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Aaron

I found a lump...

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So last week I started to have a burning and itching sensation under my armpit. I started to scratch in order to try and relieve myself of the sensation, but it just made it worse. I tried to figure out what was going on so I felt around and found a lump about the size of dime. It was immediately unsettling. I checked the internet, because when you don't have a doctor on hand that's what you do. Each post said it wasn't a big deal, but that if it persisted you should have it checked out. I decided to give it a week or so, but then it started to spread to my other armpit and I got worried and made a doctor's appointment. I asked the nurse who answered the phone if it was something to be concerned about, since the internet mentioned mostly benign causes, only to have her tell me that it could be serious and is sometime an indicator of cancer. Well the hammer dropped then.

 

For a day or so I tried to distract myself from the idea that I might have cancer and in those days the pain got worse and the burning and itching almost unbearable. I decided that I was not going to scratch so I set my mind to ignoring the itching and burning, which I was able to do, but there was still that nagging idea of cancer and death and how this could be the beginning of the end. 

 

It would've been easy for me to go down that rabbit hole but I thought to myself, what do I believe regarding death? Well besides reincarnation I've come to believe (thanks to lengthy conversations with V Marco and others) that my life is not measured in a linear fashion, but that I am always existing because there is always a part of time where I exist. Time for me isn't a straight line but a force that expands throughout everything and always exists and will never not exist, even if in some places there is nothing of the physical world to embody it. 

 

I guess what I'm saying is that I am a part of "It" and because I am (and have been) a part of "It", even if I'm gone the me that exists will always exist in that moment, and just because that moment is no longer experienced by the me that exists in another place in time, It doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, so to worry about this idea that I will be gone is silly, because I will quite literally never be gone, because I am always here in time. It may seem strange to some, but I find it quite reassuring, because with this knowledge I have no real fear of death. It doesn't mean I'm going to go out and start rock climbing, but it does mean that I don't worry as much about the end of me in this lifetime, because this lifetime doesn't end, because time doesn't end and if I am part of this place in time, then a part of me will exist within every space of time, even those parts that no longer have any physical form, simply because I am time, just as I am the universe and I am you and I am me. To clarify, the consciousness of me might not exist, but the physical and metaphysical me never ends, nor does it begin, it always is. 

 

So that's my realization, feel free to comment. 

Edited by Aaron
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Maybe this is missing the point of the thread, but perhaps you should get it checked out soon. It could be an operable type of cancer. You could also be looking into diets that are said to get rid of cancer, if you end up diagnosed.

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My wife's lymph nodes have swelled up on several occasions and she has experienced similar sensations, it was not cancer.  Our GP was next to useless in any reasons after tests showed it was not cancer and we spent 10 agonizing days awaiting results.

 

I'd suggest a Dr of TCM if you have one nearby.

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No worries guys. I've already made an appointment for the doctors. I was just sharing an epiphany. 

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