Kundalini

[Maddie]

 

Hi D

Yes, the pain in the tail bone is the start of the kundalini activation. When this occured to me, I had pain so bad in the tailbone that I could not sit. This lasted for a week, but it did go away. It is the piercing of the knot at the tailbone. It shows that you've accumulated enough prana/chi to fill your lower body and now kundalini is trying to start it's ascent.

 

In another of your posts (later), you said that you could sense your room-mate's bf energy. This is also another sign of kundalini. On several occaisions, I was just standing on the sidewalk when someone would walk by. As they walked by, I could 'sense' their entire being, knew what they were thinking, knew what they ate for breakfast, knew what their parents looked like.. it was like being them. At first it was novel and amazing. After a while, it was so digusting and overwhelming, to realize the complexitiy of mental accumulations and functioning of both your own and somebody else's mental constructs, to taste the mundanity and whole other set of desires, thoughts, hopes, etc made me recoil with disgust. A peron's being is so complex and most of it is so useless and trivial. Imagine, instead of one being's set of internal dialog, you experience two, or three other persons' inner dialog and thoughts at the same time.. You can see what garbage dumps we are.. For this reason, I stay away from crowds and spending too much time with other people. Luckily, disinterest seems to abate the kundalini surges.

 

However, your story says to me that your kundalini is becoming active. It gets way more intense as your kundalini energy comes out to play.

 

Yes, shamatha. The most powerful practice to activate kundalini (for me) is Eckhart Tolle's "Sensing the inner body". Basically you just sit and 'feel' the lifeforce in the body. You just focus on the feeling and hold that as your meditation object. Eventually, the body and mind dissolves and kundalini activates. Shamatha practice is very close to that. But shamatha practice doesn't seem to overload me, it is much gentler. I can't do the 'sensing the inner body' as a regular practice because I won't sleep (I just witness sleep) and I'm so sick of ecstasy that I'm trying to avoid it.

 

Hopefully, you have cleared enough blockages that should your kundalini blow open, it will go up the central channel and out of the top of your head. Enjoy it and try to retain as much of the energy as you can.

 

Good luck.

 

TI

 

Oh thanks for responding, its so nice to have someone else know what your going through haha. I feel so manic at the moment its very uncomfortable

[Tibetan_Ice]

 

Oh thanks for responding, its so nice to have someone else know what your going through haha. I feel so manic at the moment its very uncomfortable

Yes, it is good to do the meditation of "watching your thoughts" and putting space in between you and your thoughts (and emotions). Sometimes the emotions can be so overwhelming that you have to take action and dissolve them. Thoughts too. Learning to detach is a good thing. Learning to directly observe a thought and dissolve it is a great help.

Just remember, nothing is permanent. Everything arises and passes if you just let it be.

 

TI

[Maddie]

 

Yes, it is good to do the meditation of "watching your thoughts" and putting space in between you and your thoughts (and emotions). Sometimes the emotions can be so overwhelming that you have to take action and dissolve them. Thoughts too. Learning to detach is a good thing. Learning to directly observe a thought and dissolve it is a great help.

Just remember, nothing is permanent. Everything arises and passes if you just let it be.

 

TI

Yea thanks for the reminder!

 

Oh man I'm so glad you said what you did earlier about reading people. So after my roommates bf left I first went outside to get my laundry and then to the sandwich store to get lunch. I thought I was loosing my mind. I walked past this group of college aged people on the way to my laundry and I knew what their personalities were and the jist of what they were thinking and feeling. Then at the sandwich place I'm standing in line and the same thing happens there with everyone in the room. I just wanted to run out of there screaming haha. It was overwhelming I could not wait to get back home and away from the world.

 

I thought doing the MCO would help but I just seemed to feel more manic and nervous when I did it, maybe it was just too much at the moment. I'm thinking I'll just go and sit and breathe in a bit, hoping that some Vipassana will help.

Edited May 27, 2013 by dmattwads

[Maddie]

Ok so I've never really been all that interested in Kundalini but now that it seems to be doing something in me (without me trying for it to) I just want to know other than making my tailbone hurt, what are the benefits of it rising?

[voidisyinyang]

Ok so I've never really been all that interested in Kundalini but now that it seems to be doing something in me (without me trying for it to) I just want to know other than making my tailbone hurt, what are the benefits of it rising?

 

there are different forms of kundalini --

 

so the main thing is that when it really kicks in then Emptiness meditation is what has to be practiced to ground the energy.

 

The source of the I-thought.

 

By the mind dropping to the heart then keep going deeper and it will drop to the lower tan tien to store the energy.

 

So you should feel the lower tan tien nice and hot.

[Maddie]

there are different forms of kundalini --

 

so the main thing is that when it really kicks in then Emptiness meditation is what has to be practiced to ground the energy.

 

The source of the I-thought.

 

By the mind dropping to the heart then keep going deeper and it will drop to the lower tan tien to store the energy.

 

So you should feel the lower tan tien nice and hot.

Yea I did a heart meditation earlier and that seemed to help, at least to get me to the point where I can do Samantha. But as it rises does it benefit you in anyway?

[voidisyinyang]

Yea I did a heart meditation earlier and that seemed to help, at least to get me to the point where I can do Samantha. But as it rises does it benefit you in anyway?

 

 

it exorcises the brain of lower emotional blockages -- so it feeds the brain and then by mind emptiness you then bring is down the front of the body to increase the chi energy via the heart.

 

So kundalini - it is the same as the small universe exercise - only by bringing it down the front of the body - so then it is based on mind emptiness.

 

Kundalini is too easy for it to be a visualization hallucination -- and a strong kundalini experience then blasts a person into the astral realm and they can hallucinate by having visions from their subconscious. It might be real spiritual to them but the energy still needs to be grounded in the lower tan tien.

 

So that's why I use full lotus with mind meditation - it will circulate the energy on its own.

[DragonsNectar69k]

Hrmmm. I remember reading a book called Kundalini Rising and I once had a dream where this guru helped me align my chakras, was pretty cool. But in my opinion Kundalini is like any other 'energy source' or cultivation. I never understood the term activation and quite honestly I find it highly stupid to phrase it in that manor. Kundalini seems to have been a Hinduistic/yogic term that was miss translated into English that has seemed to have caused a butt load of confusion.

 

Never the less, if your practicing kundalini or tantra, make sure you get in touch with the Goddess. Whatever pantheon you prefer or feel called to. She may help you sort out any issues/blockages if you are devoted and sincere. Most new agers think kundalini is all about conjuring powers and siddhi's. The Goddess IS NOT impressed by this line of thinking nor does she seek to entitle those who will only use such 'powers' to hurt and oppress others, without being taught a lesson.

[Maddie]

Things are getting weird lately lol. So this evening while doing Samatha I'm in half lotus and a start rocking back and forth. Each time I would stop it and as soon as I relaxed again it would just start again, so I eventually just gave up and went for a ride lol. Also I keep getting these electrical shooting sensations in my thighs, its kind of a good hurt lol. At least I didn't feel like my tail bone was being bored into this time which is good. Also now and then see these little white lights floating around when I'm meditating.

 

Oh well, I think most teachers say not to pay too much attention to stuff like this, but it is weird lol.

[Maddie]

Hrmmm. I remember reading a book called Kundalini Rising and I once had a dream where this guru helped me align my chakras, was pretty cool. But in my opinion Kundalini is like any other 'energy source' or cultivation. I never understood the term activation and quite honestly I find it highly stupid to phrase it in that manor. Kundalini seems to have been a Hinduistic/yogic term that was miss translated into English that has seemed to have caused a butt load of confusion.

 

Never the less, if your practicing kundalini or tantra, make sure you get in touch with the Goddess. Whatever pantheon you prefer or feel called to. She may help you sort out any issues/blockages if you are devoted and sincere. Most new agers think kundalini is all about conjuring powers and siddhi's. The Goddess IS NOT impressed by this line of thinking nor does she seek to entitle those who will only use such 'powers' to hurt and oppress others, without being taught a lesson.

Well see that's the thing. I've never really had any interest in Kundalini and certainly was not doing any specific practice to activate it. This was kind of spontaneous I guess, and it hurt like a bitch, so not something I was going for lol.

[DragonsNectar69k]

Things are getting weird lately lol. So this evening while doing Samatha I'm in half lotus and a start rocking back and forth. Each time I would stop it and as soon as I relaxed again it would just start again, so I eventually just gave up and went for a ride lol. Also I keep getting these electrical shooting sensations in my thighs, its kind of a good hurt lol. At least I didn't feel like my tail bone was being bored into this time which is good. Also now and then see these little white lights floating around when I'm meditating.

 

Oh well, I think most teachers say not to pay too much attention to stuff like this, but it is weird lol.

 

Hrmmm. Pay attention to how you are rocking. There are different beliefs to this phenomenon, some good and some bad. Most say to let it play out.

[Maddie]

Hrmmm. Pay attention to how you are rocking. There are different beliefs to this phenomenon, some good and some bad. Most say to let it play out.

Yea that's what I did, just rocked and tried to ignore it. It was back and forth.

[Fū Yue]

if you need to slow down your awakening, just say malaksam maha manjushri, all saving is he.

[Maddie]

if you need to slow down your awakening, just say malaksam maha manjushri, all saving is he.

Who is he, and what makes him all saving?

[Fū Yue]

Who is he, and what makes him all saving?

 

He's me, and he's a buddha. He has a giant ass demon sword and he kills demons for a living. For you.

[Maddie]

oh dear

[Maddie]

One of the reasons I post my experiences on here is that I find the very act of writing down my experiences and ordering my thoughts helps to make sense of it all. So here goes again....

 

I had what I believe was a Kundalini experience yesterday. As the experience made me feel manic I decided to go into a little more detail that things seem to be settling down a bit.

 

First of all I want to make it clear that I was NOT seeking any kind of Kundalini experience. I had seen posts about Kundalini on here, but the topic never really interested me. In fact to be honest I was rather put off by it considering it seemed to make people nuts and ruin their lives (at least some people).

 

Rather what I had been doing was a lot of Buddhist practice with a little Taoism thrown in the mix as well. My main practices as of late have been the Zhunti mantra to start things off with. Then usually some mindfulness meditation (either Samatha or Vipassana). Then sometimes I would do a qigong organ meditation as needed depending on how I was feeling. That is the extent of what I've been doing for the most part. Nothing specifically aimed at Kundalini.

 

So yesterday I had been meditating for about an hour seated. After that I did 15 min of walking and then 15 min of standing meditation because my legs were sore from sitting in half lotus for the first hour. During my standing meditation I was positioned in front of a picture of Kwan Yin. Just breathing and looking at the picture. Then I return to seated meditation for another hour.

 

So I'm sitting there in half lotus again and doing Samatha. After about 20 min into that session I become aware of "the feminine" (I don't know how to better put it). After this my tail bone suddenly starts to hurt bad, I mean intense pain. It became so unbearable that I got into child's pose and continued to meditate in that position for a while. I also noticed that as I got distracted by the pain and focused on that it would gradually subside, but then when I felt better and my attention returned to "the feminine" then my tail bone would hurt again.

 

So finally my timer goes off and meditation is over. So I go to the living room and after a few minutes my roommate and her bf come over few briefly to drop something off. I'm struck by how transparent they both seem. Its like I know exactly what both of them are thinking and feeling. The disconcerting part is that my roommates bf while trying to appear civil is actually quite "put off" by me. I'm suddenly aware of his deep seated insecurities and realize that it truly bothers him when his gf/my roommate talks to any other guys other than him.

 

So anyways they leave and I go outside to the laundry room of my apartment complex to put my clothes in the wash. On the way I see a group of construction workers who are doing renovations on our place and another group of college aged kids hanging out outside their apartment. Again I just know everything about what they are all thinking and feeling and its not fun at all. I saw and felt all of their personal fears, insecurities, jealousies, ect. Though the construction workers felt far more comfortable than the college kids lol.

 

So then I go to the sandwich shop to get some lunch. Same thing happens in line there. I just know what everyone in the place is feeling and its just so overwhelming. I get to see the "lust network" going on and see the various people in the shop's feelings towards each other.

 

Then I go back home and at this point I just want to be away from everyone. But there isn't really any relief cause now even by myself I'm feeling very manic, and nervous. So though I hadn't done it for a while I'm hoping that doing the MCO will help because I reason that if I felt all of this in my tail bone, then perhaps circulating the energy around a bit will help to balance it. Though what happens when I start doing the MCO is that I just become more aware of my own insecurity and self esteem issues, so that didn't make me feel better either lol. So I wound up staying awake until about 3am because I was so manic from all of this that I had bad insomnia.

 

This morning I'm feeling "weird" but I can't put my finger on it. Gradually as the morning goes by I start to feel more and more down. Eventually it gets so bad that I'm reminded of the only time I had really felt something so dark, and that was when I was a teenager. Back then I went through this period in my life where I was having lots of issues with my father and I was very depressed and everything was dark and bleak. Well this same feeling came back to me this morning. So I have breakfast and then decide that its time to do my daily practice. So I start with the Zhunti mantra as I usually do. Well this seems to be very effective at lifting the darkness off of me, but only 30 min into it I get so tired that I just stop and go lay down (I never stop during meditation, I usually always plow through even if I'm not feeling up to it). As I'm laying there I'm tired but can't sleep, so the memories and feelings of this darkness are going through my mind but I'm looking at them and sending compassion and loving kindness to these memories and feelings and that seems to be dissipating them. This causes me to realize that when I was a teenager and felt that darkness that I was really just very disconnected from love.

 

This of course led me to examine other dark chapters of my life and saw that just about all of them were due to a feeling of being cut off from love. In the past all those frustrated searches for the perfect girl and the disappointment that followed when I realized there were no perfect people and that, that was not the source of love that I thought it was anyways became apparent.

 

So anyways I'm not saying this is all over, as this is new to me and I'm not really sure how this goes, but so far it has definately been insightful if not totally pleasant lol. I recall Drew mentioning that Kundalini exorcises lower emotional blockages and this does seem to be the case so far, but I'm curious.... I only felt my tail bone hurt, does this mean that everything I've felt so far was contained just there and that I have a lot more of my spinal column to go? or was the pain in the tail bone so intense that I was not able to notice anything else that was happening at the time and there is more going on than just the area around my tail bone? Anyways for those of you who have been through this your insight is valuable to me, because I feel pretty strange at the moment and confused lol.

Edited May 28, 2013 by dmattwads

[joeblast]

you analyze like my wife while it is a good technique to have developed, there's definitely a point at which too much analysis can be a hindrance. remember the term "tricky gate" if attempting to correct it with mco, cant get distracted by bothering with self esteem. keep up the focus when practicing, keep the focus on the practice you are doing and dont let old garbage stir you from what you are doing, regardless of whether "it comes up" or not - like the old master said do not invite them to stay for tea!

 

do you know how the positive ascents are described in taoist yoga?

[voidisyinyang]

It could be just too much sitting meditation! I had a tailbone pain from too much sitting meditation. I didn't think much about it at all. Then when I saw qigong master Jim Nance - I mentioned how I was falling asleep that night and then I woke up and my body was buzzing with electromagnetic bliss - well it was actually focused in my tail bone. haha. At first I was weirded out a bit but then I realized actually I have had tailbone pain - nothing serious - but just from too much sitting meditation or full lotus at the computer.

 

Yeah as far as the lower emotional stuff -- I mean we get cut off from our true selves which is the universal love energy - and so people then identify with this. When I have stuff like that come up during meditation I then hear myself laughing it off. haha. It's like when someone asked the Dalai Lama why he seems too happy considering his country was taken over by the Chinese and the monasteries destroyed, etc. and the Dalai Lama replied - why shouldn't I be happy? I mean it's like that's the only thing left that the fascist communist materialists can not take from us -- our internal perception of reality.

 

For example sitting in full lotus -- people diss it - but actually it is my body and it's the last statement of freedom I truly have. I can sit in full lotus because I can choose my own body position. haha.

 

You might want to try the "moving of yin and yang" standing active exercise since when the arms and hands are then combined with the upper and lower body - so that is very powerful to build up the energy more.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_1sPDntOTs

 

Then you can just bend the knees more to make it more like horse stance if you want.

Edited May 28, 2013 by pythagoreanfulllotus

[Maddie]

you analyze like my wife while it is a good technique to have developed, there's definitely a point at which too much analysis can be a hindrance. remember the term "tricky gate" if attempting to correct it with mco, cant get distracted by bothering with self esteem. keep up the focus when practicing, keep the focus on the practice you are doing and dont let old garbage stir you from what you are doing, regardless of whether "it comes up" or not - like the old master said do not invite them to stay for tea!

 

do you know how the positive ascents are described in taoist yoga?

Yea I do realize I analyze and I know it can be over done lol, BUT I've found that analysis in the past has helped me to get to the root and solve a lot of problems. Yea I know your not supposed to get distracted like that in meditation but yesterday was no average day haha.

 

Um no I don't know what positive ascents are?

 

 

It could be just too much sitting meditation! I had a tailbone pain from too much sitting meditation. I didn't think much about it at all. Then when I saw qigong master Jim Nance - I mentioned how I was falling asleep that night and then I woke up and my body was buzzing with electromagnetic bliss - well it was actually focused in my tail bone. haha. At first I was weirded out a bit but then I realized actually I have had tailbone pain - nothing serious - but just from too much sitting meditation or full lotus at the computer.

 

Yeah as far as the lower emotional stuff -- I mean we get cut off from our true selves which is the universal love energy - and so people then identify with this. When I have stuff like that come up during meditation I then hear myself laughing it off. haha. It's like when someone asked the Dalai Lama why he seems too happy considering his country was taken over by the Chinese and the monasteries destroyed, etc. and the Dalai Lama replied - why shouldn't I be happy? I mean it's like that's the only thing left that the fascist communist materialists can not take from us -- our internal perception of reality.

 

For example sitting in full lotus -- people diss it - but actually it is my body and it's the last statement of freedom I truly have. I can sit in full lotus because I can choose my own body position. haha.

 

You might want to try the "moving of yin and yang" standing active exercise since when the arms and hands are then combined with the upper and lower body - so that is very powerful to build up the energy more.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_1sPDntOTs

 

Then you can just bend the knees more to make it more like horse stance if you want.

So in a nutshell your saying maybe too much sitting and not enough standing?

[voidisyinyang]

Yea I do realize I analyze and I know it can be over done lol, BUT I've found that analysis in the past has helped me to get to the root and solve a lot of problems. Yea I know your not supposed to get distracted like that in meditation but yesterday was no average day haha.

 

Um no I don't know what positive ascents are?

 

 

So in a nutshell your saying maybe too much sitting and not enough standing?

 

yeah --

 

but yeah qigong master Yan Xin emphasizes to just ignore the emotions -

 

I remember this dude complaining how he wasn't "feeling anything" when we were doing the Yan Xin qigong.

 

So I reminded him that Yan Xin said that - but anyway http://fulllotusqigong.blogspot.com/2012/10/maintaining-state-of-listening-but-not.html

 

 

In comparison, qigong training is very special. While in a deeply relaxed and quiescent state, the vital qi in the human body spontaneously

runs at a very high speed. During the movement of qi, many bodily functions are adjusted and improved. In the very beginning, this technique requires some suggestion and induction - one should practice consciously. But success may come

unconsciously. So qigong is described by the phrase "practice consciously and succeed unconsciously."....One should not be fully unconscious, but should enter the state Lao Tzu, an early representative of Taoist Qigong, described as

"fuzzy and distant or distant and fuzzy."

 

 

and

 

 

Non-qigong practitioners react quickly because only the surface layer of their cerebrum is being utilized. Numerous brain cells in the deeper layers of the cerebrum are asleep and suppressed. If we are too active, the brain cells in the deep

layers are not easily accessed.

Edited May 28, 2013 by pythagoreanfulllotus

[thetaoiseasy]

.

Edited March 22, 2014 by thetaoiseasy

[Maddie]

I was thinking a little more about some of the feed back (since I feel sick and didn't go to school) and it occurred to me that my tail bone hurting from simply sitting in meditation a long time would not explain all the other funky symptoms that I've been experiencing, such as being super sensitive to other people, all the emotional issues that are coming up since, the insomnia, facing the "darkness" and feeling very nauseous. Anyways I'm doing my best to try to stay mindful during this and observe it with as much detachment as I can.

 

I found this interesting.

What else?

At the early stages of progress, it's easy for those ascending vital energies to ignite all sorts of latent infections in the body, especially when they reach the skull, because your vital energies are now penetrating every nook, cranny and pocket in the body and that's where latent infections hide. The spine, teeth and throat are especially areas where people see problems.

http://www.meditationexpert.com/meditation-techniques/m_basic_meditation_lessons_and_principles_and_techniques.htm

 

Like I said I stayed home from school today cause I don't feel good ^

Edited May 28, 2013 by dmattwads

[voidisyinyang]

I was thinking a little more about some of the feed back (since I feel sick and didn't go to school) and it occurred to me that my tail bone hurting from simply sitting in meditation a long time would not explain all the other funky symptoms that I've been experiencing, such as being super sensitive to other people, all the emotional issues that are coming up since, the insomnia, facing the "darkness" and feeling very nauseous. Anyways I'm doing my best to try to stay mindful during this and observe it with as much detachment as I can.

 

I found this interesting.

http://www.meditationexpert.com/meditation-techniques/m_basic_meditation_lessons_and_principles_and_techniques.htm

 

Like I said I stayed home from school today cause I don't feel good ^

 

 

Nausea could be emotionally induced -- like butterflies in the stomach when it's strong - makes you lose appetite, etc.

 

So yeah being sensitive to other people's emotions is completely to be expected as part of meditation. Your energy field expands beyond your body more as you strengthen the field. So I actually stopped meditation for a couple months after my "enlightenment experience" because I could sense people's energy through the walls of my apartment and also people around me were freaking out from the strong electromagnetic energy. You actually can do exorcisms of people from your energy. So yeah basically the mundane and the spiritual do not mix so easily - or even at all -- if you are serious about meditation. The more you meditate then the more you realize just how bad off humanity is -- how unnecessary it is for people to be like this - it is just a matter of people doing the meditation training.

 

So then when people meditate they take on all the bad karma of people around them - and also become the "fall guy" for other people's lower emotional blockages - you can suck them up. So the question then is how to personally deal with the negative lower emotional energy to exorcise your brain again.

 

What technique is required is probably personal - for me I have relied on full lotus. But yeah whatever works -- obviously you want to be relaxed about it. People don't think meditation is work but it can be easily overdone -- it's kind of ironic since people who don't meditate think meditation is just being lazy. haha.

 

I work outdoors but it's been raining here off and on all week - the past -- over a week now. So....still getting some stuff done but the weather has been too freakish. Too hot and then too cold, etc.

Edited May 28, 2013 by pythagoreanfulllotus

[Maddie]

Nausea could be emotionally induced -- like butterflies in the stomach when it's strong - makes you lose appetite, etc.

 

So yeah being sensitive to other people's emotions is completely to be expected as part of meditation. Your energy field expands beyond your body more as you strengthen the field. So I actually stopped meditation for a couple months after my "enlightenment experience" because I could sense people's energy through the walls of my apartment and also people around me were freaking out from the strong electromagnetic energy. You actually can do exorcisms of people from your energy. So yeah basically the mundane and the spiritual do not mix so easily - or even at all -- if you are serious about meditation. The more you meditate then the more you realize just how bad off humanity is -- how unnecessary it is for people to be like this - it is just a matter of people doing the meditation training.

 

So then when people meditate they take on all the bad karma of people around them - and also become the "fall guy" for other people's lower emotional blockages - you can suck them up. So the question then is how to personally deal with the negative lower emotional energy to exorcise your brain again.

 

What technique is required is probably personal - for me I have relied on full lotus. But yeah whatever works -- obviously you want to be relaxed about it. People don't think meditation is work but it can be easily overdone -- it's kind of ironic since people who don't meditate think meditation is just being lazy. haha.

 

I work outdoors but it's been raining here off and on all week - the past -- over a week now. So....still getting some stuff done but the weather has been too freakish. Too hot and then too cold, etc.

 

Yea meditation is hard work lol. I've found that when I do a lot of it that I have to rest . Even though what is happening at the moment isn't the funnest thing ever I have noticed a few interesting things.

 

I've noticed more often lately that when I first wake up, either in the morning or from a nap that its like I have to remember which incarnation I'm in lol. It's like this dialogue goes on in my mind and its like "oh what are we calling ourselves identifying as now?" and then I look at my arm or something and then its like "oh yea" lol.

 

I seem to be able to see into ego more (both my own and other people's). Though it strikes me as so petty and such a waste of time what people's egos take for being important or worthwhile to do with their time lol. Though seeing into my ego I'm finding to be useful cause as I do I get more experiences like I was mentioning like when I wake up and see this construct that I consider to be "me" is just a construct. But yea its kind of frustrating when you see people could be cultivating themselves, but instead put so much energy into the stupidest stuff lol. I walked into my apartment managers office this morning to pick up a package for my roommate and I'm pretty sure I heard her thinking something like "my life will finally be so good when all my hard work around here is recognized and I get that promotion that I deserve". It just seemed so pointless lol.

 

Another nice thing is these hidden places of darkness in my psyche that I was previously unaware of until this experience, I am able to fill them up with loving kindness and compassion and they just kind of melt away . It seems that compassion itself seems to be increasing as well. Like when I heard what the manager was thinking I really felt a great deal of compassion for her, seeing as how she was so stressed n such. I think next time I do the Zhunti mantra I'll say a few lines for her lol. I suppose that the taking on of people's karma that you mentioned might explain my strong desire to be such a hermit these days lol.

 

Though I do need this to settle down pretty soon cause I still have school to think about and while missing one class isn't that big of a deal, I still need to be able to concentrate enough to study . I'm sure it will work out.