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About Turiya

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  1. Dealing with Loneliness

    Thank you Tom and Harmonious Emptiness for your above comments I really appreciate it. I hope all will be able to gain some useful wisdom from what was written. hi BlueMonk91, Thank you for your reply and your feedback. Based on what you are writing, your mind says you understand but honestly I don't think you do. And it is okay that you don't I purposely wrote what I did, so that in a few years time when you look back, what is written will be more clear, trust me on this. Right now we need to see what level you are looking at. At your mind state right now, you are identified with who you are and are completely attached to it. A very strong sense of self, which is natural as many at that age are, its all part of growing up and developing identity only to realize it is not real. Forget about seeing lonliness as an illusion, at least for now because it is only an imagined farfetched idea, in time and experience it will become a reality, truth will prevail. Right now what feels more real is your lonliness. This is why you wrote that you feel more " apathetic" towards your current state. Based on everything you wrote, I can tell that no matter what is said, the mind will still play tricks in trying to understand or think. Though I do understand and feel your geniuness in trying to resolve this issue. I'am here with you, we just must watch the mind. What I think is happening is that your mind is fully convinced and has basically created a mantra: "I'am lonely, people think i'm negative, I can't be around people, I can't get girlfriend, I can't have friends," etc. This gets repeated and repeated and you trust it, live it, and it becomes real because your mind keeps reinforcing it. You need to first seperate yourself and realize that the voice in your head and these ideas of you being lonely is NOT YOU. I'll prove it to you.. right now. As you are reading these words, I want you to repeat those negative thoughts and feelings. See how those thoughts come... I'm lonely, I'm negative, i'm not worth it, I hate myself, I don't understand, I'm confused, let it all out. Now you see those thought going through the head, who is it that is seeing those thoughts.. there is a witness to these thoughts, you have to be there.. to see your thoughts and those words in order for it to be there.. do you see what I'm saying? Whatever you are thinking right now, this very moment there has to be someone to observe this, a witness for lack of better term. You can't be those thoughts because when you say I'm lonely, you said it, then it disappears. The thought is gone. Yet you are still here, thinking and doing other things. But the thoughts come like a habit and come very often, it gets repeated so much, like any lie that gets repeated, it will seem like its true and carry an substance of sort.. but nonetheless it is not real. So see the witness that sees the thoughts and identify yourself with that witness for now. Your mind is honestly trying to hold on to that negativity, and actually it is trying to create a fake solution. That fake solution is the baby steps, treat me okay, give me a bit of medicine, but don't cure me completely. It is the trick of the mind to get you trapped and never be free. Just like our current medical western healthcare, is more like sick care. They give you pills and drugs that never cure you and you are stuck with them for life. So too is the ill mind, it will come up with ideas to trick you. Your mind may also tell you, don't listen to what i'm saying, it's hog wash, what do I know.. I don't know your lonliness, I've never been there, how can I really understand.. again these are all voices in your mind which it creates. Trust me, I've been there in lonliness, but even if I had or not, it doesn't matter, what matters is the reality that your mind is creating for you, you are being attached, giving it attention and thus it is becoming real and tricking you that it has reality. WITNESS - at first there will be effort, as it may seem like a new concept, but it is a step towards freedom. You must remind yourself again and again and question all thoughts, images and voices that arrises in your mind. You must know you are none of them, not any single one of those voices is you. Because it can't be you. If you were that thought, voice, or image, when it disppears you would would disappear too. yet you still remain. You are still here, when those thoughts come, and then go, and then other thoughts and ideas come. yet you see them all.. you must see that you are the witness of these thoughts be and stay in that position. This will help you see your whole reality from a third person view. By stepping out of the box, can you look into it and see what is wrong, and know that you are not the box which is the problem, but are watching it, then can you help and transcend. ATTENTION - your attention is so subtle and so powerful. Whereever you direct your attention is what will be given life and power. Right now your mind has repeated all of those negative ideas about yourself, and how you think you are. Those thoughts keep arrising, and you keep giving them attention, they are seducing you. Don't fight, but just deny attention to it, use your energy, your power of ATTENTION and focus on something else. MIND TRICK - your mind will play tricks and give excuses and say you dont have anything else, or I CAN"T DO THIS, I CAN"T DO THAT.. but YOU CAN!! anything and everything is possible. Let's do another real example so I can prove to you the power of words. I want you to say out loud the word: DIFFICULTY, just say the word, DIFFICULTY, say it again and again, OUT LOUD, not just mentally in your mind, but CLOSE your eyes now, and say it, again and speak it out of your voice, loud and feel the word, taste it, and close your eyes and feel it, repeat this for a while then open your eyes and read on. What do you feel? I can guarantee and promise that you probably felt contricted, discomfort, heavy, negative feelings in general. Now i want you to think and say the word, LOVE, love love. Don't be shy, say the word out right now as you are reading this, LOVE. I love you! LOVE!! LOVE!! Love!, Love!, I love you. Close your eyes, and feel and say it. Don't let the mind trick you into thinking this is a stupid activity, ignore your mind and just do it. Close and feel with all your heart LOVE, feel love and the power of love, and the feeling of love, say love and feel the word: LOVE Do it now, close your eyes and say the word and feel it What did you feel? I can promise you felt, LOVE! lightness, openess, and maybe even tear up? If you were real and followed what I asked you to do, you will feel it, I promise you. This exercise was to demonstrate how powerful words can be. Thus the word "spell" or spelling. It's litereally a spell, when you spell or say something out. So say negative things and it will be a negative curse, say good positive things and it will be a positive, blessing!! So simple, yet so profound and powerful! Such is the way of truth and many awesome things in life as you will discover. What one should realize from this is, look at your mind and see how it keeps clinging and repeating all these negative things. You keep thinking negative things, and keep doubting and not knowing, you keep saying I cant, or i'll try. Forget all that, instead open, love, love yourself. Do it right now. Close your eyes, hug yourself, and say I love you.. To yourself, this is not stupid, or silly. Try it and be real with it and feel with all your heart... something may happen.. do it now... you have the power, you have the courage, you have the will and intellgience to love... do it now, to you, give yourself love, give yourself a hug.. do not be afraid to cry. Cry and let it all out, tears can cure wounds and unblock blockages, be true and feel with all your heart. I love you... All is forgiven, you have never been negative, you have never accumulated anything bad, you do not have to be ashame or feel guilty. Accept all that you have gone through, and be greatful that is has shown you the negative side of things. So now you can be compasionate and know and understand that side of life. Move on now to the other side, the side of openess, the side of love, the side of freedom. Stop thinking of your past. Seriously forget it, dont ever bring it up. It's not ignoring it, its seeing whats real, its dead. It's like your mustache, or hair that you cut every once in a while. Or your nails, once you cut it, its gone and dead, you don't go crying over and thinking about it and going on myself my nail, my nail. You will grow more hair and nail. Same with life, stop dwelling on negative things from past, and the past as a whole. Here again the mind will go, but I can't!.. becareful.. who is it that is saying that, already watch the negative words that the mind uses. The I can't.. it tricks you into thinking you can't do anything. And remember you are not the mind.. you are the witness of it! So that means you can't be those thoughts that come up. I think there may be trauma from the past, either hurt physical, verbally, sexually. Perhaps addiction to substances or habits that have drained your energy. But you did it to cope but it just puts you in a deeper and darker circle. It seems like no hope, and you trust the mind and it seems to give you temporary solutions or suggestions, always searching for what you think might set you free. You are strong, you have will, you have the power. But ultimately, look inside yourself see what you really desire. I think inside your heart you are seeking love, approval and acceptance. In our young phase it will be seeking for material pleasure, and the presence of friendship from friends, partner and family. It's normal. Later you will realize you will have to transcend this as well as mentioned in first post, but don't worry about that now it will take it's course. Right now look into yourself, I sense you want to feel and be loved, and you want to love to. You know you have that power inside you, you just need something to motivate, or trigger or to express. It is our conditioning, upbringing and education that has restricted and made as feel alone and dead. What you need to do is take the first step. Meaning just say hi to someone at school. When you are beside them in class. Just make a conversation. Ask them a question, or joke, or make a statement. Your mind will go again, I'can't, or I'm shy. etc. don't trust this voice, just do it, you will be nervous as hell at first, but just do it. And you will see how easy it is. It's just that you are really afraid of the unknown. Afraid of being rejected. In life we are always accepted and rejected by external things, there is day and night, pushing and pulling, giving and taking, so too you must accept the fact. If you never try then you will always feel rejected, but if you try of all the rejection there will be eventual acceptance. So make simple conversations at first. After that you can ask if they want to hang out, or go for a coffee, or movie. From there see how it grows. Just trust your feeling and see if you can be comfortable with the person. Give yourself a chance. Again I tell you this as a reminder, not to confuse, you but years when you look back. You will realize that your mind created all of this. It made you believe and feel you were lonely, so you went to seek friends, only to find that friendships come and go and brings problems too, this will make you lonely again and search again, it will make you find a girlfriend, a lover, then it will make you search for a teacher, a guru, god. Eventually it will all lead back to you. Loving yourself, the real Self, the real you. And realizing this was all mind made up, but right now as I speak it will feel so real because you are living it, but its okay, don't deny the natural flow. You will have to go through this so that you can learn, and grow, and life will do what it needs to. -- Practical Advice: I highly recommend you find the book called: The secret art of Seamm Jasani by Asanaro This is an ancient form of excercises much like chi kung, it focuses on turning negative energy to positive. Do the excercises and you will feel your whole mind and body change. Use these excercises as a way to channel and transform your negative energy into positive. Once you develop the positive energy use that to create, to live and to do what you gotta do. Watch your mind: whenever possible just watch your mind and see all the silly ideas and thoughts that come up, the thoughts and ideas at first will be very powerful and will seduce your attention and will suck you into thinking and dwelling in them, it will make you forget you are the witness. No worries, just as soon as you remember you are the witness focus again on witnessing and watching and know you are not the thoughts. Again this is just a step, in time one will realize you are beyond all of this. But don't push and jump to ahead of self, just giving heads up so you don't become to attached to any practices. Walk in nature: Nature has energies that balance and help get rid of negative energy. If you can walk on beach, walk barefoot on backyard or whever possible. Breath in the air, watch the sky, the sun, birds, be around trees. Nature will do it's thing and it will help You are what you eat: This simple yet profound sacred thing we forget. Feed yourself garbage and you will become garbage, at least, body and mind wise. Eating negative, unhealthy, junk, processed food will resulting in negative thoughts and body. Bad food is made from cold, processed, refined places with no heart and energy, thus you will become that and feel isolated. So educate yourself on healthy eating and find whats right for you. There are a lot of crazy diets out there that are way too extreme. So watch out and dont get caught up. Try and see what works for you. If you need advice here I can give some help and starting points if you're interested Know that both negative and positive things happen in life so that you may experience the full spectrum of life. In a song there is silence, and different notes, high notes and low notes. Just like in life how right now your life story has low notes, there too is high notes and silence which the mind tends to forget and ignore. It is both the low an high notes and silence that all work together to create the beautiful melody, the melody, the song of life! Blessings and love to you! A smile I send to you from my heart to yours
  2. Semen Consistancy/color

    hi Inoran, To address your question. White semen is fresh semen, after weeks to months of semen not being ejaculated out it will turn into a yellowish/golden colour as you have seen. It's basically old sperm turning yellow. There is however, nothing to worry about. In Taosim there is a Rythm Theory. For men in their 20's, after one ejaculation it takes 4 days to recover and be good to go again. For men in 30's it is 6 days. This varies depending on age and health of person. See semen as your blood and money in bank. Be smart about it and don't overuse and abuse. Becareful of creating masturbation habits to pornography and excessive ejaculation. In Taosim there are many practices to retain semen and to basically reverse or inejaculate, so your body uses your semen. The terms for these excercises are usually called the Hold Back, Million Dollar Point, and also Deer Exercise which helps to bring semen back into the body rather than out. Ejaculation is safe and fine so long as it is in moderation as anything in life and depending on person. So don't get to frightened that you can't ejaculate, yet dont get to cocky with young age if you are in your 20's you will be a sperm fountain and have almost infinite energy, don't let that trick you into thinking you are superman. Instead be smart and use that energy and cultivate it. When I say cultivate I mean doing things like chi kung to use energy to generate, heal, balance and to bring you to higher consciouness, awareness. Be wise to make sure you ground yourself too, culvitating so much energy can make you want to release more, so much yang will turn yin, and so much yin will turn yang. So balance and moderation is key. Ultimately use your energy to discover your true Self.
  3. Dealing with Loneliness

    hi Bluemonk, Thank you for sharing your experiences. To be honest what you I think everyone goes through lonliness in their life. I have been through that too, especially during high school and school years, but even in adult years. I was a bit of a nerd and weirdo so bullies would pick on me, and I would always feel awkard around the opposite sex. All of this is conditioning. You asked if taoism, chi kung will help, and I say yes. Taoism, chi kung, yoga and other forms of spiritual knowledge and wisdom, religion, science are all ways that our mind, body, spirit goes through to learn about ourselves. Through the art of chi kung, you may be able to experience peace, balance, happiness, bliss, through buddism you may experienc nirvana etc. All of this is ultimately the same. It is god, love, that which is beyond, the true self which we seek. Your mind might be telling you, you need more friends, or friends that understand, or I need a girlfriend or boyfriend. But honestly these are all superficial things. I can guarantee you, if you get a girlfriend, wife, a best friend you will still run into conflicts and problems and you will still have that inner lonliness you have been feeling. This lonliness is actually a blessing in disguise. Why is it a blessing? Life can be explained to work like yin and yang, bitter to sweet. Now the lonliness is bitter, but it will turn to sweetness, it can only go to that. But don't let this knowledge be taken by the mind and twisted so you become so confidence and cocky that you think the opposite of lonliness will come. What I'm trying to say is that lonliness is a blessing because in it, it has brought you this far, brought you to this forum and has made you search. This search is what triggers our journey to discover the self, truth, and love, whatever you define it as. This means there is a seed, a glimmer of hope in the darkness for you to find ultimate salvation. For you to find that fountain where you will never be thirsty again, for you to find your true self, true love where you never need another to love you. In truth there is no other.. mother, father, friends, family, all people, animals, beings you meet and encounter is actually yourself, including your own body. Most people go through life or death, or profound chi kung, or spirtual experiences in order to experience this oneness or understanding. This taste proves without a doubt that all is one and interconnected. It cannot be something understood or comphrended by the mind as the mind always seperates and segregates. Some practical advice: first realize, stop thinking of the past, the more you think of your persona, and person and events in the past the more you create that reality, the past is dead, and your personality is not even real, but this is for you to realize maybe later, right now If you feel lonely because you have no friends; go and make friends, but I tell you now that ultimately all friends you make will come and go and will not quelch that true lonliness you feel, no body in this world can understand your mind and you, because ultimately it is your own world, the next step when you are ready is to realize that you are not even real.. the you, persona, mental image of yourself is not real, yes the body is real yes the mind is real, but your idea of i is not real.. this may sound confusing at first but when the time is right you will understand if you feel lonely because you feel you need a girlfriend, to love and hug you; get a girlfriend, from this too you will learn that despite the hugging, the kissing, the sex, and the good times of going out and enjoying each other company there will be bad times and ultimately you will still feel alone, this I can promise you. There is no perfect relationship in the world, a relationship implies two.. until one realize the truth of one only, and there is no seperation, then only can there be real love and peace but this is theory, so go out and make friends and girlfriend, you have to experience for yourself, go and enjoy and taste it. You can't sit like a monk and think oh if I get a girlfriend or friends it will still be nothing at the end, you have to experience, taste, learn and not be caught up in it, and then you will learn naturally on your own. Trust me in this, as I've been there and shaved my head bald and sat like a monk and lived like a monk for years, its a method that only works for few, most must taste life to overcome and learn from it. So I say experience it, and witness the experience at the back of your mind so you don't get ever too caught in it. Then a time will come and you will see that the lonliness is still there. If it interest you, look into spirtual stuff like yoga, enlightment, zen, taoism, chi kung etc. These knowledge will bring a greater understanding and will give pointers to understanding your lonliness. But even they are like the girlfriend and friends that come and go, they are all dead and second knowledge. Ultimately, they are there to help you, like a boat on your journey across the sea, but when you reach the shore you must abondon the boat not carry it with you. So to, if it interest you, go and learn these things, but do not get caught up in the theories, the movements, and become full of yourself.. because this happens to many, the knowledge gives them a sense of worth, and power, but ultimately if they look fully into themselves they will still find that empty, unfulilled feeling after you have gone through all of this, there may come ideas of of getting a wife, of getting a car, and job, and material things, these things, I tell you to get into as well, so that way you can experience and learn from them, but don't get caught in them. When you have experience and done everything life can give you, you will still find this lonliness, because it is your true self, and the wonder and beauty of life trying to teach you what is real, what is profound, what is true, and that is YOU.. and I don't mean the YOU as in your own self image, or the way you are perceiving yourself now, as your mind, ideas and body, it is the real you which is beyond words and comphrension. This is where your real journey starts and at this point I cannot tell you what happens next because truth, life, is always spontatnous, new and will bring what is needed to you for you, to learn, grow and to find yourself. There will be ups and downs, time when you feel loved, alone, hated, not hated, this or that, all of this you will endure to understand the full range of human psyche, emotion and being The best way to paint it, is if you are a spirit coming into this human world of existence as a temporary journey to learn what it is like to be a human and to transcend it by realizing that you are not just human, but everything and beyond, not in the mind, cocky ego way, but in a truthful understanding that you will just simply know when the time comes.. but also don't let time deillusion you, as even time and space are illusions, this sounds ridiculous and does not make sense but ironically in time because the mind operates in time, the mind will know its place Keep to yourself, know thyself Mind will ask questions, and you will go searching, in the end, the home, the ultimate, the solution to the lonliness you seek, will actually be right where you are, you will then laugh and realize that the journey was never needed, yet needed, that you were never alone, that it is just a concept in your mind, despite the feeling, your attention gives the idea so much power based on memories in past and project future, and ultimately an identity in a false you, that you are lonely. When you realize you are not, then you will realize who is there to be lonely? Ask who is it that is lonely.. really ask and find the answer.. if you say your name, is it simply that? isn't your name just a sound.. that isn't you.. is it your body? your body is only made up of parts, take away your arm, legs and you are still there.. even your mind you are still there.. how? because how can you not be there to realize your mind is gone.. something must still be there.. that real you.. which cannot be touched or described, keep going deeper and deeper in.. these are all signpost and pointers not the ultimately truth, you have to go, ask and receive, search and find My best wishes and energies to you!
  4. I'm I possessed?

    hello! I just joined the forum and community and I'm happy to be here as I've been trying for the longest time to understand my experiences. If someone could share some insights that would be much appreciated! I currently live in Toronto, Ontario Canada and unfortunately still have not been able to find a teacher or sifu to act as guidance on my path in discovering the art of taoism/truth/god/self. Bare with me as I try to summarize everything: THE ORIGIN: Several years ago I went on a backpacking self discover journey. Life was going down hill and I was trying to find myself and understand the world. My heart brought me to China and I spent close to a month there. At first in cities and seeing the popular things like Great Wall, Stone Army etc, None of that was of real interest and felt cold. It was in the farmlands and mountains where I stayed at which was simple, tranquil and profound. After weeks into my journey everything seemed like crap and seemed like a waste of time. I was on top of a mountain at the time and went into the Jade Emperor temple. There I started to pray and surrender. It was a total surrender as if everything was given up and acknowledgement that I knew nothing and genuinely seek truth, happiness and peace. In that moment there was a sudden jolt as if lighting in the whole body. It started to shake uncontrollable, then tons of deep belly laugher, cry, real crying, real laughing as if it was the first time I was really crying and laughing. Then pure silence and stillness and then my body started to spin and move on its own as if I was possessed. It felt like energy was pulling my body ever so gentle and guiding me around. My body was walking around as if I was drunk. But I was not drunk, I was fully aware and scared at the time, yet not scared. Then the body did these weird movements I think they were chi kung moves though I'm not certain, it was all effortless and then more laughter and crying and then boom... ran out of the temple and started to sing and dance around the mountain as if a new person. So much energy, so much joy, so much love, so much laughter, the whole world was so colourful. I felt one with the world, completely peace, no questions and all was geniunely well, that all problems and everything was made up and did not exist, that the mind took it self way too seriously and all problems were created and illusion. All was simply perfect, joy, love, thats the best I can describe it. I was running around hugging animals on the mountain, singing to trees and plants, hugging and smiling to people who thought I was crazy. The smile and laughter that came from me was automatic and I felt a energy carry me throughout everywhere. Moments later I remember hearing the loudess thunder and lighting and heaviest rain storm every. The lighten shoke the mountain, and lit up the sky and the rain soaked everything. Yet I was still outside running and dancing in the rain and walking and dancing to the thump of the lighting, thunder and rain. Then as fast as the heavy rain and thunder came it stopped, but I was still so filled with love and joy and wanted to share it with the whole world and love everyone and wished everyone could be blessed with this I remember I could feel tingling on the lower tailbone area, super sensistive to things, and when I did things it felt like I was really doing it, as if I was one with the movement. When drinking water, it was drinking water and enjoying it fully, the mind and body as one, not body drinking and mind somewhere else. I remember someone randomly asked me how did I arrive at this state and the mouth automatically responded "follow your heart" POST ORIGIN: This bliss lasted for several days and then a thought came... "Oh my gosh, is this enlightenment?" The moment this came all doubts and fear came, second thoughts like "Will this last?" etc came. Then eventually the mind came talking and creating fear and then it all subsided. Physically I could still feel the tingling, and energy sensations. Weeks later when I returned home from the trip. I would get random laughter and jolts, and shaking. People at home who saw me said I was glowing and looked so pretty, was like a new person, etc etc. I tried my best not to take all this to heart as it might build on the ego. Many wonderful things happened, I hugged mom and dad for the first time and felt no fear to do it. I felt like breaking patterns, walking on grass instead of sidewalks and had the power to move clouds and such. But eventually all this faded because of pressure from parents, friends and generally life to go to school, get a career. Ever since I went back to school and worked all this faded and I've become mundane or "normal" like the rest of the usual western society. Then months later when I went on a trip with the family to Niagara Falls, aboard the Maiden of the Mist ride which brought you down close to the falls, a similar event happened. Pure joy in seeing the falls, pure energy and perfect bliss again and hugging and smiling to everyone and loving all. I remember feeling that there was so much energy that the body could barely contain it all, I could feel the limits of the body and witnessed the body, mind and energy seeing it all seperately yet one as well. The energy was best described as spirit, almost like a child, new, fresh, loving, innocent. My second thoughts would be fear as if I was possessed by a ghost or demon took over body. Years later these moments became more rare, it would come in difficult life situations when things were not well, i would be in my room meditating and then the profoundness would come again. Just recently had similar experience again but this time the body did a dance, like chi kung, tai chi, martial arts move, it was moving so gracefully on its own and felt like energy was just carrying it, I felt like the anicent sages were dancing through me, and the body would do all these weird breathing, inhaling fast, then slow, then making different noises, and different movements and poses, all effortlessly, all spontanously. Then immense laughter and some tears again. I have not done much chi kung, the only thing I dabbled into was six healing sounds and smiling excercises by Mantak Chia And primordial chi kung by Michael Winn, this was done during the china trip and when I came back I did a bit more, but stopped as I didn't know if I was possessed and if it was doing more damage or good. I also felt very ungrounded at the time, as if I could just float away Before all of this I did a form of tibetian martial arts called Boabom and Seamm Jasani. I stopped all exercises as I felt learning from books could only take one so far and felt I needed real guidance and a teacher. I was always trying to save up money to find and meet these teachers but the opportunity just didnt come as things always came up. Now life is pretty much "normal" There is still this inner strive for truth, at first it was a longing for the original feeling again. But I think i've grown wiser now and realize to appreciate it for what it was and now was to move on and keep searching for truth as that was perhaps just a taste. Currently in a somewhat negative thinking, depressed state. Despite all the experiences, ever since coming back, many surgeries, accidents befell me and kept breaking my spirit, body and mind. Lost 10 teeth, had to get many dental surgeries, root canals which were painful, expensive and took years to heal, and felt immunity and health declined from that, then nerve pinch, siatic lower back and spinal problem from falling on tailbone and overall weakness and frailty etc. Anyhow, I just wanted to know if anyone could explain what these experiences could be, are they dangerous, is this negative chi energy that was cultivated or uncontrolled? is it possessed by a demon and I'm being tricked its all good? And if anyone knows of any genuine teachers in Toronto area you could recommend that would be great! Thank you for your time!
  5. Hi!

    Hi, I found this forum by random, but I"m so happy to find a place like this where we can share our experiences with chi kung, taoism, spirtuality. Just a quick question, I was trying to start a new topic in General Discussion but the option was not available? Could someone help me out with that. Thanks!