Rekindling

[awake]

I've had lots of experiences which I can only really label "spiritual". They have happened both in shifts of awareness, as well as powerful feelings that I have felt (not, as far as I can tell, from any physical event in front of me).

 

However, these things, despite how many have occurred, have always been short lived.

 

Yesterday I had my longest experience, where after a moment of realization that I was powerless to change something I had been fussing over in my mind, I suggested to myself just to forget about trying to change it and accept what is.

 

From then on, for the next few hours, I was very much more aware of my own internal processes than I have ever been before. I noticed the feelings that happen before my mind habitually goes from awareness back into lost in thinking, and they no longer held such a power over me. I also would notice the feelings that came up anyway, I was just a lot more aware, without judgement, of my personal goings on.

 

During that time, things took on a very "magical" appearance - thats the only way I can describe it.

 

However, when I got back home and went on the computer to do some work, it slowly started to fade away.

 

Later that night and even now, I would say I am able to become a bit more aware than I would have been a few days ago, however it is little in comparison to the experience of yesterday. Through that frame of reference, I am able to observe that currently, although I can be aware without judgement for some time, those processes which I would previously simply observe now take more control over me (than yesterday), I am less able to actually feel them and other feelings, and when I am simply paying attention, there is a bit of frustration there, that "this moment is not so great"

 

I am wondering if there is any advice you can give to me.

[hagar]

I've had lots of experiences which I can only really label "spiritual". They have happened both in shifts of awareness, as well as powerful feelings that I have felt (not, as far as I can tell, from any physical event in front of me).

 

However, these things, despite how many have occurred, have always been short lived.

 

Yesterday I had my longest experience, where after a moment of realization that I was powerless to change something I had been fussing over in my mind, I suggested to myself just to forget about trying to change it and accept what is.

 

From then on, for the next few hours, I was very much more aware of my own internal processes than I have ever been before. I noticed the feelings that happen before my mind habitually goes from awareness back into lost in thinking, and they no longer held such a power over me. I also would notice the feelings that came up anyway, I was just a lot more aware, without judgement, of my personal goings on.

 

During that time, things took on a very "magical" appearance - thats the only way I can describe it.

 

However, when I got back home and went on the computer to do some work, it slowly started to fade away.

 

Later that night and even now, I would say I am able to become a bit more aware than I would have been a few days ago, however it is little in comparison to the experience of yesterday. Through that frame of reference, I am able to observe that currently, although I can be aware without judgement for some time, those processes which I would previously simply observe now take more control over me (than yesterday), I am less able to actually feel them and other feelings, and when I am simply paying attention, there is a bit of frustration there, that "this moment is not so great"

 

I am wondering if there is any advice you can give to me.

 

Oh yes:

a subject that I have dwelled on for years.

 

My most recent response to this,(always changing) is that yes, if you are not careful, this development (a sense of meta-commentator) of your internal process, is the subtle ego. And it's you trying to anticipate what you should "get" out of something that is actually a loss. So the only, (and I mean only) way out is to create some sort of implicit or explicit ritual of grievance, where you let your experiences go, and let them fall away into oblivion. Remember that that part of you that experienced them as you did will also have to "die". So it is for me atleast. So its more in tthe line of dying and ressurecting all the time. The closer you get to the actual essential quality of the present moment, an immediate counter action is created internally, and your ego sends off this alarm signal that calls to attention all kinds of warning systems so that the next time anything "special" happens, you will not miss it. This is a slippery slope, and can definatley leave you stranded. It did me for a long period of time.

So this is my mantra these days: "Noting out there is fundamentally going to serve me any joy or comfort. Let everything be as it naturally unfolds"

 

It dawned on me the other day that this is equally true for the internal world as well. Then I had to sit down and create a process of grievance for that understanding as well. sigh....

 

h

[awake]

I'm now noticing a much greater ability to be aware of the yes, subtle processes that go on - i am surprised how many they are, and I was right (when I surmised months ago) the root of all these thoughts are feelings.

 

What I used to do was focus my attention on feelings, but I do not know what benefits that had for me.

 

What happened that day I described in my first post I suppose was just another one of the many random occurrances of that nature.

 

I have fairly little direction in which I know to do, I am just experimenting between awareness and focus on feelings and amplifying them (good and bad). I don't really want to "let them go" as much as I want to focus on them (not by repeating their logical stimulus over and over, but keeping my attention on them as they come up and "keeping them there" with such) - good or bad.

 

I am surprised, I would have thought (and the voices in my head agree) that TTB would have much more to say on this topic.

 

Thank you hagar.

[freeform]

the root of all these thoughts are feelings.

 

yeah - that's how I experience it too. Like funnel of awareness - thoughts are the narrow end and the subtlest of feelings at the wide end... thoughts are just a very narrowed down, simplified reflection of a much grander 'feeling'.

 

Focusing your awareness is a great practice of Will... it's also beneficial to stay at a deep level of awareness and let it broaden and de-focus - a muscle needs to relax as well as contract.

 

Ritualised letting go!! I love that phrase. We'll be doing a lot of that very soon (Creation - take heed )

[forestofemptiness]

It's easy to accept the magical, uplifting, wonderful states.

 

It's hard to accept the ordinary, mundane, day-to-day boring states.

 

Yet the point is to accept, right?

[Phoenix]

 

However, when I got back home and went on the computer to do some work, it slowly started to fade away.

 

Later that night and even now, I would say I am able to become a bit more aware than I would have been a few days ago, however it is little in comparison to the experience of yesterday. Through that frame of reference, I am able to observe that currently, although I can be aware without judgement for some time, those processes which I would previously simply observe now take more control over me (than yesterday), I am less able to actually feel them and other feelings, and when I am simply paying attention, there is a bit of frustration there, that "this moment is not so great"

 

I am wondering if there is any advice you can give to me.

Sometimes, when we have an experience of reduced clinging, there follows in its wake, when our habitual state of greater attachment returns, a more pronounced awareness of the pain of that attachment. I think this may explain your frustration, and the sense that "this moment is not so great." That frustration can actually be a useful thing if it spurs you to more practice. Just do your best to not fixate on whatever meditation experiences you've had in the past, and carry on with your practice as steadily as possible.

[3bob]

Sometimes, when we have an experience of reduced clinging, there follows in its wake, when our habitual state of greater attachment returns, a more pronounced awareness of the pain of that attachment. I think this may explain your frustration, and the sense that "this moment is not so great." That frustration can actually be a useful thing if it spurs you to more practice. Just do your best to not fixate on whatever meditation experiences you've had in the past, and carry on with your practice as steadily as possible.

 

very well said! bump

[Phoenix]

very well said! bump

Thanks.

[z00se]

Hagar: Yeah i think the 'letting go' method is not so great. I think it makes you feel helpless and powerless which isn't a nice feeling. Mantak Chia's idea is also that if you always let go you are always releasing your energy and letting go of it. Instead what i do is as soon as i begin to feel any thought comming up i will smile and relax and drop the thought from my head to my belly and it's gone. I still have the energy and now it's used for healing instead of being wasted in a useless thought. Some good days I find i can feel a thought comming along before i even know what i'm about to 'think', i just feel a change in my energy as if i'm about to think something then i drop it down and it goes down so easily. The quicker and earlier i can do it the easier it is.

 

Focusing your awareness is a great practice of Will... it's also beneficial to stay at a deep level of awareness and let it broaden and de-focus - a muscle needs to relax as well as contract.

 

Freeform: I couldn't agree more. We need to have both states. It's just our jobs and society make us focus so much that now we need to practice de-focusing. Children are so un-focused and so parents are always trying to focus them (to study, clean their room, etc). Now when i try to remember something i actually feel my brain tense up. It made me laugh thinking that i'm actually straining my brain to remember. A few years ago it was constantly strained and i didn't notice it tensing up because it already was.

 

It's easy to accept the magical, uplifting, wonderful states.

 

It's hard to accept the ordinary, mundane, day-to-day boring states.

 

Yet the point is to accept, right?

 

I think the thing is that it is POSSIBLE to have constantly wonderful states. We have an imagination and it's a wonderful thing. If it's not wonderful, imagine something to make it more interesting. Pretend something. Make it fun. Children do it all the time playing games like army, 007, mothers and fathers even haha. It doesn't matter what it is just make it cool, fun, exciting and what you want. We know it's not real but you can pretend it is and be really enthused at the same time. Richard Bandler has some excellent ideas on this.

 

Even without imagining, if you're living in the moment, since it's so hard to do, that is a special experience on it's own. Smell the smells, hear the sounds, and feel the air and your clothes all together. Feel the chi, be aware of the stars. Realise you're so small, your job is not so important in the scheme of the universe and feel the room to make some fun within your day.

[Creation]

Ritualised letting go!! I love that phrase. We'll be doing a lot of that very soon (Creation - take heed )

Hehe...been on TTBs hiatus for several days and almost missed this. My higher nature is looking forward to it (don't know about the rest ). Much love to you.

 

Awake, know that others are dealing with similar stuff but might not feel like they are in a position to discuss it. The only comment I have at this time is that I just realized that your emphasis on postponing the letting go phase is to keep you from falling into the trap of false letting go. Interesting.

 

The rabbit hole is very deep.

 

Best wishes.

[awake]

Thank you all. Your responses have helped me realize in short, that the expectation is only a hindrance.

 

The only comment I have at this time is that I just realized that your emphasis on postponing the letting go phase is to keep you from falling into the trap of false letting go. Interesting.

 

The rabbit hole is very deep.

 

Best wishes.

 

Can you please elaborate? I don't understand.

Edited February 1, 2010 by awake

[Creation]

Can you please elaborate? I don't understand.

I don't fully understand myself. That's why I was so cryptic.

 

I have been wondering why you were so insistent on not letting go but instead amplifying what you feel since you first posted about it.

 

Then I was thinking, one can't just "let go", and there is no secret technique to do so. You have to be at a certain "place" (which I am just starting to understand myself). If you try to let go before you get to that "place" either nothing will happen or you will convince yourself that you have let go when you really haven't. This is what I call false letting go.

 

I just had this flash of intuition that you, perhaps unconsciously, understand the trap of false letting go and know that you are not ready yet.

 

Or I interpreted my intuition incorrectly...

Edited February 1, 2010 by Creation

[awake]

Thats interesting, what it really is, is I just don't feel ready to release - which doesn't imply I know if I'll ever feel ready to.

 

How i logic'd it, is that I don't think I'm wise enough to decide or know when its time for something like that to be let go in me.