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healthy sexuality?

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bodhidharmaToday, 10:40 PM

 

I agree that a healthy sex drive is natural and healthy. But I am very confused personally what a healthy sex drive is for me? I find my self trying to reign my desires often or try to advert my eyes from alot of sexual stimuli. 

 

I mean isnt our culture unhealthly hypersexual? And in the way where it unconsciously makes us want sex in a consumer way? Since they use sex to sell things we also want?

 

As opposed to a poly island of people who all sleep with eachother in a genuine and unconditional way. Id say that's a very healthy sexuality.

 

But jm sorry the sexuality in america at least makes me so uncomfortable. I dont know if I am repressing things. I probably am. But I dont like the way things are. So agressive and surface level. Women only getting off if they are dominated? Is that healthy sexuality? In moderation im sure it is.. but as conscious beings wouldnt healtht sexuality be a very conscious sensual love making? Like kama sutra practices?

 

And as for being celibate and retaining out of the chance you find your self in if thats what you meant... I like that.

 

Im not goinf to forcefully retain anymore. But im not with anyone and feel am far from being close with anyone anytime soon for personal reasons. I will hold the energy inwardly and do my best to cultivate it.. mold it .. into something new.. 

 

That I can share with the next person I connect with

 

his was a comment on a thread that I wanted to make a topic.

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Sexual frustrations tend to be a part of greater frustrations you have with your life.

 

If you've got to a happy-go-lucky place in your life where you're relatively content with what's going on and you've got a take-it-or-leave-it attitude with everything, then this will also be the attitude you'll be taking to sex. Not too concerned whether you're getting any or not, happy to talk to an attractive girl, find her attractive at the time, but not longing after her as you walk on afterwards.

 

In this place, the world doesn't seem overly sexualised, or underly  sexulaised for that matter. But how do you get to that place? Aaarrrhhh, well there's the rub. For everyone it's different, but having a fairly well rounded and balanced life is a start, not too much of one thing not too little of another. Ultimately, your inner voice and natural instincts will be telling you quietly how to reach this place.

 

I think that our world may well be slightly more sexualised than the past, but I can't be certain as I'm only familiar with how it is now. But if the current level is causing you confusion, this is more of an internal attitude than an external issue.

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there are certainly lots of triggers in modern society and this filters down to the overall charge and flow of energy in highly populated spaces. i found a lot of sexual energy is present in major towns and cities. it's quite the challenge to not get caught up in it. but miffy's reply seems on the money, the mind drifts toward primal instincts if our overall lives aren't balanced in a way that utilizes our energy, keeps things flowing.

 

btw i'm wondering why this thread was started on the womens cultivation board?

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I dunno. I'd guess that the fact that you need permissions to even see the stuff on the men's board might be one reason why it's not there...

 

No different than here. Just that no one has even started a topic in the non-secret section of the men's board. Somehow it seems the women's section is more inviting than the men's section. Curious.

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I think that because Western society is so mind-oriented, people often get off to ideas, i.e. fetishes, rather than the sexual-bodily energy itself. Fetishes seem to disconnect the individual from their partner, in favor of an idea. To me, healthy sexuality is natural, not based on addiction or ideas.

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I think that because Western society is so mind-oriented, people often get off to ideas, i.e. fetishes, rather than the sexual-bodily energy itself. Fetishes seem to disconnect the individual from their partner, in favor of an idea. To me, healthy sexuality is natural, not based on addiction or ideas.

 

Yes a merging of energies; not two individual beings lost in the word fantasies swirling around in their minds, but fully experiencing a precious and passing moment of union.

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Yes women are beautiful, and it's healthy to recognize that. It is not healthy to think this beauty is something that can be possessed, or taken, or owned, or even had. If a woman chooses to share her sexuality with you, count yourself blessed. If she does not you can still count yourself blessed that you were able to see her beauty. And if you are not able to see either of these blessings, it is you who curse yourself.

 

******

 

 

I'd like to believe that most men don't spend the majority of their lives focused entirely on their sexual organs, and how said organs respond to the world, but some days it does become a belief that is difficult to maintain.

Edited by Des
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Yes a merging of energies; not two individual beings lost in the word fantasies swirling around in their minds, but fully experiencing a precious and passing moment of union.

This helps remove alot of fears I have. Its easy to fall into the conditoning of modern day western sexuality. And feel like you have to be aggressive and degrading to women for them to achieve an orgasm.I would often wonder if somethi g was wrong with me if I didnt feel right to do things like fantasy.

 

I would fear that the women who want a sexual and energetic union are I the minority. But either way they wont be hard to spot. They will stand out if I cultivate my own virtue and inner harmony.

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Yes women are beautiful, and it's healthy to recognize that. It is not healthy to think this beauty is something that can be possessed, or taken, or owned, or even had. If a woman chooses to share her sexuality with you, count yourself blessed. If she does not you can still count yourself blessed that you were able to see her beauty. And if you are not able to see either of these blessings, it is you who curse yourself.

 

******

 

 

I'd like to believe that most men don't spend the majority of their lives focused entirely on their sexual organs, and how said organs respond to the world, but some days it does become a belief that is difficult to maintain.

A women is genuinely beautiful beyond just surface desire. She represents the great mother. As does a man. But I dont think a women is any more or less beautiful then a flower a sunset a mountain range. Its only when we put things in balance where rhe flower is equally as nice that we find peace?

 

Because many in the west with its hypersexualization and porn tend to neglect the other simple beauties in life and lack sensitivity to these things because their brains have been so triggered by intensely stimulating imagerin pornographic videos billboards advertisement movies.. people on the street.

 

I find more sexual fulfillment and comfort if I were walking with a girl dress in a long flowing dress with beautiful pattern work. Thenif I was walking with a girl wearing short shorts and a tank top

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A women is genuinely beautiful beyond just surface desire. She represents the great mother. As does a man. But I dont think a women is any more or less beautiful then a flower a sunset a mountain range. Its only when we put things in balance where rhe flower is equally as nice that we find peace?

Because many in the west with its hypersexualization and porn tend to neglect the other simple beauties in life and lack sensitivity to these things because their brains have been so triggered by intensely stimulating imagerin pornographic videos billboards advertisement movies.. people on the street.

I find more sexual fulfillment and comfort if I were walking with a girl dress in a long flowing dress with beautiful pattern work. Thenif I was walking with a girl wearing short shorts and a tank top

 

It really doesn't matter about 'many in the west' - unless you want it to. We all get to choose where we look. You can still acknowledge the beauty of women in short shorts, but I'd prefer it if you didn't shame them over any physiological or mental response you have to their bodies and choice of attire. It isn't right, and I think somewhere inside of you you know that or you wouldn't struggle so much with it.

 

*****

 

I've read that the work of spirituality is about constantly looking within. This culture is what it is. People will wear what they will wear. And your body will respond how it responds. These are your current 'what is'...

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But I dont think a women is any more or less beautiful then a flower a sunset a mountain range.

 

I had a lover who once said this to me. They were beautiful words, and they were a lie.

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It really doesn't matter about 'many in the west' - unless you want it to. We all get to choose where we look. You can still acknowledge the beauty of women in short shorts, but I'd prefer it if you didn't shame them over any physiological or mental response you have to their bodies and choice of attire. It isn't right, and I think somewhere inside of you you know that or you wouldn't struggle so much with it. *****I've read that the work of spirituality is about constantly looking within. This culture is what it is. People will wear what they will wear. And your body will respond how it responds. These are your current 'what is'...

 

Can you help me find out why I feel intimadated by such women? Its the promiscuousness thst is usually associated with that atire that makes me uncomfortable. And women who are promiscuous tend to hurt people. Because they dont have a set way of being in open relationships. Often they lead people on and let them down.

 

But then theres somethinf equivalent. Say a Caribbean community that lives mainlynnude and have communal relationship where there are no wives or husbands and no children as mine our yours. This to me sounds like a very harmonious place.

 

Maybe you can help me find out why I find fault in women who dress that way?

I my self am open to changing my ideas and subconscious beliefs because there is certainly a malfunction somewhere in me. That makes me feel sexually insecure

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Bodhidharma,

 

You've already answered your own question. You feel insecure, and like most of us do with uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, and emotions you are setting them outside of yourself, so you can fight 'other' instead of shining that light within.

 

I don't know why you feel insecure. I do know, however, that most insecurity stems from too many words and ideas and wrong understanding. The words you use to paint your perception of the women you see are not the experience of the women themselves. (Short shorts are not sexual invitation, unless a specific woman grants you specific invitation, and even then it isn't about the shorts.) And you aren't the words you are using to define yourself either.

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One final thought for today...

 

Women, in all their forms, are manifestations of the mother - saint and prostitute alike.

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One final thought for today...Women, in all their forms, are manifestations of the mother - saint and prostitute alike.

And they should all be treated like it. Like a sister a mother and a daughter. Thanks ill remember what you said. Before I make whats outside me the cause of my insecurities. Ill stop and look inside instead.

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Perhaps the reason you find fault in women who dress that way, is because deep down inside you desire that type of girl, but you are not fulfilling this desire because you are afraid of getting hurt by them, and therfore you justify your aversion subconsciously by finding fault in such women and the overt sexuality associated with them. 

 

You don't always have to be in love with a woman to have sex with one...     Love comes naturally when it wants without any force or will on our own part.

 

There is nothing wrong with having casual sex until you meet someone who you really love. If you don't want to have sex with anyone, that is fine too, but I wouldn't recommend denying your natural desires because you are afraid or intimidated. Making decisions out of fear means you wont be growing as a person. Living in fear will keep you trapped in a cage, and perhaps you may never become the type of person you were always meant to be in order to align with the person you are meant to really connect with.

 

Imagine if you didn't have the fear... what would you do? Would you have sex with one of these girls? Imagine you waited your whole life for someone you really connected with to make love to but they never came, would you have wild passionate (also safe) sex with some super hot hotties? Have you ever thought instead of being intimidated by these girls, that learning to be confident with them might actually be the stepping stone that leads you to someone who you can really connect to and make love with?

 

Dominating a woman doesn't necessarily mean treating her like crap in the bedroom. It more so means you are in your masculine and she is in her feminine. Its when the two of you can merge because of your balanced sexual polarity together. If you have ever felt yourself in your masculine, and a girl go real soft because she feels safe in your presence, and she opens to you to recieve so much love and orgasms in the presence of your strong masculine, it feels so fucking good it returns right back to you! Sometimes though, its fun to choke, slap, grab, be rough, and do weird kinky things when you both trust each other... Its totally OKAY~!  

 

Have you ever considered dating multiple women? Its a great way to break through the barriers and fears of your sexuality (especially the idea that having sex with a girl who is sexually inticing is wrong). This means facing it. And of course, if you decided to date multiple women make sure you are safe, you don't have to be fucking a bunch of weird crazy girls with bad vibes without a condom.

Edited by CodyWizard
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Have you ever considered dating multiple women? Its a great way to break through the barriers and fears of your sexuality (especially the idea that having sex with a girl who is sexually inticing is wrong). This means facing it. And of course, if you decided to date multiple women make sure you are safe, you don't have to be fucking a bunch of weird crazy girls with bad vibes without a condom.

I'm not going to address the ode to male sexual prowess. However that last sentence... Do you also believe that sexually active women are somehow damaged? Or just the ones who are not attached to the idea of an exclusive relationship, but still want to engage in sexual relations with you?

Edited by Des
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Energy is exchanged in a hug. It is gentle, like a wind blowing across a lake.

 

Sexuality is deeper like someone swimming in a lake.

 

Penetrative intercourse is even deeper, like a stick of dynamite going off deep within a lake.

 

Both parties, when they penetrate each other's fields, leave energy buried deep within. But it is especially women who are influenced by this. Not only do they need to clear their own sexual patterns, but they need to cleanse the patterns that were imprinted deep within them.

 

A beautiful woman came into my life and was interested in sexuality. She was polyamorous, and we had a good connection. It was nice being close with her, but when I discovered that she was interested in multiple relationship mostly for her sexual exploration, it was hard for me to become very intimate with her, as though there wasn't room for me there.

 

That said, I've done much healing through having cuddle friends. Touch can be a very safe and intimate way of nurturing another, without words, and it doesn't need to be sexual. In this way we nurture each other, maybe multiple people, without leaving behind trails of imprinting that most people aren't even aware of. Many extroverted people have trouble connecting to their deeper selves, and aren't aware of what they might be allowing to happen there.

 

I've met many women who become very attached to a lover. Consciously they aren't really interested, but subconsciously they are aware of some bond that has formed that they are unable to let go of, because it is not theirs, but it is inside of them.

 

Please be careful with those who allow you to enter into their deepest places. Please be careful with those you allow to enter into your deepest places.

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Perhaps the reason you find fault in women who dress that way, is because deep down inside you desire that type of girl, but you are not fulfilling this desire because you are afraid of getting hurt by them, and therfore you justify your aversion subconsciously by finding fault in such women and the overt sexuality associated with them.

 

You don't always have to be in love with a woman to have sex with one... Love comes naturally when it wants without any force or will on our own part.

 

There is nothing wrong with having casual sex until you meet someone who you really love. If you don't want to have sex with anyone, that is fine too, but I wouldn't recommend denying your natural desires because you are afraid or intimidated. Making decisions out of fear means you wont be growing as a person. Living in fear will keep you trapped in a cage, and perhaps you may never become the type of person you were always meant to be in order to align with the person you are meant to really connect with.

 

Imagine if you didn't have the fear... what would you do? Would you have sex with one of these girls? Imagine you waited your whole life for someone you really connected with to make love to but they never came, would you have wild passionate (also safe) sex with some super hot hotties? Have you ever thought instead of being intimidated by these girls, that learning to be confident with them might actually be the stepping stone that leads you to someone who you can really connect to and make love with?

 

Dominating a woman doesn't necessarily mean treating her like crap in the bedroom. It more so means you are in your masculine and she is in her feminine. Its when the two of you can merge because of your balanced sexual polarity together. If you have ever felt yourself in your masculine, and a girl go real soft because she feels safe in your presence, and she opens to you to recieve so much love and orgasms in the presence of your strong masculine, it feels so fucking good it returns right back to you! Sometimes though, its fun to choke, slap, grab, be rough, and do weird kinky things when you both trust each other... Its totally OKAY~!

 

Have you ever considered dating multiple women? Its a great way to break through the barriers and fears of your sexuality (especially the idea that having sex with a girl who is sexually inticing is wrong). This means facing it. And of course, if you decided to date multiple women make sure you are safe, you don't have to be fucking a bunch of weird crazy girls with bad vibes without a condom.

All of this makea alot of sense andis very possible. But im currently living ina new place, dont know anyone and am not working. So im working on geting out of my emotional caccoon first

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When we are young our bodies are flush with hormones. We feel yearnings and desires. And this is natural. It is this which promotes/enables the continuation of the human race. Men are not the only ones to feel such things.

 

Sometimes a framework has been layed by those outside of ourselves, and due to this we struggle with putting all that we feel within that framework. When we feel in ways that don't fit with what we are told is right, we suffer and struggle. Some suppress, some excessively indulge, some do both, and some lucky ones find a middle ground. It is all dependant on the individual.

 

The thing that matters the most is that we be respectful of both self and other, the limits that either choose, and that we take responsibility for our own choices and actions.

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I was also attached to two path lovers and am working toward not doing that again. So becoming whole in my self first. I dont exactly know how to justgo out into opublic and pick up chicks. If anything I do it through a common place like work and slowly become friends with them.

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I was also attached to two path lovers and am working toward not doing that again. So becoming whole in my self first. I dont exactly know how to justgo out into opublic and pick up chicks. If anything I do it through a common place like work and slowly become friends with them.

 

Becoming whole in yourself seems to be a great place to start. And it's ok to not be a 'pick up chicks' sort of man. Someday someone will probably come along who finds that to be quite charming.

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I'm not going to address the ode to male sexual prowess. However that last sentence... Do you also believe that sexually active women are somehow damaged? Or just the ones who are not attached to the idea of an exclusive relationship, but still want to engage in sexual relations with you?

 

Well the type of women or men that are addicted to sex are usually using sex to band-aid their emotional damage, like any addiction. There are also people who completely cut off sex from their lives because of emotional damage. There are so many reasons. As Des mentioned:

 

. Some suppress, some excessively indulge, some do both, and some lucky ones find a middle ground.

 

I think that finding a middle ground in all of this is a pretty damn good point. For me I have noticed that it doesn't feel quite right to be having sex with too many women at once. Also something doesn't feel quite right about being celibate for long periods of time either.

 

Daeluin also mentioned that:

 

Both parties, when they penetrate each other's fields, leave energy buried deep within.

 

There is a lot of energy exchange going on true! Although, I have had experiences where I have just met a girl, been intimate with her, and we are both smiling and had good vibes from our experience and both benefited! There have also been times where some bad energy was exchanged indeed! Yikes!

 

I think the whole "pick up artist" thing is kinda lame...  But I think just being more outgoing, and talking to more people (both guys and girls) without necessarily trying to pick anyone up is a great confidence booster. When I am out and about (shopping or something), I like to interact with people, especially the girls at the stores, and practice being more talkative (because I am quite introverted). Ask questions! A lot of times I will tell the girls that I end up dating that I am quite shy, and they are like, "I didn't think so at all!". With practicing your social skills with other women who you might not necessarily be attracted to, when you do meet someone you are really interested in, it makes things a lot easier! Not only that, but when you put yourself out there in a relaxed manner, more opportunities arise, better and better options come into circulation, and you gradually enter greater and greater states of abundance. Abundance is the natural flow of the Tao after all.

 

If you really do want to put focus on "getting out there", I recommend "Coach Corey Wayne's" videos on youtube.

Edited by CodyWizard
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I've been with something like 25 people, and had 7 long term relationships, and I can honestly say I wish that I had had fewer, yet more quality relationships. Sex is neat and stuff, but I have truly never had my hearts needs fulfilled, on a significant level. However, I wonder about the fact that, now that I am experienced, that it will have paid off in such terms as now knowing what I really want, and not being afraid to take chances, and such things, whereas I also wonder, if I had not just gotten with a woman because she was hot, or cool (but still not what I was ultimately looking for), or I was lonely, and instead waited for that special awesome one, would I have freed myself up to find such a person? My advice to my younger self is to dabble and experiment, but know when its not for keepers and move along soonsies. Yes relationships take work, negotiations in fact, but know thyself well......don't be afraid to hurt and be hurt. Love is a battle zone ;)

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