Asking a girl out at yoga class....

[Guest paul walter]

To be honest Paul, I think it's up to us old timers to keep the level of this board where it should be to our standards.

 

I think this question is an excellent entryway into topics yielding great potential for fruitful inquiry of matters spiritual.

 

My 2 kroner, just right off the cuff is when mixing your spiritual life and your love life, you should never, and I mean NEVER attempt to use your spiritual hue, or halo or whatever spiritual resume you might have to show off! Never! Besides that, just apply whatever mojo you've got workin for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bO4_DCVhIKA&feature=player_embedded

 

 

 

Who says us old timers have got great standards to begin with? If your last comments were true and put in practice we'd have to shut TTB's down, wouldn't we Paul.

[Mal]

Can the moderators get policy on this sort of thing (and illness advice on the Discussion board, career advice, sexual problems etc) and apply it?

 

Those sort of topics have always been popular here. Personally trying to police the insult police is as close to telling people what to say as I really want to go and that's usually a last resort.... and if people can't work out what advise to take they really shouldn't be out unsupervised on the net

 

But if you feel like posting links to old threads you remember that would be helpful for those that want to be less interactive.

[Maddie]

You know I can offer a different take on this topic, and yes I know it is not the origianl topic, but it still has to do with male/female dynamics, and how it can all relate back to Tao.

Ok yesterday I'm at work, there are 4 guys and one young girl, so this made for an interesting situation to say the least. Let me break down the line up in order to explain how events played out. The line up for the guys follows... Me (unhappily married), Mr. Postal (not his real name, but most work places have that guy who you can just picture going postal one day), the assistant manager (a decent chap, late 30's, divorced), Tex (a married guy, roughly my age I believe who is good natured), and the "girl" (just graduated high school last spring and now in community college). So here is the back ground... Mr. Postal I've been told has so far hit on every single female unfortunate enough to work in this place, and so far his sucess rate is 0.

So yesterday at work Mr. Postal is really trying to put the moves on the girl, he bought her a cookie so I guess he figured she owed him something. She goes to the assistant manager and tell him that Mr. Postal is creeping her out (as usual). The place is very slow last night, so we are all just hanging out and shooting the breeze killing time, chit chatting.

Now I've had this unfortunate condition, which has only gotten worse with Qigong of being extremely sensitive to other peoples emotional conditions. So as this chit chat group is going along, first I feel an extreme degree of sexual tension, followed a few minutes later by an extreme feeling of school boy jealousy and resentment. Then Mr. Postal actually gives me one of his delieveries so that he can continue to put the moves on the girl!! So I go off on my delievery feeling this extreme amount of inmature jealousy (like middle school all over again) and I am thinking "what the hell is wrong with me!!!???". So I start doing the liver healing sound and inner smile as I'm driving, rather disappointed cause I seem to be back in the middle school level of emotional maturity. So I begin to feel better, and as I return to the store, I begin to feel it again! and I am soooooo disappointed in myself.

Ok so fast foward a couple hours and now Mr. Postal has gone home. Suddenly the atmosphere has completely changed, and I no longer feel this school boy jealousy, what a relief. Then that is when it goes *ding *ding *ding, and I understand what was going on all this time. Appearantly Mr. Postal was getting very jealous that the girl had been talking to the rest of us and was not into him. He then began to radiate a very VERY powerful aura of jealousy/anger (which would be why I kept feeling I had to clean out my liver, and actually felt jealous about this girl!!! which was very disconcerting!!! (shes a nice lass, but the pierced and tattooed everywhere type, which is not my type at all) I was sooooo glad that guy left, for after he did the how place returned to normal so fast. But nevertheless it was an interesting insight into how irrational these things can be. I just wish I was not so sensitive to other people's emotions.

[3bob]

well since everyone is being so "nice" to you here is something different:

 

"but for lack of women who aren't completely wrapped up in this illusion.... I seem to attract women who aren't on a path other than the American one.... Maybe that is what I need though, someone not into this stuff so i can stay a little more grounded...."

 

the above is a stupid projection you are blinding yourself with...

 

Om

[Guru Grimmer]

Just to re-iterate what everyone's said about keeping it light to begin with; approach any woman with a sense of you choosing, not fear of what they'll think. One thing I realised before I met my latest lady, (who is also my favouritest - 2 and 1/2 yrs now : )) - was that to be happy in a relationship you have to enough respect for yourself to know that you're not gonna go with just anyone, and that therefore, you want to be friends first to find out if they're right for you, that's the only way to be cool and be yourself.

 

You may look at some girl and soon as feel like your gonna have a testicular fit, but she could be a mass murderer on the quiet ... that might not be what you're looking for. Of course you've gotta bring something to the table too, you get what you give. : )

 

This rule also applies (but not quite so strictly), if you're looking to just have some casual fun. In which case, honesty is the best policy, just be honest about what you want, any girl who wants the same will likely like it if you just outright say, rather than try to be some swave manipulator. Even if a few no's lead to 1 yes. And of course cover up, cos you never know : ) BTW discernment is still important here, you don't want to find out too late that she's actually a man or has a boyfriend or whatever.

 

Ah, wish I'd learnt this stuff back in my late teens, would have been much more interesting times, perhaps if we have to re-incarnate, you can be the one to point this out to me early ... deal?.

 

Hope it helps : )

[Guru Grimmer]

You know I can offer a different take on this topic, and yes I know it is not the origianl topic, but it still has to do with male/female dynamics, and how it can all relate back to Tao.

Ok yesterday I'm at work, there are 4 guys and one young girl, so this made for an interesting situation to say the least. Let me break down the line up in order to explain how events played out. The line up for the guys follows... Me (unhappily married), Mr. Postal (not his real name, but most work places have that guy who you can just picture going postal one day), the assistant manager (a decent chap, late 30's, divorced), Tex (a married guy, roughly my age I believe who is good natured), and the "girl" (just graduated high school last spring and now in community college). So here is the back ground... Mr. Postal I've been told has so far hit on every single female unfortunate enough to work in this place, and so far his sucess rate is 0.

So yesterday at work Mr. Postal is really trying to put the moves on the girl, he bought her a cookie so I guess he figured she owed him something. She goes to the assistant manager and tell him that Mr. Postal is creeping her out (as usual). The place is very slow last night, so we are all just hanging out and shooting the breeze killing time, chit chatting.

Now I've had this unfortunate condition, which has only gotten worse with Qigong of being extremely sensitive to other peoples emotional conditions. So as this chit chat group is going along, first I feel an extreme degree of sexual tension, followed a few minutes later by an extreme feeling of school boy jealousy and resentment. Then Mr. Postal actually gives me one of his delieveries so that he can continue to put the moves on the girl!! So I go off on my delievery feeling this extreme amount of inmature jealousy (like middle school all over again) and I am thinking "what the hell is wrong with me!!!???". So I start doing the liver healing sound and inner smile as I'm driving, rather disappointed cause I seem to be back in the middle school level of emotional maturity. So I begin to feel better, and as I return to the store, I begin to feel it again! and I am soooooo disappointed in myself.

Ok so fast foward a couple hours and now Mr. Postal has gone home. Suddenly the atmosphere has completely changed, and I no longer feel this school boy jealousy, what a relief. Then that is when it goes *ding *ding *ding, and I understand what was going on all this time. Appearantly Mr. Postal was getting very jealous that the girl had been talking to the rest of us and was not into him. He then began to radiate a very VERY powerful aura of jealousy/anger (which would be why I kept feeling I had to clean out my liver, and actually felt jealous about this girl!!! which was very disconcerting!!! (shes a nice lass, but the pierced and tattooed everywhere type, which is not my type at all) I was sooooo glad that guy left, for after he did the how place returned to normal so fast. But nevertheless it was an interesting insight into how irrational these things can be. I just wish I was not so sensitive to other people's emotions.

 

 

cool story dude, just another good example of why observing things directly is the only way to handle any given situation. Sometimes phenomena arises and we think we're correct in our judgement, based on pre-conceived ideas, so until we actually look at it, we wander around in confusion.

 

I've had a few experiences like that, I found if I let thought settle through calming meditation, then look at the root cause of feeling, and the root nature of body and mind, once free of an erroneous sense of self, the other persons grasping or feelings don't affect me deeply any more. Because of the realisation that all beings that erroneously believe in separate self are bound to feel and act with clinging and aversion being their agenda. So then "I" just feel like helping them if possible. There's clear awareness of feeling, but it's not disturbing. : )))

 

You obviously are doing well dissolving the illusion of separation, otherwise you'd still feel separate from others, and that's obviously changed. Have you always been this sensitive with others feelings? Or is it something that has developed through your practice?

[Maddie]

If I think back to as far as I can remember I now realize I have always been somewhat sensitive to other people's emotions states, but for a long time I did not realize this, which was quite miserable. Since beginning Qigong a couple years ago, my sensitivity has increased, but so has my understanding as to what was really going on as well. Take for example that incident at work I mentioned. In the past I would most certainly feel that guys jeaoulsy, anger, lust, ect... but not realize that it was not originating in me, and thus think that those feelings were my own, and then wonder what the hell was wrong with myself for feeling that way spontaneously. It actually did catch me off guard for a few minuets, but once I headed out on the delivery and did the liver cleaning, then I knew what was going on lol. The fact that everyone felt more relaxed after Mr. Postal went home only confirmed two things, that I was correct about the source, and that other people were feeling it too, and just did not realize where it was coming from.

[Birch]

"if you're looking to just have some casual fun. In which case, honesty is the best policy, just be honest about what you want, any girl who wants the same will likely like it if you just outright say, rather than try to be some swave manipulator. Even if a few no's lead to 1 yes. And of course cover up, cos you never know : ) BTW discernment is still important here, you don't want to find out too late that she's actually a man or has a boyfriend or whatever."

 

 

Okaay...

 

What do you have to "cover up"?

 

And if she says "yes" to "casual fun" but turns out to have a BF, why would that be a problem if all you both want is "casual fun"?

 

I'm not missing this great TTB's opportunity to understand "men".

[Mal]

I assumed cover up was a safe sex reference

[Birch]

I assumed cover up was a safe sex reference

 

Sex is "safe"?

 

If it is, then you're not doing it right

 

Of course, always wear a rubber. Or if you're from ancient Egypt then an animal intestine.

[thelerner]

What the heck is Chai?

 

Really, you don't know??

 

definition 1. The third step of the 7th element of Tantra, only possible if the woman can spread her legs 174 degrees.

 

 

definition 2. Black tea with spicy herbs, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg etc., often served with milk- popular in Tibet and Starbucks.

 

 

[mYTHmAKER]

Really, you don't know??

 

definition 1. The third step of the 7th element of Tantra, only possible if the woman can spread her legs 174 degrees.

 

 

definition 2. Black tea with spicy herbs, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg etc., often served with milk- popular in Tibet and Starbucks.

 

 

 

definition 3. In Hebrew the number 18 and life:)

[Thelittlemouse]

"but for lack of women who aren't completely wrapped up in this illusion.... I seem to attract women who aren't on a path other than the American one.... Maybe that is what I need though, someone not into this stuff so i can stay a little more grounded...."

 

the above is a stupid projection you are blinding yourself with...

 

Om

 

Yeah, I really tend to do that to myself a lot... I don't know where it comes from but it is something I need to figure out, not just with women though with people in general to and it is a very limiting thing.

 

 

Ah, wish I'd learnt this stuff back in my late teens, would have been much more interesting times, perhaps if we have to re-incarnate, you can be the one to point this out to me early ... deal?.

 

Deal

 

Really, you don't know??

 

definition 1. The third step of the 7th element of Tantra, only possible if the woman can spread her legs 174 degrees.

 

Are you for serious or is this a joke?

[3bob]

Thelittlemouse,

"Yeah, I really tend to do that to myself a lot... I don't know where it comes from but it is something I need to figure out, not just with women though with people in general to and it is a very limiting thing"

 

We all do it to greater or lesser degrees - so don't beat yourself up about it, just try to catch it when it starts to take place. Suggestion: try to remember that the Spirit that is in you is also in all of the forms walking around - such is our greatest common denominator.

 

Om

Edited October 2, 2010 by 3bob

[sifusufi]

"do you ever practice outside?"

 

"Girl, I like yoga, but it really loses a lot not doing it in nature"

 

 

 

 

 

And one from my wife who picked me up at the Beach of all places... or did I pick up her? (She e-mailed this to me)

 

 

Enjoy!

 

See you at the Roda!

 

De Licenca

 

 

A maioria dos norte-americanos são muito tenso e auto-consciente para obter as sutis de qualquer maneira

Edited October 29, 2010 by sifusufi

[DanTin]

So this may seem like a weird question, but I have been attenedign this yoga studio for almost a year now pretty religiously. I don't go to bars or do very many typical social things for a 23 year old, but i do like to do things like hike and play and meditate etc. I wanted to put it out there to see what comes back, How do you ask a girl out in a yoga class, because all the other places don't seem to have women that vibe with me?

 

My problem with it is two fold:

1.) I get pretty floaty after a good yoga class and am not really "myself" and usually don't like to be bothered.....

 

2.) I feel like a yoga studio is a safe place where people go to not be harassed and to zone out into the flow, so it feels kind of violating to go into someones space like that.

 

But I find myself bored of being alone, not for lack of women, I am cute and get hit on enough, but for lack of women who aren't completely wrapped up in this illusion.... I seem to attract women who aren't on a path other than the American one.... Maybe that is what I need though, someone not into this stuff so i can stay a little more grounded....

 

anyways, how do you guys ask a girl out in a space of self inquiry like a yoga class. There I feel like my chances of meeting a girl in my wave length are better.

 

I can give you some advice, I'll go straight to the point be playful, and confident . If you're afraid you got nothing to say ... you are missing my point ... confident, don't get stuck inside your head. Start with some simple question like "How was your, session?" and build up from there.

 

Your problems

1) Thats sounds like you are just making this excuse. You are always yourself, but not always your ideal self. Exercise some body language, better yet some attitude, cause attitude is master over body language, may I suggest some NLP anchoring?

 

2) You shoudn't be guilty about talking to another person, don't hit on her. Don't go like *Bang* Hey baby!. Talking to her is not much different than talking to a guy (I want to emphasize the fact that you are it should feel casual).

 

P.S. When you want to do it don't think about doing it, just do it, go for it. If you think too much, then that little voice in your head will defeat you (so dont let it). PUAs have that 3 second rule with wich I agree (tho' I don't agree with PUAs in many perspectives), I tried it, and it works once you walk towards the girl you would feel pretty stupid to stop. If you really can't find an how they say "opener" than ... you can always be direct ... ballsy, but normal attitude don't go overboard.

 

P.P.S. I posted this just in case you didn't get to meet that girl yet

[Birdoftruth]

[gendao]

Well, if you can "warm-up" with some of these moves...they'll probably ask you out! Or...in?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY07rj9oKRQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFF0YZ6BOdg

I would just tone it down and not get too aggressive - seeing as how you will keep seeing the same faces every week, like it or not..

[balance.]

Well, if you can "warm-up" with some of these moves...they'll probably ask you out! Or...in?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY07rj9oKRQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFF0YZ6BOdg

I would just tone it down and not get too aggressive - seeing as how you will keep seeing the same faces every week, like it or not..

 

 

 

 

... Just when I was feeling good about the basic level of proficiency I've reached in my prasara yoga practice..

 

... Always good to have the bar set just beyond the extreme of your current reach though.

 

 

thanks for that.

 

 

balance.

 

 

 

Oh, and topic related, I think "I would just tone it down and not get too aggressive - seeing as how you will keep seeing the same faces every week, like it or not.." .. is one of the better points made yet and something important to consider.

[goldisheavy]

So this may seem like a weird question, but I have been attenedign this yoga studio for almost a year now pretty religiously. I don't go to bars or do very many typical social things for a 23 year old, but i do like to do things like hike and play and meditate etc. I wanted to put it out there to see what comes back, How do you ask a girl out in a yoga class, because all the other places don't seem to have women that vibe with me?

 

My problem with it is two fold:

1.) I get pretty floaty after a good yoga class and am not really "myself" and usually don't like to be bothered.....

 

2.) I feel like a yoga studio is a safe place where people go to not be harassed and to zone out into the flow, so it feels kind of violating to go into someones space like that.

 

But I find myself bored of being alone, not for lack of women, I am cute and get hit on enough, but for lack of women who aren't completely wrapped up in this illusion.... I seem to attract women who aren't on a path other than the American one.... Maybe that is what I need though, someone not into this stuff so i can stay a little more grounded....

 

anyways, how do you guys ask a girl out in a space of self inquiry like a yoga class. There I feel like my chances of meeting a girl in my wave length are better.

 

I don't think there is an easy answer. On one hand you have something perfect that you don't want to disturb. On the other hand you have something imperfect that you want to heal. What is more important? Is it more important to heal yourself? Or is it more important to preserve the perfect zone?

 

I don't think anyone can really answer this. The only thing I can say is, make a decision, whatever it is. Once you made your decision, don't hesitate, don't sit on the fence and be full-hearted and honest about it. Don't do anything half-assed. And then be ready for any and all consequences.

 

(it should be obvious, but I'll say it just in case, if you get a no, don't harass, just take it as is)

Edited October 6, 2010 by goldisheavy

[z00se]

I don't think there is an easy answer. On one hand you have something perfect that you don't want to disturb. On the other hand you have something imperfect that you want to heal. What is more important? Is it more important to heal yourself? Or is it more important to preserve the perfect zone?

 

I don't think anyone can really answer this. The only thing I can say is, make a decision, whatever it is. Once you made your decision, don't hesitate, don't sit on the fence and be full-hearted and honest about it. Don't do anything half-assed. And then be ready for any and all consequences.

 

(it should be obvious, but I'll say it just in case, if you get a no, don't harass, just take it as is)

 

Maybe you don't need to 'ask her out' just try be good friends with them, start chatting, then maybe try catch up out of class some time later. Before you know it she will be phoneing u more and more and she will be showing so many signs that she is dying to be with you hehe. I rekon this is the best way.... every time i've got a girlfriend via this way it's lasted a long time and been great.

[goldisheavy]

Maybe you don't need to 'ask her out' just try be good friends with them, start chatting, then maybe try catch up out of class some time later. Before you know it she will be phoneing u more and more and she will be showing so many signs that she is dying to be with you hehe. I rekon this is the best way.... every time i've got a girlfriend via this way it's lasted a long time and been great.

 

 

I agree with you. But when you're chatting, if you think in the back of your mind "maybe I shouldn't be chatting" or if you think "chatting like this ruins the perfect zen calm", that's what I would call "half-assed" or "half-hearted". So when I said to be full-hearted, I meant to avoid these kinds of hesitations.

 

He who hesitates is lost.

[LBDaoist]

This is just a guy thing. We all, at some point or another, obsess over talking to women. I'm going to tell you this... you hesitate because you doubt yourself. Women love confidence. It is a magnetic force that draws them toward you. You hestitate because you probably feel some sort of guilt about talking to her.

 

One, get over "asking her out". That is a problem frame of mind. Just talk to her. Let go of trying to get a particular out come and simply talk to her.

 

The best openers are casual comments about the immediate environment. The weather. Yoga. Anything immediate.

 

Practice your conversational skills. Your conversation will get you what you want.

 

One last thing... women are the hunters. They select guys, not the other way around. If she is interested in you, she will drop hints in the conversation. Do not look for those hints. You will know them when they come up. Just keep your conversation casual.

 

Whatever you do, avoid anything having to do with her looks, sex, wanting to get together, or anything like that.

 

Here's a suggestion after you open up with the weather or whatever. "I really like coming to yoga class. It seems like life can get so busy. Yet when I am here, we can be relaxed. It feels good to spend this time doing this. What got you into yoga?"

 

That reminds me... questions are good. Questions are what keeps the conversation going. Asking questions, and listen to the answer. work with the answer. Conversation is like hackey sack. The point is to keep it going. You do that by asking questions, and making comments on the response to the questions.

 

Another last thing (for real this time). Avoid forcing it. If the conversation stalls out, or starts feeling forced, just let it go. You will see her again later.

[Mal]

[3bob]