Stigweard

Haiku Chain

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feel the tumblers place

spin the di-al it will start

five, seven, five, yes?

 

feel the tumblers place

eek out a meagre living

says the wise ol' geek

 

says the wise ol' geek

there's nothing to it, just touch-

feel the tumblers place

 

feel the tumblers place

spin the di-al it will start

five, seven, five, yes?

 

five, seven, five, yes?

five will get you ten, oh yes

no one has to know

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feel the tumblers place

eek out a meagre living

says the wise ol' geek

 

says the wise ol' geek

there's nothing to it, just touch-

feel the tumblers place

 

feel the tumblers place

spin the di-al it will start

five, seven, five, yes?

 

five, seven, five, yes?

five will get you ten, oh yes

no one has to know

 

no one has to know

the calypso orchid bloomed

way back in the woods

Edited by Mark Foote

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feel the tumblers place

eek out a meagre living

says the wise ol' geek

 

says the wise ol' geek

there's nothing to it, just touch-

feel the tumblers place

 

feel the tumblers place

spin the di-al it will start

five, seven, five, yes?

 

five, seven, five, yes?

five will get you ten, oh yes

no one has to know

 

no one has to know,

and everyone has to know.

my sky is falling...

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no one has to know,

and everyone has to know.

my sky is falling...

 

my sky is falling...

and the lines are repeating

read the last post, please!

 

:lol::lol::lol:

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my sky is falling...

and the lines are repeating

read the last post, please!

 

 

read the last post, please

grab the grub, and head for home

way back in the woods

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read the last post, please

grab the grub, and head for home

way back in the woods

 

way back in the woods

 

where great teachers living

 

loyal, patient and naive...

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way back in the woods

 

where great teachers living

 

loyal, patient and naive...

 

Ok its got to be 5.7.5 syllables so I'm going to change it slightly ...

 

way back in the woods

where great teachers are living

loyal, patient, naive.

 

(here I'm taking loyal to be one syllable ....as in 'loil' and not 'loy - al')

 

loyal, patient, naive.

I waited in the garden,

dawn came but not you.

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Ok its got to be 5.7.5 syllables so I'm going to change it slightly ...

 

way back in the woods

where great teachers are living

loyal, patient, naive.

 

(here I'm taking loyal to be one syllable ....as in 'loil' and not 'loy - al')

 

 

smile.gif

Thank you, Apech

'where great teachers are living'

it is much better. : )

I am not fluent in English, I do often make errors in Englsh. rolleyes.gif

 

 

 

This is about Haiku syllables ;

 

5.7.5 or 5.7.5.7.7

But

5.7.5 syllables rhythem were naturally formed by the characters Japanese has.

 

芭蕉野分 (ばしょうのわき) して

盥(たらい) に雨(あめ)を

聞(き) 夜(よ)かな

-Basho-

 

The above Basho's haiku is formed by 8.7.5 - 字余り (means more syllables)

also there are poems formed by 字足らず - (less syllables)

群(むら)がれる 5.

蝌蚪(くわと)の卵に 7.

春日さす 5.

生まれたければ 7.

生まれてみよ   6.

- 宮 柊二 -

 

I agree it's better trying to keep the rule.

But I believe that true sense of Haiku is to express your words in heart in brief,...so we can be a bit freer from Haiku syllable rule, 5.7.5... : )

 

 

 

 

 

dawn came but not you.

 

clothes were wet with dew,

 

it soaked into heart.

Edited by noelle

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glimmers in moonlight

 

saw the owl had caught the mouse

it's time had run out.

 

"Its time had run out,"

my grandfather's clock said. "Whose?"

"The world's. Tic, tac, stop."

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"Its time had run out,"

my grandfather's clock said. "Whose?"

"The world's. Tic, tac, stop."

 

the world's. Tic, tac stop.

plunged headlong into deep water

eyes open gone- gone

Edited by Mark Foote

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the world's. Tic, tac stop.

plunged headlong into deep water

eyes open gone- gone

 

eyes open gone- gone

merge with nothing, nothing is

merged. No horizon.

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eyes open gone- gone

merge with nothing, nothing is

merged. No horizon.

 

merged. No horizon.

And now the darkness of day

shines the light of night

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merged. No horizon.

And now the darkness of day

shines the light of night

 

shines the light of night

beside my bed, so monsters

hide in the shadows.

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shines the light of night

beside my bed, so monsters

hide in the shadows.

 

hide in the shadows

under the waves, below ground

propping up the sky

 

 

350px-Navajo_sandpainting.jpg

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hide in the shadows

under the waves, below ground

propping up the sky

 

 

 

 

propping up the sky

was a chore in olden days

but that's just hot air.

 

 

 

 

 

20120418134047.jpg

 

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propping up the sky

was a chore in olden days

but that's just hot air.

 

but that's just hot air

the dried leavings of dead men

seen for what they are

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but that's just hot air

the dried leavings of dead men

seen for what they are

seen for what they are

we chuckle at the old myths

clinging to our own

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seen for what they are

we chuckle at the old myths

clinging to our own

 

clinging to our own

or touching someone else's

could be arrested.

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clinging to our own

or touching someone else's

could be arrested.

 

could be arrested

at any time, this old beater

dried leaves, dusted bones

Edited by Mark Foote
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could be arrested

at any time, this old beater

dried leaves, dusted bones

 

 

dried leaves, dusted bones

I've gotten old enough to know,

"they are beautiful!"

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dried leaves, dusted bones

I've gotten old enough to know,

"they are beautiful!"

 

"they are beautiful!"

the spent roses seemed to hear

suddenly transformed

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"they are beautiful!"

the spent roses seemed to hear

suddenly transformed

 

 

suddenly transformed

rain, heat, wind, storm, thunder, snow...

on the way of home.

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