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sunchild

a question of madness

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my thoughts throughout the day, even under strain and influence of negativity in the work environment, have become increasingly "positive" and few. this is 'good' and well for my family, employees and most relations. they find my attitudes, words and actions helpful and 'surprisingly' pleasant for the most part. i've often heard our existence as humans described as autonomous for the most part, but i've never really felt that sentiment applied to my life until now- months after what i considered to be a time of 'much learning'. ha, speaking of ha, my sense of humor has wilted to something unrecognizable. i can see where jokes are meant to be 'funny' and where i 'should' laugh, but it simply doesn't strike me as logical or humane. it's as if most around me desperately urge myself and others to laugh at the shortcomings/pain of others and their own in some odd sadistic therapeutic i don't know. it's all very surreal. i feel like a shell of myself, but i am fully present. much of my knowing seems to drop right out of the air. i don't think any near as much as i used to. i've written about my personal loss of personality, interests in the past here, but it's growing in intensity every day. all this is considered normal here so this is not what i will dwell upon.

 

what i have labeled as problematic are my thoughts that arise as i awake and as i depart to sleep. they've grown so fantastic. many times with very dark undertones or with seemingly no undertones or congruence at all(random?). thoughts will come in sometimes what appears as someone elses conversation, like a scene from a film i've never watched. thoughts come as musings pertaining to things i've given little or no thought at all to. the thoughts at times seem to be coming from somewhere other than myself/personal headspace/brain. many times i can't remember/retrieve these fantastical/thoughts musings, i can only recall the skeleton of the notions at best.

 

oftentimes as i lay in contemplation or as i lay to sleep, my thoughts feel as though they no longer are mine, like some alien force is occupying my being or that i've been inducted into its hive mind. 'soul loss' is a term i think applies to much of my experience.

 

it is all very surreal at this point.

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I suggest that at least a spiritual or wise type of hero be thought about and that could be almost anyone...,

also a simple but strong prayer or mantra that you really believe in can be repeated and concentrated upon when strange thoughts seem to come to you uninvited....

 

If you're not doing all the little and or so called worldly things as if they matter then do so - since they do for you - thus not just for being nice to family, friends, etc. if that is happening?

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Sounds like inner changes going on. Nothing wrong with that especially as you see most of them as positive. Nothing wrong with logical thinking either. Gotta' get your sense of humor back though. No, you don't need laugh at the pain or misfortune of others. (A lot of people do that and I find that sad.)

 

3bob hit the other part of your post so I won't speak to that.

 

Best wishes during this time of readjustments.

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I suggest that at least a spiritual or wise type of hero be thought about and that could be almost anyone...,

also a simple but strong prayer or mantra that you really believe in can be repeated and concentrated upon when strange thoughts seem to come to you uninvited....

 

If you're not doing all the little and or so called worldly things as if they matter then do so - since they do for you - thus not just for being nice to family, friends, etc. if that is happening?

im trying/doing that. i recite the lords prayer mentally throughout the day. when i'm in contemplation and i'm 'in control' i use words like christ or god to come back to what i refer t as 'zero point'

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Sounds like inner changes going on. Nothing wrong with that especially as you see most of them as positive. Nothing wrong with logical thinking either. Gotta' get your sense of humor back though. No, you don't need laugh at the pain or misfortune of others. (A lot of people do that and I find that sad.)

 

3bob hit the other part of your post so I won't speak to that.

 

Best wishes during this time of readjustments.

i'm sure some form of inner change is about, i'm just not entirely sure if its for the better to be honest

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Hey man I can empathize w what your going through. If you want to I made a thread on here called "7 months into meditation..weird issues".. If you wanna look it up and read through I got some great advice and feedback in it.. I see a lot of myself and what you are describing. I have no clue how to link to the thread or I would but definitely check it if you want.

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i'm sure some form of inner change is about, i'm just not entirely sure if its for the better to be honest

We never do until after the fact. But we can sometimes guide those changes.

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my thoughts throughout the day, even under strain and influence of negativity in the work environment, have become increasingly "positive" and few. this is 'good' and well for my family, employees and most relations. they find my attitudes, words and actions helpful and 'surprisingly' pleasant for the most part. i've often heard our existence as humans described as autonomous for the most part, but i've never really felt that sentiment applied to my life until now- months after what i considered to be a time of 'much learning'. ha, speaking of ha, my sense of humor has wilted to something unrecognizable. i can see where jokes are meant to be 'funny' and where i 'should' laugh, but it simply doesn't strike me as logical or humane. it's as if most around me desperately urge myself and others to laugh at the shortcomings/pain of others and their own in some odd sadistic therapeutic i don't know. it's all very surreal. i feel like a shell of myself, but i am fully present. much of my knowing seems to drop right out of the air. i don't think any near as much as i used to. i've written about my personal loss of personality, interests in the past here, but it's growing in intensity every day. all this is considered normal here so this is not what i will dwell upon.

 

what i have labeled as problematic are my thoughts that arise as i awake and as i depart to sleep. they've grown so fantastic. many times with very dark undertones or with seemingly no undertones or congruence at all(random?). thoughts will come in sometimes what appears as someone elses conversation, like a scene from a film i've never watched. thoughts come as musings pertaining to things i've given little or no thought at all to. the thoughts at times seem to be coming from somewhere other than myself/personal headspace/brain. many times i can't remember/retrieve these fantastical/thoughts musings, i can only recall the skeleton of the notions at best.

 

oftentimes as i lay in contemplation or as i lay to sleep, my thoughts feel as though they no longer are mine, like some alien force is occupying my being or that i've been inducted into its hive mind. 'soul loss' is a term i think applies to much of my experience.

 

it is all very surreal at this point.

 

Check out Mindfulness via the link in my sig.

That can be a useful tool towards regulating troublesome thoughts.

For sure you'll get off to seep easier.

Hope that helps.

 

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im trying/doing that. i recite the lords prayer mentally throughout the day. when i'm in contemplation and i'm 'in control' i use words like christ or god to come back to what i refer t as 'zero point'

 

From browsing the web I see there is a school out there using the term "zero point", it also has some Mr. G. stuff, along with other mixes thrown in. (I only took a very brief look but saw several depressive, conspiracy type articles) If you are tuning into that or something similar it could be linked to some of what you described as feeling earlier. (?)

 

Madness is only in the mind, along with other things. Spirit can not be taken over by such although it can more or less be veiled by same for an "x" amount of time. Btw, I wouldn't suggest newer students mentate on much of the "fragments" of the 4th way stuff since most of what is commonly being taught (imo) is not backed by realized teachers, thus it's often open to all sorts of corruption or de-volvement, (just as its Law of Seven describes) that is until one has a spiritual anchor that can not be broken and which will help one see the half-lies and half-truths on a coin (so to speak) for what they are and keep such in perspective to the greater Truth of Spirit.

 

Extending ones thoughts to much or to often into the future (or past) can also bring about symptoms of madness since we have to stand up right now, with our feet firmly on the ground.

 

Best wishes man...

Edited by 3bob
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WOODNOTES

 

 

WHEN the pine tosses its cones
To the song of its waterfall tones,
Who speeds to the woodland walks?
To birds and trees who talks?
Cæsar of his leafy Rome,
There the poet is at home.
He goes to the river-side,—
Not hook nor line hath he;
He stands in the meadows wide,—
Nor gun nor scythe to see.
Sure some god his eye enchants:
What he knows nobody wants.
In the wood he travels glad,
Without better fortune had,
Melancholy without bad.
Knowledge this man prizes best
Seems fantastic to the rest:
Pondering shadows, colors, clouds,
Grass-buds and caterpillar-shrouds,
Boughs on which the wild bees settle,
Tints that spot the violet's petal,
Why Nature loves the number five,
And why the star-form she repeats:
Lover of all things alive,
Wonderer at all he meets,
Wonderer chiefly at himself,
Who can tell him what he is?
Or how meet in human elf
Coming and past eternities?

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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From browsing the web I see there is a school out there using the term "zero point", it also has some Mr. G. stuff, along with other mixes thrown in. (I only took a very brief look but saw several depressive, conspiracy type articles) If you are tuning into that or something similar it could be linked to some of what you described as feeling earlier. (?)

 

Madness is only in the mind, along with other things. Spirit can not be taken over by such although it can more or less be veiled by same for an "x" amount of time. Btw, I wouldn't suggest newer students mentate on much of the "fragments" of the 4th way stuff since most of what is commonly being taught (imo) is not backed by realized teachers, thus it's often open to all sorts of corruption or de-volvement, (just as its Law of Seven describes) that is until one has a spiritual anchor that can not be broken and which will help one see the half-lies and half-truths on a coin (so to speak) for what they are and keep such in perspective to the greater Truth of Spirit.

 

Extending ones thoughts to much or to often into the future (or past) can also bring about symptoms of madness since we have to stand up right now, with our feet firmly on the ground.

 

Best wishes man...

not really, it was just a term i just 'came up with' recently to describe the feeling when i feel like i'm sitting in the middle of my head.

 

i really do appreciate your help as i find you learned from your speech,

 

i'm just not sure if i should be anymore. i don't feel suicidal, just this ever expanding emptiness filling my life. it really hurts sometimes, it gets really bad. i don't do anything anymore but work and when i'm not working i'm laying in bed. today my only friend, my girlfriend, left me. and i just am and it hurts so much. i feel like something took part of my soul away, i don't really enjoy anything not that i have anyone to share it with anymore. it just hurts so much and i'm not used to it. i've lost interest in nearly everything. i just work and sleep now. i try to be strong and do whats right the best i can but its like it doesnt even matter at all. i really appreciate your help, but i don't know if i can be helped anymore. i've lost everything and everything that made me who i was. i'm really sad.

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Have you gone to a counselor or an perhaps a group led by a counselor? People here can give you some good ideas and leads but person to person contact is very important! Thus I suggest making that happen in whatever way helps you, which could be partly done through lots of kinds of activities ranging from A-Z. Btw, all energy that gets routed into feeling depressed or in doubt could be re-routed into feeling fine and whole. We need to and should naturally enjoy very simple things like seeing spring time and all the plants coming to life for that is a clue from nature to get with it in our coming to life in whatever ways we can- and remember nature does not lie or play favorites and she never gives up no matter what! We can only do so much by our own wits but with the Spirit (or Holy Spirit if you prefer) we can live this day well and give thanks for so much that ranges from A-Z!

 

Heads-up, and keep learning...

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There is this interesting story .....

 

A tramp in London who was settling in for the night. He’d hardly been able to get a crust of bread to eat. He reaches this embankment on the river Thames. There was a slight drizzle, so he huddled in his old tattered cloak.

 

He was about to go to sleep when suddenly a chauffeur-driven Rolls-Royce pulls up. Out of the car steps a beautiful young lady who says to him, “My poor man, are you planning on spending the night here on this embankment?” And the tramp says, “Yes.”

 

She says, “I won’t have it. You’re coming to my house and you’re going to spend a comfortable night and you’re going to get a good dinner.” She insists on his getting into the car. Well, they ride out of London and get to a place where she has a sprawling mansion with large grounds. They are ushered in by the butler, to whom she says, “James, please make sure he’s put in the servants’ quarters and treated well.” Which is what James does.

 

The young lady had undressed and was about to go to bed when she suddenly remembers her guest for the night. So she slips something on and pads along the corridor to the servants’ quarters. She sees a little chink of light from the room where the tramp was put up.

 

She taps lightly at the door, opens it, and finds the man awake.

 

She says, “What’s the trouble, my good man, didn’t you get a good meal?”

 

He said, “Never had a better meal in my life, lady.” “Are you warm enough?” He says, “Yes, lovely warm bed.”

 

Then she says, “Maybe you need a little company. Why don’t you move over a, bit.” And she comes closer to him .......

 

........ and he moves over and falls right into the Thames.

 

:)

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The feelings of disassociation you describe could come from so many conditions. If I were you, I would consider the medical element.

There are "qigong sickness" possibilities. As beyonder asked, what are you practicing daily?

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