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Stuck in a negative loop

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Hi guys, i've been lurking on this forum for the past year and i've learn alot in regards to spirituality and taoism which has really benefited and impacted my life positively.


Though the reason why i first came here was the solve an issue I've had since i was a child, and now that core issue till now hasn't been solved and has caused more issue on the ways.


My main issue is my ability to connect with people and women. I have an issue talking to people because i keep believing im not good enough or confident, i get a mild anxiety feeling when talking to people, meaning when i talk to people, i feel my energy in my body just drops is blocked, which leads my eyes to drop and look away, people notice this, cause i can see in their face they are angry or disappointed when i do this, which makes me even more conscious.


I'm 22 years old ive never had a girlfriend and my life feels dull and empty and depressed.


I've been looking at other things to make social/relationship issues better, by looking at spirituality, focusing on career, my health and body. but i still feel empty and depressed, and only recently have i felt really depressed.


Its only been the past two years i'm conscious of this, because the past two years ive been more focused on self improvement and spirituality,


I currently have bad habits, such as pornography use, casual smoking(used to be chronic smoker), and over masturbation. i've been using porn and over masturbation since i was 12 till the present moment, and combined that with gaming addiction since i was 11-21,(currently 22 years old). I used to be very obese till only a year ago when i started to go to the gym and become more health oriented.


And all this spirituality and sensing, has made me realised and aware, where i got my negative thinking from. My mother has a negative aura/presence, shes always complaining, shouting trying to find ways to annoy me, etc.


shes very lazy just sits there watch TV all day eats does nothing lives on welfare and has a gambling addiction. She never really brought me up with values or anything, my dad had good values and had a positive outlook in life, though i never really saw him during my adolescents. because my dad was very strict on me and had high expectations, every time i failed my dad got angry at me or screamed at me when i was young, i was scared to be myself.. my mom didnt care, she bought my a playstation junk food, i can play all day, fail at school, she doesn't care.. as a child that sounds like a dream come true, but when you reach adult hood you realise what a pathetic childhood you had.. i really wished i spent more time wth my dad during my teen/adolescents age. Now that im older, ive come to respect my dad


Right now, i don't know exactly know what i where my passion lies, i stress too much about the future about everything. i have very high expectations of myself


I have a really hard time connecting with my dad and mum in a loving way, i can only speak to them about daily affairs, or i can only show them love by offering service, but i cant be affectionate or joke around with them, its very rare i laugh with my mum and dad and make a joke its so sad..

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These are main issues in life that i want to deal with but don't know really how

-social anxiety ( feeling not good enough when talking to people, fear rejection and embarrassement, always have mental image in my head some guy is going to get angry at me or cause trouble because the way i looked at him)

-relationships(feel not good enough, financially, feel my penis is not enough to sexually pleasure a women, feel that i will lose her because of my small penis, fear getting cheated on, fear embarrassment and shame)


These are the main fears i have right now, whilst these fears are running in my head, i have my higher ego telling me to join toastmaster to improve public speaking, get a job, get a girlfriend, join kundalini class


But i cant do any of this because my fears stop me from taking chances, when i KNOW AND CAN SEE THEM RIGHT IN FRONT ME, this is the core issue, that hopefully you guys can probalby bring insight and solutions too..


Usually a guy like me don't ask for help, ill do my own research and experiment, but now i feel i need to ask for help, and be dependant on people. because the past 2 years really has made me worse or conscious about my issue

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You need to unlock your dormant instincts which you unintentionally locked up

See here, the porn abuse thing ruins a lot of body's mechanics: it's hard to feel good about anything, it's hard to get excited about anything else, and it's harder to fall in love

It is also the reason people don't feel passionate about anything. Without porn there's a drive to just do something, with porn all this drive is wasted.

So most of your problems will be gone if you don't waste energy and just store it. When you're full of energy you will start to look good to yourself, and that's important when you want to look good to other people. How you feel changes your body language and other people can read your body language. Like, if you feel down you slouch, and that doesn't look good.

It is also a good idea to meditate to take control of your mind. Oh and, do some horse stance.


I guarantee that in two three days you will feel a lot better.

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I thnk this is also one of my issue as well, while im socialising im always percievings peoples body language and energy, this is a habit that i tend to do alot, because i used to be so focused on learning body language and tells when i used to play poker while i was 18-20 years old. and doesnt make focus on the actual conversation. im very empathetic too, when peoples energy go down, mine goes down.. There are times when im just very happy and positive and others people aura don't affect mine... when i sense a person energy is blocked or low, i try to bring it up by being positive or smiling with love more. but those days are rare...


@sinfest 2: yes ill continously work on quitting porn, longest i have was one month. and ill try some horse stance :)

Edited by FernandoD

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You and I are very much in the same boat. Except I'm 36 and don't have a girlfriend :P


One thing you can do, that I practice myself, is when the temptation comes, to stop for just a moment and tell myself, "I choose healthy sexual relationships. I choose healthy sexual expression." Realize that this is, afterall, your choice. Choose to stay away from the porn sites, choose to stay away from the cigs, choose to save your sexual release to be shared with a companion you care about of the opposite sex.


Assuming you have regular interaction with your mother, her negative energy is infecting you. Yes, infecting you. Please check out or buy, then read and study, the book, "Touching The Light" by Meg Blackburn Losey. It is a very strange text to be sure, but there is an exercise in there I will detail in brief that will help you.


The theory is simple... Your energy is unique to you and no other entity in creation shares that unique energy signature. So to block out interferring and infecting energy signatures from others, you have to fill yourself with your own energy signature, filling and then surrounding yourself in it. This is done by assuming a comfortable meditative pose, relaxing, dropping your chon to your ches, closing your eyes, and then looking towards the center of yourself. You should see a small spark or light somewhere in the core of your being. Once you find it breathe into it, visualizing it expanding with each inhale and exhale until it has surrounded and filled your entire body. Do not force it around yourself or into any shape. It will, on its own, assume a tight shape around your body. Do this every morning, first thing, without fail, before going out into the world. The bonus to this is that your negative energy will not infect anyone else either.


The next two books to read are Maxwell Maltz's, "Psycho-Cybernetics" and "Letting Go of the Person Your Used To Be." I typed out some of a section I feel may be relavant to you:


Using The Power of Mind To Transform Your Thoughts


From: “Letting Go of the Person You Used To Be”


By: Lama Surya Das


1. Be Positive


No matter how bad things seem try to replace your unhappy and negative thoughts with those that are joyous, serene and happy. Be optimistic about your life and your future.


2. Be Clear About What Is Hurting You


Reflect on the causes and consequences of what is bothering you. Think about the origins of your difficulty. Did your behavior play a part in your unhappiness? Whenever possible try to fin other ways of behaving that might cause you less grief in the future. Let go of your old opinions and believing that you are always in the right. Can you accept responsibility and make better choices in the future?


3. Distract Yourself


Let go of any tendency to be obsessive about what is bothering you. Think about something else, or do something different to completely change your mind. “Stop feeding the flames of negativity by turning old negative stones over in your head.”


4. Question The Way You Think


Pay attention to how you think and what form your thoughts take. Ask yourself what triggered this series of disturbing thoughts. Follow the patterns of thinking that led you to these thoughts. Think about the different patterns of thought you could possibly pursue.


5. Push Away The Disturbing Thoughts


If all else fails, use willpower to refocus your mind. Use your inner strength to let go of the particular thought or thoughts that are causing you so much distress.


Psycho Cybernetics will teach you how to create mental movies. You can use these to mentally program yourself in a desired way. For example, I have a movie I made to get me out of depression. Write out a script for the movie to accomplish whatever it is you wish to accomplish. Understand that you are setting an intention here. Sit back, close your eyes, and run this script whenever needed. For me when I used to get depressed I would run the script then. I had another for when I got angry. You can substitute a written script for a graphically drawn sequence if you are artistically inclined. Whatever speaks best to you.


I hope this information helps you. Believe you will succeed. Believe you will find a girl, and not just any girl, but the right one for you at this time in your life. Believe it, think about it, act like, it has already happened. Wayne Dyer goes over exactly this in, "Wishes Fulfilled." You can read that book as extra credit if you like.

- DreamBliss

Edited by DreamBliss
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I'm sorry about your situation. I feel your pain.


You're aware of your situtaion. You're already on the road to recovery. How about join a church group or a Qigong class?

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