FernandoD

Hi guys, i've been lurking on this forum for the past year and i've learn alot in regards to spirituality and taoism which has really benefited and impacted my life positively. Though the reason why i first came here was the solve an issue I've had since i was a child, and now that core issue till now hasn't been solved and has caused more issue on the ways. My main issue is my ability to connect with people and women. I have an issue talking to people because i keep believing im not good enough or confident, i get a mild anxiety feeling when talking to people, meaning when i talk to people, i feel my energy in my body just drops is blocked, which leads my eyes to drop and look away, people notice this, cause i can see in their face they are angry or disappointed when i do this, which makes me even more conscious. I'm 22 years old ive never had a girlfriend and my life feels dull and empty and depressed. I've been looking at other things to make social/relationship issues better, by looking at spirituality, focusing on career, my health and body. but i still feel empty and depressed, and only recently have i felt really depressed. Its only been the past two years i'm conscious of this, because the past two years ive been more focused on self improvement and spirituality, I currently have bad habits, such as pornography use, casual smoking(used to be chronic smoker), and over masturbation. i've been using porn and over masturbation since i was 12 till the present moment, and combined that with gaming addiction since i was 11-21,(currently 22 years old). I used to be very obese till only a year ago when i started to go to the gym and become more health oriented. And all this spirituality and sensing, has made me realised and aware, where i got my negative thinking from. My mother has a negative aura/presence, shes always complaining, shouting trying to find ways to annoy me, etc. shes very lazy just sits there watch TV all day eats does nothing lives on welfare and has a gambling addiction. She never really brought me up with values or anything, my dad had good values and had a positive outlook in life, though i never really saw him during my adolescents. because my dad was very strict on me and had high expectations, every time i failed my dad got angry at me or screamed at me when i was young, i was scared to be myself.. my mom didnt care, she bought my a playstation junk food, i can play all day, fail at school, she doesn't care.. as a child that sounds like a dream come true, but when you reach adult hood you realise what a pathetic childhood you had.. i really wished i spent more time wth my dad during my teen/adolescents age. Now that im older, ive come to respect my dad Right now, i don't know exactly know what i where my passion lies, i stress too much about the future about everything. i have very high expectations of myself I have a really hard time connecting with my dad and mum in a loving way, i can only speak to them about daily affairs, or i can only show them love by offering service, but i cant be affectionate or joke around with them, its very rare i laugh with my mum and dad and make a joke its so sad..

http://www.psychicbu...de;re-an-empath I thnk this is also one of my issue as well, while im socialising im always percievings peoples body language and energy, this is a habit that i tend to do alot, because i used to be so focused on learning body language and tells when i used to play poker while i was 18-20 years old. and doesnt make focus on the actual conversation. im very empathetic too, when peoples energy go down, mine goes down.. There are times when im just very happy and positive and others people aura don't affect mine... when i sense a person energy is blocked or low, i try to bring it up by being positive or smiling with love more. but those days are rare... @sinfest 2: yes ill continously work on quitting porn, longest i have was one month. and ill try some horse stance

These are main issues in life that i want to deal with but don't know really how -social anxiety ( feeling not good enough when talking to people, fear rejection and embarrassement, always have mental image in my head some guy is going to get angry at me or cause trouble because the way i looked at him) -relationships(feel not good enough, financially, feel my penis is not enough to sexually pleasure a women, feel that i will lose her because of my small penis, fear getting cheated on, fear embarrassment and shame) These are the main fears i have right now, whilst these fears are running in my head, i have my higher ego telling me to join toastmaster to improve public speaking, get a job, get a girlfriend, join kundalini class But i cant do any of this because my fears stop me from taking chances, when i KNOW AND CAN SEE THEM RIGHT IN FRONT ME, this is the core issue, that hopefully you guys can probalby bring insight and solutions too.. Usually a guy like me don't ask for help, ill do my own research and experiment, but now i feel i need to ask for help, and be dependant on people. because the past 2 years really has made me worse or conscious about my issue