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What made YOU laugh today/tonight ?

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If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous comic scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

His mind sees things differently than most of us do. Here are some of his gems :

 

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1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Half the people you know are below average.

3 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

4 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

6- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

7 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

8 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend once... But she left me before we met.

9 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

10 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

11 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

13 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

14 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

15 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

16 - Eagles may soar, but foxes don't get sucked into jet engines.

17 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

18 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

19 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

20 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

21 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

22 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

23 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

24 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

And my all-time favorite:

25 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

 

 

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Yeah, but sometimes when you're smiling people wonder what kind of naughty stuff you're thinking about.

 

Laugh and the world laughs at you.

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And we won't say anything about those who never get the punch line.

 

Punchline =

Bartender - " I'm sorry we don't serve breakfast here."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joke =

Two eggs and bacon walk into a bar.

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Hubble Telescope Spots an Emoticon in Outer Space

hubble-smile-space.jpg?quality=65&strip=

Hubble/ESA/NASA Galaxy cluster SDSS J1038+4849 It's actually a cluster of galaxies

In the center of this Hubble Telescope image is the galaxy cluster SDSS J1038+4849 — and it appears to be smiling back at you.

The two orange eyes of the grinning face are actually two distant galaxies, and the peculiar smile was caused by an effect known as strong gravitational lensing.

Galaxy clusters are so large that they can create a strong gravitational pull that warps the time and space surrounding them. From afar this creates a distorted view of reality, known as a ‘cosmic lens.

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This coming Monday is Presidents day. I had a FB listen in on an exchange between a grandmother and a 10-year-old girl that revealed to me what it's all about (I'm not all that clear on many holidays and memorable days, but now I know about this one!)

 

So, the grandmother goes, "Monday is Presidents day," the girl responds, "yes, I know." So granny decides to test her on the extent of her knowledge and asks, "What do you know about Presidents day, sweetie? What happens on this day?" She thought the girl would say, "no school," or else talk about Obama or Bush or Clinton, but instead she came back with,

"It's the day when the president comes out of his White House, and if he can see his shadow, it means we'll have another year of BS."

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