charlesjorden

Hello everybody! My name is Charles, I am from California and I am 22 years old. I usually figure problems out on my own but cannot solve this problem that has been haunting me for almost two years now. I'll give a quick rundown of the problem and the steps I have taken to solve it. I have been smoking weed just about everyday from the age of 17 to 21. At 21 I left my job because it was stressing me out so much, I had never felt that much stress before in my life. After working there for two years I finally quit but was left with a feeling that my "soul was tired". That's the only way I could explain that feeling. As time went on I was having a hard time finding a new job and my money was getting low so I left the stress of a secure job to the new stress of being broke and lost in the world. The bottom line was that I was heavily stressed. So that led me to smoking more and more weed and it eventually got to the point where if I wasn't high I would be highly emotional which wasn't like me. I then started having random emotional breakdowns for no apparent reason. But then after 6 months of being jobless I went to go smoke some weed and I had my first panic attack ever. I just remember my hands and feet got really cold and I felt this very intense electricity through my body all while I was in my car alone. After that I couldn't drive so I had my sister pick me up and take me home. I went to sleep early that night and when I woke up I realized that the world looked strange. Something I know now as "derealization". It has been a year and a half since then and I will list off the symptoms I've been having. Tinnitus, Dry Eyes, Dark Cirles, Fatigue, Insomnia, Weak Knees, Energy in my head, Bloating which causes me to constantly burp, A locked left ankle that lasted for two weeks, and Ulcers in my mouth. I also have anxiety now which I've never had on this level and/or constantly. Now that that's out the way I have tried it seems everything under the sun to get my body back to normal. I did a detox, Somatic Experiencing, Acupuncture, Worked on my Root Chakra, Excercise, Walk as much as I can, Ground as much as I can etc.. I'm sure there's a lot more that I've tried but those are the main points. After googling multiple things over the year I have come across many explanations of why this is happening but nothing sticks. I am from the Western society so everybody that I talk is trying to push drugs on me but I know that's not the route I'd want to go. There are thousands of people with this same problem that live with it for years, even decades but this is not a life to live at all! Anyways, it wasn't until I came across this user on here named "Lush Lemur" and he has given me the most hope out of everything I've researched. He tells his problem AND how he solved it. He went through the same ordeal as me except his wasn't triggered by weed. He explains that he had Derealization as a symptom of Kundalini Syndrome and he used reverse breathing to fully cure himself and get back to normal. He also noted that conserving jing was essential to this practice as he stores it in the lower dan tien. That statement alone got me thinking... Have I depleted my jing essence and this brought upon and anxiety disorder? The one thing I didn't mention was that I have made masturbation and sex an every night occurance for the past 10 years. I rarely ejaculated more than once a day but nevertheless it's a problem. Since reading Lush Lemurs' post a month ago I immediatley started my semen retention journey and have been successful thus far. I have not seen any improvement but at the same time I have not been doing reverse breathing nearly 200 times a day as he suggested as it causes my chest to tighten (yes, i am doing it as gentle as possible). I do have nearly every symptom of a depleted kidney yin energy so I went to acupuncture yesterday and got treatment for that. I would message Lush Lemur but it says that he cannot recieve messages sadly. So I am posting this here in hopes for some feedback from you kind people as this is my life on the line here. Thank you! I'll respond to all suggestions.

Not sure if TCM uses Kundalini at all but could this be at play maybe? I spent my first year believing I was going through that and I had to push through for 12 years until I would feel great. Now I'm at a point where I just want to feel grounded. I've never been spiritual in my entire life, wasn't raised that way. Going through this journey and learning what I've learned makes me want to take some type of step forward into spirituality but I have so much fear in me currently that it feels impossible. Fear that is unjustifiable.

That's exactly what it was for me, the weed was too strong even after smoking for years. I knew it too, it was a preroll and they mixed a little bit of everything in there. It wasn't laced though, I checked. After all of this suffering I believe this is a good thing even if I don't see it now. My life was on a fast decline and this definitely caught my attention. Also, I've had a great childhood thus far, no real trauma at all. I went to somatic experiencing for a little over 10 sessions and got absolutely no where. Just a lot of shaking but it actually felt good! Speaking of shaking, throughout my life when I would go pee usually I would let out an uncontrollable shake but ONLY while peeing. After my weed incident last year I get those same exact shakes but randomly throughout the day. A surge of energy comes from the core of my body for a split second and forces my entire body to shake for that second and push out air very hard through my nose. I wonder what it could be.

One more thing to add! I still lust quite a lot everyday, whether it's with my girlfriend or just being online. This leads to me leaking semen quite a lot. Is this hindering my healing? If so is there anything I can do about it? Or just stop lusting period. You guys recommended to have sex moderately but I'm sure that would be way harder than to stop completely.

Gotcha! I am taking notes. I am taking all the suggestions and will begin applying them in these next few days once I figure out a routine for myself. I do plan on updating everyone on my progress and the routine I ultimately choose. I am very curious so I do have a few more questions! 1. Is there any hope for my tinnitus? As I feel that this has come along directly from my kidney's being out of whack. I have never read upon anyone getting rid or reducing their tinnitus. 2. Why is it that "most people" don't deal with this same problem as me? If it is caused by weed then why me? I know people that have smoked like crazy for their entire lives. That is if it is even caused just by weed or a mixture of things. 3. I am taking Zuo Gui Wan 4 times a day (pills) as instructed by my acupunturist. Is this good enough to build my jing alone? I have no problem doing every single thing recommended by you guys but there have been too many times that I have overwhelmed myself given these simple thing are some HUGE life changes. 4. Sex/Masturbation! I'm practicing semen retention at a little over a month right now. Which is the longest I've ever been celibate since I first lost my virginity 10 years ago! I get being moderate in sexual activity is healthy for you but wouldn't just conserving jing/semen until I'm completely healed be the best route? 5. Why is Derealization/Depersonalization such a taboo topic that NOBODY has the answer to? I've been searching for quite a while and I've only found one person (Lush Lemur) who says he has cured himself from it. Others that have this disorder live with it for weeks, months, years, even decades. Why do some people get like this and others don't? Why do some people suffer for so long and other don't? Are all cases of this disorder caused by a Jing deficiency? If so, does your body want to anchor itself in the lower dan tien? So many questions for you guys, glad to see some people with some type of insight, anything helps! Derealization/Depersonalization is the main thing that effects my everyday life. Not sure if people understand exactly what this is, which I'm sure it's a mixture of things. If you would like to me to explain it to you guys more in depth, let me know! Or just google it, there are plenty of people online suffering from it.

Thanks for the suggestions! I've been searching the solution to my problem daily for almost teo years now and this is the most confident I have ever been into something actually working. My question is how do I stay confident in this process? I have created a bad habit for myself which is losing faith in the process. Especially if I can't guarantee that I will see the light at the end of the tunnel. This leads me to quit or move on to the next thing fairly quick, within' weeks. I know there's no exact timeline for a person, everyone is different. But could anyone give an estimate of when I should start to feel better if I manage stress, sleep well, eat well, exercise, and continue to take these herbs, and maybe acupuncture here and there? This state that I am in is a very dark place and I want to see it through. Somr reassurance that I am headed in the right direction would be amazing.

I went Vegan back in May as I was attempting to "heal my gut" by Western standards. After two months nothing changed so I eventually stopped. I am more concious now of what I eat but it isn't always the best. At that time I was also masturbating or having sex every single day. My sleep is better as far as being uninterrupted. Sometimes I'll wake up randomly at 3AM. I have fatigue throughout my day so I'm usually exhausted by 10 unless I am productive all day. It has changed a lot this past year but lately I'll be out by 11 forsure. I'm not employed either so I get my full 8-9 hours.

Thanks for the reply! I now work out a few times a week, have been celibate a little over month now but I do need to stop the lust because I am still "leaking". I haven't smoked or had a drink for over a year now as it makes me very anxious. I have gotten kidney focused acupuncture for the twice in the past two weeks. Although it is quite expensive and I may have to stop soon. I have received herbs from the acupuncturist called "Zuo Gui Wan" and it should last me about a month for twenty bucks. As far as how I feel I don't feel any different so far but I know great things take time. If anyone has anymore suggestions I'd gladly take em'. I have also stopped the reverse breathing techniques.

I am very interested in an more in depth version of this routine as I too have Derealization currently! If you could message me I'd appreciate it!