WillingToListen

Hi, I'm a christian and my Kundalini is awakening. Please Help :)

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What exactly is MCO? Is masturbation to ejaculation bad? When I my "psychosis" was becoming too much to bear, I masturbated to ejaculation- since I had been retaining for months I felt like it played a role in the process, along with marijuana. I felt "low" for a day or two, but it did help. How is it bad?

 

I'm not really trying to cure it just "integrate", I really need to find a job right now :/ I feel I'm becoming a burden to my parents. I don't want them to have to deal with this if things "peak" again. That's also why I asked if it had "plateaued" or not because everything's settled down except my insomnia. I know there isn't really a set system to judge this type of thing :/

 

Kundalini needs energy to function. I think sexual energy is the fuel. Kundalini will get what it needs anyway. Mabye you're young that you can regenerate sexual energy quicker. In my case, I felt complete drained and more suicidal thoughts.

 

If you have done any meditation before, it's not a good time to learn right now. It might make matter worese. You may want to learn movement qigong to open up MCO, like the teacup Qi Gong (youtube it) or falong Qong set 4.

 

http://www.youtube.com/user/falundafaenglish

 

If you can use your mind to guide the Kundalini energy go around MCO, you'd feel better.

 

If the music come to you, then write it down. forget the "saving world" thing, you can only save yourself.

 

Be humble and have compassion. Kundalini may give you the false impression that you're holier and have special ability. You don't, at least not yet.

 

Forget job for now. You haven't realized the severity of your problem. If you had broken your leg, would you be looking for a job now? If you don't handle the Kundalini problem, it may scar you for life. Please don't take it lightly. You're still young, a year or two off work isn't a big deal. Your mental health is paramount.

 

You're not the same person anymore. You can't go back to who you were before. You can either use the kundalini to better yourself or let it ruin your life.

 

Open up to your parents. Tell them that you have a major health issue that you need time to heal. Please don't rush yourself. Don't isolate yourself from society either. Hate isn't the answer. Love is.

 

I pray for you.

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Many people have gone from what your going through and come out the other side fine. Often there's no magic formula, no 'do this' and you'll feel fine. It can be a gradual process and years later you're like 'what the hell was I thinking? Cause sometimes its not your thinking its some chemical imbalance that needs to be nudged.

 

My untrained advice; Get help with a professional who's got experience. This is bad crazy rough patch, they happen in life, they're tough as hell, but they pass. Having a professional to talk to and give guidance, and maybe a medication can be a life saver. Be open to it.

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This book was written by a Christian mystic who had a full blown kundalini dramatic awakening int he 1990s. Phillip is a great guy. http://www.amazon.com/Kundalini-Energy-Christian-Spirituality-Philip/dp/0557372097/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_4

 

You can come and tell your story on the Kundalini Support Network which I founded back in 2003 or something like that. Please realize we are a lot different than the Tao Bums list. Make sure you read the intro on the front page of the site first.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/KundaliniSupportNetwork/

 

Although I can't attend to eveybody personally and individually the list is full of Kundalini elders from many different traditions and backgrounds who will be helpful. The signal to noise ratio is very low and there is respect of all traditions. No azzholes allowed. "Come at me bro," is not appropriate. We have Tao Bums on the list too. The list is scholarly and supportive. It has a significant female membership and perspective which is a bit different than here.

 

The KSN list is considered a virtual sanctuary and a temple. Any and all are welcome. "New members will be placed on moderated status until I am assured no spamming will take place. You must have a good sense of humor, be courteous, tolerant and a serious student of kundalini."

 

What you say and are doing is normal for a lot of kundalites. it happens to many people going through the k process. Stop focusing on your own misery. That just makes it worse. It is the purpose of kundalini to make thing more apparent for clearing.

 

"If you were an asshole before kundalini, afterwards you become wide and gaping." Dr. Glenn J. Morris

 

There is much that can be done. Search the TaoBums for the Secret Smile and the Microscosmic Orbit. If you are not doing that you will be prolonging your misery. Start there as a basic. Then see what happens. Give it good effort over several months of consistent practice.

 

Be well.

 

 

This process is utterly pointless. I feel so close to suicide, or simply taking the life of a random passersby. This process/mindset has no place in todays society. To attempt to help it along would only mean to distance myself from reality, thus losing my capability to interact with this reality, which WOULDN"T BE SO BAD IF I WASN"T STILL LIVING. This is a completely idiotic process, nothing is gained. Someone suggested "I was saved", what makes you so sure? What if god is evil? NOTHING MAKES SENSE. WHY EVEN BOTHER HELPING PEOPLE IF THEYRE TOO IGNORANT/STUBBORN TO ACCEPT YOUR HELP OR TO EVEN WANT IT AT ALL? In retrospect I feel like I asked god for the stupidest thing imaginable. What kind of powers can you get from these processes? I honestly just want to sit in my parents house, harvest these "potentials" then go out slaughtering people. My creativity is gone, I can't write or play music as well as I want (given I haven't played in a while). Is god evil? This mindset literally goes against the society I'm forced to be a part of every single day. THERES NO FUCKING POINT. FUCK PEOPLE.

Edited by ShaktiMama
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oh, right, with the meditation I gave you, you should also do horse stance until you collapse or else it wont stick

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Sooo, Protector. Acting your age here I see. Are you pissed that your meditation you made up wasn't a cure all? Its not that potent I would assume, as may your be your expectations of your self. Picture this. A young man with little grounding in energetics is overwhelmed by having his world turned on its head comes to a forum to seek help, gets overwhelmed by new information and advice, your meditation didn't work for him, and you have the tenacity to have a go at him because he is still not on top of things. Grow up mate.

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What are you talking about, the only thing that made me mad is your comment just now.

My meditation is based on an old karma removing meditation with some root chakra enforcements. I don't think he even did my meditation and so I'm reminding him about it. I also added the horse stance because I always add the horse stance to things hehe. Plus, the trauma from horse stance would create a memory that the body would recreate and make the meditation more potent, the same principle behind practicing punches during the horse stance. It's not to train legs and arms at the same time but to help the body remember the right way to punch.

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Dude, everyone loves a good horse stance, point made. I think my perception of your comment here was maybe coloured by someone yesterday calling you a f#%&ing pr!ck after they didnt take to your original response, and you followed it up with a Manga music clip of "I'm so happy". If you truly dont want people to misunderstand your good intentions, a suggestion might have been to start your response with something like "Sorry to hear you're still struggling WllingToListen.....".

 

WillingToListen, its pretty normal to question everything about life & what you understand it to be after experiencing something like this. In the psoitive sense, you can redefine what you understand it to be according to where your journey takes you. The basic everyday rules still apply even though your life is turmultuous at the moment, like looking after yourself as best as you can, a balance between quiet time & exertion, that politeness, kindness & respect are worthwhile things to practice with others etc etc etc. Keep your chin up mate, its a hard road, but you will make it through with patience & persistence.

Edited by Sanzon

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I want my soul back. I want my creativity back. I want my emotions back. I want my sense of humor back. I want my life back.

 

Am I just supposed to be this blank slate the rest of my life. I am so sad but keeping it inside.

 

 

It's brave of you to open up about your experiences and I feel your sincere search for guidance.

 

If you ask for advice, I' d say listen to yourself. But I also see it might be difficult at the moment as you're overwhelmed with too much info, sensual experiences, states, your own searching mind gives you no break. Btw, I'm not sure what is actually your intention here: is it to get a practical guidance, or to speak out about your experiences which you can't do with your family and friends, discuss with those who will understand you, feel understood, supported.

 

In case it' s the former, everyone here gives their own best suggestions, but it's as if you want to become a professional athlete and you ask other accomplished athlets for their advice. One says swimming is the best, you take swimming classes for a bit, still you feel somewhat not sure and when someone suggests you to join a soccer team you try it out, then some other advice comes in... Will you achieve anything in such a way? I don' t think so, you' ll just get even more distressed and confused, your disbelief in yourself and others will gradually increase.

 

My feeling is that at this point what can really help you is an order and I'd even say you need to impose discipline into your life. I know, it' s not easy, for many (including myself), your current state is not easy to manage, but that' s exactly what it needs. I think it' s the only way for you to start learning how to manage yourself instead of letting all these different states, feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc govern over you and throw you all over the place. You need to get your life into a good order, a routine and the sooner you start, the faster you'll see the result.

 

So, in case if you seek practical guidance, I think there' s nothing wrong in asking for direct guidance and if you haven' t done yet so, get connected with a person, perhaps from this forum, who have gone through similar experience, I think few people here made their remarks based on that. Take time to get to know each other, feel if the connection is right.

 

However, mind you, it will require all your willpower to commit and most importantly to stick with your decision, follow though the advice and keep on practicing regardless of the ever changing states, thoughts, emotions and what others tell you. Even if you go off track, it' s ok, just get back and continue from where you stepped off. Time will definitely bear a fruit.

 

Blessings and good luck to you!

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You might find some "mechanical" tools very helpful.

 

But first:

Diet is very important to understand and given all the conflicting ideas out there it can be dificult to ferret out the wholistic approach but lets say: Drop the refined sugars - flours etc.No sugar soda drinks. Best to drop the stimulants (coffee). Alchohol is a depressent. Don't eat late (less than 2 hours before sleep). Whole foods etc. - read up on it.

 

Now for the tools:

 

Fasting is one of the best ways to recalibrate oneself to a more authentic and original cadence.

My first fast was water only for 5 days - it was exceptional. For years I did juice fasting - typically 18 - 23 days and also very good. I have gone back to water fasting - typically 8-10 days. You should definitely do enemas when fasting or don't do them.

Be sure to read up on fasting before doing it - it helps you both psychologically and strategically. (hint: the third day of a fast is always the worst and you do not want it to land on a work day). By the way - if you are well prepared - the worst day is not bad at all - you will just have really bad breath and want to take 3 showers and sleep or lay in bed most of the day.

 

Qi Gong is also phenomenal as an everyday recalibration practice.

Qi Gong and Fasting are somewhat like Chiropractic - each of us becomes habituated to our way of carrying ourselves.

Chiropractic adjusts our posture and "breaks" up tension formed posture.

Fasting and Qi Gong quickly clear up energy knots as well as allowing for an infusion of energy back into places that have been "out of favor" and not in habituation.

Both of these practices will bring about a much more balanced aura, calmness within energy, and the general removal of many "tapes" - endless loops that play within our heads - parts of our ego that we protect and fortify.

 

Along with daily meditation - (I suggest one minute for each year you are old) - the tools above will help you change any negative or stuck life view you have of yourself. Together they will enable you to remodel your inner house without having to hire a designer. You are a spotless being - nothing is tainted in any way - you may have dissipated your lifeforce and your mind my have possessed your days but inside you have a clean unfettered beingness that is always there for you.

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