7 months into meditation..weird issues, seeing if anyone has input

[bax44]

Big Dark Cahuna ROFL ROFL ROFL. I like that term .

 

At the time, the little ones each feel like a big dark cahuna whilste in the middle of them too!

 

I don't think they ever stop really (even after the BDC), and if they (the smaller ones I meant) do, you are probably not working deeply enough....

Oh man, this is a little scary haha..Big dark cahuna..lol somedays it feels like its already here! I need to remember in the scheme of things this is nothing compared to what many go through. and by no means has it been all bad..just..very very different.. Like I said I feel like Im a much different person..One thing is Im having a very hard time "connecting" with others..Like Ill feel good on my own and I start talking with someone and it starts great and I quickly lose interest and fade out..then am alone again and feel better..Yet Im having an overwhelming desire to be social, but once I get there its the last place I wanna be. Ive always been sligthly introverted but this feels different, like I am able to talk very easily but im getting no joy from it..Its like everything is deeply unsatisfying and im yearning for something more, but Ive NO idea what that "more" would be. I need to be content with where I am..but its this underlying scratch. idk if that makes sense..

Edited October 26, 2013 by bax44

[Spotless]

THanks. Im not claiming to be on a higher consciousness or anything or even close to being "awakened" but I do feel something is changing and I have almost no control over it. I suppose this is what your saying..dont try to control whatever it is and go with the flow. I DO feel like im subtly operating on a different vibration somehow but cant quite explain it.. What your describing about feeling like somethings missing is perfect, Im guessing youve gone through this stuff before? I will heed your advice for sure.

Please understand - you are indeed in some of the higher realms - do not skip over this change!

YOU have stepped forward - know it - our culture has taught you to look away and for the goal posts.

When you stand under the goal posts you do not see the arches rising into the air - you are the arches.

The difference is this subtle - the grass is still under your feet - but now you are the grass as well.

 

Please stop and become familiar with this treasure you have come to - breath into the new vibration and fill your aura with it from above your head to below and around your feet.

[mjjbecker]

Plenty of good information already.

 

It's good. Don't worry about it. Or perhaps don't become attached either way, to the 'highs' or the 'lows'. The 'highs' certainly bring into stark contrast the rest of life's experiences. With 'awareness', you have to let go, or you can drive yourself to the edge-or over.

 

I completely cleared up digestive problems earlier in my life using the 18 step tai chi chi kung exercises ('Shi ba shi taijiqigong'). I've posted some links up before for this info if you do a search. It can be found for free online and there are some videos on YouTube also.

 

Fundamental to anxiety and digestive issues can be issues with tension in the body. You want your belly to relax and sink down naturally. Once I went down the neigong path I found I could no longer do standard abdominal crunches. They restricted my breathing too much with the whole 'flat stomach' thing. Fortunately the Chinese martial arts have plenty of good waist exercises.

 

The exercises above will certainly help you to relax and to allow the organs to sink into their natural locations in the body. This will certainly help.

 

Another good set of exercises are the 16 Neigong exercises in Tim Carmell's Xing Yi neigong book. They look 'simple' but then excellent practices often do.

 

For people without a teacher to supervise them, I think moving exercises are better than static ones.

 

My number one recommendations for 'cultivation' are 'Stillness Movement' and the 'Gift of the Tao' practices. You can find plenty on this by doing a search on the forum. Personal preference and each to their own, but it works for me.

 

Finally, and fundamentally, never forget to keep in contact with friends and family. Don't be afraid to ask for help or just some company when you are feeling 'down'. They don't have to be practitioners of meditation or anything like that, just people who genuinely care for you. Without such help I would not be writing this now. When the dark night comes one needs ones anchors in the storm.

[SonOfTheGods]

Don't go sight seeing on the journey

 

rather, just continue onward with the trip

 

there will be plenty of time later on for retrospect

 

get your mileage in first

 

there are many twists and turns along the rocky mountains

 

hold on, and don't forget to breathe!

[Rara]

THanks. Im not claiming to be on a higher consciousness or anything or even close to being "awakened" but I do feel something is changing and I have almost no control over it. I suppose this is what your saying..dont try to control whatever it is and go with the flow. I DO feel like im subtly operating on a different vibration somehow but cant quite explain it.. What your describing about feeling like somethings missing is perfect, Im guessing youve gone through this stuff before? I will heed your advice for sure.

 

Well, you are hehe. And no, you have zero control...hence the awakening process. You're starting to see "it" now so there's no going back from that You can kid yourself all you want and try to make it all go away but it ain't gonna happen. Just follow and learn

 

Oh man, this is a little scary haha..Big dark cahuna..lol somedays it feels like its already here! I need to remember in the scheme of things this is nothing compared to what many go through. and by no means has it been all bad..just..very very different.. Like I said I feel like Im a much different person..One thing is Im having a very hard time "connecting" with others..Like Ill feel good on my own and I start talking with someone and it starts great and I quickly lose interest and fade out..then am alone again and feel better..Yet Im having an overwhelming desire to be social, but once I get there its the last place I wanna be. Ive always been sligthly introverted but this feels different, like I am able to talk very easily but im getting no joy from it..Its like everything is deeply unsatisfying and im yearning for something more, but Ive NO idea what that "more" would be. I need to be content with where I am..but its this underlying scratch. idk if that makes sense..

 

Yes it does make sense. Your last sentence answered your ow question. You know what needs to be done...so you can now practice and get there! I'm still in the process, so I totally know what you mean about this withdrawn feeling. With this, we need to understand that we still have to blend in to the rest of the "real world" in order to pass on our virtues and help others. But yes, I totally know what you mean by wanting t be elsewhere! Hehe...

 

PS, where/who did you play baseball for?

[bax44]

Plenty of good information already.

 

It's good. Don't worry about it. Or perhaps don't become attached either way, to the 'highs' or the 'lows'. The 'highs' certainly bring into stark contrast the rest of life's experiences. With 'awareness', you have to let go, or you can drive yourself to the edge-or over.

 

I completely cleared up digestive problems earlier in my life using the 18 step tai chi chi kung exercises ('Shi ba shi taijiqigong'). I've posted some links up before for this info if you do a search. It can be found for free online and there are some videos on YouTube also.

 

Fundamental to anxiety and digestive issues can be issues with tension in the body. You want your belly to relax and sink down naturally. Once I went down the neigong path I found I could no longer do standard abdominal crunches. They restricted my breathing too much with the whole 'flat stomach' thing. Fortunately the Chinese martial arts have plenty of good waist exercises.

 

The exercises above will certainly help you to relax and to allow the organs to sink into their natural locations in the body. This will certainly help.

 

Another good set of exercises are the 16 Neigong exercises in Tim Carmell's Xing Yi neigong book. They look 'simple' but then excellent practices often do.

 

For people without a teacher to supervise them, I think moving exercises are better than static ones.

 

My number one recommendations for 'cultivation' are 'Stillness Movement' and the 'Gift of the Tao' practices. You can find plenty on this by doing a search on the forum. Personal preference and each to their own, but it works for me.

 

Finally, and fundamentally, never forget to keep in contact with friends and family. Don't be afraid to ask for help or just some company when you are feeling 'down'. They don't have to be practitioners of meditation or anything like that, just people who genuinely care for you. Without such help I would not be writing this now. When the dark night comes one needs ones anchors in the storm.

Thank you I will look up the movement exercises. I think they could definitely help.

[bax44]

Well, you are hehe. And no, you have zero control...hence the awakening process. You're starting to see "it" now so there's no going back from that You can kid yourself all you want and try to make it all go away but it ain't gonna happen. Just follow and learn

 

 

Yes it does make sense. Your last sentence answered your ow question. You know what needs to be done...so you can now practice and get there! I'm still in the process, so I totally know what you mean about this withdrawn feeling. With this, we need to understand that we still have to blend in to the rest of the "real world" in order to pass on our virtues and help others. But yes, I totally know what you mean by wanting t be elsewhere! Hehe...

 

PS, where/who did you play baseball for?

Haha Yeah I suppose not much to do except just go with it. Its good to see that there are others who have experienced this type of thing, When I started out meditating I was simply hoping for a calmer mindset and health benefits.. LOL its turned into a whole other ballgame so to speak. I played baseball professionally in Indiana for a time, before injuries took their toll.

[bax44]

Just a minor update..last night during meditation I experienced a tingling up and down my left leg for what lasted about 2-3 minutes..I made note earlier in my thread about feeling "numb" on the left side of top of head; almost as if that side of my brain, it hasnt been functioning. Also along with the tingling came muscle twitches in the left arm. I cant say the tingling was unpleasant at all; in fact it felt good. I also had a mildly erotic dream, something that has been totally absent for some time(any hint of sexuality has been absent).. I also awoke with what seemed like 100 images in my head, none of which were unpleasant, mostly of things in nature like beaches, mountains,etc. I also cried a bit out of nowhere during meditation last nite. My emotional capacity has been severely blunted lately so I took this as a good thing and it seemed to have released something because of the dreams,etc. Just thought Id make a note of it here.

Edited October 27, 2013 by bax44

[Spotless]

Regarding the changes in your interaction with other:

 

You have slipped out of the buzz and it has been disorienting for you - your past suddenly removed like a past life you have little connection with.

 

In addressing people you have undergone enormous change but they have not - they are still fully embodied in their story and while they may have been or are good friends - you will find their company to be a part of the buzz - wholly unconscious.

 

Most teachers are of little value at this point - they will go into problem solving at best and you do not have a problem - you have a transition - a realized teacher is what you will find immensely helpful.

 

Please also obtain a copy of "experience and philosophy" by Franklin Merrel-Wolff

It is a play by play account of what one goes through. It is two books in one - this is the copy to obtain.

 

Regarding the trembling - it is generally a health concern when these thing occur, that said and assuming you are aware of your health levels, it is not uncommon that with a great change in awareness come significant energy changes.

Qi Gong helps to distribute this energy and it also helps maintain this shift.

 

Regarding the shift:

 

We are of the western culture where the idea of a real spiritual shift is right next to vigin birth - this is unfortunate.

I mentioned tuning into Buddha at the Gas Pump because there you will find some 200 interviews with awakened people.

Some of them just woke up one day and had no idea what had happened - some sought psychiatric help - as you may be aware, it took Ekhart Tolle several years to comprehend what happened to him.

 

All the best

Edited October 27, 2013 by Spotless

[raimonio]

Didn't have the patience to read the whole thread over, just here to give my 2 cents.

 

I used to have massive negative reactions from meditation and I was able to transform all that by changing my diet. I had/have candida syndrome, IBS, cronic fatique syndrome etc. I suggest a very tight low-carb diet with the right herbs for the disease and to anyone with any problems, but especially if your having digestive issues. Another option that has worked wonders for some is a fruitarian diet.

 

It also makes a big difference which practice you are doing. But I think that if your diet is not proper then its kind of counter-productive to try to cure the situation with meditation. But ofcourse the right meditation can help and in best cases take care of the whole issue.

 

The bottom line with all nutrition now days is to eat natural organic stuff. The crap that people stuff themselves with is pretty much poison, even all the "normal" stuff like pesticised + genemanipulated grains.

 

Imho there is every now and then the guy, who has these bat-shit-crazy-like reactions from meditation that should not be there. I think if you really feel that this shit should not be happening then you are propably right. It is not wise to give advice like "you are just doing it wrong". There is a clear difference with crazy shit and "normal adverse effects". Ofcourse it might not feel good if you have to face something about yourself that you dont like trough meditation etc. but atleast in my experience people know when this is the case. I mean just yesterday I had a huge emotional meltdown during my practice, but it was clearly connected with my past etc. But if you compare that to the insane anxiety that came from out of nowhere after meditation back when my body was still being poisoned by candy and junk food, its just a different game alltogether.

 

Especially nowdays when there are all kinds of weird diseases, its really impossible to say whether someone is delusional and making everything up. I would always take the stand that what your intuition is telling you is prolly true. I mean the western medical field has not been able to find a reason for most of the modern diseases. All the tests I've ever had were all normal, yet I had to go true unbearable sufferings for years. Then cured a big portion of it in 2months by changind diet.

[bax44]

Regarding the changes in your interaction with other: You have slipped out of the buzz and it has been disorienting for you - your past suddenly removed like a past life you have little connection with. In addressing people you have undergone enormous change but they have not - they are still fully embodied in their story and while they may have been or are good friends - you will find their company to be a part of the buzz - wholly unconscious. Most teachers are of little value at this point - they will go into problem solving at best and you do not have a problem - you have a transition - a realized teacher is what you will find immensely helpful. Please also obtain a copy of "experience and philosophy" by Franklin Merrel-Wolff It is a play by play account of what one goes through. It is two books in one - this is the copy to obtain. Regarding the trembling - it is generally a health concern when these thing occur, that said and assuming you are aware of your health levels, it is not uncommon that with a great change in awareness come significant energy changes. Qi Gong helps to distribute this energy and it also helps maintain this shift. Regarding the shift: We are of the western culture where the idea of a real spiritual shift is right next to vigin birth - this is unfortunate. I mentioned tuning into Buddha at the Gas Pump because there you will find some 200 interviews with awakened people. Some of them just woke up one day and had no idea what had happened - some sought psychiatric help - as you may be aware, it took Ekhart Tolle several years to comprehend what happened to him. All the best

This part in bold is exactly how its been. In my interaction with the girl I described in my first post..there was a definite liking/attraction for her..however it was as if I had no "base" or background when talking with her. (plus my innate sexual drive is..missing im assuming this stems from the same issue)Like, Ok, I know Ive done good things, accomplishments in my past, but its as if I have no emotional connection with those; or they mean very little to me. So I speak of these things dispassionately with others, as quite frankly at this point they mean little to nothing to me. I also have very vague memories of these things,(my memory has taken a nosedive, i thought meditation helped with this) and your correct, it feels as if it never even happened. I feel this is where the disconnect is coming from. The only good thing is at least Im aware of it. What you speak of about the west viewing spirituality is probably very true. Hence why I havent told a soul about this stuff, except for on this board. I often feel lately like I have very little to talk about with others except for whats happening right there and then in the moment. The sensations I described havent been particularly unpleasant, but remembering I have a long history of health issues, it is sometimes hard to discern what is what. But what Im describing in this thread is...different. and i know my body well. and I have heard some of Tolles stuff- done a few of his meditations. I heard stories about him and what he went through, and just actually read a few weeks ago where it took him some time to process what was going on. as always, you seem to have hit quite close to whats happening to me.. thank you.

 

 

Edited October 27, 2013 by bax44

[bax44]

Didn't have the patience to read the whole thread over, just here to give my 2 cents.

 

I used to have massive negative reactions from meditation and I was able to transform all that by changing my diet. I had/have candida syndrome, IBS, cronic fatique syndrome etc. I suggest a very tight low-carb diet with the right herbs for the disease and to anyone with any problems, but especially if your having digestive issues. Another option that has worked wonders for some is a fruitarian diet.

Sorry to hear. I have celiac disease, hypothyroidism, and have in the past had other endocrine issues. I do have my diet pretty much under control.

It also makes a big difference which practice you are doing. But I think that if your diet is not proper then its kind of counter-productive to try to cure the situation with meditation. But ofcourse the right meditation can help and in best cases take care of the whole issue.

 

The bottom line with all nutrition now days is to eat natural organic stuff. The crap that people stuff themselves with is pretty much poison, even all the "normal" stuff like pesticised + genemanipulated grains.

I agree. Its very difficult nowadays to find good real food. I do my best to eat pretty clean.

Imho there is every now and then the guy, who has these bat-shit-crazy-like reactions from meditation that should not be there. I think if you really feel that this shit should not be happening then you are propably right. It is not wise to give advice like "you are just doing it wrong". There is a clear difference with crazy shit and "normal adverse effects". Ofcourse it might not feel good if you have to face something about yourself that you dont like trough meditation etc. but atleast in my experience people know when this is the case. I mean just yesterday I had a huge emotional meltdown during my practice, but it was clearly connected with my past etc. But if you compare that to the insane anxiety that came from out of nowhere after meditation back when my body was still being poisoned by candy and junk food, its just a different game alltogether.

Well, I havent had candy or junk food in about 3 years, so I think I can safely rule this out as a cause. I do enjoy alcohol once or twice a week,and am trying to give up a tobacco addiction from my baseball days. other than that i eat totally gluten free, high protein low carb w lots of vegetables and fruits. No, this feels like something in me has changed. Im not judging what it is, but I think Ive been given good advice in the thread. I have had many instances in meditation where Ive had these crying emotional outbursts, but lately I seem immune/numb to these, much like a lot of other things. although last night I did have a minor outburst, which paradoxically made me feel better.

Especially nowdays when there are all kinds of weird diseases, its really impossible to say whether someone is delusional and making everything up. I would always take the stand that what your intuition is telling you is prolly true. I mean the western medical field has not been able to find a reason for most of the modern diseases. All the tests I've ever had were all normal, yet I had to go true unbearable sufferings for years. Then cured a big portion of it in 2months by changind diet.

Well I can assure you im not making anything up(if thats what you were implying). Ive run the gauntlet of a lot of health issues, and have/had been feeling pretty healthy physically. I mean perhaps Ill find out im dying of a brain tumor or something lol, however I doubt this as I had a cat scan a few weeks back after my concussion from my car accident.This is more just a huge shift in the way Im viewing the world, and i seemingly have very little control over it. hence why I created this thread. And i feel for you about going through all the tests etc. western medicine is pretty damn inept. I went through 8 doctors in 4 years before i got somewhat of a diagnosis, and even then it was only because I had done the research. Specailist after specialist, ones who were supposed to be the best in their fields, did nothing except offer me anti depressants. Even with all the physical symptoms. Of course I was depressed, my youthful vitality was gone! The things Im experiencing now I wouldnt tell to a western doctor if my life depended on it. Theyd offer me a pill and perhaps a white jacket.

Edited October 27, 2013 by bax44

[Spotless]

Hello all, I will try to make this as short as possible. I was recommended here by someone on a mens health forum.

 

 

 

So, I just kept up my practice trying to maintain an even keel. But my body doesnt seem to be cooperating. Lately Ive noticed Disturbing ADD/ADHD type symptoms..FLAT emotions..low/no libido..vivid dreams..a sort of "hypersensitivity" when out in public. Ive had days also where Ive walked around feeling no fear whatsoever, and others where I didnt want to leave the house. My sense of direction, or feeling of motivation, is almost totally missing. I kinda feel like Im in a dream.It feels like my identity, or who I thought I was, is missing. Like all my past accomplishments, achievements, are a distant memory and not a part of me anymore. I used to be a professional baseball player, a good golfer, loved to golf..I have NO desire to golf, and no feeling of pride from being an athlete.. But at the same time, have a strainge feeling of contentment, at least when the anxiety doesnt take hold..

 

 

Hello bax44,

 

In this "flat" space you may not have put two and two together - notice that you can "not think"!

It is easy to pass over this but you can actually be still.

It can be pretty hard to believe that you would not immediately see this but also notice there is no fidgeting attached to this or effort.

Be in this withdrawal from former habits - really breath into this.

 

You can also practice not planning and knowing.

These are very subtle

 

I do not know what kind of commitments you have but it is fairly easy to let your Facebook die and your hobbies become vapor and your media outlets to sit, but not planning seems impossible and to some extent it is - but far far less than one can imagine when fully part and parcel to the buzz.

Knowing will prosper in your new found state - exactly how it trickles in for you I cannot say. If you are in your space of no inertia then seeing and trusting this emerging knowing will be much faster and easier. You can also trust that you will know when you need to know. These are oddly two different things but in the same vein of thought.

 

Meeting people becomes more like viewing them but with no inertia - they expect inertia and for you to dance in this inertia with them. You can practice being around people in your silent awakened space at coffee shops - just be with them as they move around without any necessary interaction.

 

(Wear sunglasses - you may find yourself alternately weeping and smiling - its a wobbly start)

 

All the best

Edited October 27, 2013 by Spotless

[bax44]

Hello all, I will try to make this as short as possible. I was recommended here by someone on a mens health forum.

 

 

 

So, I just kept up my practice trying to maintain an even keel. But my body doesnt seem to be cooperating. Lately Ive noticed Disturbing ADD/ADHD type symptoms..FLAT emotions..low/no libido..vivid dreams..a sort of "hypersensitivity" when out in public. Ive had days also where Ive walked around feeling no fear whatsoever, and others where I didnt want to leave the house. My sense of direction, or feeling of motivation, is almost totally missing. I kinda feel like Im in a dream.It feels like my identity, or who I thought I was, is missing. Like all my past accomplishments, achievements, are a distant memory and not a part of me anymore. I used to be a professional baseball player, a good golfer, loved to golf..I have NO desire to golf, and no feeling of pride from being an athlete.. But at the same time, have a strainge feeling of contentment, at least when the anxiety doesnt take hold..

 

 

Hello bax44,

 

In this "flat" space you may not have put two and two together - notice that you can "not think"!

It is easy to pass over this but you can actually be still.

It can be pretty hard to believe that you would not immediately see this but also notice there is no fidgeting attached to this or effort.

Be in this withdrawal from former habits - really breath into this

 

Yes, in fact i was getting ready to post that after my meditation last night, where I experienced some emotional release- I feel much more calm and peaceful today. In fact just now sitting with my dog outside I felt pretty content with things and felt pretty well. And honestly wasnt thinking about much of anything. almost like meditating. I think somehow in typing this stuff out is helping as well.

 

 

You can also practice not planning and knowing.

These are very subtle

 

I do not know what kind of commitments you have but it is fairly easy to let your Facebook die and your hobbies become vapor and your media outlets to sit, but not planning seems impossible and to some extent it is - but far far less than one can imagine when fully part and parcel to the buzz.

Knowing will prosper in your new found state - exactly how it trickles in for you I cannot say. If you are in your space of no inertia then seeing and trusting this emerging knowing will be much faster and easier. You can also trust that you will know when you need to know. These are oddly two different things but in the same vein of thought.

 

I have during my really bad days had an almost compulsive clicking on facebook,etc.. Although intrinsically I HATE facebook and social media, something inside is trying to cling to these things--for what reason I do not know. When you speak of "the buzz" I assume you are talking about the constant stimulation of our society? Something that I really wish I could almost totally get away from.

 

 

Meeting people becomes more like viewing them but with no inertia - they expect inertia and for you to dance in this inertia with them. You can practice being around people in your silent awakened space at coffee shops - just be with them as they move around without any necessary interaction.

 

(Wear sunglasses - you may find yourself alternately weeping and smiling - its a wobbly start)

 

All the best

This is very similar to the way I was just feeling in the park w my dog.. very calm and peaceful. Interesting, I have had times as I said in my OP where I have had this feeling in public around others-- It feels much like being in a zone of your own making and almost having a shield around yourself- yet you are very open and aware. I think I have to remind myself that this state is in fact inside of me when I have anxious moments. for me personally when I feel this way, I also feel deeply empathetic. I suppose this could cause issues as it makes me want to reach out to people a lot, and even to people whove hurt me. Perhaps much better as you said to just breathe into the space. I had a lady as I was walking by her in Target about a month and a half ago say hello and tell me how peaceful I looked. And on that day I did feel almost totally at ease. amazing how other people can pick up on this stuff.

 

Edited October 27, 2013 by bax44

[Rara]

Just a minor update..last night during meditation I experienced a tingling up and down my left leg for what lasted about 2-3 minutes..I made note earlier in my thread about feeling "numb" on the left side of top of head; almost as if that side of my brain, it hasnt been functioning. Also along with the tingling came muscle twitches in the left arm. I cant say the tingling was unpleasant at all; in fact it felt good. I also had a mildly erotic dream, something that has been totally absent for some time(any hint of sexuality has been absent).. I also awoke with what seemed like 100 images in my head, none of which were unpleasant, mostly of things in nature like beaches, mountains,etc. I also cried a bit out of nowhere during meditation last nite. My emotional capacity has been severely blunted lately so I took this as a good thing and it seemed to have released something because of the dreams,etc. Just thought Id make a note of it here.

 

Did you watch the video from this post?

 

 

 

I watched it today and it will talk about those weird sensations you talk about. I really enjoyed this...I'm actually learning a lot more from this thread too!

[bax44]

Did you watch the video from this post?

 

 

I watched it today and it will talk about those weird sensations you talk about. I really enjoyed this...I'm actually learning a lot more from this thread too!

Hi Rara, I have tried to look at the video and the link isnt working for me; its saying an error has occured. I will type it into youtube on my phone here in a bit and see if that works. Im glad your getting something from the thread..Its definitely helping me to know how supportive and knowledgeable people here are and this in its own way has helped me immensely.

[mike 134]

If your problems are organic (= not psychiatric) they are probably endocrine. Normal thyroid tests don't mean the thyroid is necessarily normal. Maybe they checked bound thyroid hormones and not free hormone. If it isn't thyroid, maybe you have an adrenal problem.

 

Go see a specialist endocrinologist, not a general practitioner. They will do more testing. Be extremely wary of attempting to ascribe your symptoms to "spiritual practices".

[bax44]

If your problems are organic (= not psychiatric) they are probably endocrine. Normal thyroid tests don't mean the thyroid is necessarily normal. Maybe they checked bound thyroid hormones and not free hormone. If it isn't thyroid, maybe you have an adrenal problem.

 

Go see a specialist endocrinologist, not a general practitioner. They will do more testing. Be extremely wary of attempting to ascribe your symptoms to "spiritual practices".

 

I am on thyroid meds, and have my blood levels monitored every couple months. they measured TSH, free T3, Free T4, total T4..at last bloodwork my labs looked good. of course there is a lot of debate online that normal labwork means little and should go by symptoms...its hard to believe all of this could be attributable to thyroid problem. my adrenal function has been also tested recently and looked ok, and I am taking supplements etc to support them as they can be weakened with cocommitant thyroid problems. I have an endocronologist(actually 2 of them) and a thyroid specialist working with me.

[Trash Filter]

Very good thread, and nice clip.

I have dealt with this. Terrible depression and anxiety and even tinnintus for a year after my 4th meditation long retreat, never had anything like it before. My meditation friend sitting next to me ended up almost suffocating, and I had to keep him from falling on his face. Bloody spirits and demons, pain in the neck.

Keep meditating with clear mind, detox your body and seek medical attention if it don't clear up.

[Trash Filter]

Dark Night of the Soul

[bax44]

Dark night of the soul? Ive seen this referenced in this thread a couple times. can anyone fill me in on what that means>

doesnt sound good lol.

[joeblast]

that's when you discover you've dug yourself to the bottom of the shit-bin that your practices are clearing away. sometimes one practically needs a trench box to avoid the sides caving in

[hagar]

The thing is, its only dark due to you thinking you have anything to lose. And when you reach a certain degree of disregard for your legacy and reputation, you find that consoling, and comforting. It can be as dark as it wants to, and it´s just work. Hard work, dirty work, without any hope of a reward.

 

Afterwards though, it feels something like this:

 

And the old dude is always speaking german, and its far from some eastern thing...

Edited October 28, 2013 by hagar

[Jonas]

Hi bax, I will explain a bit about "dark night".. and give little of my conclusions from my own path:

You are going through a kind of "withering" process much like what happens in autumn in nature where the old plants whiter down to earth for the winter to come. So next year it will bloom again but with more beauty since the winter has cleared all weeds out.

Congratulations, since most peoples life is about resisting this withering / change to always uphold their habits, routines, likes, dislikes, etc.

There is a reason we are left with lesser energy. With lesser energy we aren't able to uphold our old habitual patterns, desires and ego-structures anymore and after a certain time, ranging from months to years depending the individual, a period not without reasons was named "dark night of the soul", we will get back our spirit / energy in a pure form and then it will shine in us and operate very efficiently, since the old structures are smoothed out. In meditation, one day, our new spirit will return like a sunrise of a new aura of clear light that will make us feel reborn and fresh anew. Call it awakening if you like, but you can also call it purification.

This not only happen one time, this cycle is repeated, it is like a Sinuswave, but its amplitude are higher and frequency lower first time then it evens out more and more until you come into a kind of stable balance between action and nonaction, between death and rebirth. In my path the worst blockages and patterns were delt with first so the first "winter" was the worst one. It was a period of deep states of depression, weakness, insomnia, emptiness and feeling like being possessed by various energies. Once the process has started there is no return. You cannot repair a broken vase.

Sometimes you might feel you have to "act" when dealing with "ordinary" people. But to act consciously is enjoyable since you will not take things so personally or seriously and between the acts you sink back to your source.

[bax44]

 

Hi bax, I will explain a bit about "dark night".. and give little of my conclusions from my own path:

You are going through a kind of "withering" process much like what happens in autumn in nature where the old plants whiter down to earth for the winter to come. So next year it will bloom again but with more beauty since the winter has cleared all weeds out.

 

Congratulations, since most peoples life is about resisting this withering / change to always uphold their habits, routines, likes, dislikes, etc.

There is a reason we are left with lesser energy. With lesser energy we aren't able to uphold our old habitual patterns, desires and ego-structures anymore and after a certain time, ranging from months to years depending the individual, a period not without reasons was named "dark night of the soul", we will get back our spirit / energy in a pure form and then it will shine in us and operate very efficiently, since the old structures are smoothed out. In meditation, one day, our new spirit will return like a sunrise of a new aura of clear light that will make us feel reborn and fresh anew. Call it awakening if you like, but you can also call it purification.

I like the way you explain this, as Ive kind of felt like things I "thought" were important are slowly fading away, and being replaced with something else. Id be lying if I knew what that something is. Ive also noticed this cycle as you put it as I said in my OP there have been moments of great well being, utter hopeleseness, flatlined emotions, sadness, etc etc, and yesterday after a good meditation the night before was one of my better days in awhile, and actually felt very at peace.. I like the purification angle, will help me to keep things in perspective.

 

This not only happen one time, this cycle is repeated, it is like a Sinuswave, but its amplitude are higher and frequency lower first time then it evens out more and more until you come into a kind of stable balance between action and nonaction, between death and rebirth. In my path the worst blockages and patterns were delt with first so the first "winter" was the worst one. It was a period of deep states of depression, weakness, insomnia, emptiness and feeling like being possessed by various energies. Once the process has started there is no return. You cannot repair a broken vase.

Sometimes you might feel you have to "act" when dealing with "ordinary" people. But to act consciously is enjoyable since you will not take things so personally or seriously and between the acts you sink back to your source.

Yes, I find myself fighting this. when I talk to people on certain days I feel like Im wearing a mask, of course not unusual, but when I find myself in these peaceful, almost blissful states Ive spoke of, I feel like Ive nothing to fear, or hide, and just take people as they come and find it very easy not to take things personally. Other times Ive felt overly sensitive and very vulnerable. Another great post, thank you.