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Hi,
7 days ago I made a vow to stop watching porn and haven't watched any since, however today my resolve is slightly weaker. I kinda hope for support here and so I am asking. What do you think or know are the sideeffects of porn? What motivates you not to watcht it? Why do you believe or know that porn is bad?

My reason why I want to stop is because I tend to look at the porn for hours sometimes which is real waste of time! Also I have a loving boyfriend and want to give him my best in this area, however I am still a young guy and sometimes get horny and ... well porn is really nice tool when boyfriend isn't around. :D

If you disagree and think porn is not harmful or anything then please also comment and explain why you think so.

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If you made a go a time not watch pornography, it doesn't matter if porno is good or bad. What matters 's your will!! Focus on your reason for why you made the vow. Whenever it gets rough and your hard up, try to sit back and do nothing else. Don't change your mind, don't touch yourself, just let it run its natural course, restrain yourself from sexual thoughts just tell yourself you're waiting out your erection.

 

Put a piece of paper near your computer that says "No Gorns" in case someone sees it, explain Horns are a star trek bad guy...but you'll really know what it means and it'll help remind you.

 

Tell your boyfriend about your stopping pornography, an if he could be a bit helpful with the effects of that. He might be just as happy coming over so you guys can get to making the sweet sweet man love. Lol

 

An if he can't, may be start texting each other here and there. Pics or what youd like to do later on.

 

Use this as an opportunity to channel the passion you have into your relationship to develop more sexually with each other, as well as create more intimacy between you two. That repurposing of energy from pornography can be used to better things, an not just form your boyfriend but because you are recognising something special about your relationship with the one you're with and want to make an effort to better things, to be closer, to enjoy each other more.

 

Life without masturbation is like cutting back on refined sugar, after 3 days, everything tastes sweeter and has more flavor. You have refined sugar once in a while but the opening up sense of taste is better than that piece of cake or donut. Sin you dance the line and enjoy yourself.

 

Eliminating masturbation is rough, but it can be done. However if you deny your feelings, it can cause resentment , anger, and issues. So my alternative is instead of porn, just let yourself enjoy having an erection without visual aide or touching it. Later on when your man is home, you can take care of it together.

 

Good luck bro. 

 

 

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Thanks Hancock ... hh cock.

Well I try to channel it more into the relationship and it works miracles tbh. Only after few days without porn or even touching myself my bf has managed to well ... finish the job on my side. Which is extraordinary 'cause it was the first time someone finished me in my whole sexual life (roughly 7 years). So one of the reasons why I think it might be good to stick to it.

Great advice! Thanks a lot.

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3 hours ago, Miroku said:

Hi,
7 days ago I made a vow to stop watching porn and haven't watched any since, however today my resolve is slightly weaker. I kinda hope for support here and so I am asking. What do you think or know are the sideeffects of porn? What motivates you not to watcht it? Why do you believe or know that porn is bad?

My reason why I want to stop is because I tend to look at the porn for hours sometimes which is real waste of time! Also I have a loving boyfriend and want to give him my best in this area, however I am still a young guy and sometimes get horny and ... well porn is really nice tool when boyfriend isn't around. :D

If you disagree and think porn is not harmful or anything then please also comment and explain why you think so.

So you are saying your a normal young person? I think of porn like seeing an image of the food we love and we are hungry as seen on TV and we want it. If you are not hungry the food does not look that good. 

 

I am sure your imagination is way better than anything filmed before. It's like fire inside of wood the potential of fire is present in wood in this case it is you that creates the fire not the filmed image. I am not condoning or condemning porn. All things in moderation, there are no absolutes, things change,

 

 

Edit....... I apologize this is the women's forum you need to talk to the girls. 

Edited by Wu Ming Jen
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http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/10/09/how-to-quit-porn/

 

Here's a helpful link. I don't think porn itself is bad, but the addiction to it is bad. My experience is the more I train, the less interest I have in it, and that's because 1) you can't do Zhan Zhuang 24 hours before and 24 hours after sex or ejaculating (in our system), and 2) the deeper I go into practice, the less desire I have for sex (which annoys people because funny enough, we give off more sexual energy and pheromones). 

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Do samatha. Do sadhana. Read vedic knowledge or about brahmacharya. Grow into a human, not an impulsive animal.

 

And a little from buddhist knowledge that brahmacharya books may not make clear. All desire is a hindrance (one of the 5 hindrances). Of all desire, lust is the strongest and deepest cored in the human. It is, in fact, the strongest impulse in animals. The goal is to cut all these feathers completly, not just ... one expression of one aspect of the feathers ... otherwise you're on the wrong forum. You should go to nofap.com/forum or reddit. They will help you much more on that aspect if that is what you desire! Some people here wanna be like John Chang or the Buddha :| .... You must cut all desire if you wish to be free of lust, not just lust itself. As well as other hindrances as they can stimulate desire. Examples include desire for the sense. Such as being alone and you cannot take the mental silence, you must think to yourself, do something explicit, think out aloud or listen to music. Or you search for a good song but it cannot satisfy you. Or a delicatesse food but none can satisfy you. Another is having strong movements of energy in you. Shaking and jerking the body unecesarily and having strong emotions such as anger, depression, too much laughter. This will shake your chi and make the mind unstill, exciting the deep passions in you. Train body control if you can. It will not only train you to be relaxed but increase your mental concentration too! A good guide on this is this link: http://www.worldspirituality.org/personal-magnetism.html or the book power of concentration by Q Dumont. Also do not think of the exciting sex. Do not look at them too much. If you see a 'cutie' walk down the street, ITS NOT! Its your animal impulse making it seem so. Beauty is a mental concept. Do oversee beauty in things, that is stupidity of modern literature. Increase your jing. It calms passions. Fighting to be free of passions helps nourish the jing. Horse stance helps build jing too! Do it a lot.

 Be content, be center. Be master of yourself, here as well, in the present moment.

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From my point of view, if you are using porn because you are horny and your partner is not around it is the same as infidelity, especially if you are hiding and not sharing those experiences with him.

 

You really have to ask yourself if your "relief" is of higher quality watching a fantasy driven, over exaggerated, loveless video or with your partner. How does your partner feel about it, why would you want to deny him the opportunity to take part in fulfilling your and his desires? What would you prefer him to do in those situations?

 

Sharing is caring, ya know. ;)

 

 

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16 hours ago, Wu Ming Jen said:

Edit....... I apologize this is the women's forum you need to talk to the girls. 

 Oh I put it into a women part by accident. Ooops, hope the admin's will fix that.

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56 minutes ago, Kar3n said:

From my point of view, if you are using porn because you are horny and your partner is not around it is the same as infidelity, especially if you are hiding and not sharing those experiences with him.

 

You really have to ask yourself if your "relief" is of higher quality watching a fantasy driven, over exaggerated, loveless video or with your partner. How does your partner feel about it, why would you want to deny him the opportunity to take part in fulfilling your and his desires? What would you prefer him to do in those situations?

 

Sharing is caring, ya know. ;)

 

 

Kar3n makes a good point, some partners think pornography is cheating and that the sexual exchanges should only be between each other. It's good to get your boyfriend's opinion on it. As well as review your own.

Some people separate love and sex, but these are some very personal things to discuss withth your partner on where you guys stand. In the end, a relationship is something you both make work by agreeing to keep at it thru good and rough times.

 I know a couple who've been together 46 years, hiding an going thru everything terrible because of their interracial homosexual love. I asked the key to their long-term relationship an they said they just kept choosing to love each other, Sometimes it was easy, other times it was rough, but they deliberately chose to stick it out with each other. Both had their personal reasons, several of them lol. Love is love, you choose to stick it out an make concessions for your partner as they do for you.

Each giving up pieces of themselves, to create that union of two souls we call a Partnership. It's how I've seen it work an I've studied relationships for years but still this is my opinion.

 

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15 minutes ago, Hancock said:

Kar3n makes a good point, some partners think pornography is cheating and that the sexual exchanges should only be between each other. It's good to get your boyfriend's opinion on it. As well as review your own.

The hiding and not being open about needs and desires is what creates the part that I see as infidelity. If a person is not able or willing to communicate what they need or want to their partner and decides on something external to the relationship to satisfy them, the issue goes beyond porn.

 

I am not saying porn is bad, I am saying it can be used in ways that are not conducive to a healthy relationship or an individual's well-being.

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24 minutes ago, Apech said:

desire is a trap ......  

Of course it is, it's just another attachment.

 

In terms of a relationship though, I believe it to be perfectly healthy to desire your partner and to verbalize it.

 

In terms of cultivation or practices, it has been my experience that desire is the number one thing that holds us back.

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42 minutes ago, Kar3n said:

The hiding and not being open about needs and desires is what creates the part that I see as infidelity. If a person is not able or willing to communicate what they need or want to their partner and decides on something external to the relationship to satisfy them, the issue goes beyond porn.

 

I am not saying porn is bad, I am saying it can be used in ways that are not conducive to a healthy relationship or an individual's well-being.

That hiding is something that eventually becomes a sore point or resentment in a relationship. Which can fester an ruin things in the long run. Kar3n is correct that when it comes to intimacy of any kind, it should be shared with the one person in the word who you want to experience it with. 

That vulnerability generates genuine connection that will help pull each other through in the long haul when things are not the best.

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38 minutes ago, Apech said:

desire is a trap ......  

Where an individual desire springs from is important to consciously be aware of. Some people can be monks and nuns, others need another person in their life in the way of a relationship. Personally I see if as energy levels, an the lifestyle the individuals involved choose to live.

 

I knew a couple who were conscious and spiritually awakened, possessed great ability. Him as a physical shapeshifter, her as a medium who could physically bring things back from her "trips". Powerful people. I asked how they made it work, an they said it was only because of each other they could. That connection to each other held them maintain themselves, in ways they struggled with their whole life til they met each other.

They always said after one leaves the other was going to follow. Eventually she died, three days later he died of 'natural case's though he was healthy as could be by any standard. 

 

I know another man who any time he enters into a relationship, it ends badly. His desire to not be alone, makes him give of himself and become the perfect partner, so much so that the people he gets with tend to walk over him. He never complains and just makes even more of an effort, which eventually leaves the person he's with to invent reasons to break things off because they feel he is too perfect and thereby unrelatable. 

I just tell him to allow himself to be a human being, an just enjoy life as it is. That relationships are about growing together and unifying to face life together. That if he takes care of everything, then how is the other person supposed to be involved. my opinion upsets him cause if his perception that he must do everything to please his partner and to do any less would be a lack of caring on his part (his words). 

I tell him to try single life for a bit, just enjoying being solo. An he has enjoyed it, saying maybe he wasn't meant to be with someone but to enjoy "company" an live life.

 

So single and relationship life's are intrinsically about the individuals involved. Desire is something if unrestrained canard to horrible things, but in the grand scheme it's a signal from our essence to help us on our personal path. There's teaching that disagree with that,  but I've found there's no universal way for everyone, that things we think are absolutely unchangeable are can be altered and that each of us like a snowflake, similar in that we are but unique expressions of the cosmos.

That being said there's plenty to learn from ancient sources an what not, but it's like this.

 

Where are you?

 

Here.

 

Where's here?

 

Earth.

 

Where's earth?

 

In the cosmos.

 

Where's the cosmos?

 

In the universe.

 

Where's the universe?

 

...

 

We have frames of reference to help guide us, but they themselves are not the true answers. They are just our way of making things understandable in the universe.

 

 

So for some pornography, relationships, desire, attachments are there but in the end they are just things that help us in our personal path to figuring out where we are in our loves at the moment. We just need to be conscious of where our desires, an pornographic habit, relationship, an attachment stem from - so we can choose to maintain or let them go.

 

Some masturbate an use pornography because they didn't have a partner,  it if they get one then maybe it's time to choose to go let go of the pornography an maybe masturbation in favor of nourishing that new relationship. 

 

P.s.I'm not a fan of asceticism, cutting everything out. I've been there, done that, it isn't a modern idea that fits the world we live in. If you do it successfully, cheers, pm me on how you make it work

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Trying to avoid something just makes us more likely to go for it. Try this test out...read the following words and think about them with no distractions for 10 seconds...

Don't think of the red fire hydrant!

...ohhhh, guess what you just pictured in your mind! Proof that avoidance is nearly impossible. The mind focuses on what you present it with, so if you say "don't do THIS" it's just going to think of "THIS" more and more. By attempting to avoid lust, you will be cultivating lust.

It takes masterful will power to do what you say and say what you do. It's a great thing to aspire to, to be a perfect master...but we're at where we're at in our cultivation, and it's more productive to be honest about it and know where we stand. When we have our footing, then we can survey where we're at, see the best course to take, and know the direction we're stepping in.

That being said, perhaps the bigger problem here is making a vow that you can't own up to. More important than avoiding porn is avoiding this...better to make no vows if you can't keep any. Part of spiritual cultivation is having integrity...perhaps it's the first step on the path, and one that most who end up accomplishing nothing at all try to skip. If you break vows, especially to yourself, there's not integrity in who you are. Aim to be the type of person whose words and vows actually mean something, who can be relied upon, etc.

Now...you can set goals that you aspire to if you know that porn isn't benefiting you. You can look at what triggers you to go toward it. Perhaps your life isn't busy enough, and you're sitting at home bored. Perhaps you feel like ejaculation helps you pass out at night. Perhaps it's the primary thing in your life that makes you feel free and happy (in which case, you need more things that make you feel free and happy that aren't porn). Brainstorm the reasons you go toward it.

When you understand what triggers you to go toward something that hurts you, then you can avoid the triggers. With porn/masturbation/etc, we're fighting against nature. Once the snowball starts rolling, at a certain point of going down the hill, if we try to stop it we just get crushed by it...nature is stronger than us. So it's better to not be creating snowballs and rolling them off the top of the hill in the first place...it's better to be cautious with our triggers, than it is to try and deny our obvious lust that we cultivated.

If we have the discipline to follow through with this, then over time we are broken out of the habit of porn (or whatever else the addiction is). We might start feeling an unnatural sensation if we think of doing the old habit again...it's no longer necessary, and has become a choice rather than a compulsion. We feel fine and normal without it.

Finally, here's another thing to think about. We are human beings, who have free will and this one life to live. It is ours for now. Other people can tell us truths or lies, and we're free to take their advice or discard it. If people tell you that porn/sex/masturbation/whatever is bad, perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't. Perhaps too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Perhaps it's completely a bad thing. Perhaps it's not bad in any way at all. That's up for you to decide, after listening to others, thinking, having your own experience, etc. What I'm trying to say is: do not be controlled. Our sexuality is something spiritual traditions mostly all discuss, but they're infringing on our free will when they tell us that it's hurting us and to avoid it completely. It's a recipe for disaster to believe them 100%. Instead of hearing it as a divine fiat, we should hear it as advice to consider. The same is true coming from psychologists, or from society's opinions. Lots of people have bad things to say about porn/sexuality. What I'm trying to get at is...maybe all of that is half true, and these things are okay in moderation. Maybe it's better to keep spiritual cultivation as one section of our lives, and not something that pushes out all other sections.

It's certainly risky to make a vow about, if you don't already have complete control over it. Better to establish really reliable control, so that it's no longer an issue at all, and only then make any oath to stop it completely forever.

Just my own opinion.

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41 minutes ago, Aetherous said:

Trying to avoid something just makes us more likely to go for it. Try this test out...read the following words and think about them with no distractions for 10 seconds...

Don't think of the red fire hydrant!

...ohhhh, guess what you just pictured in your mind! Proof that avoidance is nearly impossible. The mind focuses on what you present it with, so if you say "don't do THIS" it's just going to think of "THIS" more and more. By attempting to avoid lust, you will be cultivating lust.

It takes masterful will power to do what you say and say what you do. It's a great thing to aspire to, to be a perfect master...but we're at where we're at in our cultivation, and it's more productive to be honest about it and know where we stand. When we have our footing, then we can survey where we're at, see the best course to take, and know the direction we're stepping in.

That being said, perhaps the bigger problem here is making a vow that you can't own up to. More important than avoiding porn is avoiding this...better to make no vows if you can't keep any. Part of spiritual cultivation is having integrity...perhaps it's the first step on the path, and one that most who end up accomplishing nothing at all try to skip. If you break vows, especially to yourself, there's not integrity in who you are. Aim to be the type of person whose words and vows actually mean something, who can be relied upon, etc.

Now...you can set goals that you aspire to if you know that porn isn't benefiting you. You can look at what triggers you to go toward it. Perhaps your life isn't busy enough, and you're sitting at home bored. Perhaps you feel like ejaculation helps you pass out at night. Perhaps it's the primary thing in your life that makes you feel free and happy (in which case, you need more things that make you feel free and happy that aren't porn). Brainstorm the reasons you go toward it.

When you understand what triggers you to go toward something that hurts you, then you can avoid the triggers. With porn/masturbation/etc, we're fighting against nature. Once the snowball starts rolling, at a certain point of going down the hill, if we try to stop it we just get crushed by it...nature is stronger than us. So it's better to not be creating snowballs and rolling them off the top of the hill in the first place...it's better to be cautious with our triggers, than it is to try and deny our obvious lust that we cultivated.

If we have the discipline to follow through with this, then over time we are broken out of the habit of porn (or whatever else the addiction is). We might start feeling an unnatural sensation if we think of doing the old habit again...it's no longer necessary, and has become a choice rather than a compulsion. We feel fine and normal without it.

Finally, here's another thing to think about. We are human beings, who have free will and this one life to live. It is ours for now. Other people can tell us truths or lies, and we're free to take their advice or discard it. If people tell you that porn/sex/masturbation/whatever is bad, perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't. Perhaps too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Perhaps it's completely a bad thing. Perhaps it's not bad in any way at all. That's up for you to decide, after listening to others, thinking, having your own experience, etc. What I'm trying to say is: do not be controlled. Our sexuality is something spiritual traditions mostly all discuss, but they're infringing on our free will when they tell us that it's hurting us and to avoid it completely. It's a recipe for disaster to believe them 100%. Instead of hearing it as a divine fiat, we should hear it as advice to consider. The same is true coming from psychologists, or from society's opinions. Lots of people have bad things to say about porn/sexuality. What I'm trying to get at is...maybe all of that is half true, and these things are okay in moderation. Maybe it's better to keep spiritual cultivation as one section of our lives, and not something that pushes out all other sections.

It's certainly risky to make a vow about, if you don't already have complete control over it. Better to establish really reliable control, so that it's no longer an issue at all, and only then make any oath to stop it completely forever.

Just my own opinion.

U put it better than I did. Bravo

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1 hour ago, Aetherous said:

Trying to avoid something just makes us more likely to go for it.

 

"The more you resist, the more it persists."

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10 minutes ago, Earl Grey said:

 

"The more you resist, the more it persists."

My mentor always said that. Where's that quote from?

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4 minutes ago, Hancock said:

My mentor always said that. Where's that quote from?

I am pretty sure Jung said that. IIRC, he also said it will grow.

 

Look up laws of attraction.

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On 8/28/2017 at 1:58 PM, Miroku said:

 I kinda hope for support here and so I am asking. What do you think or know are the sideeffects of porn? What motivates you not to watcht it? Why do you believe or know that porn is bad?

 

 

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Porn ---> promotes liver Yang rising and Heart becomes also too Yang, it hardens and as a result weakens the Spleen, this in turn promotes Lung Yin deficiency and finally the descending nature of the Lungbis impaired weakening the Kidney network which have to overwork due to the lack of opening and regulating of the Water channel by the Lung.

 

As you can see one 'tiny' event will cause a myriad of problems.

 

Sexual abstinence is a spiritual must if one is a serious practitioner. It is a personal choice, not suited to everyone.

 

Good luck :)

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I`ll share some thoughts that may or may not apply to your situation, Miroku.  When I reach in a compulsive way for something outside of myself (food, sex, whatever), I`m almost always out of touch with my own wholeness.  There`s this sense of being incomplete that I try to fill up with X -- pick your poison.  Only, when I`m in the midst of the compulsivity, I`m lost in the need -- often so lost I don`t even realize there is a need.

 

I believe it`s very valuable to bring mindful awareness to the yearning for porn.  To sit with the wanting without judging it or giving into it.  When I can do this (not always!) I`m often able to reconnect with my inner wholeness.  I discover on the inside what I was looking for on the outside.  If I was to watch porn whenever I got the urge, I`d miss this opportunity for intimacy with myself.  And ultimately I realize that inner connection -- not vicarious sex -- is what I wanted all along. 

Edited by liminal_luke
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On 28/08/2017 at 11:03 PM, Wu Ming Jen said:

So you are saying your a normal young person? I think of porn like seeing an image of the food we love and we are hungry as seen on TV and we want it. If you are not hungry the food does not look that good. 

 

I am sure your imagination is way better than anything filmed before. It's like fire inside of wood the potential of fire is present in wood in this case it is you that creates the fire not the filmed image. I am not condoning or condemning porn. All things in moderation, there are no absolutes, things change,

 

 

Edit....... I apologize this is the women's forum you need to talk to the girls. 

 

My opinion is pretty much the same as Wu Ming Jen's.

Also, sometime in my life trying to become vegetarian I started consuming too many eggs which made me lose control over my sexuallity. if you don't know the original corn flakes by Dr. Kellogs was invented as a remedy to stop kids masturbation due to a diet of too many eggs. Finding this made me understand what was happening to me :)

Mint tea is a great helper in cooling down libido.

Also, the more (healthy) self-love and self esteem you have the less you're going to need compulsive sex. Really believe that the root of the problem is that.

Best of luck in finding your balance again.

Edited by oak
forgot something important
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On 8/28/2017 at 2:58 PM, Miroku said:

Hi,
7 days ago I made a vow to stop watching porn and haven't watched any since, however today my resolve is slightly weaker. I kinda hope for support here and so I am asking. What do you think or know are the sideeffects of porn? What motivates you not to watcht it? Why do you believe or know that porn is bad?

My reason why I want to stop is because I tend to look at the porn for hours sometimes which is real waste of time! Also I have a loving boyfriend and want to give him my best in this area, however I am still a young guy and sometimes get horny and ... well porn is really nice tool when boyfriend isn't around. :D

If you disagree and think porn is not harmful or anything then please also comment and explain why you think so.

 

The thing that hurts me the most about pornography is that the vast majority of "actors" and "actresses" are victims of trafficking, desperation, abuse, mental illness, and addiction. Many of them are underage. It is not victimless. Every porn clip we watch is contributing to one of the most profitable and abusive businesses on Earth. Cultivate your relationships and imagination instead. 

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