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About cerananda

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  1. Hi everybody, Great suggestions as always. I am trying a bunch of stuff now, and I realize that the mental game sometimes isn't as immediately effective as simply physically relaxing the affected areas and doing deep breathing (inhale and twice duration exhale). I've tried a lot of thinking of things you love, compassion, even intellectually trying to let go of fear, but I guess it is inconsistently effective because the mind is a tricky thing and once the tension hits, the mind races. Besides, how do you let go of the fear of mortality? Or the fear of loss of control of yourself and doing something harmful? I am certainly not ready to go so to speak. How does one let go of that fear? The chest tension actually impacts my sleep often, by constricting my breath. I often get night sweats, and feeling like the breath shuts off just as I doze, thereby waking me. Any tips on how to deal with that? I am getting little sleep as it is because of it. Finally, what is everybody's opinion on medication? Light tranquilizers, or seeking professional help? I personally am averse to these things, but I don't know how you all see it as regards to the spiritual path, or simply to help in a practical sense to get through too much energy blockage. Thanks again all of you, you're all an invaluable support.
  2. Hi everybody, I have to tell you all that I am simply overwhelmed by all the encouragement and support that I've received on this forum. I never knew that there were so many people that were going through the same thing and I just wanted to say how much of a help you all have been. To answer yuur question about how it's going, it's been a few days of grounding meditation now and it's maybe helped a bit with the physical tensions. I do feel some tension in the head but less. I do realize now the tension in the chest is a stuck diaphragm, very tricky to release I admit with breathing meditation alone. What gets me now is the emotional ups and downs. As I mentioned before, this crushing anxiety comes down at random times when not doing anything in particular and/or triggered by stress. Then, it could just as easily abate or release after half and hour to a few hours. Unfortunately, the crushing anxiety feeling distorts your perception of reality - the intellectual part of me knows that I like this that and the other thing, and feels it when things are normal, but when the crushing feeling hits, you still can identify these things, but the positive feelings are no longer the same. It's very difficult because in this state it is hard to trust your thinking or decisions naturally, as your physiology seems down unreasonably. This is why I am so eager to find some way to "exorcise" the energy if you will. Or integrate in a manner that I can find balance again. I did zhan zhuang in the past actually, but it didn't seem to stop the cycle too much. I had a period of a month recovery and during that time I picked up ZZ to see if it would help but perhaps I did it wrong or something, at some point the head pressure just came back. I'm looking into inner smiling to the brain/organs just in case this is a physiological thing as opposed to kundalini. Maybe I can heal my organs back to balance? I am finding it difficult to sleep at night now- it's as if my body vibrates just as I fall asleep and bounces me back into wakefulness. In any case, scary stuff, I know. Don't want to burden anybody with these issues too much more. I am going to keep at it and keep fighting the good fight back to normalcy. I will likely do more tantien breathing, inner smile to the organs, and maybe 8 brocades? I heard 8 brocades was very normalizing. I used to do a lot of ashtanga yoga, and I'm considering doing reduced primary series, or intermediate series to keep my health up, but don't know if this will impact anything energetic wise. Thanks as always!
  3. Hi everybody, I really appreciate all the responses and the excellent suggestions! I am in Montreal, Canada, so I think it'd be pretty difficult to find qualified KAP or qigong instructors experienced in Kundalini "sickness" here. Maybe I'm wrong though. To flesh out some details, and I think some of you were hinting this, the issue for me right now is not just the head pressure/chest tension, but in fact, more the anxiety associated with whatever the energy is doing in my body. It seems that either, possibly, the energy gets stuck first (i.e. I start to feel the sensations) then I get anxious, and that feeds back on itself, or I get anxious, and start the cycle from that. A second thing is that naturally, anxiety is really all about negative thoughts. At first, it was worry about what disease I had etc. (knock wood that this isn't actually a physiological thing). Then, as I left the energy unaddressed for months, the anxiety became stronger, lasted longer, the pressure in the head built to the point that at times, the muscles of the side of the head would swell somewhat, etc. My mind began racing all the time, and negative fearful thoughts dominated. Basically, it is as if the kundalini somehow amplified what I used to think (i.e. being a moderately negative person) and brought all the negative thoughts to the forefront, and further elaborated them. Of course, this ran for 5 months before I actually started trying to do grounding or even breath meditation in earnest (it has been less than a week now). I honestly thought it was physiological, but thinking back, a few clues led me to thinking that maybe this was kundalini. One, the pressure in the head could be lowered with grounding. Two, I had what seemed to be a heart opening moment a few days back where I felt immense love and compassion and even somehow felt more connected to everything, if you can call it that. That occured for about 30 minutes though, and dissipated. Finally, when I initially did the big draw routine, a month in, I had 2 or 3 spontaneous ecstatic feelings in the entire body that lasted 30 minutes to an hour. In any case, getting back to my present situation- my plan was to ground extensively, but as I mentioned, the energy and negative thought amplification comes back. I'm basically looking to get the kundalini down to a point that I can somehow mentally recover, if that makes any sense, and be able to control the anxiety. I don't know if a guru or teacher can actually help with this, or if this is some kundalini karma I have to deal with myself. Nobody has suggested MCO circulation. Is that bad in my case? Would that risk increasing the energy and thereby the friction on the negative blockages I assume I am having all this trouble with? I will definitely try to ground without imagining roots if the imagining part is iffy. Just focus on the dantien. As I have found that present moment awareness seems to be one of the things that allow me to stay more even keel (any other ideas to combat the negative blockages?) - is there any exercise that you can practice letting go of racing thoughts, or is dantien belly breathing the best? Again, thank you to everybody that put in all that time to respond to my questions. I'm really really grateful for all the help you all have put in.
  4. Hi everybody, I'm sure this topic has been addressed in other posts all over the place, but I just figured I'd reopen the question on this one problem, and hopefully have it serve as a resource for anybody that gets in trouble with over-zealous energy work. I'd been doing 6 months of Mantak Chia's big draw (say 20 min a day), alongside 20+ minute headstand/shoulderstands daily. (Not prudent to say the least in retrospect.) I guess I didn't do enough MCO meditation (or just meditation in general, say following the breath) and a few months ago I noticed pressure building in my head (what I thought was a tension headache), as well as tension in the chest (which I thought were gastro intestinal problems). At this time, I stopped everything. I panicked and saw many doctors, but now I believe this is all related to kundalini and badly grounded energy. The pressure in my head is the dead giveaway and it has intensified despite not doing energy work for almost 5 months since that time. The question is, I've been doing 30-60 minutes of just grounding per day (imagining roots in the feet, and bringing the energy down the front and back channels, also focusing on the lower dantien at the end) for the past few days to get the pressure out of the head and chest, and for the most part, it works. But after waking up in the morning, the pressure generally comes back. It can also randomly come back during the day. At this point, what is the best programme I'd need to follow to put the kundalini energy back in it's place (i.e. reclose it so it doesn't rise like this by itself and doesn't come back daily even after extensive grounding). Or is the answer integration - doing long sessions of MCO meditation or- I'm not sure what else? To be honest, the flow is very strong and I'd prefer to stop up the flow first (turn off the tap so to speak) if at all possible, and take this thing much slower. I did find that extensive groundings do put me on an emotional rollercoaster, anxious when the energy is stuck in the head chest, dizzy and slow after grounding a lot, which is why I'm wondering if there is a more appropriate way to handle this. I appreciate any help anybody can give. Thanks!
  5. Hi there, glad to join the forum

    Hi there, been following this site a great deal for a while, glad to finally be able to participate!