Three Guys Walk Into A Bar

[sean]

[mYTHmAKER]

[thelerner]

Not bad in a very un PC way. I think what I posted long ago was in the same vein, but the classic 'Shit' version. I.E. how each faith relates to 'the shit'.

 

Michael

[thelerner]

If we must -

 

Taoism: Shit happens.

Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.

Zen Buddhism .2: What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Islam .3: If shit happens, blame Israel.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.

Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.

Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.

Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.

Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.

Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)

Fundamentalism .2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.

Fundamentalism .3: Shit must be born again.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.

Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.

Creationism: God made all shit.

Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.

Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!

Christian Science .2: Shit happening is all in your mind.

Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.

Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.

Utopianism: This shit does not stink.

Capitalism: That's MY shit.

Communism: It's everybody's shit.

Feminism: Men are shit.

Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...

Commercialism: Let's package this shit.

Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.

Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.

Existentialism .2: What is shit, anyway?

Stoicism: This shit is good for me.

Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!

Mormonism: God sent us this shit.

Mormonism .2: This shit is going to happen again.

Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.

Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.

Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.

Jehovah's Witnesses .2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?

Jehovah's Witnesses .3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.

Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!

Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.

Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.

Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.

Agnostic .2: Did someone shit?

Agnostic .3: What is this shit?

Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.

Atheism: What shit?

Atheism .2: I can't believe this shit!

Nihilism: No shit.

And of course Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!

 

 

 

M.

Edited September 25, 2006 by thelerner

[Cameron]

Taoist Alchemy1:My shit is immortal.

Taoist Alchemy2:I transformed my shit into positive energy.

Taoist Alchemy3:I balanced and harmonized my shit.

 

Zen:I am one with my shit.

[Trunk]

If we must -

Ok, I was holding back, but, really there's three kinds of people.

[mYTHmAKER]

Taoist Alchemy: Retain your shit for longevity.

[MatthewQi]

lmao! thanks!

[thelerner]

Am I too PC?

 

Something has been bothering me about the list I posted on religion and shit. Most of it is humorous, but sometimes humor betrays our worst prejudices. Islam had 3 shit sayings. I think a Muslim would find the first humorous and perhaps accurate, but the second one, 'When shit happens, kill the person responsible'.

 

When you get down to it, thats offensive and inaccurate, I think it betrays a common bias in western culture. So I took it off the list here.

 

Michael

[freeform]

Am I too PC?

 

Humans are the only animals that can be hurt by words. or turned on by words. or inspired by words. or kill because of words.

 

I dont think it's healthy.