Junior Bum
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About lifeaftercheckmate

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    Dao Bum
  1. Zen Practitioner

  2. Zen Practitioner

    Ah, but that's the fun of playing a fictional character in this life story. long as I don't forget that's it's just a story...
  3. Zen Practitioner

    I'm just along for the ride. The Tao does nothing but leaves nothing undone. 🙃
  4. Zen Practitioner

    It wasn't fun getting here. I'll tell you that much.
  5. Zen Practitioner

    This seems to be one of those both/and not either/or things. Sometimes when I am particularly still, I don't feel either peace *or* unrest. I feel nothing, not even emptiness. It's like laying on the bottom of the ocean where it's so dark and still that you can't perceive anything. That's the best I can't describe it. Still, there are waves on the top. Sometimes I'm identified with the stillness, sometimes the waves.
  6. Zen Practitioner

    Thank you for this. It's been difficult to harmonize being nothingness (or insert preferred word here) with still having a human body. It is like I am anchored now though; as much as I flow with the waves (emotions, etc.), I return to the center. It's not even my own doing. It's now my natural disposition. I heard once, "Don't resist your resistance," and that was powerful for me.
  7. Mind only

    This is beautifully put. May I one day become ash. May the Truth burn away everything from my being that is not Itself.
  8. Mind only

    I've been looking for the original quote I am thinking of, but I can't find it. It says something like, The world is unreal. Brahman alone is real. The world is Brahman. This quote was very impactful for me.
  9. Zen Practitioner

    Duly noted. I'm going to tell my wife when she gets home that I need a new puppy. lol All joking aside, what you are saying makes perfect sense. My "little kid energy" -- that free, innocent, fascinated, in love with life energy -- is all tied up in knots.
  10. Ignorance is not bliss

    I heard Zen teacher Adyashanti say once that Awakening is not a process of learning like we do in school. We don't learn fundamentals and build on them. Awakening is like starting at a PhD and working backwards to Kindergarten.
  11. Zen Practitioner

    Thank you. I am wide open to suggestions. I will do this.
  12. Zen Practitioner

    Thank you so much for your suggestions. That makes so much sense. For the last month and a half or so, there has been an almost constant burning and tightness right over my heart chakra. It's almost like heartburn without the pain. I do yoga nidra and qigong sometimes. Maybe I ought to rededicate myself to those practices in an effort to help balance and open the energy. My heart has become contracted. As a recovering addict myself, I also mentor women who are working on getting off drugs and putting their life back together. I've never been one to pull punches. I don't sugarcoat things to make people feel better especially when they're engaging in dangerous or distructive behavior. Lately though, I have become very crass. I saw a lot of deaths from drugs and a few were close to me last year. I'd say about 75% of my life is dedicated to this program that helps addicts, but I have felt burned out and withdrawn lately. Do you think that doing energy work can help rejuvenate that heart energy?
  13. Zen Practitioner

    Harmozine. That's it. I read a story of a Zen student who went to his master and exclaimed, "I am nothing!" The master smacked the student over the head with his walking stick and said, "What hurts then?" I have not reconciled the two. The nothingness is big enough. I haven't tapped the everything yet.
  14. Zen Practitioner

    Hello. My name is Andi. I have followed a few spiritual teachers, read books, and listened to lectures for years now. I knew many things. I had much knowledge. A couple months ago, my beliefs were totally annihilated after a crushing and disappointing religious experience. I found myself with no beliefs and no idea what was what. That was a beginning. Shortly after that, while listening to a lecture by Zen teacher Adyashanti, I had a striking realization. We are not humans experiencing consciousness; we are consciousness masquerading as humans. I was stunned with the force of this awakening. Since then everything has gone topsy turvy. I have no idea which way is up. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I almost don't even exist, it seems, and I have no more drive or motivation for most anything in my life. This is most distressing because I have always been a driven, strong, passionate person with many causes and nothing seems to matter. I've read and heard to be still, to let go, to rest in the unknowing, but the practice has not dropped from my head to my heart and I struggle and I am confused and afraid as parts of me fall away and literally just die off. I didn't realize that enlightenment meant giving up the "good" along with the "bad," and now it's too late. Most friends, my partner, my therapist, they have no idea what to do with me now. I'm feeling alone (which I know is utterly silly because there is no separation, and yet that fearful feeling remains). I'm here at Dao Bums looking for support, direction, a reference point, something that tells me which way is up and which way is down...and I'm most afraid that none of those things exist. Thank you all for this space.