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sean, September 22, 2006 in The Rabbit Hole
Not bad in a very un PC way. I think what I posted long ago was in the same vein, but the classic 'Shit' version. I.E. how each faith relates to 'the shit'.
If we must -
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism .2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam .3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism .2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism .3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science .2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism .2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism .2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses .2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses .3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic .2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic .3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism .2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.
And of course Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!
Taoist Alchemy1:My shit is immortal.
Taoist Alchemy2:I transformed my shit into positive energy.
Taoist Alchemy3:I balanced and harmonized my shit.
Zen:I am one with my shit.
Ok, I was holding back, but, really there's three kinds of people.
Taoist Alchemy: Retain your shit for longevity.
Am I too PC?
Something has been bothering me about the list I posted on religion and shit. Most of it is humorous, but sometimes humor betrays our worst prejudices. Islam had 3 shit sayings. I think a Muslim would find the first humorous and perhaps accurate, but the second one, 'When shit happens, kill the person responsible'.
When you get down to it, thats offensive and inaccurate, I think it betrays a common bias in western culture. So I took it off the list here.
Am I too PC?
Humans are the only animals that can be hurt by words. or turned on by words. or inspired by words. or kill because of words.
I dont think it's healthy.