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Deep Excavation and Brute Honesty

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Deep excavation of, and brute honesty with myself reveal harsh truths and difficult questions to my conscious mind.

 

I may have been projecting so many things onto other people without realizing it at all, for these things have all been so intense and powerful they became complete truth in my reality...at the same time, it is likely I have been projected onto as well. Can other peoples Psychological projections impact the energetically sensitive?

 

Unless I have the desire somewhere inside myself to Curse everybody, how can I have attracted this many Curses into my Life from all sorts of people? I think it actually has worked both ways - Is this Karma? A Psychic who's given me highly accurate information about other areas of my Life told me that I was at War with many people, but is that actually accurate information? Why would I be at War with so many people?

 

Why do I have 2 Stelliums (4 planets in a House in Astrology) in my Horoscope. Why is one of them a Scorpio Stellium and the other one is in the 12th House, the House of the Subconscious...why is Astrology so freakishly accurate? Why am I this complex? Is everyone like this in their own way, or am I actually this complicated?

 

Do I have egoic complexes that I'm unaware of? Does everybody?

 

Is intuitive information actually accurate? Did I destroy potentially good relationships with people by relying on it? Should I try and make it in Music above everything else, or should I follow the current of thought telling me not to care about that and go for a solo life/career to Master all the Arts I'm into (or die trying)?

 

Can I truly be who I am in this world?

 

I've been holding things inside me that have been impacting my Life negatively, and I've been unaware of it - I thought I had gone deeply into myself, and I probably have for someone my age (but hey this isn't a competition is it) but this is now at a new level, yet again.

 

These are some harsh truths and difficult questions I'm dealing with at the moment.

 

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I think you're answering your own questions. But I will say (re your sig) that astrology is in many ways a forced structure...

 

 

EDIT

 

I don't know what career path you should follow. Maybe what's expedient?

Edited by nestentrie
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Interesting. You could be right about Astrology - It has helped gain understanding of many parts of myself, so I like it, but you could be right. I was more sharing the questions I've been asking myself, than asking people on here to tell me how to live.

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I'm going through a process of discovering what beliefs I've really been holding, and weeding out the ones that haven't been helping me out.

Good idea. But do it based on reason and logic only. While in that process leave your emotions and even your intuition out of it. Yes, that's boring and harsh but it is very functional.

 

From your opening post, I think that you are putting more into it than really exists. (You have created illusions and delusions, and yes, even projecting yourself on others, and allowing them to do so to you.)

 

Astrology is fun but it will get in the way of logical thinking. I suggest leaving it outside the box while you are conducting your search.

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I may have been projecting so many things onto other people without realizing it at all...

 

Is intuitive information actually accurate?

We all project qualities and attributes onto people we meet, some of it will be right, some wrong. It's guesswork based on previous experience. It's especially strong with people we meet online, as we only have their written word to go on. One person I dealt with online a few years back was a completely sectarian, argument-picking asshole. The sort of person who attacks everyone for everything, yet I was assured by someone who had met him in real life that the was a genuinely sensitive and caring individual. Who was right? And why didn't it ever come across in what he wrote? He was banned from one forum after another.

 

So is intuitive information accurate? It's probably more important to consider what you do personally with your projected notions, rather than question their veracity. You'll never know for sure (is it ultimately relevant?), but you can see how your mind reacts to it, and that does matter.

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Your life is what you make of it, and how you want it to be. This of course can take time to perfect things, but essentially you can take control of it if you wish and decide how things are going to be :). It does take a lot of work and is more difficult than anything else, but very much worth it. It is basically making the decision that things are going to go how you desire/need.

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Yes, I've been aware of that before, but then forgot it (now I remember again) - I touched on that in a Poem recently actually.

 

It's a matter of working out my "True" desires...

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I'm yet to be convinced that there is one single "truth" to be obtained.

 

I'm developing my own truth - I feel this approach is right for me, rather than following an already-existing path, though it is proving hard work (what, with all the deep excavation and brute honesty)...I would rather carve my own way across the board in Life, than follow a way that already exists.

 

I had an epiphany yesterday, around 4-4:30pm: I became aware that I had often been giving away my power to other people, places, societal constructs, my own delusions etc etc. - This was a mistake (some people apparently like getting told what to do, I dunno...) so I think it is best to take it all back...Fighting people, fighting the world (or your perceptions of them) gives those things power over you - Instead of fight them pointlessly, why not use that energy for endless Creativity?

That was my epiphany.

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It is basically making the decision that things are going to go how you desire/need.

But we need reduce our desires as much as possible. Hehehe.

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