Hello, I'm a new member and would like to post the main reason I am here. I'm trying to grow. I'm at a point in my life where I'm realizing how much my life is ruled by fear and I want to change this. Of course, fear keeps me from moving on and I've become so adept at creating thoughts stemming from fear that I now have trouble knowing what is truly me and what is my fear. I'm at an impasse and I'm pretty confused. I feel like I can't trust myself because my thoughts are motivated by fear and my growth is spurred by my boyfriend not by myself. Mainly out of fear of losing him, I make feeble attempts at growing and end up not learning anything more than I am afraid and seemingly unready to grow. I'm desperately afraid he will leave me if I continue to do this, but I also fear that I will never be able to grow and he will leave me. I need to take myself away from the fear, and motivate myself. I want to grow, not only for my boyfriend, but because I'm really not ecstatic about my life. I don't maintain my body well, I run away from truly looking at myself and I've socially isolated myself in many ways. Yet on some days I feel really happy and content with my life, which I feel is just myself justifying living in fear. I'm really confused, need some guidance, and some thoughts about what I am doing! I do feel I make some progress, but I feel even more of this progress could be achieved if I knew how to deal with my fear.