jenn992

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Everything posted by jenn992

  1. advice or help

    this topic or question may not be ok for these forums, but in case it might be...i posted before about dealing with bad situations, family, others.. well i wanted some advice maybe from people who would know how a person can handle a situation with so many bad things happening to them at once and for so long. Ive been staying with my family for a month, while they have my place 'renovated.' the renovations arent being done for me..they're being done so they can then place more stipulations on me, kick me out and have other tenants. I havent known what their true intentions were until now..while staying with them..ive had to take abuse, control, threats, have the police threatened on me, abused verbally emotionally..forced to take medication or neuroleptics or threatened to be baker acted if i don't..all while im having health or pelvic problems and its making them worse...i cant leave out of town otherwise my mother calls and begins accusing me of seeing my ex and threatening/harassing me..claiming she'll get a restraining order against him or putting me in fear, trying to ruin my day or my time away.. My faimly is outrageous and crazy sick people...very evil people..i have taken their abuse out of fear that iwont be able to move back into my place...and be trapped with them or who knows what they might do. they are sociopaths and capable of anything...my father gave me a list of bogus insane conditions ihave to 'fulfill' in order for me to move back into my place and be able to live there. Some include "seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication daily." He also claims that he will be 'travelling to my city more for meetings and will be staying at that place'..ie trying to have more control over me. I'll be paying my rent/bills and yet they still are throwing these odd conditions onto me. Ive had to be broken down daily, abused ,treated like dirt, dumped on, living in fear, scared to leave the house, scared to do anything out of fear of them retaliating...only to find out that once i move back, if i dont fulfill the conditions by two months i'll be 'evicted.' They claim i 'begged' for the renovations...though i explained to them that i backed out once i realized there were all tehse ridiculous stipulations involved...ive been abused terribly and broken down for a month..just rotting away..unable to work here or do anything hoping i'll be able to successfully move back into my old place...when in reality my family just had plans to want to kick me out of that place...or take their abuse and stay there and be controlled by them in various forms. My family has put me in debt 12,000 with the govt/social security...retirement money that was the result of that debt, chceks in my name, they just took and put them in an account...to where i have no access to it and are spending it on their whim and gave me no control over it..the money they wont let me have b/c of that, i lost my social security and ssi...the more control they get..the crueller they get...and the worse they get and th more control they want....on top of all this as they want they can have me baker acted...and sent to a mental ward and destroy me even more...the things they've done to me...are so horrid, extreme..cruel....devious criminal, evil ... aside from advice on how to deal with all this ...meditation wise or mentally...which i cant imagine who could...im trynig to survive...how can a person do 'anything' to take any form of control back...stop these monsters, criminals and sadists from doing this to me....or show them they can't do this...i cant move out 'right away'.. but i plan to soon...but moving out/away isn't really stpoping them showing them they cant do anything or taking any real control..its almost like running away from monsters...is there a way to stop these sociopathic people from doing this to me..anything i say to them...results in them giving me looks of bewilderment..as if ..theyve done nothing wrong..its just the average abuser minimizing, denying...acting like...you're crazy..we've done nothing bad ot you...even that in itself is a sick form of serious abuse..but nothing compared to the horrors they've done or are doing now...no one eles helps me out b/c most people like to see others suffering...and help out the abusers...the abuse my parents have done has escalated to such extremes now...and the more abuse they do, the more they want to do after that...its more like "oh we screwed up her social security" well...now we'll show her..we'll do even worse things to her...such as had the SS hadnt been screwed up...they wouldnt have gotten worse...abusing me, is a sport to them...and they do it with such carelessness..and i dont know how to tak emy power back...now it involves my living situation...and these sociopaths gaining more control....they are deficient people...awful people...i am a victim, but worse....i dont know how to stop them..from destroying me....if i dont stpo them...they will get even worse....and even moving away...i will do that but feel its just running...that i have to undo the wrongs they've done...its not 'teach them a lesson'...these people are evil people...they have committed fraudulent, and criminal acts...i should press charges against them for the criminal things they've done, though im too scared...b/c of what they could do to me.. i am their only victim..they have no others....im not a victim but they go out fo their way to destroy my life and put me through ridiculous suffering..break me down...the worst part is..i did anything to avoid this..i know what they are capable of...but ironically i couldn't avoid it..and worse..their modes of abuse are so..systematic..its sa if they will not let me leave this place..until they have completely broken me down and then broken me down some more..so once i get back to my place..well then im not at peace..im struggling to survive and fulfill a bunch of insane conditions..otherwise i get kicked out and have to move again..they are trying to decimate me..on another level..and not in just living but mentally in any way possible..i dont know what i can do..no matter what im screwed..my life is also being controlled by various sociopaths...they are all jealous of each other..ie the other is getting control over me, so theyre jealous and try to take more control, break me down..the moment i try to get away from one, another strikes..so then im fending for myself and my life..and then i get away and another strikes..this is always happenin..currently im trying to deal with my nasty family, but they arent going to let me go now..and another sociopath, i had to keep on the side b/c my family was being so malicious...and that sp is jealous of my faimly's control so he tries to break me down or wants to..then my family thinks im talking to him and becomes more malicious and gets scared they will lose their control..it is a torture fest to be stuck in this and the more i try to get out, the harder it gets and once i do, then some 3rd party becomes the perpetrator to destroy/control me..and i need help from the 'others'..regardless, what my family has done to me is so mean and bad i dont know whta to do or how to deal with it..if anyone has any ideas on what a person can do in this situation...to get away from abuesrs like this, get their rights back...hire a family lawyer?
  2. This is a question ive been wondering about..as its very confusing...as I've been a victim, suffering in various circumstances or any...one of the few things i've noticed...or several aer this... no one has any compassion for your suffering...though it is extreme..or for another person's extreme suffering...no one has offered to help in simple ways, even had an ounce of sympathy or..even any feeling towards it..people who you expect would--family, friends, people who may know you...people seem to be very emotionless to another person's horrible suffering..(this is for really bad suffering)....is there a reason for this? do humans just generally not care for another person's suffering or, are they also happy about it..are they happy when they see someone down, in tears, struggling, tortured...and instead want to keep them down or even use their position of helplessness to take advantage of them? i can see predators doing that...saying..oh this person is suffering...we can use them..but since ive witnessed most people do this...is this just a common trait of people? it doesnt seem like a 'human' trait but that of a monster or predator... people who you expect to help you out..instead of helping you...either turn away, or help out your abuser or the abusers and in turn...even praise the abusers..ive only witnessed...abusers, psychopaths..being praised, for having 'control or power' over their victim, rather than any sympathy for the poor victim...ive witnessed people doing nothing to help the victim but just run away from them or make their situation even worse for them... and these are people who are living comfortable decent lives with no major problems.... when a person is suffering...instead of helping the extreme suffering person, the other people use that person or try to for their own benefit..maybe males for sexual or they literally will try to use that person..while they are down rather than help them while claiming they want to help them...now these people wont do it to their own family members...or others...but maybe just a victim or someone else who needs help.. do humans perceive another person's suffering as a way of benefitting themselves...helping themselves to feel better...use that as a stepping stool for their own selfish desires...or just carelessly ignore it and like to watch someone suffer ni that way? is this a regular human trait or abnormal? i used to think humans..were 'humane' but when it comes to suffering...this is all ive witnessed, personally...people turning away, neglceting, abusing using, trying to use or furthre destroy an already suffering person...and showing only extreme cruelty to the person and no form of help...nothing...ive witnessed faimly members screw over a suffering person...and make their situation worse, and espceially the perpetrators, abuse the person and act as if its their fault or they did nothing wrong...and hordes of people come together to gang up on the person who is being bullied....is this normal for humans to do...or just extreme psychopathy in the humans you find today or people these days.... also, if a person is venting their situation onto public forums--is it wise, or do people just use that as ammo to feel better about themselves knowing someone is down and terrible things are happening to them? i have never had a single person help me out during a major time of suffering or any time..not give me any positivity...do anything just to throw me in the gutter and do more negative/damage to me (any) chance they can get...most people seem to abuse those suffering and try to throw them deeper in the gutter in which they are...yet i know i still somehow hope in the faith or humanity of others...i struggle to find it only to find nothing...and just more abuse and cruelty... im just wondering if this is normal...for people to be this way....and its just something i personally dont know.. i know if someone came to me suffering..especially someone i know i would at least sympathize with them...but everyone i meet or talk to--'everyone' has other motives...they are horny perverted males wanting ot get into my pants or even use me in other ways..people who want something else....is everyone out there either someone who doesnt care or a predator? i get that most people are dealign with their own problems too... but ive witnessed only odd cruelty out there at the hands of people..and strange mean attitudes..and total carelessness... it seems so inhumane to me...
  3. this is a good break down...of everything based on your perspcetive..thank you--good insight..and i guess it's true that it kind of depends on situation and other factors... maybe there is a combination of reasons as to why people have the attitude they have....or why it differs with everyone, ie the attitudes they receive. I'm sure everyone to some extent has experienced some hardship or mistreatment during bad times, and probably some help as well. I think my experiences are more on the extreme bad...to where i keep receiving the same attitude, treatment..so much so that its the same cycle of 'insanity'...its just repeating over, and over again and i already know what's going to happen before i do it.. yet sometimes i can't help but to need to do it- even to vent or call someone or need advice...most people ive met are only predators looking to use you b/c they need something and no matter what it is, a human's suffering means nothing to them...u could go to someone saying "im stuck in a bad situation...they offer their undivided help...but during it all they are saying "so..oh yes i can't wait until we meet again and then start dating..i can live with you"..what? u can live with me and i met u once a year ago..and youre a talent agent i dont even know? then when ur desperate and travelling to another city their text message is "when i meet you im going to give ua nice bath" err..what??? i thought you said you 'werent' going to take advantage of me? then u meet go to dinner..then next thing u know...he slowly stops talking to you..b/c he didnt get what he wanted..after offering help, this, that..awful, or usually much worse and people just false promises, lies, other motives...aside from predators like that, other people just don't care.. and they act aloof, stupid, and dont seem to understand any basic situation..usually its people even calling your enemies and spilling what you told them..or doing bad to you..or fighting yelling at you.. what bothers me is people brainwashing those who are suffering or down...messing with their heads, or even making it seem as if anyone who did bad, is a good person... the reply by gold in the next one, where it was stated as cultural is interesting too....i am asian/indian...my family is from 'that' culture yet they were never like that growing up...they were cool laid back..pretty nice...it wasn't until i hit my 20's that my parents or mother went nuts and they all turned on me and started bullying me. They treat me like an oppressed female from one of those asian sub cultures...they abuse, oppress mistreat me...but they dont do it to my sister and im the oldest child..so its not cultural...its almost just a huge backlash towards 'me'...maybe b/c of something i possess, or jealousy...or who knows...whta compels humans to want to destroy another person...i know in my case it is trying to bring me down but not just once, twice, it is non-stop and the abuse just gets worse...im forced to stay with my family temporarily so im suffering but once i move back to my place that won't end. the others who cause me suffering, can be just about anyone....my unfortunate experiences have taught me that one major cause of suffering is 'otehr people' and for me that is a major one...but also that i know that most people wont have sympathy or have had any for me in particular, b/c they feel the same way those who aer oppressing me feel--maybe b/c of jealousy...their hatred is so extreme , determination to control, or destroy..im not sure which it is...that they will stop at nothing to do this bad to me...aside from those things it could be karmic...but what ive perceived with suffering is that, in my situation, though im sure ive witnessed the persecution side to it, is that humans have very little sympathy for those suffering, like to see people down, suffering in chaos...many like to put people there themselves b/c they feed off it or gain benefit fro mbringing others down...they are evil miserable people...i guess since the world is like them...what i would call 'evil'..they seem to defend the actions they commit...another thing is that people seem to like to brainwash control intimidate and manipulate those who are down or suffering rather than help them out..and use their vulnerability to control them.. rather than help..not everyone but so many..seem to be predatory..or just disregard it not care and just shrug and walk off..ignore or minimize....im sure this is common knowledge but ive experienced it to such extremes...its not only a pattern...its the only thing i had experienced for a while and still do...if people do show 'care' i get shocked somewhere such as...no its not happening? i almost fear it because i almost dont believe it could happen...one perso ni felt who was showing care...instead began throwing negativity onto me harshly, talking to him was a nightmare, draining and i felt sick when i woke up then he called my 'abuser' up and talked to her...without telling me...and then called me back then began taking her side...and insulting me more...this was my cousin's husband...and even when i felt...he seemed like a really caring person..he ended up being...a monster and someone who seemed to take pleasure..in sitting on the phone and verbally insulting me dominating the conversation...treating me so badly..not letting me get a word in..trying to manipulate and even said "im not trying to control you" ...odd.. what ive experienced is humans being blatantly evil cold and cruel to those suffernig...and doing so in very odd cruel ways...it surprises you and makes you wonder...how sick people really are inside...maybe its somethin gi can't fathom...so i cant understand it...it seems foreign..or very strange... we live in a society, that instead of showing compassion to others..does the opposite...it perpetuates thi ridiculous cycle of abuse that is so present everywhere...it creates psychopaths, monsters, abusers..it teaches people to hurt others be tough aggressive even cruel to otehrs...it encourages bullying...whereas people should stop the abuse intheir own houses, backyards, everywhere...they don't.. people don't speak up, stop it..they ignore it...worse than anything instead of helping out victims, people tend to brainwash, manipulate mistreat or use victims to their advantage...in turn creating more damaged people, more abusers, and people looknig to lash out at the next..of coures people know about this recurrent cycle of abuse, but its just getting worse, and nothing is being done about it--how can it be done if as a victim you are receiving only cruelty from others, and defense of those doing the abuse...it shows that if you do bad to someone you are praised/rewarded and if you do good or ar ekind, well that's perceived as weakness it seems..this isnt with everyone/everything but just so prevalent and common...if only society could do something about this sick cycle that is so present...its bad enough that so much wrong occurs, but worse that people then use it to abuse those who are victims of it...i think that is a major problem ailing our society today...or any society..rather than focus on being positive- though that is one important thing, people need to focus on the negative and finding ways of eradicating it...but even more so at least even acknowledging that it is wrong..b/c society has gotten so immoral instead of acknowledgnig an immoral act, they cover it up, defend it, praise it, lie about it...and will blame innocents who are even victims of the act..it seems so cruel to me...how a person can do a bad to someone and then blame that person...and others will help them out...i guess this is what ive experienced/witnsesed...but im sure its also common everywhere...its just apart of the cycle fo abuse/suffering or things that occur in this society...if only people would teach compassion, kindness, morality...to each other..though that would be difficult, if that was the norm, then it would be a different place...
  4. this is an interesting article...thanks..it does seem that..those who have money, or live a certain lifestyle might be..disconnected from others...in that manner or possibly lack that empathy..though the people who've abused me...seem to express extreme sympathy/empathy for animals, other situations etc...they seem to be the classic psychopath/narcissist mentality...being able to put on a show of caring sympathy or even possessing it yet still abusing 'others' on the side...ive witnessed this in a lot of humans...they can have sympathy love or care for one, while they aer torturing another person...its almost difficult to say they are truly a psychopath b/c they show care or love for other things or people but are abusive to others--though they are still for sure... it doesnt seem to be the empathy lacking part but...more or less...the determination to destroy the victim part...that drives them.. to doing what they do...i know in my case...i was a nice sweet innocent literally very naive kind girl...but my family quite cruelly destroyed my life and continues to...along with others..it surprises me that people show no remorse, care, but instead grin smirk laugh...and find some kind of fun in causing pain or suffering to another...omre or less me, or whoever else a person might be who is bullied abused or victimized....these very people..my sister in fact, is a humanitarian, charity worker..she recently went to haiti, to do relief work, justto come back and ruin her own sister's life...kind of scary....when you think "ok, she does relief work, yet sets out to destroy my life literally coldly and calculatingly"..that is the trait of some kind of a psychopath, I would assume or just someone capable and who does hurt another person...when, you are that 'person' that all tehse seemingly 'good people' are abusing...then you wonder what your worth it--it is being diminished, demoralized...youre being treated sa if youre nothing...and if so many have abused a person the same way, it is teh same consensus...so its confusing b/c ive witnessed abuse occur to me, by people who dont abuse others..but im the only person or usually the only person they are abusing or treating badly...so its hard to say they lack compassion empathy, but for you , they definitely do...and why do they lack this empathy only for someone like you yet not for others...or maybe they dont have it overall anyway and just decide to be more malicious towards you or others...for another reason... or for those who they abuse or want to suffer..they seem to not only not feel my pain or care about it-- bnut to the extent that if i am ever in their presence they 'will' abuse me, repeatedly...and ruin my life too..they seem to get pleasure out of causing me suffering...yet how can people have no remorse in that manner....the bystanders...every bystander has just been a predator, accomplice to the abuse, or could care less...its odd to try to understand...if all this is human nature, situation, socioeconomic, or yes just all situatoinal and chance/luck...or 'human nature' in general and what people are becoming or always have been....being a compassionate your nature is different from them...youre a giver, a healer, you live to help others...you cant stand to see people suffering...you would do anything to stop someones suffering, help them...that is pleasure for you....but what is pleasure for you, isnt for them..they take pleasure in removing someone else's happiness, love, and destroying it..and creating that suffering...the irony for me is that im that positive happy normal person, yet being abused persecuted and floored, in so many ways by so many cruel people...who all are benefitting and gaining happiness from not only making me suffer, but destroying that light that is inside you...its just a sad irony that a person who loves to help/heal is being obliterated/abused by others..with no compassion or help so that they can be totally ruined..while abusers are getting away with doing this...theirs is to take away your love, compassion, healing, light...they want to extinguish it and destroy you...and that gives them so much happiness...b/c they are miserable and they feed off destroying you...or whoever they choose to treat that way.. its so twisted and out there...
  5. this is so true-- that people do run away from what they dont understand or are scared of...and it seems people can't empathize with others...the only thing is ive seen them empathize with some or they seem to have a good understanding.. towards others...but not to you or to those who truly might have been going through bad....people dont have the capability of empathy...many don't..so that makes sense...but is it also true that if someone minimizes anotehr's suffering...they somehow manage to mess up the person's mind more, break them down, brainwash them...by just ignoring their cries completely...or acting as if its no big deal...just wondering if that is a tactic abusive people use towards others...in order to control them more, or just treat them badly.... people seem to either not know the suffering they cause, or know but just don't care...b/c they seem to get pleasure out of causing othe rpeople to suffer...- the ones ive seen? they seem to gain some kind of strength from it and find no wrong in doing that to the otehr person...to me it is so evil...but then again maybe...they truly dont know but that doesnt seem to be the total truth...but still all of that does make sense...thanks
  6. wow...those are all very insightful responses...and a lot of really good explanations...i guess it would depend on a person's expereinces/circumstances...maybe it is or isn't humanity ..im not really sure... my situations are very bad....and usually the major pattern is that when youre down or suffering in any manner or mode, you will be tormented more..as if people or these people of course 'evil' ones causing your suffernig just minimize your suffering or response to it..kind of like...wincing at someone getting bit by an alligator..while ur screaming writhing in pain...suffering horribly...mostly at something they have done to you...they look at you...just shrug like..oh? and walk off...not even acknowledging any of your pain..this is done by the abusers as well as what i call 'bystanders' or people you turn to for help...yes ive witnessed this in my own suffering..all 12 years of it...but im wondering if it happens to others...if its a common consensual thing...as if people not only treat u like youre nothing but could care less...and in fact, get pleasure out of causing you pain....or even blaem the abuse they've done to you, on you...the people who do this are very malicious people...but for me to be the eternal victim suffering at the hands of careless wicked people and receiving no sympathy or compassion from anyone is kind of scary.. it doesn't seem human to me...it seems...alien, predatory, evil...something that is different from what human nature is supposed to represent... we seem to live in a society full of predators, or people like that, but to witness it from so many or the majority or everyone ive encountered almost is a little frightening....its as if people are kicking u to the ground, abusing you, ruining you....and not even acknowledging what theyre doing and instead calling you the abuser...then leaving you to die...and doing it over and over again...and acting as if nothing has been done to you...its really odd...bystanders will always support the 'abusers' adn say 'well no one was kicking you HARD"??? come on??! (just an example)...youre making a big deal...or say u deserved it! or..something to that extent....while you, being a compassionate witnessing persecution towards you by these evil people...who have none apparently (only for themselves or others but not you) and the cycle repeats... so much so that u become a punching bag for evil people...or this is what people perceive u as literally and how they treat you....u receive no symptahy, compassion and if someone did abuse you...u better believe u can't fight back as no one would defend you and your abuser would be defended....how is this cruel behavior possible in a sane civil world....and those who abuse you or anyone yet no one acknowledges it...what can someone do about this? you wonder, if this is a trait of humans these days..if so many have turned into cold heartless monsters or if something else is going on... i do agree im sure there are many compassionate people out there...but in my reality...i havent met any..only very cruel people who treat me cruelly...and i cant change that...its shocking to witness this bakcwards reality and just wonder...is this how most humans function? or are? in turn you aer not acknowledged or treated as a human being...just as a nobody who people can abuse and torment or torture for fun at will and no one will do anything about it...and trying to defend yourself means being attacked harder and fiercer by these cold or wicked people...ive witnesed people show compassion to those suffering and even not suffernig...even something silly...such as "oh my brother is mean to me"...yet those people who are especially truly suffering...the ones really suffering...and going through awful things, receive nothing...not just me but others...they are ignored, outcasted or even persecuted....for no reason...it makes no sense...ive witnessed warped compassion such as compassion for things not deserved...such as "oh im so sorry i didnt get u mushrooms on your pizza"but if they put u through torture--nothing...(my sister did this and it was odd)...apologies for not the extra topping on a pizza but when i said to her or say "how could u have done this horrible thing to me"??? nothing...zilch...because she is such a bad person...doing evil doesnt phase her...but she apologizes for nothing...but its not just with her...its with so many different things...ive witnessed the crueller people get, the more evil, the less compassion a person receives for their suffering... it makes no sense....why this backwards attitude...towards human suffering...the ones ive experienced...it makes you wonder... what is truly going on in the minds or souls of people...
  7. advice or help

    im at my family's....and i have to move back to my house..so i can't leave yet..i have to waitfor the renovations to be done which has been a month now...and in most situations people can't just 'leave' their living spaces...im trapped and have been but once i get back...then im still screwed...but regardless the things my faimly has done to me are really cruel....and they continue to abuse...
  8. advice or help

    well thats kind of like telling a serial killer who has u locked ni a cage, to forgive them and move on...of course that is not the solution to anything on this planet especially major things u are still a part of...im seeking advice and practical solutions for stopping those who are out to destroy another person...there has to be a way to stop abusers...from doing cruel things to someone...whether it may be a learning lesson, a threat from the police, one action that could scare them into not continually abusing someone...rather than just 'getting away'..b/c getting away from sociopaths means they will be befuddled and inclined to trying to grab you if they can and you will have to resort to a restraining order...aside from leaving, there must be a way to stop people from committing cruel acts against someone...if tehre truly isn't...then a person just has to get away but in this case seek justice too for all the wrongs that have been done...
  9. victim mentality

    I dont think victim mentality is feeling sorry for oneself...i dont even think the concept truly exists. Suffering existson this planet, and people who are going through bad things, times, just need support or compassion....those who are victims, of some hardship tragedy, or have just been through things, just want some help from others...people want to feel loved, helped, healed...they want a shoulder to cry on-- to know that someone's there for them... the world is full of a lot of cold heartedness, abuse, greed, bad attitudes...so instead of showing those going through bad times 'help' people end up being shown more contempt, abuse, hatred..then those seeking love or compassion and getting only bad, are considered 'victims' who feel bad about themselves, which isn't the case...if there is such thing, victim mentality, just makes a person frail, seeking help, which in turn makes them seek out help....if one seeks out help then the problem is....there rae many predators out there to make sure they use the person's desire for help, to take advantage of them...the world needs to change and bemore compassionate to those who are going through bad times rather than claiming people have 'victim mentality'...i dont think the idea of that also takes people's power away...people already feel powerless...and confused or helpless and just need some support understanding positivity and help...if there was more of that, there would be less of that whole idea of victim mentality around...b/c those suffering aren't victims, theyre just people who need understanding kindness love and help from others...
  10. I so agree with you.. I just wish..that's how it was...not judging others..perceiving everyone as one...whereas those of us who do this, get nowhere with this perception, the world thinks differently. They hate, judge, discriminate, insult, criticize...for what reason? It's about seeing whta's in people's souls and accepting everyone, respecting everyone....but on this planet, is mostly disrespect...judgment, harshness, wrongdoing...hatred...so much hatred that stems from so many things...what bothers me is how people can't even control the hatred they have inside of them..and lash out at others, or hurt others...because of it. it seems like places like that are only in far away distant galaxies where other beings full of love/light/harmony may exist...as on this planet, you find mostly negative, bitter, bad people i dont think a world full of hate is possible, becaues humans never learn their sick ways....they repeat them...if it was true or possible it would be amazing but it is a fairy tale....these days the world is more evil than ever...and people have lost their ways...teh ways of good, morality, righteousness...i would hope for a world with less hatred or wrong, but even that is a far stretch from possible....even those who do not have that in them, for them its difficult to be on this planet becaues of the sheer amount of hatred present...and so many other negative things that are there on this planet...tohse who are kind caring compassionate, are just food or prey for the rest of the zombie like predators present on this planet...they see kindness, take it for weakness, and attack...right now it's a world full of a lot of what seems to be wickedness and the acceptance of it...this bad is almost converting everyone to be like it...somewhere, out there there possibly is a planet, or place that is only about love kindness compassion....it definitely isn't this one....
  11. this question is....is there any justice on this planet anywhere or any real karma? it seems that evil, those who do bad deeds, or anything that is immoral is allowed to get away with its wrongdoing..no matter what..evil seems to be able to win with no problem...while karmically good is screwed...I dont know how taoism views good/evil but from the basic description of it...why is this the universal law it seems? ive only witnessed, ignorant, clueless stupid people not suffer, get away with anything, evil people get praised....and get away with anything they want...why does the general human base seem to want to hurt good and praise evil..? if something bad happens to a good person..people will defend the abusers from what ive seen except for a few minor situations and especially if the victim really isnt a victim then they get defended...do humans gravitate towards evil or doing injustice....this is what it seems to me...people dont stand up against wrong instead they stand up against what is 'right'...and made a big deal when a deal shouldnt be made...and dont make a deal when it should be...the universal laws seem to fit towards persecution of the best people and praise of the most evil and worst people...it almost seems in order to get any respect from people you have to have some evil in you otherwise people dislike those who are geuinely good and try to take advantage of them...but the worst part is, their being able to get away with anything they want towards whoever they want...and living arrogantly happily..while committing evils...you begin to wonder who or how this planet is run...and why...is there an explanation for this
  12. how do you reclaim your power? just say it verbally? does that really truly work or stop this kind of negativity from happening...ive tried lots of things...nothing good or effective, but nothing works...its been 12 years...of this..only torture..at one point i was lke im truly a tortured soul...on so many levels...and can't even heal...as anything i try to do to heal, i get mocked abused or thrown back ni the gutter...its difficult to go through various phases of suffering, being abused used controlled financially mentally in any way possible...but as a you suffer 24/7...and have no choice..its survival..? my soul has disintegrated adn i went through so much suffering i had pieces of my soul parts, floating around, past life memories, hell...so broken on another level after years of tragedy...and even after that tragedy...more occurred...and more...and so much more..year after year i kept thinking..my soul can't take anymore...yet it keeps coming? then as i have to suffer more and more...i go into crisis...because my soul literally can't take it..and my body beings to react ot th suffering no mtater how strong you are...intsead of a boyfriend, a sadist and maniac who usde me in such a cruel way i cant describe lower than a sociopath, .currently im stuck at my parents....waiting to move back into my place...and it hsa been hell...there isnt a way out...i have to wait until they let me move back but it wont be without much hell and being here has been really bad...intimidation, threats, emotional abuse control, forced to take medication because i 'disagree with my mother"?...and at any time they may still baker act me and have me locked up in a psych ward just to totally destroy me after breaking me down in this way...they will charge me extra rent and i already have to sign a paper to show that i agree to all tehse crazy conditions my dad put when it comes to moving back into my place...one being that i have to take 'medication' daily...they control finances they stole from me...lost me my social security..they even had me put on disability falsely...to ruin my life...they destroyed my life and on top of destroying me, made me vulnerable to any predator out there while im out suffering confused seeking help..they broke me down and ruined me...so i have no chance to make it on my own then abuse me for having chronic fatigue--b/c of the major abuse they have done to me...they have me in such a trap im going to have to go to doctors, lwayers, advocates, to undo this hell and its so complicated...ive been confused putting it off for years..trying and the moment i tried...i got screwed tenfold...and theres so much more...how can so much ridicuousness happen to someone and then worse...continue to happen? i cant even get out of this current trap...because i have to wait until i move back to my place which they never helped me clean but instead had it renovated so its a huge mess...and i doubt they will help me clean it now though i have chronic fatigue and they only mock me for it or claim it doesn't exist....al this a family did to one child of theirs..how could they? its shattering..everyday i live confused about wht has happened and why..and how ca na person get out of this...go to court..to get your rights back? get justice? my mother, so cruel, lost control of her own life and destroyed mine using the mental health system to control me and ruin me...and then more people came along in my life...to destroy me as well...and the conrtol and abuse..doesn't stop or end, nor does the oppression...and if i even say "well im going to move out of my place after a few months once i move back" my mother begins saying 'wheres the medication"?? b/c even at 31 she doesnt want me to be on my own and will try to stop or ruin me..and she is ruthless vindictive and capable of anything...then another sociopath threatening to call my parents...and lie about me or tell them i talked to him so then my life can be more ruined...and my mother can accuse me of things im not doing...while they go through my phone, computer or anything if it's left out then harass me for things i write...that is just even current... and who is on your side..and worse...aside from this horrible history adn story theres so much more....and why do so many people want this extreme control over me and how could they have gotten away with it? its a scary reality...to go through this.. and i wont be able to ge tout fo this current house and back to mine without even more suffering ...conditions, negativity, bad treatment...and even the fear that my mother may try to stop me from moving back...or they might.. as they are evil/cruel and capable of anything...and wont tell me any of their plans...its scary...living like this...there are solutions but the problem is...once i realize its too late, then once i try to get away...something else happens to where u can't and then u need help from 'them' or someone else b/c of something bad 'someone else' is doing to you or what is happening...this ive experienced for 12 years now..i keep saying...im going to get away from these people but next thing i know something else terrible happens and then who do you need? the narcissistic family or some othe r'abuser'....the moment i even went out of state to better myself and progress, my mother made sure to make my pets suffer so that my life was ruined when i came back then use that to break me down threaten to baker act me etc...there isnt one way of changing this or maybe there is..but it is things that are so deeply intertwined now that...to get out of it is a big puzzle, labyrinth, nightmare...its 10-20 different things or more...its so confusing...and im totally alone having to do it with no friends or support except a sociopath who is trying to use me to control, sadistically torment degrade and use as a puppet...then im brainwashed into believing my family 'cares about me' and i start to belive it b/c how can u be at the mercy of people who aer abusing you while they have control over where u live currently...u have to develop some form fo major confusion or stockholm syndrome...and while ur being abused asking people if you can possibly stay with them even one night...every person u ask is some jerk 'male' only wanting to hang around u to try to get laid...no female friends and no one else and no female u know will help u out b/c people treat u like a leper because youre 'pretty' adn treat u lower than dirt..not other girls or people just you....i know people go through bad situations but being treated like a monster for so many years, controlled, abused, so terribly yet u ar ea nice sweet girl..this is really strange to me....it feel ssurreal...like none of this was meant to happen..and why its happening makes no sense...sometimes i feel or wish it was a parallel universe or it feels like one.....as my life is a nightmare...every moment of it..its like u wake up to the nightmare of your life and dreams are like 'real life' and comforting wher epeopl are kind to you, youre having fun, hanging out....then u wake up to this weird reality of 'hell' and only that..people mistreating you, no friends..most people u try to talk to treat u like dirt..put u down or make u feel stupid, have no friends..no one to do anything with, and people just wanting to destroy you or your life in major cruel ways..all u get is abuse, injustice, and no matter how hard u try to change it..it just gets worse.....and i read that those who are 'spiritual' who are under 'black magic' have symptoms like these---their life is a living hell nightmare..and their sleep is like 'normal life'..i wonder how many others out there feel this way....sorry for ranting...but just felt i had to out of more confusion, helplessness..i go through realizations and begin freaking out...and its so confusing...and trying to find a way out...is this huge challenge and maze...and doing it alone is even harder....and when u come to terms with what you've been through...its really upsetting...and u cant even get angry because if you do...you are labeled 'angry' and then threatened by abusive family..and its not just family...its others, and if u turn t oanyone for any kind of help, u get abused or treated badly or no one cares...its this constant, of it all, this cyclic thing that keeps occurring..and i already know what's going to happen before it does...but i can't seem to stop it...i even tried to stop the renovations from happening once i found out the odd 'conditions' associated with it...but it was too late..my family had already planned what they wanted to do it..and i was at the mercy of it..in total fear, confusion..as to what they were going to do...with or without my worst fears of what their plans were...its still going to be really bad and already has been..like they will not let u move back into that 'nicely renovated houes' without extreme hell...and maybe not even let u move back in at all...so years of asking for new carpet, turned into, major hell...and u are constantly oppressed...yes u wish you can stop it...by saying something or praying or ...but you've tried most of it...and it hasn't worked ...then u say....why is this happening...or how can people deal with serious crisis situations like this..or any of this...butw hatever it is, it feels like something in the universe wants to plunder/destroy you-- and already has...yet u keep surviving as any person does...yet..some fo the things are getting worse...and more difficult...and u wonder how much your soul truly can take...
  13. so ar eu saying that because i am so passionate against injustice, that is why it continues occurring to me? if that is true..or what you're saying...it would make sense...as anything i so passionately want, i get the total opposite of-- but it doesnt seem to happen to others...anything i want or ask for-- ive gotten the total opposite and something so warped and sick..it shocks me...not a boyfriend, a life, friends...just suffering,..injustice, oppression..aside from being the person who wants to help out those oppressed...intsead of being the person who can do that-- im the person constantly being bullied/abused/oppressed and worse, no one to help me out-- so the theme is...when you, a warrior against injustice, are oppressed or down 'no one' helps u out..not a single person whle you the compassionate who lives to want to help others in that situation...is that one who can't receive the help that u want so badly to give to others...instead u receive constant mistreatment, oppression and the total opposite of what u expect others to do...whereas in any given situation where im being bullied, i expect help from 'someone' i seek out that compassion...anything...from people who arent oppressed...woh have great lives...who are married, happy doing great...and im suffering..horribly and instead of them helping me out in even minor ways, they try to screw me over...and u witness how cruel people are..so in fact instead of receiving any form of help during dire times of suffering abuse or mistreatment...i receive only more bullying, abuse mistreatment, even extreme cruelty...its shocking..scary...it shocks me as if anyone was in my situation or anyone's coming to me for help...i would do so much to help them...yet while i need help--'everyone' seems to get pleasure out of it..and use it to bring me down moer...its an odd reality to witness this same thing happen over and over again...ie 'you' being the victim in a corner while everyone is mocking you more....yet youre the person who lives to fight against this very injustice...and would be the one person to help someone out in that situation..now im sure there rae people out there who fight injustice or oppression..or bad or what not, but i rarely encounter those people or they arent in my life to help me...aside from that even wanting to be positive.. i want positivity from others...want a positive environment...and yet another irony is that...i only get negativity from people..24/7....whereas i yearn for positive kindness..i get sometimes extreme cruelty while others get positivity....its an odd reality to get the total opposite of what u desire..and be the person that u live to fight for, yet no one will fight for you etc..and instead only receive excessive or extreme cruelty from others...in many different situations...whereas youre the lone person suffering..and everyone around you has much more but doesnt mind throwing u in the gutter and laughing about it..or causing you more suffering..rather than doing something to help or save you....i know ive been in so many situations, trying to get even simple help from people- and most people turn away from you...are cruel or do terrible things...it seems ot be this 'thing' that people do-- to those who are 'down' and need that help...but i mean even needing a place to stay because my family is being abusive to me currently...and i found myself stuck..the only place i could stay was my ex sociopath bf's who wanted to use me to abuse/control/torment and only allowed me to stay one night...and i had to drive 3 hours there...or people wont talk to you, help u out..are only mean negative...if youre down/suffering u learn 'no one' will help u out...and u wonder...what youre' supposed to learn from that? no one will even give u positivity, help, talking...they just want to try to use u for themself in some form... i dont believe in victim mentailty...people who have been victimized need help...i think the problem with the world today, is that abuse, evil is so rampant...so badly to the point that people abuse victims...and blame them...things have gotten so out of hand...its shameful...and you wonder how/when/where it will change...or what will get people to realize...not to continue these old patterns/cycles...i feel like an old soul..who has witnesesd this...over and over. i know the results....and i also keep repeating the same things...witnessing the reactions of 'them' the people, humans...and how they dont change their ways...and continue being the way they are...and how society is deteriorating..compassion and love is leaving...and technology, isolation and selfishness, arrogance, greed, narcissism has run rampant..to such extremes..that even those who aer victims are blamed for the things, others do to them... with the breathing techniques..are they supposed to help you achieve a certain state of mind, or to change the paths or vibrations of the unconscious? I'm sure that type of breathing, meditation is amazing and does a lot for someone....i know i personally havent really practiced it...but have been told by others..how powerful it really is....
  14. I think the purpose of life is to live it to it's fullest..to enjoy and explore it..to cherish every moment of it...to focus on the beauty of what is on this planet-- to explore, make relationships, have fun, make friends...bring magic and beauty to every experience, and try to have positive experiences...it's to fulfill your purpose as a human, and realistically, it's to do good, help others, help yourself, the planet and to progress...and I don't mean technologically...life is a gift..and a blessing...the unfortunate reality is that, this planet is full of suffering, negativity, hatred, evil, contempt, misery...that is created mostly through others, oneself, a combination, or external or extenuating circumstances.. so then it becomes a mission to defeat obstacles, overcome challenges, conquer, beat injustice or oppression, do your best to be the best person you can...everyone has a purpose, and then again really, no one has a real purpose...because every person is not only so important, but also so insignificant in the big picture..maybe significant to those closest to a person, but to the planet, doesn't even exist...and contributes what they do to that around them...or in various forms...life isn't despair, bad, it's not supposed to be that..life is the most amazing gift that can be given to anyone and is to be cherished, blessed and loved...people should use their time on this planet to spread love, joy, peace...to others..to help those in need, to stop injustice, wrongdoing, oppression or suffering...to use what they have to give to those who need it...or who might be down etc.. I think a lot about life is helping others...even by being compassionate ,giving, loving, and spreading peace and positivity...at least by doing that...you are contributing to the world in a way that might spread in a positive manner rather than all the negativity that is present and the way that people think about the world...and in general...be of service to the planet...and to God...to youreslf and to others...help others, be compassionate...that is truly what life is about...\ from various religious perspectives...life can be to fulfill karmic purposes, to progress, grow...for those reasons..fulfill soul missions..or choices.. maybe worship or praise God...and be the best person you can be because you might be judged in the end by God...or to do what you can that is good so that in the next lifetime, you can recur good karma, rather than bad...for every belief system there can be various purposes as to what the purpose of being on this planet is... but from a purely spiritual and humanitarian perspective, I think it's to do the most amazing things a person can do...and to make every moment important, special...to not be selfish, and to do good deeds...and so much more...there is so much to explore on this planet...even though society throws people into a drone like state of being robots...which is sad because that isn't life...
  15. yes christoff..that is so true..to focus on the light....great analogy...and so many otehrs too in their replies, .. it is silly to constantly say...why are people dark...or? i guess ic ant understand the darkness...unless you aer one day there...which you dont want to be...so its important to focus on the positive...maybe thos ewho aer dark...can't understand how a person can be 'positive' or it is foreign to them as inside they aren't happy...or they want to take it away from a person....rather than focusing on why the world is evil, figure how you can do more good for the world or for those in need...also its good to not hate, as it does limit and cause problems, for a person and can perpetuate a cycle of negativity possibly...and better to be positive and release those negative feelings...or filter them out in a certain way... im also sure there are many explanations for what occurs in the universe...but its hard to determine which one or what ones are completely accurate, are they just theories...without real substantial basis..I uesd to believe that karma/reincarnation was mostly a theory..with yes some back up, but not enough to prove its true existence...it seems like there is a lot to back up the notion of reincarnation.. but I know i personally dont want to believe it exists...because it seems so surreal, fictional...and if it were true, it would refute the true notion of a God..or of real justice.. adn would change i know people like mine's perspective on life/reality... right now to me its mostly fiction..though it could be real...but from what ive experienced, been told...i know im going through a spiritual experience with peopl ewho ive done so with in many different lifetimes and oddly, i cant seem to get away from these particular people or branch out...more or less trapped with them in some form or one way or another...and unable to break out of this odd cycle...and keep meeting more sick/evil people who seem to be possible karmic soulmates in some form...who all say the same thing to me "we're supposed to 'do' something together."..its bizarre...and reincarnation/past lives would explain so much of it... but it deosn't truly mean that becaues of this experience...or anyone's that those past lives exist...I guess im just one who's having issues with the belief of that and whether it's true or not...but regardless if it is or isn't...its still something that is fascinating...and can explain so much of what happens to people or happen's in people's lives...also..thank you for all the helpful information and replies..! they have been so helpful and there is so much to learn about tao, and the practices philosophy and spiritual ways of any of these beliefs...and this is a great place to do it with a lot of insight and people woh have a lot of knowledge on these subjects
  16. wow...there are so many insightful and awesome replies..that really do get you to think...about all of it.. its hard to detemine evil/good as its true within every culture, belief system, there is a varying definition for it, as in some maybe not even the existence of it...I would like to see it as 'one' such as there is none, but what bothers me about that is that it takes away from the harshness and the severity of what each of those things defines and the damage the 'bad' does in this world... i feel if you ignore that evil exists, then it comes close to ignoring the wrongdoings and injustices and almost being one of those who sit back as wrong occurs and does nothing about it...which some feel is evil in itself... i think i know im just a person who has always focused on 'injustice/justice' and have a passion for it-- im more about wanting to punish or put down someone who is an abuser or perpetrator rather than saying..oh it's ok....let's pray for them...i want to stop 'evil/wrong' or abuse...yet also ironically while being so passionate against injustice, my life seems to constantly revolve around only injustice..which is ironic sa i witness people who could care less about injustice/justice good/evil yet the injustice doesn't occur to them not on any level the way it happens to me...so i wonder if thats just another irony of the universe...that those who are so passionate against something, keep having to experience it in some warped form of irony designed to teach them a lesson of..what? karma and other things im sure are really deep to define, explain, experience...based on various beliefs and belief systems...and how it can or can't be just..its so confusing though to want to perceive that karma may be occurring as a result of 'past actions'..by a 'soul' or person...in another lifetime..or maybe occurring as a result of possible trials, blessings in disguise etc...its hard to know...what the actual 'truth' is...or what it is...but when you witness so much injustice everywhere in the world...you do begin to wonder...is this "God's plan"? a plan of universal forces/energies...or what is controlling this planet overall... To me, evil is defined or really shown by those who do bad to others...or actions intended to harm or destroy other people, creatures things..malicious intent...and especially acting upon that intent...i dont see it solely as selfishness, but that im sure selfishness does cause people to do evil things or many people who do evil are selfish and do so for their own motives and reasons... i want to believe evil exists because if i didn't...then its as if thoes who do 'evil' u ignore/forgive and witness them doing it over and over...but then again the unfortunate dual perception is having to experience generally 'good' people commit some evil acts and being torn as to whether they rae 'good or evil' people...so in the end i know i personally am left confused...saying...well theyre not bad people? but they're evil!! how can they do that?? its almost as if something is trying to make u see that htey are 'one' but u dont want to accept it...because it deosn't seem fair that they can be good people and still commit evil acts towards even just you, or to anyone if they did...its confusing...and you wonder where the line is drawn between good/evil justice/immorality... but what i do witness a lot in society are people praising that which isn't 'good' actions that are clearly...not ok...wrong, evil, even cruel...not only accepting it...but pursuing it further..it seems to give them some sort of pleasure to do these things, witness them...and its so shocking being a person who would never want to hurt someone, but only help/heal...to witness that this is how people are or think...what compels them...is this human nature, and even more so..do they not have a fear of doing wrong to another? any real compassion...any true humanity..how can they hurt others...with no conscience or remorse...maybe its odd to me but normal to others? i have never though tthis way..in my life...especially as a mature adult..and find it strange that this is how a large majority of the world might be... and you just wonder...aside from all that...what universal laws/forces truly govern this planet...and how things occur..on an individual level and wohle...
  17. Ive never studied much about taoism or mantras...are there mantras in taoism, just like buddhism? is there any similarity to the two belief systems with regard to mantras--and are mantras religious or spiritual? I know that in islamic belief (im technically a muslim).. they do what is called 'dhikr' and this is...chanting different names or verses.. but it seems more religion based than just purely spiritual. Are mantras more spiritual based...and where are the forces of the words coming from- the actual deities of the religions or just universal type forces? or are they words that are intended to resonate with neurochemicals in the brain in some form? I know that, when I hear or chant various mantras--you can feel their effectiveness immediately..and it seems amazing...im just wondering where this feeling is coming from...is it coming from within or an external force or energy? it seems that u dont have to be a taoist to be able to chant these mantras or for them to be effective..or maybe you do? thanks...
  18. I'm not sure how this place works...but im going to post this here...I've been going through severe bad luck for 12 years now...this isnt just one or two or 10 things..its non-stop 24/7...in this 'hell' or torment...im always alone...have no friends..cant make any friends..people abuse/persecute me..i suffer terribly...people have done horrible things to my life..im a very beautiful girl yet i cant meet a guy...the only people that are in my life seem to be almost possessed to destroy/torment me...ive been told i have demons and i suspected serious entities years ago--but it feels even beyond that...here is somewhat of a description..if anyone can help...please..please...email me... this is long and detailed I wrote it before, and tried to cut some things out...but ifanyone can help--anyone who knows about spirituality/exorcisms..anything.. what ive witnessed in my life is lots of people doing really bad things to me-- even treating me in very cruel ways...any chance they can get..my suffering is non-stop...yet these people who cause me suffering...are able to live a good life and im this victim who can't get anything and just get abused, treated horribly...over and over again. My bad luck started 12 years ago..out of nowhere and slowly...I moved to a different city and noticed people just treated me badly...then it was like...people everywhere treatd me like dirt, yelled at me..problems anywhere i went..people would try to fight me..just anything to target me or put me down, be negative to me, show me extreme hatred...and yet im a nice girl..maybe it was the city i was in? but later years later, i realized it happened anywhere i went..some people even seem excited to see me but then will treat me very rudely or be mean to me..others just seem jealous..or mean..but it was that i couldn't do anything or go anywhere without really bad treatment from anyone or everyone... during this time, my family also just started bullying me for no reason and being mean to me. I couldnt make any friends.. Ever since then it has just been bad and gotten worse every year. I've literally been isolated--unable to make friends though i have tried every venue possible... im friendly, outgoing but people still hate me and treat me with disrespect and contempt. Every human alomst seems to just hate me..I've never seen a person get treated as badly as I do by anyone/everyone and it makes no sense. People project their own shortcomings onto me-- im almost treated like a doormat by everyone, yet some people are so 'obsessed' wtih me yet only torture/abuse me and nothing else..people seem to think abusing me is a sport, no big deal..as if I receive no respect from humans at all. I've felt isolated from humans b/c of how they treat me...it feels like me vs. "them"...like im some kind of other creature--im also very spiritual, compassionate, caring loving...yet people just loathe me..and im also very pretty--and it makes no sense..i always assumed jealousy...but on this level? how is it possible...my stories are ridiculous...but it has been 12 years of "only" suffering...and horrid thnigs happening to me..no fun, vacations, nothing..im not allowed to have fun it seems..only go through hell and i have no friends either--since humans treat me like dirt..98% of them or more...or try to use me then how can frienship be possible.. my family/mother began doing terrible things to ruin my life.. as things got worse,i got stuck in a mold filled apt and gained 100 lbs from candida...during this time my mean mother decided to do some really bad things to me- to take control of my life in a very sick and cruel way..(which was the theme of destroying my life credibility, civil rights etc)..after what she did ot me i was so traumatized i could barely graduate from college....my life was ruined, and has been ever since and i havent been able to cope--another thing about the abuses that occur is that in order to get out of them its a huge puzzle, maze...to undo..its just more and more situtions, things...i have to get out of and in order to i have to take legal steps against my family...and its so difficult and risky im not sure how to approach it..then it just gets worse... bad things kept happening to me over and over again-- i hear of people going through 'bad' for a short period of time...but for me...it was different... it happened over and over again and got worse every year--part of this bad was that...no matter how hard i try to change my life ,make friends, have fun only negative things kept happening to me...i was banned from places, kicked out of groups...im a beautiful nice normal quiet girl...why is this happening to me?? why are people treating 'me' of all people in this terrible way? it made no sense...i look like the kind of person who should have tons of friends...ive been told "u dont have 10 boyfriends??" youre so beautiful? how is that possible that guys dont hit on you? guys dont hit on me--they treat me with hatred...its like my lfe is a parallel universe..everything that should be happening-- the total opposite happens..abuse, cruelty, persecution..horrors...towards a nice sweet innocent pretty girl? im beautiful--friendly, kind..i should have lots of friends right? i have none and have had none for 12 years--and only with people treating me oddly, badly, extremely badly..with contempt hatred..extreme cruelty and even sadism..like im a target who gets picked on or bullied by 'everyone.' The theme of this suffering is total powerlessness--others are able to have power over me, throw me ni a gutter and steal my power..my life is constant non-stop injustice and the other theme is..i can't ever get any justice...only suffer and suffer..as people do what they want to destroy my life..put me through intense suffering..i suffer and then get out.while they live normal lives...then i suffer more as more bad happens to me--and nothing good of course...its like murph y's law exaggerate...and also anything u think or project comes back at you ten fold..any lie u tell comes true...anything u think can be used against you somehow or happens..u have to watch what u think or wish for otherwise some warped negative version of it will come true...people kick me out of places, socially outcast, ignore me...i get banned talked badly about, insulted harassed demeaned treated with cruelty and much worse...in various 100's of situations...for years and im sure i still have demons/entities but i dont know how ot get rid of them or what is going on anymore..b/cof this horror..i cant succeed as people things anything is trying to stop me from doing anything in life..i cant go to a store sometimes without something terrible happening to me..for a while i was in fear...fear based..for a long time as i had a right to be...but now its just different...the moment i feel i can do something..tons of things happen to throw me in a gutter..and stop me from doing it...including people..and their evil actions.. i couldnt meet a guy or get a boyfriend...im a virgin at 31 who's never hada boyfriend, extremely pretty, nice, sweet, quiet etc... and the only guy who has been interested in me was a 50 something sociopath who used me to mentally and sadistically torture long distance...steal my energy..degrade, torment..put me through horror...and hell..and use me as a puppet long distance to control...he wouldnt even have sex with me and just used me to mentally abuse..i only meet these 'energy vampire' type sociopats who want to control and torture me...its scary..and do extremely cruel things to me..not even use me for sex but only as an object to torture in an almost satanic way..yet im on dating sites 24/7...trying to find a guy..but i cant because in this hell im in...im almost stuck in this vortex it feels..and no matter what i do..im isolated, suffering and only specific people are in my life..to control/destroy me and cause me suffering..everyone else who i encounter is abusive too or wants to control/abuse me...most people just want to destroy me...over and over again...i only met these psychos off the internet who tried to get sex off me...and treat me like a whore.though im a virgin. every guy just tries to use me in a cruel way..and bail..or treats me with total disrespect..people treat me only with disrespect..this is persecution..but why does it happen to some or to people like me...and why is this happening? Humans or people all treated me like dirt and did anything to screw me over...or use me...i have 100's of story upon story...and some severe things...fast forward to many years later--after much much more hell (years and years of this horror/trauma)... i try to be a model, and meet this photographer...who was a total sociopath..he used me as a puppet literally to sadistically torture and not much else...every photographer screwed me over almost- didnt give me pictures, tried to get me out of the industry... this one said he'd help me out but then used me in a scary and crazy way-- i still hadnt met a guy despite being very beautiful...and men only treated me like trash and lower than anything possible.....this person took advantage of me because i told him what my family did to me and him being a predator he used it to really take advantage of me.. he claimed to be a 'warlock' and was into negative energy things...and was scary...he mentally tortured me, refused to see me or be in my presence, charged me money to see him...had me wanting and begging to see him so he could reject/refuse me...if he saw me in person i'd have to dress up like a prostitute...wear high heels make up..pay him money just to see him 1-2 hours then get kicked out...he mentally tortured me 24/7...called me a 'piece of shit whore' and made me degrade myself...he took his abuse to severe and sadistic extremes...and was physically abusive..bit me, threw me around...yet he refused to have sex with me...i was still a virgin and just degraded me and said 'who wants to f*** that"?? and said that doing that to me would be 'one more thing' he 'had' to do tome...i was still alone..and only was allowed to see him every 2-3 weeks with severe hell involved.. he said he 'owned and controlled me' and 'i was his puppet' and still says that to this day..my life which was horror got worse and worse...then my controlling mother/family began getting more controlling b/c i was talking to him... i only suffered ...never had any fun...ever...i was either alone and if i was around 'humans' they were abusing or berating me--this is not an exaggeration... i had to suffer dealing with this monster for 2-3 years...with tons of horror/hell.. he forced me to take naked modeling pictures, posted them on the internet, used them to blackmail/threaten me...removed my modeling profile from the net by lying to the moderators there...then the moderators just wanted to fight me....if i try to get help from people, agencies...no one helps me out...and people just ignore me or reject me too....part of this weird hell is that...you are 'forced' into it almost...if u try to get out..u can't or leave if u try to get help, no one helps out..anyone you ask help from 'turns away from you' and u are forced to try to get help from those people who aer tormenting or abusing you...as if youre just trappd in this spiritual hell..u never have any control over your life..and no sympathy from others..everyone defends those who abuse you..and u are a helpless victim..confused scared...and then the next hell occurs to you..and it all seems to be part of this intense ridiculous 'spiritual path' that you are doing through...u try to change your life and it wont happen...i dont know what it is but it feels like some kind of trap...that i cant get out of....and u are forced to get help from or be with the very people who have destroyed you...it felt like a spiritual 'path' of horror trauma trials and suffering and when it started..years into it I kept begging God to help me..and get me out because I knew it was bad and going to be bad...and wasnt going to just end..but it just got worse every year... people defend those who do bad to you..no one is on your side ever..for example..i left to go out of state--was a big deal for me..as my ex ie sociopath didnt want me to do anything progressive..my trip was hell b/c of others or my sister..when i came back my mother had intentionally left my pets in heat at my place...to ruin my trip..so i could freak out over what she did and witness my pets suffering..and just cry over how she could do such a thing..she had no remorse...and just smirked..then she began telling me i need medication nd to see a shrink for what 'she did'...ie projected it back onto me...then began her tirade. the next day i got screwed over in an intense intrinsic way by this jerk off the internet...and it was an extrme story--all the stories that happen to me too are very intricate, extreme..out tehre and very strange and complex...and too sick to comprehend...then more hell happened..then my family did this.. my ex then had frivolous charges pressed against me and i had to hire a lawyer, and suffer and go through this and that, and meet another sociopath in the process, who was a demonologist just by chance who i think had other scary intentions for me and was really strange...and also trying to control/use me for maybe even evil purposes..or dark arts...then my ex dropped the charges and i had to drop this other person who was almost dangerous...then during that my brother did something very cruel to me when i went to visit him and his wife and i was shocked..that has created another downward spiral when it coems to family situations...then my family decided to make my life hell and they would renovate my house when i saked them not to..under all these 'harsh condition' and that i would have to do this or that...they kicked me out of my place..had me stay with them so they can berate, harass,threaten and be cruel to me and break me down...the renovations are taking very long and longer...and its been two weeks now...and they should have been done by now...ive been terrified..they might have ulterior motives for other things and my stay with them has been a nightmare and really bad...and i cant get out of it..as i have to wait for my place to be done but i wont be able to move back in withuot a lot more hell...and conditions they've placed on me since they own the house..they've accused me of all sorts fo things...treat me so badly yet im a virgin, good girl dont do drugs smoke drink but treat me like i dont know what...my mother is a psychopath and trying to control me in sick ways...and then my ex sociopath bf used the situation to take advantage of me too...but promised he'd help me out...then my family is going through my computer, reading blogs i write accusing me of this going through my phone..and much more...its just so bad..and then...more and more? and i dont know when i can move back in or what is going on.. there is no peace and no break... anything i do and anywhere i go is suffering...caused by others and unable to be controlled by me..I try to hard to get a 'normal life' meet people, make friends, get a boyfriend..anything but the harder i try, the more i can't get it then some horrendous thing happens to me and more psychopaths come into my life to try to destroy me, or my family does, or my ex, or other people...im "always' being attacked..by people/negative forces..whatever you want to call it.. i am under attack 24/7..if i join a forum...or write my opinion i got banned/kicked. There is "always" injustice occurring to you...you cant get a normal life or any kind of one..u are 'always' alone and humans act as if doing anything with or for you..is som kind of huge task and they abuse you for it...you r like a mirror and people project their horrors onto you..people will walk up to me and start saying "youre this you're that" or say to me all sorts of things...in reality they are projecting what they are..yet why does everyone project onto me? you are a target literally..people do anything negative to you, pick on you bully you...people will threaten the police on you, treat you lower than anything...wont talk to you..wont treat u with respect or like a person... people treat me in this cruel way-- they can do anything to me...and there is nothing i can do about it....they do horrific things to me and the worst part is...i cant fight back and if i try i get abused more, floored more...punished harassed..people can do anything they want to me and i can't fight back...i havent listed the stories or situations as there are so many..but why is this happenng to me...why would this be happening to anyone? is it a curse, bad luck..karma...demons, entities...how can a person stop this? ive tried praying to God and if i do then it just gets worse.... and after reading this i realize it is very repetitive and saying the same thing.. but i guess the jist is that im targeted, persecuted, by people adn i dont know why...bad things keep happening to me...and they become more intricate...complicated, difficlt ot get out of..and i can't andit creates more patterns of hell...also my situation is literally that a person is in 'hell'...the same bad thigns happening over and over again in this intense cyclic pattern...situation after situation and it can't be stopped...prayer, asking, being kind...nothing seems to work...is this demons, forces..karmic forces...its so confusing...its like you aer being attacked, and attacked non-stop 24/7...and u can't defend yourself..maybe psychically attacked..or who knows what..spiritual warfare? im sure someone out there..might have an idea...or can only hope....
  19. im not sure if this is a topic thats ok to post here, but has anyone had a major spiritual awakening..or any odd circumstances related to it--kundalini rising and when or if it does occur- does it mean a person has to begin a spiritual journey of finding themself or does it just mean that their third eye chakras have been activated or something to that extent...is an awakening a sort of calling to enlightenment in some form or does it mean anything major or truly significant for someone?
  20. Hi and thanks... but evil does occur..i mean persecution, oppression, injustice, etc...however you want to label it...it happens and is a part of this planet and life...its true that evil doesnt 'always' win, and good always lose, but it still seems to me that those who do wrong can do so so easily...and with no problem...and ive witnessed humans only accept it..and in fact many times argue for it...instead of going against it.. I think its a basic moral base of do not hurt others..oor ruin others or do bad to others...etc.. why is it that karma or some universal force does not stop all thi evil or wrongdoing..i know that's a lame thing to ask with the notion that...there is so much bad in this world and people ask--why does God allow this? I can understand why it 'happens'...or how it happens...but wha ti dont understand is that the universal karmic forces...do not seem to favor the punishment towards those who do this wrong...(not tha its really that but that's what it feels like)...it seems as if good luck, success befalls those who do wrong..or they are successful in their bad attempts to hurt others.while those who are hurt or victimized..seem tohave more and more trouble...im wondering if this is a karmic force...or something is going on ...or that's just how the universe works...and if for instance someone is being hurt in this lifetime for something they did in the past..why is it that those are being hurt while they do good...and not while they are 'evil' in other so-called 'past lives' just assuming past lives exist...there just seem to be a lot of immoral people who succeed with no problem and live prosperous lives...or bad people or dishonest people or just flat out 'evil' people and this success stems more arrogance from them...while those who might deserve it and arent arrogant don't get it...it just seems to be really unjust and maybe there is a reasoning for it--in the islamic belief, it says that those who are evil get their blessings in this life, while those who ar good, get the blessings in the afterlife..(though that still isnt a thorough explanation for any of it)...i wonder how other belief systems perceive this...or what it means because, soemtimes it feels as if the universe is supporting all types of wrongdoing or immorality or making it esay for people to do wrong or bad deeds...and allowing them to get away with their destruction of others....ive sometimes witnesed what 'seems' to be 'karma'...rarely...sometimes ive witnessed it happen right after a person does something..but its usually something minor, but major karma as in...people doing wrong to you and getting a repercussion for it..seems sort of rare or you can just say well it was going to happen anyway...how can you know if thta's karma or just circumstance or fate...im just wondering if there are any real laws of karma, or if it does exist, within a lifetime...and if its' just random or actually monitored or occurring through some system...
  21. counseling is good...so is therapy...i wish icould find it...ive been trying but its been difficult..ive even experienced many abusive counselors...and odd experiences with that too--but the thing is that i can't seem to find a good counselor and now even a counselor period..i attributed it to the 'hell' as in...if its' 'entities' they dont want u getting help so it will be very difficult to get a counselor or a good one or any kind of help u need tha tmight give u any kind of positive energy...and most people try to be negative ot you..so youre desperately strugging to be around positive people or get serious therapy...but on one wants to giveu that positive--even the several counselors i went to were either rude, making up things about me, and one even mocked me and another ran away immediately..then began missing appts and i had to almost make him come to therapy--which was ridiculous...why are male counselors running away from me, others mocking me or being so mean? 3 counselors at a center began trsah talking me to each other claiming they didnt want to deal with my situation since i had an 'addiction' to my ex..? what on earth ? the closest people in my life are negative/monsters to me...with no support or only support of control freaks/psychopaths and no other support or friends....its difficult...diffuclt for a positive pattern to perpetuate...which in turn will not allow that good to come through....it's odd and scary...maybe its just all the bad people perpetuating more negativity...either way...anyone who doesnt have to go through persecution, oppression, maojr suffering is lucky...everyone suffers to some of lots of extents...cant compare it to people in other countries or in this country or people with severe situations...but i do think some people suffer more than others..i think the suffering ive expereinced...is rare or just odd...and it's non-stop and extreme...and just wonder...truly whta is the source of it...if it is metaphysical in nature, karmic, or just coincidence or bad treatment or what not...maybe stayign with my family is slowly brainwashing me...b/c im losing myself...being here and broken down...but for those woh are trapped in extreme 'suffering' im not sure if th buddhists call it samsara (someone once said that to me)...i wonder what the reason might be that they are there...or what a solution is...whether its meditation or what it means...
  22. Sometimes life has to get negative enough to force YOU to become positive. Sometimes you have to get challenged enough to turn you from a victim mentality to a fighter. When you lose all hope, that's when you must find faith. When you lose yourself, that's when you can find yourself. this so doesnt apply to me b/c the negativity ive experienced...literally has wanted to destroy my positivty..take every shred of it and make me negative...but ive fought to not be it and turn into that..i stayed positive hopeflu for years and years....worse..no matter what stance u take--positive or negative.. you still lose... ive tried being a fighter... the thing is that in the end..the result is the same...evil wins, you lose....actually ive been a fighter for years..but how many battles can u fight..one, two , ten, 200?? literally..everytime i want to fight...or try..more and more comes..and more and more...so that you're completely floored...something is trying to teach me a lesson...that i cant fight any of this..and the moment i try..then is unleashes more hell..for you...no one else just you....something is trying to break me down and take away my hope...when a person is broken down persecuted....it breaks them down and makes them a victim but even if they take a different stance...doesnt matter...they are 'still' a victim...they still get screwed, by 'their enemies' htey still have no control while others do...the bottom line is that..nothing works...so far...and the theme is the person is still encaged, trapped, oppressed...even if they take the positive/optimistic view/perception of something different...(in my situation)...it doesnt matter as more tragedy occurs so that...u can't perceive it like that...its almost like having to force yourself to see the situation differently, only for it to get worse and serious...at any given time b/c u have no rights in it..and u 'are' still oppressed...and victimized...i dont think a person has to lose themself or hope to find anything...i think this is evil trying to destroy a person..its sad...i dont kow why people say that...b/c they have experienced something a revelation but from what ive experienced...ive only suffered, been oppressed...in many different ways..only for the cycle to recontinue...despite my efforts....i knew myself pretty well only to be obliterated and have my hope shattered....when u lose all hope...that's when...you could lose everything....when you're 'cursed' or when bad things happen....u know that when a bad occurs...a good 'will' not occur to help you out....b/c uve experienced it over, and over again time and time again....so ur life is not like...oh i was down and THEN...something amazing happened to me!! like no...youre down, then someone comes and tries to plunder you...and if u dont be careful, it can and will get worse..and worse...it doesnt get better, just worse....so u cant have those perceptions if uve only witnessed extreme suffering for 12 years straight and witnessed what 'can' happen...if you get down to the gutter...good wont save you...nothing will...you will have to suffer your way out of a situation only to suffer more....and more... and then the suffering stabilizes at one level of 'extreme' suffering....how to get out fo that level is the quesiton or out of that one place....
  23. my situation I think is difficult to assess adn a shaman might be able to help? I have spoken to healers...in the past and got different ideas...demons, or im being attacked by 'entities or beings' or past life things etc...I think the real quesiton is when soemone is undergoing this level of negativity, odd situations, literal persecution....and non-stop chaos..there has to be a reason why/how it's occurring and has grown to this level and its like a monster that cant be stopped....what is hte primary reason for it or how...can someone end this cycle of hell...and is there a real reason its occurring.. i wish i knew...not only to get healing and help but to help people or anyone who might be going htrough it one day---spiritual crisis, spiritual warfare...i dont think im attracting people based on 'vibrations' b/c if you have entities or karmic forces in your life that will create the vibration that u 'resonate' with and there isnt much ucan do to change it-- i know b/c ive tried....all types of practices.. i do believe there were or are exterior or other forces at work doing this...or involved...or something else...what it feels like or seems...its hard and it seems more difficult as u try to plot or plan how to deal with it and come to a standstill..not that there isnt a way out...its lik eoneof those things...where ur like...oh hey...i think i made it out...or something good might happen, then of course....its just more hell and even if u get out...not that u can you'll get more 'obstacles'...the worst part is everyone treatsu like dirt...and its hard to change that.. i realized as my mother for a few seconds treated me with some respect when she saw that i did a student film...and saw it...i was surprised as she tried to give me fruit right away...and realized a lot of my problems are my nsaty family and their major abuse and bullying and their non-stop abuse.. along with other people too-- challenges are that dealing with most humans is hard b/c of how they treat you....im a normal nice girl...their treatment towards me makes no sense...either jealousy but they aer mean...and treat me with disrespect...so i have to struggle anywhere i go...maybe otehr people have to go through this too-- i dont know but not from what ive seen...but for me it is 'bad' its like anything u do ur screwed, then bullies abusers and people wanting to destroy you..my scariest obstacle now is my family possibly surprise baker acting me...or me not being able to move back into my house peacefully..ive almost been with my faimly for a month now...wiating for bogus renovations to get done...with tons of excuses....i lost my social security now...my insurance..b/c of my parents...thats not even the worst but it seems i cant fight any of it...ever or get justice....i see a lot of shows with people who go thru constant injustice...and i wonder how many out there....go through it or feel the same way...with me my life is 'injustice/suffering'...and fighting for my rights...for anything...i wonder if anyone else out there experiences the same...or similar...or feels like it...but i am still stuck...and there is no change progression....and just more 'hell'...the worst part is being broken down and almost made to be like 'them'...the rest of the world that is abusive cruel...i nkow ive fought for years to never be like them..but at this point...there is only so much u can go through...and u cant control the change...but that's what 'this' wants...u to be like them...evil, non caring, devious...its just not right...but that's what seems to happen on this planet...extreme cruelty evil and evil people that turn good people into them or into psychopaths... i have tried healers..shamans might work but nayone i asked help from in the past didnt help or turned away...
  24. Thanks...its true to get away from even from family...though the moment i realize or try, then of course im about to be thrown into something severe--sort of whta i am in now...its a catch-22 or something of that nature...its as if the realization comesto you b/c you wont be able to achieve it...I tried desperately to avoid what im in right now- and it is only getting worse, and scarier as those oppressing me are doing so severely as to break me down extremely..my mother is very malicious..they always know what tactics to use when and how...in order to obliterate you...they have others involved...in my case..it goes to legal terms and i will have to fight and fight..if i ever want my rights back...and suffer terribly...its such a difficult fight ive avoided it for years...b/c i will have to go against my faimly and break ties...completely in order to regain my human and civil rights...its so not fair and u think...why is this happening to me..that however is another story and situation and has its own everything and the major thing my family did to me...recently however, my family had my house renovated...technically their house i rent a room in it, so they could bring me to their place, threaten, intimidat, harass...threaten the police on me, put me down etc...anything around them is negativity..or anything to put me down or bring me down..and in any case..break me down so i will continue to be dependent on them and cant truly make it on my own or am so damaged that life is difficult...there are ironies such as...damaged so they can continue to tell me im messed up or other things...while they continue doing this..and so much more...along with gaslighting...they are cruel people and no one would believe me b/c some of them are 'doctors' and esteemed members of society... then they had a list of 'conditions' i hadto fulfill in order to move back into the house and some very ridiculous ones...their abuse leaves me prey to so many predators because im helpless scared confused needy...legitimately and every predator comes along to use me for their own mostly sadistic desires..including my horrendous ex...who was so evil and extreme and twisted and sick... when my familyis done breaking me down sa they aer now...its difficut to move on in life as the pattern of damage/trauma has grown to a new strength and continues recurring then...the renovations have been two weeks now and im still stuck with them...its going to be another week or two..during that time i feared a lot of other things too and they did some other things..which are major which i cant get into because its another whole story.. i know im going to suffer until i get back to my place and who knows if i'll get back there intact and not damaged...i didnt want the renovations done after they said their 'conditions'...and asked them not to..then they said "oh no we're doing it now regardless' and then called me a week later to tell me i had four days to leave my place...the manner in which they do things is very abusive harsh...disrespectful...they didnt tell me when it was going to be done then yelled at me for not 'assuming'..they went through my computer, read a blog that was up, then began accusing me of other things..they read so much and i had no clue..when i got to their place, my mother went through my phone..she has said if i talk to my ex shes going to get a restraining order on him..im 31 years old..i feel like an oppressed female in a third world country..my family is southeast asian but they began being controlling when i was in my 20's..they act as if our family is a 'unit' and htey are kings and queens of it-- its really bizarre for american professionals to be acting in this odd way. My dad is a doctor and they have used their position to do some seriously cruel things to me and things that are hard to fight back..and the kind of control they have over me as a result of those things is something i have to struggle to get out of and so confusing and scary.. they then had me come stay with them then said i should be 'lucky' theyre letting me stay there..then i wanted a hotel out of town with money my mother took from me and she refused..because she wanted me in the house so they could do what they are doing to me...overall.. its hard but the worst part about the situation is that...u can't seem to change the situations that happen to you..and any move you make...more bad happens to you plus anything u do can be damaging or bad for you...ie if i leave they might get pissed off...and do something to my cats or just say i cant move back into the house...i have to comply with 'them'..its a messed up situation...but the big picture is even worse much worse...and dealing with it alone, a female, is just hard... i dont put up a shell of negativity, though im sure i project all the trauma ive been through..and 12 years of only trauma..is a major projection...most people though I think can see that i am really positive...and they shy away from that..or maybe they shy away from that trauma that is projecting..animals however love me...and they see who/what you are...those writings are really interesting and...that is very good stuff and can be of help to someone in my situation I would assume...my situation is more like...this spiritual hell, coupled with spiritual warfare, possible demons, forces, entities...everything intertwined into one major horror that seems to perpetuate and increase its own destructive cycle...and has external forces perpetuating it as well...its so confusing....and it never seemed like 'life' to me...but something else... even now...my mother...provoking breaking me down with major things...in order to God knows what...but my parents hav destroyed my life and put me thru some serious things...which is now getting worse...i owe the govt 12,000 b/c of them in debt from social security, they forged checks that were mine and i have no access to them...hipaa laws they and doctors are breaking...and screwing me over...its terrible...and tons and tons more things...and i hav eto fight to gain my legal rights... im sure there is a way of combating this or any kind of major traumas...but in turn especially for those who are going thru what seems to be a major curse of some sorts...i do think tao/buddhism or these practices can help..or exorcists maybe? maybe some of what happens to people in these situations is spiritual as well or karmic...there can be so many explanations and its a bit confusing...maybe healers or some people can fully understand a person's situation or what is truly happening... but thanks for all your advice it is all helpful and very good information...
  25. Thanks for the info on the cords..that can be really helpful..jibjib ..:)

    mencius...thanks and this is true...ive tried loving the evil but even if i do it doesnt matter- they are still there to cause destruction in my life and severe things...they are dangerous..my situation is frightening...it just gets worse..i am put in fear by those oppressing me..right now its my parents/family...and...