, and in time you'll improve.

Definitely try to get the sleep resolved, in as natural of a way as possible (not taking ambien or anything). I posted some tips before for doing that...try to include every detail that was recommended, if you haven't already.

If results could be better, or if they end up worsening, then maybe you want to be seeing a psychiatrist at the same time as doing the lifestyle and meditation advice (although, sounds like you are already, having taken some medications).

Best of luck!

 

I appreciate the timely responses, it means a lot to me right now

 

As far as medications I was on risperidone and it caused the insomnia to worsen in my opinion, I was also still smoking cigarettes which the nurse practitioner advised against. I quit for a time and started again because the sleeplessness it cause was stressing me out.

 

The main issue with the insomnia is staying asleep, as I continue to wake up 3-4 hours into sleep and the measures that you and others have recommended don't seem to be alleviating that. I've been trying walking, I don't know. I was thinking of trying to get on Ambien which it's funny you should mention not to take it. 

 

I've been waking up around 1-2 in the morning, often with a lot of sweat on my upper body and no recollection of the dream I had. 

 

It's really worrying to me that I'm not getting enough sleep, especially since sometimes certain delusions have reoccured and it throws me off because of their intensity, particularly one where i felt i was manifesting things around me a lot and I'm trying to abandon that belief.

 

I'm not sure how long I can hold out on not getting some kind of medical sedative 

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14 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I appreciate the timely responses, it means a lot to me right now

 

Not a problem, I understand how stressful that state of mind can be.

 

14 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

As far as medications I was on risperidone and it caused the insomnia to worsen in my opinion, I was also still smoking cigarettes which the nurse practitioner advised against. I quit for a time and started again because the sleeplessness it cause was stressing me out.

 

The main issue with the insomnia is staying asleep, as I continue to wake up 3-4 hours into sleep and the measures that you and others have recommended don't seem to be alleviating that. I've been trying walking, I don't know. I was thinking of trying to get on Ambien which it's funny you should mention not to take it. 

 

Ah I see, the measures I suggested were especially for the kind of insomnia where it takes a long time to fall asleep (which deals a lot with melatonin production). Good if you don't have that problem at all. Especially good if you go to bed earlier in the evening, like 9-10 pm. That's the best time to get sleep in terms of health, and if you end up waking up in the middle of the night after that, I think it's 1000x better than if you had gone to bed at 1 am then woke up at night.

When you wake up at 1-2 am, are you wide awake and unable to pass out again for a long time...or you just wake up and notice nightsweats, and go right back to sleep? Those are two different types of insomnia.


How many times do you wake up? If just one or two times, and you're able to pass out again fairly easily, I wouldn't worry too much about it...it's not ideal, but it's pretty common for people to wake up sometimes.

I think after extreme stress (like this state of mind can cause) the sleep will be altered for a while, but will gradually improve. For instance, a year from now this might not even be a problem anymore.

 

14 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

It's really worrying to me that I'm not getting enough sleep, especially since sometimes certain delusions have reoccured and it throws me off because of their intensity, particularly one where i felt i was manifesting things around me a lot and I'm trying to abandon that belief.

 

Yes, that delusion can be really intense to experience, and hard to shake. It's very important to see through it...for instance, if you could manifest things, then try to manifest 1 million dollars in your living room. Why wouldn't it work? Thinking about that is one way to realize that the perception is delusional.

I personally had horrible experiences believing that I was suddenly capable of creating reality with my mind...a lot of the time it didn't work at all, and just created problems.

Sometimes there are also just coincidences. Let's say you're thinking about an orange, and then suddenly someone starts talking about the color orange. Then you see an orange bumper stickers. Oh my god, I just manifested orange...

Not really! What happened was that your mind became aware of something, and then started to notice things that corresponded to what you were aware of. It's like the mind got kind of stuck in one mode, and then searched for it in the world, then found it.

"Seek and you will find". Some forms of magic rely on this aspect of the mind, where it queues into things easily that you're trying to "manifest".

For instance, after I was totally mentally well, I read about this technique of magical manifesting. You visualize what you want...for instance, I wanted to get a lean healthy looking body, so I pictured what I would look like with the ideal body. Guess what happened next...right away, I see a bunch of lean people jogging down the street, on the internet I saw a bunch of ads geared toward how to get a lean body, etc.

From a rational perspective, I don't think the mind actually created those people jogging, or those ads. Those things already existed, and my mind was simply more aware of "lean/healthy body", then noticed more of that around me.

I hope that explanation makes sense.

From the magical perspective, becoming aware of what we desire outside of us is the first step...but the next step is to cement our desires into becoming reality by really making sure it happens. So for instance, I suddenly become aware of a bunch of ways to become lean and healthy looking, and see people around me doing what it takes. The magical next step is to also do what it takes...go for a jog.

Or let's say I wanted tons of money. My mind would suddenly pick up on all things money related...but the million dollars isn't sitting in my living room yet...the next step to make it into a reality is to figure out the ways that people make that money, and do it. So real magic is very practical, and the mystical aspect is just the fact that our mind notices more of what we're contemplating...NOT that it's creating those things.

Just my opinion on that matter.

The experience of the mind spontaneously manifesting things can be an incredibly jarring experience...it can give you the worst form of PTSD if you really believe that you're doing it. And to be clear, I understand that it can seem to happen without trying to do it...not that it's always something you intentionally try to manifest.


If you realize that it's just the mind picking up on things, and if you choose to let go and not believe in delusions, things will improve and normalize over time. It will help calm you down to realize this.

 

14 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I'm not sure how long I can hold out on not getting some kind of medical sedative 


It's all up to you and your psychiatrist what you choose to do. If it is really bad, I hope you do what it takes to be well! But I also think the meditation and lifestyle tips will continue to help, no matter what you choose.

...

A note on worrying about having health (mental or physical) problems...

Worry, fear, panic, stress, despair...all of these things aren't helpful toward regaining normalcy. They're all erratic feelings.

Of course, they're to be expected when things aren't going right. If you suddenly feel like you're manifesting nearly every thought you have, and that it's making a living hell for you, then some panic is to be expected. Or whatever other emotion.

But try to spend some time not feeling that emotion. The best time is with the meditation...because that will really let the mind loosen up and release. When you do that, that's your normal state. The worry or fear is just erratic energy that's making things seem worse than they are.

In other words, that stuff is mental. For instance, worrying about not being able to sleep fully throughout the night: you can either spend your day worrying about it and cultivating erratic energy, or you can forget about it and go about your day, and end up cultivating some peaceful energy.

Like I said, it's normal to feel these things when there are alarming health symptoms. Not saying to stop having feelings, or that they aren't legitimate concerns. But I am saying to spend more time cultivating the opposite.

Spend time feeling peaceful, stress and worry free, being in good mental and physical health so that there's nothing to fear.

If you can only spend time feeling stuff like that for a moment, then that's better than nothing...and it will be a seed that's planted, which will grow into a lot of harmony and normalcy later on.

Hope this all makes sense.

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1 hour ago, Aetherous said:

 

Not a problem, I understand how stressful that state of mind can be.

 

 

Ah I see, the measures I suggested were especially for the kind of insomnia where it takes a long time to fall asleep (which deals a lot with melatonin production). Good if you don't have that problem at all. Especially good if you go to bed earlier in the evening, like 9-10 pm. That's the best time to get sleep in terms of health, and if you end up waking up in the middle of the night after that, I think it's 1000x better than if you had gone to bed at 1 am then woke up at night.

When you wake up at 1-2 am, are you wide awake and unable to pass out again for a long time...or you just wake up and notice nightsweats, and go right back to sleep? Those are two different types of insomnia.


How many times do you wake up? If just one or two times, and you're able to pass out again fairly easily, I wouldn't worry too much about it...it's not ideal, but it's pretty common for people to wake up sometimes.

I think after extreme stress (like this state of mind can cause) the sleep will be altered for a while, but will gradually improve. For instance, a year from now this might not even be a problem anymore.

 

 

Yes, that delusion can be really intense to experience, and hard to shake. It's very important to see through it...for instance, if you could manifest things, then try to manifest 1 million dollars in your living room. Why wouldn't it work? Thinking about that is one way to realize that the perception is delusional.

I personally had horrible experiences believing that I was suddenly capable of creating reality with my mind...a lot of the time it didn't work at all, and just created problems.

Sometimes there are also just coincidences. Let's say you're thinking about an orange, and then suddenly someone starts talking about the color orange. Then you see an orange bumper stickers. Oh my god, I just manifested orange...

Not really! What happened was that your mind became aware of something, and then started to notice things that corresponded to what you were aware of. It's like the mind got kind of stuck in one mode, and then searched for it in the world, then found it.

"Seek and you will find". Some forms of magic rely on this aspect of the mind, where it queues into things easily that you're trying to "manifest".

For instance, after I was totally mentally well, I read about this technique of magical manifesting. You visualize what you want...for instance, I wanted to get a lean healthy looking body, so I pictured what I would look like with the ideal body. Guess what happened next...right away, I see a bunch of lean people jogging down the street, on the internet I saw a bunch of ads geared toward how to get a lean body, etc.

From a rational perspective, I don't think the mind actually created those people jogging, or those ads. Those things already existed, and my mind was simply more aware of "lean/healthy body", then noticed more of that around me.

I hope that explanation makes sense.

From the magical perspective, becoming aware of what we desire outside of us is the first step...but the next step is to cement our desires into becoming reality by really making sure it happens. So for instance, I suddenly become aware of a bunch of ways to become lean and healthy looking, and see people around me doing what it takes. The magical next step is to also do what it takes...go for a jog.

Or let's say I wanted tons of money. My mind would suddenly pick up on all things money related...but the million dollars isn't sitting in my living room yet...the next step to make it into a reality is to figure out the ways that people make that money, and do it. So real magic is very practical, and the mystical aspect is just the fact that our mind notices more of what we're contemplating...NOT that it's creating those things.

Just my opinion on that matter.

The experience of the mind spontaneously manifesting things can be an incredibly jarring experience...it can give you the worst form of PTSD if you really believe that you're doing it. And to be clear, I understand that it can seem to happen without trying to do it...not that it's always something you intentionally try to manifest.


If you realize that it's just the mind picking up on things, and if you choose to let go and not believe in delusions, things will improve and normalize over time. It will help calm you down to realize this.

 


It's all up to you and your psychiatrist what you choose to do. If it is really bad, I hope you do what it takes to be well! But I also think the meditation and lifestyle tips will continue to help, no matter what you choose.

...

A note on worrying about having health (mental or physical) problems...

Worry, fear, panic, stress, despair...all of these things aren't helpful toward regaining normalcy. They're all erratic feelings.

Of course, they're to be expected when things aren't going right. If you suddenly feel like you're manifesting nearly every thought you have, and that it's making a living hell for you, then some panic is to be expected. Or whatever other emotion.

But try to spend some time not feeling that emotion. The best time is with the meditation...because that will really let the mind loosen up and release. When you do that, that's your normal state. The worry or fear is just erratic energy that's making things seem worse than they are.

In other words, that stuff is mental. For instance, worrying about not being able to sleep fully throughout the night: you can either spend your day worrying about it and cultivating erratic energy, or you can forget about it and go about your day, and end up cultivating some peaceful energy.

Like I said, it's normal to feel these things when there are alarming health symptoms. Not saying to stop having feelings, or that they aren't legitimate concerns. But I am saying to spend more time cultivating the opposite.

Spend time feeling peaceful, stress and worry free, being in good mental and physical health so that there's nothing to fear.

If you can only spend time feeling stuff like that for a moment, then that's better than nothing...and it will be a seed that's planted, which will grow into a lot of harmony and normalcy later on.

Hope this all makes sense.

 

I've been waking up early in the morning

, sometimes midnight or earlier, and noticing night sweats more often than not, and unable to return to sleep until hours later sometimes much later. Sometimes I wake up multiple times, it varies.

 

Orange, oranges, has been a theme, related to my relationship with a woman I'm currently talking to. As well as plants and mountains, your original examples when posting. Sometimes it feels like her life, some of the things she says, bleeds into my own life and maybe vice versa. Sometimes I think about how healthy it is to speak to her or be in a relationship when I'm trying to recover from this. The beginning of our face to face relationship was around the time this started happening and there's some things I've thought about her that I'm trying to shed while interacting with her on a consistent basis, it's difficult sometimes given the nature of this. I want to do the right thing.

 

I've been working on positivity and have seen results, it's difficult sometimes, especially when I feel like certain posts on the internet or things/events in real life relate to my personal life. It's difficult to disregard those delusional thoughts, though I'm making steady progress in disregarding them.

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15 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I've been waking up early in the morning

, sometimes midnight or earlier, and noticing night sweats more often than not, and unable to return to sleep until hours later sometimes much later. Sometimes I wake up multiple times, it varies.

 

That sounds like a stress type of insomnia, which will go away over time, the more that the stress unwinds.

A Chinese Medicine practitioner could maybe help out here. Tell them what this type of insomnia is like, and that you heard about "Gallbladder deficiency" and want to try "wen dan tang" or "an shen ding zhi wan" if they think it's appropriate.

 

15 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

Orange, oranges, has been a theme, related to my relationship with a woman I'm currently talking to. As well as plants and mountains, your original examples when posting.

 

It's just coincidence.

 

Most people come across oranges or something to have to do with the orange color, etc. Same with plants. Same with mountains. Everyone is aware of these things in life.

 

15 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

Sometimes it feels like her life, some of the things she says, bleeds into my own life and maybe vice versa. Sometimes I think about how healthy it is to speak to her or be in a relationship when I'm trying to recover from this. The beginning of our face to face relationship was around the time this started happening and there's some things I've thought about her that I'm trying to shed while interacting with her on a consistent basis, it's difficult sometimes given the nature of this. I want to do the right thing.

 

The things that you talk about bleeding into your life is just you being more aware. We all share common experiences in life, so it's not extraordinary if she talks about an orange, and then you see someone eating one (or something). Oranges are in every grocery store.

I understand needing to take a break from people who are making this state of mind worse. You got to do what you got to do! Don't feel bad. If they're your friend, they want you to do what it takes to get well.

 

15 hours ago, Tryingtodobetter said:

I've been working on positivity and have seen results, it's difficult sometimes, especially when I feel like certain posts on the internet or things/events in real life relate to my personal life. It's difficult to disregard those delusional thoughts, though I'm making steady progress in disregarding them.


Just try to think that people share common experiences.

Or just avoid environments that worsen delusional perception.

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Subconscious behaves perfectly as programmed, every time.  It's possible to experience awareness of subconscious mind, but it's not something you can converse with, it's just running it's programming loop perfectly mindlessly. 

 

It's a gift only you can give yourself, but the loops the subconscious runs can be only beautiful life appreciation irregardless of any conditional phenomena. 

 

Awakening is when the illusion your thoughts happened for you out of your control has been shattered and personal mindfulness and thought accountability replaces the ability to suffer phenomena without ones own (optional and unnecessary) consent. 

 

Unlimited Love,

-Bud

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9 hours ago, Bud Jetsun said:

Subconscious behaves perfectly as programmed, every time.  It's possible to experience awareness of subconscious mind, but it's not something you can converse with, it's just running it's programming loop perfectly mindlessly. 

 

It's a gift only you can give yourself, but the loops the subconscious runs can be only beautiful life appreciation irregardless of any conditional phenomena. 

 

Awakening is when the illusion your thoughts happened for you out of your control has been shattered and personal mindfulness and thought accountability replaces the ability to suffer phenomena without ones own (optional and unnecessary) consent. 

 

Unlimited Love,

-Bud

 

So that's why the things I listen to the woman I'm talking to say sometimes manifest in the ways they do, or is that controllable? 

 

Given what you just shared with me, I'm not sure how to proceed, especially since I currently feel so distanced from what truly drives me. I like playing guitar and want to do something with it, even though i started playing a few years ago in my late twenties, though just navigating the world is difficult right now because I guess I'm adjusting to it still.

 

I was in a pretty depressive place for years and now I'm seeing how I created that for myself. I spent so much time thinking about the negative parts of life and wanting to die over the years. Though whats even more difficult is starting over since I still live with my parents and I don't think I have any friends near me physically, or at least ive been in relative isolation for a time and just using social media to communicate- and social media is visceral sometimes depending on the state I experience it in I guess. Im trying to find direction while cleaning house

 

Thank you for the response

 

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In Now, inhale and feel your lungs inflate with life energy and be grateful. Exhale and appreciate your bodies gasses re-join the cycle of Oneness energy composing the gift of this one fleeting moment. 

 

Choose mindful appreciation of this one moment Now, and the appreciation fuels both instant kindness to the Self and fuels manifesting.

 

It doesn't matter how you once have may choosen to think/feel/behave, as that only exists as a memory of what may have once been that replaces appreciation of the real to continue to feed energy. 

 

Unlimited Love, 

-Bud

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23 hours ago, Bud Jetsun said:

In Now, inhale and feel your lungs inflate with life energy and be grateful. Exhale and appreciate your bodies gasses re-join the cycle of Oneness energy composing the gift of this one fleeting moment. 

 

Choose mindful appreciation of this one moment Now, and the appreciation fuels both instant kindness to the Self and fuels manifesting.

 

It doesn't matter how you once have may choosen to think/feel/behave, as that only exists as a memory of what may have once been that replaces appreciation of the real to continue to feed energy. 

 

Unlimited Love, 

-Bud

 

Given what I described above, what would you do if you were me?

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