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About Ninpo-me-this-ninjutsu-me-that

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    Stop!! Hammertime!

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  1. *

    An important point... don't have your feet on the bed facing the door. It's the position for death. I heard a story in the mother land of a girl I know who's grandfather was suppossed to kick the bucket and he was somewhat catatonic. The doctors kept saying he should die soon, but he just wouldn't go (a few weeks this went on.) They brought a guy in who said they needed to turn the bed with his feet facing toward the door so he could die. They did so, and he popped off within 24 hours! Happy days! So, I guess the moral of the story is: Don't put the foot of the bed facing the door, unless you particularly dislike your Mrs/Mr. and you sleep in separate beds. As for plants, I've heard none should be in the bedroom as they feed off your energy while you sleep. I have a plant in my bedroom that I forget to water for weeks on end, it never dies. Like, never. It must be getting something from somewhere. One more thing, there should be a huge flaming phalus in the corner, as this always helps to give a big hint to whatever female might be present. This isn't feng shui, it's just a personal thing.
  2. Misquoting Jesus

    Finally after all these years you've actually found someone to talk about a subject you actually know about! Happy Chinese year of the 'Drakkar Noir' to you! Tata for now
  3. Kung Fu

    I'm must first confess, I didn't read any of this thread, but, Kung fu with David Carradine?? Oh do me a favour please! David Carradine couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag! David Carradine and Kung fu is like saying 'Lamborghini and snails'. They are in no way connected at all, apart from the fact that snails might quite like to be! Anyway, don't mind me, nothing personal, I'm slightly drunk. Good will and love to all men, N.M.T.N.M.T
  4. Stop Shooting Your Load!

    I remember, a long time ago on here, a certain individual (who's name escapes me) said something along the lines of: 'you can never reach enlightenment until you get control of your sexual energy...'(i.e. he meant stop banging and bashing the bishop) It is in fact true. And all those who say it's not, plainly don't know what they are talking about. I'm not saying you have to be celibate. In fact you can bang away to your hearts content as long as you don't.... well.. you know...expolode It is plainly obvious to me after meditating and having the chi/qi shoot up my back that it's much stronger when i haven't.... er....... enjoyed myself too much... so to speak. So, my advice to you is: 'don't waste your juice'. If you happen to be a female reading this, then don't ask me 'how about me?'. I'm clueless. PS. Someone else is using my lovely spinning ying yang
  5. If I've gone crazy, I never want to be sane.

    You cheeky bugger....... I go away for a while and someone pilfers my animated yin yang!
  6. Apech, Stop Banning Members & Locking Topics !

    There's no need to be vulgar! Right, that does it, I'm making a 'citizens forum banning'! Apech(7), by the power vested in me, I do hereby ban you from further postings on this forum, or any other forum known to man (or woman), so that our fellow man (or woman), can rest in peace without the fear of online tyranny. That'll learn you! ps. At least you didn't mention anything about 'filling up her milkbox', so all is not lost. I'm sure with rehabilitation you will be allowed back online again. Stig has an island? Wait a minute... I thought Mal had the Dr.No island. Mal's much more tech-savvy than Stig; I'm not sure Stig could run an island geared towards world domination by himself. He'd get distracted by pretty girls in grass skirts and flowers and breathing and stuff.
  7. Apech, Stop Banning Members & Locking Topics !

    NO! I'M SPARTACUS!!!!..... ...... ...I think I'm on the wrong thread. I couldn't have said it better myself! I remember the days when he was a dustman down Manchester way, it was a really tedious job, yet he did it with gusto! Also there was the time when he was a tedious milkman. None were more tedious than he! The strange thing that always confused me was how satisfied all the single mums were with his service. That I never understood. Did you not know there is no Apech(7), it's Mal in disguise! Mal is somewhere on a remote island pressing shiny buttons connected to satellites...and playing the playstation, intent on world domination....or high scores.
  8. . .

    This thread is most unsettling. I think I'm gonna ask for my money back.
  9. . .

    Do you mean no it's not, or no it is?
  10. . .

    Why is it I feel I've walked into the middle of a conversation and missed all the relevant parts? Is this like one of those test threads that Mal used to post?
  11. Your vote for the most emotionally intense films?

    :lol: Oh I do hope not!
  12. Help with protection from taoist black magick

    dooble post...
  13. Help with protection from taoist black magick

    Fantastic point.
  14. Help with protection from taoist black magick

    You wouldn't say that if you saw my 'pulling a coin out of your ear' trick magick.
  15. A gift for Non and other lust-driven men

    schmucks? 'Class' of being? How divinely elitist of you. I must have missed Non having all these women, wine and party every night. I didn't realize he'd come so far. You've gotta' get dirty before you can get clean as they say (I'm not sure if they do say that, but it does sound like a good excuse to get a bit dirty and roll around in the mud for a bit).