A punch in the face

[vrihlea]

I've been thinking lately about karma and yin-yang

 

Imagine that someone is punching you in the face, freeze the image when the fist is 0.5 seconds away.

 

 

from the Buddhist point of view, it's all karma, you messed up something and now it's all coming back to you

 

 

on the other side.. what kind of energy is the punch? Is it yang? Does that mean that you can send yin energy, that way balancing out things so that there will be no way for it to manifest?(or vice versa if it's yin)

[Michael Sternbach]

This one made me think, what about the person punching you? It would seem that he is burdening himself with karma by this act, but how can this be, if he is just helping you to balance your own karma? And how did your karma build up in the first place if, likewise, all you did was to unwittingly even out things for others?

 

And yes, the punch is yang which you could balance with yin (yielding, evading).

[vrihlea]

As a Buddhist, you don't want to stain your karma, and you'd do everything possible to help the person that is punching you, right? (Accepting the punishment so to say)

 

 

and if there is already yang energy in his fist, by stepping back you are also using yang, which kind of breaks the rules, if he's giving you yang, shouldn't you be able to give him yin.. (I mean without moving). The yin of movement would be stillness, right?

[C T]

He (or it could well be a she) who throws the punch is not punishing you (the generic 'you'). Its self-punishment, if one wants to call it that. The Buddha said that if someone offered a gift, and if this gift is diplomatically declined, who then does the gift belong to? When declined in the most correct way, that which was offered will not even be seen as a 'gift', nor the bearer seen as one who has attempted to present it. After such an exchange, no residue remains. No yin, no yang. No need for unnecessary post-analysis after the fact. Its gone... done and dusted. If there is residual pondering, only then does karmic imprint and subsequent mental continuum and karmic traces begin to form. 

 

As a Buddhist, you don't want to stain your karma, and you'd do everything possible to help the person that is punching you, right? (Accepting the punishment so to say)

 

Sometimes, the only way to 'help' the aggressor, and yourself, is to punch back. And immediately, forget it ever happened. 

 

Although peace, love and compassion are touted as pillars of practice in Buddhism, such are not to be confused with becoming a punching bag, or a door-mat. Hitting a person out of sheer anger is easy. Flailing your arms in response to reactionary emotions is quite the habitual norm. Try hitting a person with perfect equanimity within... This then is the premier séparateur.

 

The way of Buddhism is not set in stone... it is a flexible path, a training in the perfection of response without traces, allowing for action where action is deemed appropriate. Appropriate and exacting responses that elicit mutual benefit require, firstly, a trained mind. 'Mutual benefit' must be the key factor at the forefront of all responses, be it from body, speech or mind. Essentially, this is achieved through the proper balance of wisdom & compassionate practices. 

 

A trained mind rests effortlessly in the middle, neither yin nor yang, even in the midst of great conflict & turmoil. 

 

A trained mind knows when and how to act appropriately, under all circumstances. 

 

A trained mind is not to be confused with a limp, docile demeanour... on the contrary, remaining always open, it neither accepts nor rejects, simply allowing for all energetic exchanges to arise and subside with little to no need for hindsight. Hindsight is for those with too much time on their hands. Hindsight and regrets are like a pair of terrible twins. 

 

Contemplating ceaselessly (meditating) on impermanence, unsatisfactoriness and non-self, karma does not accrue in such a mind. This is the path of the thus-gone. 

[Taomeow]

Ah, why go to all that trouble when you can always do what you've always been told to do.  Just turn the other cheek already and get it over with.  

[vrihlea]

C T - thank you for sharing this wisdom

 

Taomeow - I could, but I'm not sure that it's the "right" thing to do.. and I think "CT"-s answer includes this option

 

 

maybe someone could say some more on how one would use - yin in this situation

[gendao]

All confusion, and many of these mainstream religions certainly don't help with any real insight.

 

Simple answer is that all external conflicts are fractal extensions of internal conflicts.  Therefore, they can (and ultimately must) all be solved internally without the need for any external violence.

[Taomeow]

C T - thank you for sharing this wisdom

 

Taomeow - I could, but I'm not sure that it's the "right" thing to do.. and I think "CT"-s answer includes this option

 

 

maybe someone could say some more on how one would use - yin in this situation

 

I was very tongue-in-cheek, what I meant was, it's NOT an option, it's religious brainwashing from more than one denomination. 

 

As for your idea to meet the yang of a punch in the face with yin so as to balance it out, it's much easier said than done -- you need to take up taiji or another internal (taoist in origin) MA to learn how.  I can tell you that you would need to use, depending on the situation, peng -- ward off, lu -- roll back, liu -- split, etc. etc., but it is pretty useless without hands-on lessons of taiji applications.  So, the answer to your question is, take up an internal MA and you will be prepared to meet a punch in the face without harming the opponent or letting him harm you.  Would that work for you karma-wise?

[Marblehead]

Ah, why go to all that trouble when you can always do what you've always been told to do.  Just turn the other cheek already and get it over with.  

I clicked "Thank you" because it gave me a chuckle, not because I agree with what you said.

[Taomeow]

I clicked "Thank you" because it gave me a chuckle, not because I agree with what you said.

You may want to read on down the thread.

[Taomeow]

All confusion, and many of these mainstream religions certainly don't help with any real insight.

 

Simple answer is that all external conflicts are fractal extensions of internal conflicts.  Therefore, they can (and ultimately must) all be solved internally without the need for any external violence.

 

However, internal conflicts are much more difficult to solve than external ones.

 

Example.  I was practicing push-hands with a very aggressive woman a couple of weeks ago.  She only wants to win, always, for all purposes and in all circumstances -- well of course this is a sign that she feels like a loser inside, but so what -- she is strong as a horse and stubborn as a mule, and not fully external in her taiji at that -- her skill is 95% external but the 5% of internal accomplishments give her a very strong (albeit only vertical, fancy-free) root which she can reinforce with all her considerable li (muscular strength) and a bit of fajin (in the beginner, long jin stage).  Not a difficult opponent for someone who has more of the internal goodies -- except she is also cunning and treacherous and very, very hostile under a mask of total friendliness and sweetness.  She is the type who will always praise you to your face and try to win you over with thoughtful presents and sweet-talk you into friendship and stab you in the back the second an opportunity presents itself. 

 

So, we were practicing in the park, and someone else who needed my attention for a moment called me to say something, I stopped the practice and turned to the source of the distraction, naively expecting my partner to do likewise, like normal sparring partners do.  Instead, she fajined into my shoulder, leaving a bruise the size of her iron palm.  What do you reckon my options are at this point?  I know everything about her internal conflicts, she's a borderline personality disorder -- so, I am curious to hear what it is I'm supposed to do with this knowledge.  Seriously.  What would you folks do in my shoes?

[thelerner]

As an Aikidoist I was taught to turn the other cheek

whilst pivoting and entering before the fist lands,

then dump there ass on the ground.

 

Later ponder the mysteries of karma from a safe distance.

Edited August 29, 2015 by thelerner

[liminal_luke]

Here´s what comes to me. There´s not much of a possibility of talking things out in an interpersonally satisfying way. She´s not likely to take responsibility for her actions, and, furthermore, it isn´t really your responsibility to teach her anything anyway. You could find a way to bruise her back, but what would be the point of that -- she´s been bruised enough by life and her own psyche as it is.

 

What I would do is this: use your internal tai chi skills to evade. Protect yourself by being as sly and cunning as she is. Be silently powerful like a big cat with nothing to prove. Have nothing more to do with her without appearing to avoid her at all.

 

Of course, this is easy to say and hard to do. I´m not sure I could do it, but something tells me you can.

 

Liminal

[Taomeow]

Here´s what comes to me. There´s not much of a possibility of talking things out in an interpersonally satisfying way. She´s not likely to take responsibility for her actions, and, furthermore, it isn´t really your responsibility to teach her anything anyway. You could find a way to bruise her back, but what would be the point of that -- she´s been bruised enough by life and her own psyche as it is.

 

What I would do is this: use your internal tai chi skills to evade. Protect yourself by being as sly and cunning as she is. Be silently powerful like a big cat with nothing to prove. Have nothing more to do with her without appearing to avoid her at all.

 

Of course, this is easy to say and hard to do. I´m not sure I could do it, but something tells me you can.

 

Liminal

 

Yup, that was close to what I did.  

 

You're exactly right -- she gets hurt all the time, missing a week of practice here, two there due to, now a shoulder problem, now a knee -- so, I don't need to try teaching her anything physically, she has plenty of teachers, a couple of them with far better taiji than mine and a somewhat shorter fuse, so this base is covered.       

 

And I can't teach her anything in terms of "emotional wisdom" either -- not my circus, not my monkey.

 

And I don't want her to do this to me ever again -- and she never will, I'll do everything it takes to not let her.  Beginning with never having anything to do with her (not openly, I didn't even complain when she did that, I absorbed it and made zero noise about it), and yes, without making any dramatic announcements or even hinting that she will never again practice with me until I feel as angry as I was the second it happened -- and what I will do then is anyone's guess.     She gave me an IOU.  Whether I will ever cash it or not, I don't know myself.    So it's better to never come into physical contact with her until I know.      

Edited August 29, 2015 by Taomeow

[gendao]

However, internal conflicts are much more difficult to solve than external ones.

 

Example. I was practicing push-hands with a very aggressive woman a couple of weeks ago. She only wants to win, always, for all purposes and in all circumstances -- well of course this is a sign that she feels like a loser inside, but so what -- she is strong as a horse and stubborn as a mule, and not fully external in her taiji at that -- her skill is 95% external but the 5% of internal accomplishments give her a very strong (albeit only vertical, fancy-free) root which she can reinforce with all her considerable li (muscular strength) and a bit of fajin (in the beginner, long jin stage). Not a difficult opponent for someone who has more of the internal goodies -- except she is also cunning and treacherous and very, very hostile under a mask of total friendliness and sweetness. She is the type who will always praise you to your face and try to win you over with thoughtful presents and sweet-talk you into friendship and stab you in the back the second an opportunity presents itself.

 

So, we were practicing in the park, and someone else who needed my attention for a moment called me to say something, I stopped the practice and turned to the source of the distraction, naively expecting my partner to do likewise, like normal sparring partners do. Instead, she fajined into my shoulder, leaving a bruise the size of her iron palm. What do you reckon my options are at this point? I know everything about her internal conflicts, she's a borderline personality disorder -- so, I am curious to hear what it is I'm supposed to do with this knowledge. Seriously. What would you folks do in my shoes?

Yes, they can be. I didn't say it was easy, lol...

 

Anyways, what I was referring to was self-inquiry, like per Byron Katie's work. For example, typically issues that repeatedly emotionally trigger us are:

 

1) Mirrored reflections (Freudian projection) - In your case, that could mean you were pushing hands with your own Shadow Self - who might feel too disempowered to directly express anger, so suppresses it into passive-aggressive resentment and furtively displaces it only opportunistically instead. This would be exemplified by your opponent using the pretext of a "peaceful, spiritual" art like Taijiquan...to slyly discharge her displaced anger in furious fajin suckerpunches during "friendly" push hand matches...

And I don't want her to do this to me ever again -- and she never will, I'll do everything it takes to not let her. Beginning with never having anything to do with her (not openly, I didn't even complain when she did that, I absorbed it and made zero noise about it), and yes, without making any dramatic announcements or even hinting that she will never again practice with me until I feel as angry as I was the second it happened -- and what I will do then is anyone's guess. She gave me an IOU. Whether I will ever cash it or not, I don't know myself. So it's better to never come into physical contact with her until I know.

2) Role-playing - Perhaps you've regularly assumed the role of a "sore loser" or "victim" of a 2-faced backstabbing persecutor for some secondary gain?  If so, you might recognize this same persona in various relationships in your life (like your mother, friends, lovers, co-workers, etc).

 

3) Subconscious belief - Perhaps you subconsciously believe that one must cheat to win and honest players get screwed. Then, you live out that belief over and over...creating your own Catch-22 where you can't win because you refuse to cheat and keep getting "beat" by darn cheaters...

 

4) A combination of the above or something else, etc, etc, lol...

 

Anyhow, once you figure out whatever the underlying issue is and resolve it, you will be amazed at how all your future interactions with this lady (and others like her) "magically" transform...without having to overpower her with force or avoid her.

 

Because in all martial arts, your opponent is ultimately YOU.

Edited August 30, 2015 by gendao

[mostly_empty]

I've been thinking lately about karma and yin-yang

 

Imagine that someone is punching you in the face, freeze the image when the fist is 0.5 seconds away.

 

 

from the Buddhist point of view, it's all karma, you messed up something and now it's all coming back to you

 

 

on the other side.. what kind of energy is the punch? Is it yang? Does that mean that you can send yin energy, that way balancing out things so that there will be no way for it to manifest?(or vice versa if it's yin)

 

Far be it for me to speak for the Buddhists... my first image from your question was a reasonably saintly Buddhist carefully and peaceably considering how they wished to perceive the arriving situation while completely failing to act in the real world.

 

Is the punch yang? I guess it depends on where the sun is.... sunny side and shady side and all of that. I am certain that a TCM practitioner can find an antidote if you wish to let it land.

 

The part of the question that worries me is the idea that the oncoming fist represents karma. Even if you follow a buddhist line on this, their usual way of thinking about karma is that everything you perceive and the way you perceive it is a reflection of you. To focus on fists instead of the situation is exactly why people end up getting hit and hitting people in turn. Paying attention can generally avoid this sort of thing, and being clear about what you want makes those .5 s decisions much easier too. 

 

Does the fist need to represent something you caused? Certainly a deserve a good smack more often now then when I was young, yet I received them so much more often then... Life occasionally provides stimuli to act. No need to get hit more often then really necessary if you develop the skills! 

 

For the record, a number of years ago I walked into a lamppost. It hurt! My reactions caused me to hit it quite a few times within that first fraction of a second before I realized what was going on. Realization - I had probably spend a little too much time studying martial arts and not nearly enough watching what I was doing.....

[Stosh]

Yin and yang are relative values. Its not your choice to summon one or the other. Folks can conceptualize their reactions in these terms, it suggests options. To yeild or attack, or yeild while attacking , and so forth. The normal reaction is to retaliate, to teach the other a lesson, that they cant hit you with impunity. It really is no difference if you dodge or use their momentum or whatever, to retaliate , to exert control. Though I might just smash the offender over the head with a non lethal object later when she or he wasnt expecting it. Oh theyll remember that a lot longer than an upfront retaliation, I assure you. But any way you slice it , it still comes down to threats and lessons. You chose fisticuffs , to define yourself, and there is just no pure yin or yang version of it. Thats why folks of zero spiritual value compete every bit as well in that arena ..... though others use the martial arts to reach deeper meaning in their life, or exercise, or find friendships etc.

[liminal_luke]

Gendao,

 

I find the idea that the entirety of the "outside" world is set up to perfectly mirror my inner reality appealing in a way, but I´m not sure I buy it. If that´s true, everything can be solved by simply working inside ourselves. It´s comforting to think that if we get clear inside there will be no monsters walking around that we might innocently bump into because we´ve structured our internal world so that that possibility doesn´t exist for us.

 

I´m prepared to believe that I "create" some of my reality, but I think there is more to it than that. Sometimes we run into a monster or two without having summoned them, even unconsciously. They simply appear.

 

Liminal

Edited August 30, 2015 by liminal_luke

[Brian]

However, internal conflicts are much more difficult to solve than external ones.

 

Example. I was practicing push-hands with a very aggressive woman a couple of weeks ago. She only wants to win, always, for all purposes and in all circumstances -- well of course this is a sign that she feels like a loser inside, but so what -- she is strong as a horse and stubborn as a mule, and not fully external in her taiji at that -- her skill is 95% external but the 5% of internal accomplishments give her a very strong (albeit only vertical, fancy-free) root which she can reinforce with all her considerable li (muscular strength) and a bit of fajin (in the beginner, long jin stage). Not a difficult opponent for someone who has more of the internal goodies -- except she is also cunning and treacherous and very, very hostile under a mask of total friendliness and sweetness. She is the type who will always praise you to your face and try to win you over with thoughtful presents and sweet-talk you into friendship and stab you in the back the second an opportunity presents itself.

 

So, we were practicing in the park, and someone else who needed my attention for a moment called me to say something, I stopped the practice and turned to the source of the distraction, naively expecting my partner to do likewise, like normal sparring partners do. Instead, she fajined into my shoulder, leaving a bruise the size of her iron palm. What do you reckon my options are at this point? I know everything about her internal conflicts, she's a borderline personality disorder -- so, I am curious to hear what it is I'm supposed to do with this knowledge. Seriously. What would you folks do in my shoes?

I would inform my teacher of the situation (although it has probably already been noticed) and then I would politely avoid a one-on-one situation with her.

 

When the unavoidable arose, I would shield myself against an attack and then I would say, "I'm sorry but you like to hurt people and I would rather watch someone else than push hands with you."

 

Then I would casually step away, towards our teacher.

[Taomeow]

Yes, they can be. I didn't say it was easy, lol...

 

Anyways, what I was referring to was self-inquiry, like per Byron Katie's work. For example, typically issues that repeatedly emotionally trigger us are:

 

1) Mirrored reflections (Freudian projection) - In your case, that could mean you were pushing hands with your own Shadow Self - who might feel too disempowered to directly express anger, so suppresses it into passive-aggressive resentment and furtively displaces it only opportunistically instead. This would be exemplified by your opponent using the pretext of a "peaceful, spiritual" art like Taijiquan...to slyly discharge her displaced anger in furious fajin suckerpunches during "friendly" push hand matches...

2) Role-playing - Perhaps you've regularly assumed the role of a "sore loser" or "victim" of a 2-faced backstabbing persecutor for some secondary gain?  If so, you might recognize this same persona in various relationships in your life (like your mother, friends, lovers, co-workers, etc).

 

3) Subconscious belief - Perhaps you subconsciously believe that one must cheat to win and honest players get screwed. Then, you live out that belief over and over...creating your own Catch-22 where you can't win because you refuse to cheat and keep getting "beat" by darn cheaters...

 

4) A combination of the above or something else, etc, etc, lol...

 

Anyhow, once you figure out whatever the underlying issue is and resolve it, you will be amazed at how all your future interactions with this lady (and others like her) "magically" transform...without having to overpower her with force or avoid her.

 

Because in all martial arts, your opponent is ultimately YOU.

 

Yeah, theoretically and pop-psychologically plausible. 

 

In reality --

 

1. Nope.  The one and only reason I was practicing with this woman was that my taiji "older sister" who voluntarily offers some very welcome and valuable mentorship asked me to push with her.  Her rationale was, I need to practice with a variety of partners, including difficult and dangerous ones, in order to get as much exposure to different styles, approaches and tricks as possible.  I knew I didn't want to push with this one from just observing her taiji, much less after the very first physical contact -- the touch alone tells me (or any sufficiently experienced taiji practitioner) things about the partner/opponent Freud couldn't pull outta his BS-spewing ass in a million years.  So, I didn't choose her, I just chose to do as my mentor/friend suggested.  Can't even say her suggestion was completely wrong.  I wouldn't have learned what I've learned otherwise.  And I'm not complaining about the lesson, it was about something else -- to be addressed further below.

 

2.  moot in the light of (1)

 

3. Nope, the opposite is the case -- my belief is that cheats lose always, honest players win always, regardless of what a given situation looks like to an external observer.  It's also a very conscious belief, not an unconscious one.  Cheating does a number on the cheater's psychophysiology I find worthy of pity or contempt, not bitterness.

 

4. moot in the light of (1).

 

So, sorry if this disappoints but mine was not an "underlying issue" but something way simpler -- to wit, an underlying resolve to follow all things traditional in taiji, because for me this makes sense theoretically and works empirically.  To do what your "older brother" or "older sister" in art tells you to do toward improving your art is traditional.

 

The reason I brought up the difficulty of resolving inner conflicts compared to external ones is, I do believe there's not only me in the universe.  Other people are perfectly capable of having inner conflicts and of acting the way they act as the outcome of their inner conflicts, not mine.  To me they are not cardboard 2D receptacles for my "projections" and "mirroring" and all that jazz, they are real people, they have real inner conflicts and either a free will or an unconscious drive to express them.  I find the opposite pop-psychological views reductionist ad absurdum at best, egocentric and oblivious at their worst manifestations which alas have become a cultural meme.  The virulent meme notwithstanding, other people are not phantoms.  I respect even the worst assholes more than to assume that all they can ever aspire to be is a projection of this or that unresolved conflict of mine.  The difficulty lies in this case in my (or anyone's) lack of tools to solve someone else's inner conflicts for them -- but then, I never sought powers of this nature, nor ever will.

Edited August 30, 2015 by Taomeow

[vrihlea]

As for your idea to meet the yang of a punch in the face with yin so as to balance it out, it's much easier said than done -- you need to take up taiji or another internal (taoist in origin) MA to learn how.  I can tell you that you would need to use, depending on the situation, peng -- ward off, lu -- roll back, liu -- split, etc. etc., but it is pretty useless without hands-on lessons of taiji applications.  So, the answer to your question is, take up an internal MA and you will be prepared to meet a punch in the face without harming the opponent or letting him harm you.  Would that work for you karma-wise?

 

martial arts indeed would help me with the physical part of the problem, or at least alleviate it a little bit, but one can not stop the source of the punch (the pain / anger / intention behind it) with force

 

 

 

However, internal conflicts are much more difficult to solve than external ones.

 

Example.  I was practicing push-hands with a very aggressive woman a couple of weeks ago.  She only wants to win, always, for all purposes and in all circumstances -- well of course this is a sign that she feels like a loser inside, but so what -- she is strong as a horse and stubborn as a mule, and not fully external in her taiji at that -- her skill is 95% external but the 5% of internal accomplishments give her a very strong (albeit only vertical, fancy-free) root which she can reinforce with all her considerable li (muscular strength) and a bit of fajin (in the beginner, long jin stage).  Not a difficult opponent for someone who has more of the internal goodies -- except she is also cunning and treacherous and very, very hostile under a mask of total friendliness and sweetness.  She is the type who will always praise you to your face and try to win you over with thoughtful presents and sweet-talk you into friendship and stab you in the back the second an opportunity presents itself. 

 

So, we were practicing in the park, and someone else who needed my attention for a moment called me to say something, I stopped the practice and turned to the source of the distraction, naively expecting my partner to do likewise, like normal sparring partners do.  Instead, she fajined into my shoulder, leaving a bruise the size of her iron palm.  What do you reckon my options are at this point?  I know everything about her internal conflicts, she's a borderline personality disorder -- so, I am curious to hear what it is I'm supposed to do with this knowledge.  Seriously.  What would you folks do in my shoes?

 

It looks like you have the same problem as I do.

 

 

She gave me an IOU.  Whether I will ever cash it or not, I don't know myself.     So it's better to never come into physical contact with her until I know. 

 

here's the "wrong" part in all this, if you take time and read through "CT" post, there's a nice example related to Buddha there:

 

After such an exchange, no residue remains. No yin, no yang. No need for unnecessary post-analysis after the fact. Its gone... done and dusted. If there is residual pondering, only then does karmic imprint and subsequent mental continuum and karmic traces begin to form. 

 

if you would have "countered" the punch the "right" way, there would no "IOU", I didn't want to bring jesus in here (now that he's here) I think that by turning the other cheek, that is, if the situation is "right", you are forcing the one punching you to face his issue. (karma is happy, yin-yang is happy, even you might enjoy the punch)

 

 

 

Far be it for me to speak for the Buddhists... my first image from your question was a reasonably saintly Buddhist carefully and peaceably considering how they wished to perceive the arriving situation while completely failing to act in the real world.

 

Is the punch yang? I guess it depends on where the sun is.... sunny side and shady side and all of that. I am certain that a TCM practitioner can find an antidote if you wish to let it land.

 

I don't have a fixed religion (my religion is love). I threw in buddhism and yin-yang together to reach a broader audience (so to say)

 

I like the idea of karma because it works in absolutely every situation, but yin-yang is kind of limited, is it because it's mainly used in martial arts, to indicate which way the forces go ?

 

If you take the picture as a whole, there are 2 persons in it, the earth and the sky, do we have like one big yin-yang circle for earth and sky, and two smaller ones for each person ? I don't get how it's supposed to work..

[Taomeow]

I would inform my teacher of the situation (although it has probably already been noticed) and then I would politely avoid a one-on-one situation with her.

 

When the unavoidable arose, I would shield myself against an attack and then I would say, "I'm sorry but you like to hurt people and I would rather watch someone else than push hands with you."

 

Then I would casually step away, towards our teacher.

 

Right, so we're in the choices territory -- that's the whole idea, I wanted to explore what other people would do with options available, and compare them to the choices I made.  Thanks for your take.

 

To elaborate -- the encounter was not in the teaching situation, it was an informal gathering just to practice this and that together.  We planned a tea ceremony after that.  So my real choice of the moment was between saying or doing something and marring the spirit of the ceremony ahead, or absorbing it as though it didn't happen and filing away the IOU.  I chose the latter.  Other people's mood was my main rationale for choosing this way.  I knew I could handle it, I didn't have to make a production of it, but I didn't have to pretend to myself that I didn't fully grasp the situation.  So I chose to let it slide, not out of any lack of righteous indignation or -- for a second -- blinding rage, immediately under control though --  but out of a conscious decision to not drag anyone else into these feelings, including the perpetrator.  I actually feel I handled it quite well, but there's a part of me that remembers the times I would handle it  differently...  and it is frustrated not because of the incident, but because of nostalgia for the "untamed" someone I used to know -- someone I used to be.

 

Someone who had far less wisdom, and far more freedom to express a lack thereof.

Edited August 30, 2015 by Taomeow

[Asmo]

I've been thinking lately about karma and yin-yang

 

Imagine that someone is punching you in the face, freeze the image when the fist is 0.5 seconds away.

 

 

from the Buddhist point of view, it's all karma, you messed up something and now it's all coming back to you

 

 

on the other side.. what kind of energy is the punch? Is it yang? Does that mean that you can send yin energy, that way balancing out things so that there will be no way for it to manifest?(or vice versa if it's yin)

 

In my opinion you're to focused on details. Try to see the bigger picture, the whole process that led to the situation and beyond, don't get fixed on one single moment alone.

 

Karma is the law of cause and effect and every effect itself is the cause for another effect etc.

Isolating events and analyzing them makes only sense in retrospective, to learn from your mistakes etc.

 

Speculating about hypothetical events doesn't make sense because you are missing the whole context that led you there.

 

Yin and Yang are not seperated, you could say they work in unison if you want, altough that's also not really correct.

If you really want to understand the Taijitu (Yin/Yang Symbol) you have to live it, not intellectually try to understand it.

Take up Tai Chi and start doing Push Hands lots of it

 

 

 

 

However, internal conflicts are much more difficult to solve than external ones.

 

Example.  I was practicing push-hands with a very aggressive woman a couple of weeks ago.  She only wants to win, always, for all purposes and in all circumstances -- well of course this is a sign that she feels like a loser inside, but so what -- she is strong as a horse and stubborn as a mule, and not fully external in her taiji at that -- her skill is 95% external but the 5% of internal accomplishments give her a very strong (albeit only vertical, fancy-free) root which she can reinforce with all her considerable li (muscular strength) and a bit of fajin (in the beginner, long jin stage).  Not a difficult opponent for someone who has more of the internal goodies -- except she is also cunning and treacherous and very, very hostile under a mask of total friendliness and sweetness.  She is the type who will always praise you to your face and try to win you over with thoughtful presents and sweet-talk you into friendship and stab you in the back the second an opportunity presents itself. 

 

So, we were practicing in the park, and someone else who needed my attention for a moment called me to say something, I stopped the practice and turned to the source of the distraction, naively expecting my partner to do likewise, like normal sparring partners do.  Instead, she fajined into my shoulder, leaving a bruise the size of her iron palm.  What do you reckon my options are at this point?  I know everything about her internal conflicts, she's a borderline personality disorder -- so, I am curious to hear what it is I'm supposed to do with this knowledge.  Seriously.  What would you folks do in my shoes?

 

Depends on what you are trying to achieve. Stepping aside and never train again with her is an option but very limited.

Let me try to give you an alternative viewpoint. (Please don't take it personally it's only a possible way of looking)

 

Life in form of your Sije gave you the task of building a relationship in form of Push Hands with someone.

You took the challenge, judged her beneath you but in the end you were hurt.

 

There is so much you can learn from her don't throw away this chance. She has willpower, focus and awareness, maybe misguided by inner conflict but that's irrelevant. Don't become a "guiltmover" , she is the one who was rough and sneaky and always wants to win etc. If you knew all that and crossed hands with her, who is to blame ?

 

Her intention was clear to you , what was your intention and thinking ?  Only you can say that, but "maybe" you thought her so much beneath you that it is ok to take you awareness away from her...

 

I sincerely hope you understand what i'm trying to say and please bear in mind it's not personal only a different viewpoint!

Stand up to the challenge that life is throwing at you and learn

 

Best whishes

Chris

Edited August 30, 2015 by Asmo

[Marblehead]

Then I would casually step away, towards our teacher.

That would be after you decked her, Right?

[Stosh]

Alternatively, you could , say, YEOW! , regain composure , and then bow thanking her for the lesson with class.

For if you dont take the insult or attack in the way expected, you foil the message. If she thought she was right to take advantage of the distraction , youre still covered,, and from there you havent removed any options from yourself as to how to deal with the next moment. ( THEN you throw a cheap shot, and hide behind the teacher)'.......ah I see the new post, Im too late.

Edited August 30, 2015 by Stosh