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About Nier

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    Dao Bum
  1. Scents

    Has anyone noticed big changes in scents? My 2 biggest reasons for asking this are from myself and my environment. I've noticed I smell different despite not drastically changing my diet, soaps or perfumes. I don't want to say I smell muskier because that brings to mind like bad BO to me, but it is a scent with more body than I'm use to. Not to be too graphic, but it's mostly centered around my genitals, I guess? Becomes very apparent when I'm changing pants or in bed. I've also noticed that the air smells sweeter. I caught the usual scent of autumn in the air a few weeks ago but I noticed a few days later it was accompanied by a sweetness that immediately sent my mind back to a very happy time period for me in high school. Every time I smell the autumn air now, I smell that sweetness. It almost feels like it was there the whole time and the autumn air scent's "spectrum" is just more vibrant.
  2. I will definitely follow your advice. I've made time the last few days to sit down to draw. I'm considering taking up a new instrument and I've selected several books related to Jnana and Hatha Yoga to put on my reading list. I've also started looking for a teacher for Taijiquan but that's probably going to be difficult to find based on where I live. I don't even have basic things like meditation schools or buddhist temples nearby. It makes me glad to hear I'm not the only one experiencing these various things. It often feels like I'm screaming into the wind. But learning to accept them making their own decisions, for good or bad, definitely feels like a part of my journey. I grew up wanting to change the world. Accepting it for what it is is extremely difficult and feels like apathy, which I've grappled with often. I guess I'm supposed to care but accept it for what it is, like a parent's love for their child. Whether that's the final destination or just the next stop, I don't know. I'm fortunate in this regard. It feels more than serendipitous he and I are friends. He's definitely blessed with whatever that indefinable intangible attribute of leadership is. He respects my opinion, and I respect that his is the final word on business endeavors and joint ventures we work on. He accepts the credit and understands he also takes all the blame. I accept my contribution is ignored by outsiders but I thank I don't have to get slammed with the ignorant criticism that comes from people in general. It would bother me deeply and he shrugs it off, so it works out well. I appreciate you 2 hearing me out and giving me your advice.
  3. My shoulders are always tense and my previously mentioned squirming throat, so yeah I can follow that. I've attempted to take up drawing in the last 6 months since I've always been a very "left brain" kind of person. I've always wanted to help people, though my experience has always been giving warnings or advice, only for people to not listen and then run into the problem I tried to warn against. This has bothered me greatly for 15+ years and I've slowly stopped giving advice to avoid the turmoil it causes me. I'm a very empathic person so their troubles bother me greatly and will keep me up at night, distract from my work, etc. I don't feel close or connected with my friends though they don't seem to share the sentiment. It feels as though nobody understands what I'm saying except my 1 childhood friend I'm very close to. They usually come to him for advice, and I speak through him. I've hoped I could express myself through art since I don't appear to be able to through words. What is your advice for working on my chakras?
  4. Yeah, I would be fine with that
  5. This is tough to answer for me because I'm not sure I have the vocabulary to express some of the things I think I've learned, but I'll try. It's my feeling that the metaphysical can't interact with the physical or be grasped by the physical. I'd say the ego/self/consciousness is just a result of the biological processes going on in the brain and and has to be silenced to connect back with Ein Sof, Dao, Nirvana, whatever, since labels can't be applied to it since doing so would wrap a metaphysical "thing" in physical flesh so to speak. It's why logic of the physical fails to comprehend the nearly paradoxical nature of "IT". Through silencing consciousness, reason and the internal monologue, only then can whatever the expression of my existence ("soul" "spark of the eternal" etc) as a part be rejoined with the whole where consciousness attempts to cleave it away in an attempt to express itself as "I". Where every individual consciousness are waves cresting on the top of an ocean, only by looking deeper than the wave that I think I am, can I see the body of "life" that we are all expressions of. This is the essence of meditation, to extinguish the self's survival instinct to claw at the false illusion of existing. Hope that wasn't too disappointing of an answer compared to what you were expecting. I'm not sure my ignorance would reveal much except more of itself. I mostly did the exercises in this book which just mainly focuses on breathing past the lungs into the whole body and the movements to supplement this. how so?
  6. I don't know the name of the type or anything. I've tried to practice what I understood The Secret of the Golden Flower was talking about for meditation since 2016 when I got the book, but have been regimented about doing it since December. I've been meditating since 2012ish, just not every day like I'm doing now. I didn't have a meditation school I was following before that, I just had 5 practices I tried to walk through whenever I meditated. 1 was the perception of time being faulty and accepted as an illusion to our senses so I would try to perceive time as slower and dilated. 2 was the flip and trying to perceive time as contracted and sped up. 3 was trying to realize the lie of the self and that senses get more acute as proximity to the "self" increases but happiness and sadness of others can be felt the same way and as acutely as our own emotions and we are all a part of 1 universe where division is an illusion. 4 was reflection where I tried to see my conscious self as another being to be interrogated and conversed with. 5 was perceiving the self that I had interrogated as "me," and who was actually observing my mind if the "me" of consciousness is being observed it must be by something else and tried to examine what this "consciousness without consciousness" was. The chi breathing came from what I could scour online about chi gong texts and instructions, and I've been doing that since 2015.
  7. I'm not familiar enough with Kundalini raising to know what practices would do that. I can rattle off some changes I've made for the last 9 months. I've given up alcohol and sodas, gone abstinent, meditate every day at least 30 minutes, exercise vigorously, restricted my diet, lost 30 pounds, went from barely able to to run a mile a year ago to running a marathon a few weeks back, been learning chi breathing, have been reading every holy text and major philosophical work I can get my hands on, been journaling my metaphysical realizations, started forming a couple of charities, started traveling to forests and mountains all across my country (used to be a hardcore homebody). That's all I can think of off the top of my head.
  8. Over the last few weeks I've had a few new weird experiences. 2 of which are that I feel like I have a lump in my throat and sporadic (only 5 - 10) hiccups that immediately go away. I'm completely physically medically sound, so I figured it was psychosomatic and start digging around online. I found a few articles about Chakras and I stumbled upon this video about Carl Yung a few months ago that reoccurred to me (linked). Around the 5:30 mark he discusses talking with a girl who talks about feeling there was a snake that started in her stomach and ended up coming out of her mouth after talking to him. This is almost how I describe what I'm feeling. Currently, it feels like there's energy in my solar plexus (which used to feel like it was in my genitals/lower stomach region until quite recently. I didn't notice the feeling was there until it wasn't anymore) and something in squirming in my throat. Someone in the comments stated this was her Kundalini rising. So I took the hint and figured it's about time I flesh out my understanding of Chakras. I don't even know where to begin though. Does anyone have some insight into the lump in my throat and hiccups? And can anyone recommend some books or materials to start respectfully studying Hinduism, Chakras, meditation, yoga, etc? I'm not located in a place where I can physically seek out a teacher
  9. New member - long introduction (sorry)

    I appreciate the kind words and the warm welcome from all of you. I hope I can contribute as much back to this community as I hope to get from it. Looking forward to seeing all of you around the forums
  10. Hey everyone, Not sure where to begin. Seems like anywhere I do will imply a false priority from me. I guess chronologically is the best. I grew up in a Christian home. Heavily studied the Bible from a young age, and competed in competitions. I tended to ask a lot of uncomfortable questions that the adults and leaders around me couldn't answer and that sent me off looking for answers. This was pre "everything is at your fingertips" online, so I mostly had to scavenge book stores and garage sales. I got scraps of the Dao De Jing, loose writings about the trigrams, some speeches from the Buddha and occasionally some things about alchemy but that was it as far as esoteric knowledge went. I turned to medicine, math, science, business and music (but mostly relationships) for years until I had a very complicated multi year falling out with a girl who I was certain was my soul mate that concluded during my junior year of college while I was pre medicine. I fell into a really bad depression where I was sleeping 20 hours a day that finally concluded with me starting off on a journey of more obscure sources that could answer my questions. I dropped out of medicine and finished a different degree that I could do without much effort so I could spend time studying. I also could order more obscure books online but I didn't know what I was looking for or where to go. I started with Plato and the I Ching and just jumped off to whatever was tangential. I didn't know where I was going, I just followed wherever I felt a fulfillment studying. I studied multiple languages, art, physics, math, history, etc. 99% of my studying was related to the liberal arts and my profession with only occasional forays into cursory Daoism or Buddhism, followed by a massive revelation and more liberal arts studying with a new perspective. This cycle repeated for years, where I felt a creeping existential dread overtake me the more I studied, but I continued anyway. This culminated about a year ago where I had a total breakdown. I'm still not even sure what I had a breakdown about. I drank socially because I have social anxiety and it eases my nerves in crowds. But my social drinking had been escalating for months. I made a complete fool of myself and after a series of events that night, spent the night sobbing on my friend's couch, incapable of answering their questions of why I was so distraught. This occurred again just weeks later. This was all extremely out of character for as I've always been a quiet withdrawn introvert. I was also the one who had it all put together and was counsel to my friends. After these 2 episodes I dove headlong into studying philosophy, theology and mysticism. But particularly metaphysics and epistemology and trying to marry all the natural philosophy I'd studied for years and "knew" to be true with these rediscovered questions I had about the unknown. I don't know why, it just seemed to be where I was pulled to. I also began regularly meditating. Over the last few months, I've been having what feel like divine revelations about the world. I've attempted to explain them to my friends but they don't follow what I'm saying as evidenced by their inability to repeat back what I'm saying with clarity. This has lead me to believe that unlike the philosophy I used to share with them, the insights I'm having now are beyond words. I've never felt so alone because of this, feeling almost "trapped" in my own head. So I've taken up art in an attempt to express what I've learned, and circumvent reason's inability to grasp what I feel is the paradoxical nature of metaphysics. I've found solace in the work of men like Jung or Leibniz who I feel are attempting to express the same thing I think I've found. But I'm not sure. I came here because I've hit a point where I have questions and I don't know what to google or what books to read. So I was hoping that could find answers from people here as teachers and fellows on a similar journey. I apologize for the long winded story