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  1. I don't know how to explain this. If this was said to me some five years ago, when I had not done semen retention, I would call them directly crazy. Some very strange things have taken place in my life. Right after ejaculation great suffering follows me. In my mental state I am completely fine but what happens is people who surround me, family, friends, neighbors, people on news(in my country), everything suffers. This has not happened only once. I don't remember exactly when this phenomenon started to come in cycle. Now it has happened more than I could count. I stopped thinking about it, but it follows, even if I forget or try to live a normal life. Here are some repeated phenomenon that occurs after the loss of sexual energy: Same people contacting me or coming to my house after relapse. (i even see this phenomenon in facebook, people sharing posts and updating status.) Neighbor having a fight and attacking each other. Hearing news about car accident and someone dying or bus accident and a group of people dying all at once (my streak goes from 20- 30 days and in those periods of time no such phenomenon happens. Exactly after 4 days everything stops or I don't see them happening until I relapse) New problem arises in the mind of my parents and they have a negative discussion as well. Everything changes. Also, I feel that those people who are unawakened, or those who walk on everyday life as normal beings, are affected. Sometimes positively as well. My analysis is that we all have our perception. Retaining seed makes one individual's perception a lot stronger that it bends reality. All people near you, people in your imagination, everything that is related to you is affected once you relapse. There is no escape from it. Bad luck is mandatory after relapse. Also, what I have found is that retaining seed stops some event from happening and as soon as you relapse those events will follow. Like today I got stock dividend from the companies I had invested on. And all other events followed me one by one. My only question remains is how and why this is happening? Is retaining seed making me live in another dimension that as soon as I relapse earthly things follow me? Or is there something vaguely unknown energy on work? I don't want this to happen. I want things to go in a smooth flow, not relapse changing things and making many event happen. I know some of you have not experienced this. (because maybe you have not still awakened your sexual centers, or whatever through lots of force retaining) But I know some of you have experienced this exact phenomenon. Please comment your experience. Your explanation would be helpful as well.
  2. Hello all, I posted a few months ago in regard to Zazen practice and slightly open eyes that somewhat cross. I thank all that participated as now I feel that I have benefited greatly from the experience I have recently been practicing a chi/soul finding exercise that I found on Youtube from the Wudang guys. I was happy to see that the Zazen practice prepared me well for this...now I am to use visualisation...something that I find difficult if my eyes are slightly open and I can see that I am still in my front room! But this isn't my problem...I know I will overcome this with practice. The real issue arose last week. I am prone to anxiety and almost bi-polar type behaviour but I have had this fairly under control in the last year or so. But recently, panic attacks have been regular, and I often find myself waking in the night. I have had some family issues in the past and they have resurfaced recently so I'm certain this has rocked the boat along with some added financial stress as of late. But last week I found myself in a very bad way. I spent a week with one of my old school friends. He stayed with me for a couple of days then I stayed at his for a few days in preparation for a big barbeque party. All started fine but as the days went by, I noticed that each chi meditation I did in the morning became more and more disrupted to the point where on Monday, the day I was set to travel home, I sat there freaking out for the whole 30 minutes! I was agitated, my lower back felt stiff, and there were negative voices everywhere. I felt too week to watch and control my breath and I just couldn't focus at all...I was just submitting to all the horrible words and scenarios that were in my head. Ok, so the week leading up to this did include a lot of weed, tobacco, energy drinks and alcohol. Sleep deprivation and some junk food (I tried my best to be good here! For the best part my diet was ok) ... so I guess I really do know the culprits (along with my family situation for me to nicely dwell on) BUT at the same time, what can I do? My old friend knows me too well...and I feel I would be alienating myself if I didn't keep up with the partying. A different (and wise) friend of mine told me that tobacco, alcohol and energy drinks would mess with my chi (not weed though, he likes the odd smoke) but I never really thought about it until this happened. All I know is that after last week, it has made me pissed at myself. I have been really moody since and I've upset my girlfriend only because I couldn't find a way to smile or be happy. I've literally been wallowing in some state depression for a week now and gradually I'm getting out but shit - I feel like I've destroyed myself just by hanging out with old school mates for a week and being "me". Sorry for the long post, I just need some advice on where I should go from here. I have a gut instinct, but I would like to see what y'all say first... Many thanks in advance for those that have read this and want to reply.