Fool

The story you're about to hear might sound terrifying, but, at the same time, it can be a great lesson for you all - I beg you to not make the same mistake as I did. Before I start, I'd like to say that I'm very happy that I found this forum. It's my pleasure to meet you all! As much as I'd like to write about something positive and share some good vibes with the community, I really can't - I'm in pain for more than 2 years, and I need your help. Traditional western doctors can't help as they are totally incompetent and "intellectually impotent" when it comes to the following phenomena.. Ok, so where do I start... Like many of you, I've been excited to learn and practice Qigong for many years. I first started practicing martial arts, and kept doing it for close to 5 years and literally fell in love with kungfu, meditation, qigong, and everything related to Taoism and the like. I enjoyed great health, vitality and happiness for many years. And then it happened, a stupid foolishness, a terrible action out of curiosity and the desire to be healthy and retain my sexual energy and vitality. I found some courses on the jen-mo acupressure point. The One-Million-Dollar point they say...or, perhaps, the One-Million-Regrets? At the beginning, I was pressing this point successfully and was able to have orgasm without ejaculation. Whether I was still losing the energy through urination I didn't know - for all I knew was that I could enjoy multiple orgasms with my girlfriend and have a good sexual life. It all seemed almost magical, I was even more excited to get more involved with spiritual Qigong, explore it in deeper depths. But I didn't. Instead, I became miserable. I lost many things, it became harder for me to enjoy happiness. It happened one day, when I was pretty sick from a terrible cold. I had a very strong chronic cough which lasted for weeks. I moved to a country in the North, and my body was not used to the climate there. Being a fool (Yes, I admit it, an idiot is probably a more proper word to describe myself) - I started practicing this exercise believing that it will help me recover faster... Now up to this day, I still have no idea what actually happened. I probably pressed the point to strong, I also did it closer to my anus because before that I was perhaps not pressing it correctly. I have no memory now if it was painful at that moment. I think I felt a mild pain but nothing serious. From that day, my life turned into a nightmare. I was not aware what was happening to me, and worse, I didn't even know that it was connected to pressing the million-dollar-regrets point. I started having a severe pain while sitting and when trying to stand up. Coming from a patriarchal family and being taught that "one needs be a man", I didn't complain for many weeks, but then the pain was becoming more and more severe. There were times when I literally had to use my hands in order to stand up from a chair, the pain was so severe that felt I could collapse. Worst of all? I had no idea what's happening. I thought at first it was a tailbone pain (become I felt it around that area, around the rectum). I went to every single doctor and none could find anything wrong with me. First, they checked my tailbone and inside rectally to check for prostate enlargement - nothing. Then on X-ray they found some slight misalignment, but it turned out it's nothing, some old injury and so on and so on. Then for months I did all kinds of medical analysis and examinations - x-rays, MRIs, all kinds of blood tests to check for infections, urologists, gastroenterologist, orthopedist, neurologists, only God knows all the trouble I went through - at the end? Nothing. I was going in circles. Diagnose: A hypochondriac.They made me a lunatic.Stop this craziness, go out and have some fun, there's nothing wrong with you, you're perfectly healthy, you're too young to be a hypochondriac. At the same time, I was doing my own research. I went through all kinds of medical books and journals to find what's wrong with me. Pudendal Neuralgia, Pudendal Nerve Entrapment, Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome, Chronic Prostatitis, and on and on the list goes (I even discovered all possible bacteria and viruses which might cause an infection in that region that might cause a pain like that and did all examinations privately). Nothing, folks, perfect blood samples, beautiful MRIs and X-rays, seemingly a healthy and strong young male. But was I? The only thing I found to be helping me at least temporarily to manage it, was to take B-Vitamins (Neurobion), to lose underpants with a hole around the tailbone with very elastic jeans so that the pain is minimized. Well you say, not that bad, there are many worse things happening to people, at least it wasn't a cancer. I agree, but I don't wish this to even to the most evil of foes - the story doesn't end here. I soon caught the same virus, and I started having the same strong chronic cough. A terrible virus, strong chronic cough for almost 2 months. Ready for this one? New pain, now in the upper left back (with time, I found out that the pain was more intense on the left side of my tailbone/rectum, so it was the left meridian). It became also chronic in nature, I felt it at certain movements, while sleeping (waking me up), when lifting, practically at all times except when lying straight on my back. So now I was not only not able to sit, but I had hard times sleeping, going to work (I couldn't wear my backpack), and many other crappy things. Ah that jen-mo point.. It finally occurred to me - it was all happening on my left-side bladder meridian, perhaps I somehow had closed the flow of chi when I pressed that point. I found this to be true not only from these 2 chronic pains, but once I was running and started having pain in my Achilles tendon, which is also the same pathway for the bladder meridian. I am still in this condition up do this day and I am doing everything to manage it. I am emotionally stable and can control myself, but the pain greatly affects my everyday life. I still have hope that somehow, someone (including myself), might be able to help me. Is there anyone here on this forum with a similar experience? Are there any senior Qigong masters that might be able to help me and suggest some practical chi gong exercises that might unblock this channel? I found some threads related to the jen-mo acupressure point. - This one being the main one: I know and understand that you have no motivation at all to spend time researching this and just to try to help me. I am no one in your life after all... But I'm honestly hoping that there will be someone emphatic enough to try and understand my situation and help another sentient being. Last but certainly not least - FORGET about that million-dollar-crap, like I said, I was doing this successfully for years, but one bad pressing caused me so many terrible things.. Well, any suggestions?

"Your mind is your mind and mine is mine; you think so - yes or no?" Well, you just mentioned several times in this thread that all is Mind and that there is but ONE Mind Anyway, I appreciate the suggestions, but this is getting off-topic, thx for the songs and advice but I don't see how it helps. It's easy to say that it's all in the mind. I just wish that you stay healthy for all your life without ever having to experience what I am experiencing right now.

No my friend. That is not an option for me. I refuse to accept it as a reality. The pain has to go away, sooner or later, and I will find a way. All my life I've been healthy and have served as a symbol for health for all friends, family and relatives around me. Without my health back, everything else is secondary, all other goals fade away. I anyway can't even focus on big things because the moment I get more excited and enthusiastic about something, I've got these 2 reminders yelling at me "slooow down cowboy". Because of this pain, I have to walk around with a silly pillow that I need to put under my buttock every time I sit - and a hundred more uncomfortable obligations... From one side, there is even something good about them, like the yin and the yang - they remind me of the importance of health and that without it, we can't be truly happy, regardless of how many other goals we achieve. But they have to go away. Period.

LimA, let's say that you're right, and that all IS in my Mind - what then, is your recommendation? How do I "delete" it from my Mind? What do I do? Affirmations and autosuggestions? Mind and body relaxation? Meditation? What kind of meditation..? The song certainly won't do the trick...

Thank you very much for your suggestions. I would definitely appreciate you introducing me to Eric Isen (perhaps via a group chat on this forum) I do have part of my mind being scientific and logical, and even though it's difficult for me to grasp the concept of remote scanning, I still believe in it, I understand that all is Mind, and I am ready to do it, of course, if Eric Isen is willing to consider my situation and try to help. I'd be also happy to meet with your two teachers if they believe my situation and condition might be something they can help with. I am ready to take all brutality from your Sifu Eric and let him beat me up like never before, just for this boring constant pain to go away (no kidding, I even read about this paida method )

Thanks for the suggestion Mudfoot, I absolutely agree about the holistic approach that's why I'm practicing a full program of essential Qigong exercises, including the standing meditation, the 6 healing sounds and couple of others. So far so good, I have a feeling that everything's going in a positive direction, though the pain is still there... The only side-effect from this is that sometimes it hurts when I breathe deeply while exhaling (for the upper pain), but that's when the nerves are really irritated, if I calm down and relax them for a couple of days, I can breathe slowly and normally. Thanks again!

I agree, but that's the main problem - I went to all the "experts" and some of them are top doctors in their field of study (in several countries), I am always ending up going in circles - nothing can be identified, no diagnose, and I am in pain. That's exactly why I shared my story here, in hope that someone else might have experienced something similar and perhaps give some useful suggestions from their experience. Several cycles of physical therapy, acupuncture (not from TCM doctor though), all kinds of antibiotics (even though not a single infection has been identified) - literally NOTHING, so all that western medicine can offer me is painkillers, which I refuse to take. That's why I am running in circles, trying to find what actually happened, maybe I'm wrong and that point (jen-mo) has nothing to do with it, but one thing is certain - it all happened from a very strong cough, lasting for more than a month (happened 2 times). I also did press that point kinda harder during that coughing period. From a western medicine point of view, the only explanation might be that from the tension and pressure from coughing, some "scar tissues" (adhesions) have formed, which press on those nerves every time I do certain movements (such as sitting for the lower near-tailbone pain, and upper body movements or deep breathing for the upper pain [while exhaling]). From a Qigong Eastern Medicine point of view, I have some energy channel blockages (too much/too little chi in those areas). The problem is that no modern technology can identify adhesions, not even MRI - the only way to see them is through surgery, which always creates more adhesions, so I refuse to do it. Another traditional treatment is a nerve block, which I also refuse to take. So I have nowhere to go... this and similar forums, and their members, are my only hope. I see hope only in self-healing through Qigong and acupuncture from an experienced TCM doctor. Of course that I am careful, for example one good member shared a specific yoga exercise which might help (mahamudra) but after practicing I realized the pain is getting only stronger, because it stretches/irritates those nerves, so I stopped. Standing meditation so far has no side effect, and I feel that it's getting better from it. At least the central nervous system functions more properly, and the registered pain is decreased, even if nothing has changed from a physiological perspective (or perhaps it is changing..). I'll keep doing it. Thank you for the advice though, you're absolutely right and I will be cautious, but I have to continue doing this, because I want my old life back and there aren't that many options available to me.

Can you pls explain this in more details? Yes, I did a manual pressure (with my ring finger pressing) - what does that mean? Sorry, I just don't understand all the wordings and I misinterpret the meaning sometimes - can you pls say in plain English? I read your first reply not once, but many times over and over again, I didn't have any previous rejection or prejudice, I just didn't see how it connects to my case and didn't quite understand the meaning (again) - your language and wordings are little bit not comprehensible to me. Making you feel sick was the last of my intentions - sorry but I think this was caused by your interpretation of my response, I didn't reject you nor your advice, I'm actually thankful that you took the time to reply, I just didn't see any connection to my case.

Wells, thanks a lot for sharing, I think this school exists in Moscow as well - I'm definitely going to go there, even if it has to be Saint-Petersburg! And thank you for all the other resources and the testimonial! I'm really thankful to you all, honestly and sincerely, not just flattering with words.. When a person is in pain and trouble, he or she starts to appreciate more people, things, life itself..

Thank you very much! I am going to do this every day, perhaps not for an hour but I'll come to that point in a month or so.

allinone, I don't refer to that area as terrible - in fact, it's one of the most important points in our body, it's the acupuncture point which connects all vessels/meridians together. It's the practice of pressing it what is terrible (at least it was for me). Even if one is experienced, there is still a serious danger if you don't press right...so be careful, I'm sharing my story and what happened to me, 2 years in pain, because of nothing, because of stupidity... So learn from my mistake.

Thanks a lot Phil - that's exactly what I'm looking for. Do you know any "specific exercise / posture" specifically designed for the "bladder meridians" (2 meridians next to the spine, both from the left and right side)? I started with this standing meditation a while ago (not exactly this shaolin one but similar), so far I'm getting improvements in the overall body's energy levels but not specifically to the painful areas, that is, they still hurt. Of course, it needs time, perhaps 3-6 months to notice some significant changes. Overall my body's energy levels are good (I'm training wing chun kung fu at home when I have the time), but I still have these painful areas (though the pelvic one is perhaps 80% better since it first started), the back, which is the upper-mid left side, it's slightly deep, not on the periphery - will perhaps some strength exercises help? This happened from a strong cough, perhaps some muscle got weakened, or and adhesion has formed, the reason behind it - bladder nerve blockage (or over stimulation, I really don't know) I really appreciate your sharing! Thank you again!

Also, perhaps my wordings in the initial post were slightly suggesting that because of the pain I am in depression and cannot find love. This is not the case, and sorry if I somehow misled you. I just have this pain for 2 years and I'm looking for ways how to solve it.

No need to apologize, and thank you for the suggestions, and I agree that the energy body syncs up with the physical, but I'm already doing all of the above things you mentioned. I think I need more than that to overcome my situation. The Chinese have developed and practiced all these Qigong exercises for thousands of years - they simply work, I just need the right ones. Feeling good, helping others whenever I can, sharing and giving love is something I always have and always will do. That alone so far hasn't, and I doubt that it ever will solve my problem. I need physical exercises combined with breathing exercises and meditations. Perhaps an experienced acupuncturist that can open up that channel - this is what I was looking for, does anyone know of any members on this forum that can help with this? Also, if anyone has had or heard any similar stories with this million-dollar point, it would be helpful to me. Did you heal it? How did you do it? This is the information I'm looking for.

Jeff, I really appreciate your suggestions but I believe this won't solve my problem. I am psychologically a perfectly stable person, and I think this was not the approach I was looking for. For the most part, I can say that I am always trying to help others when I can, walking in nature too, whenever I can. Psychologist won't help me because I am in full control of myself, after all this trouble, I am still able to find happiness - my problem is not mental, it's not because of some wrong thoughts I've hold in my mind. I am talking about a real issue here, a physical injury and blockage of the bladder meridian. Chronic pain, caused from strong cough and pressing the million-dollar-point, later reinforced pain on the same spot plus on the left upper back, also from the strong cough - and all on the same meridian. I need advice on how to unblock that channel so that the chi can flow freely again. I am sure there are special exercises for each part of the body, and this is what I'm looking for. No more psychologists please, I've had enough of the incompetent western doctors who can't even give me a diagnose (I don't mean disrespect there, just regarding this specific problem, no traditional western doctor could help me so far).

Sorry to hear about your situation allinone, unfortunately our situations are somewhat different - I have this pain only in certain body postures, not at all times, otherwise I am energetic and psychologically stable (the first pain while sitting on the left side of the rectum and the other in the upper left back, they're both soft tissue pains, nothing related to the bone structures). I also never had any blackening of the mind when vision disappears like you described, nothing of that kind. I think in your situation it would be best to find something that inspires you and just do it - it should give you the everyday energy. But let's pls not change the topic of this thread. My situation is different, I have apparently blocked my meridian through physical injury (both from pressing the point and the strong coughing), and I need an experienced doctor in TCM or any Qigong master here that can suggest me ways/exercises to open up this channel again so that the chi can flow freely and the pain to disappear. Otherwise, please don't get me wrong, in spite of my condition, I am not in any kind of depression and I am able to control myself emotionally. I don't accept this condition and the chronic pain, and I am determined to find a way to get back to my normal life before - so pls, anyone that can offer any useful exercise (both passive and active qigong), I'll greatly appreciate it!

Thanks a lot for the suggestions Jeff! After that thing happened, I literally stopped all my practice (no physical exercises at all) because I was scared that I could potentially worsen the situation (I suspected it's some nerve damage). Only now I'm gradually just starting to practice some essential chi-gong, like the 6 sounds cleansing, basic standing meditation, and some exercises for circulating the chi. I also discovered one great exercise that affects directly this bladder meridian - inhaling from the left nostril only across the left meridian next to the spine, while still holding the breath I circulate the energy through the spine to the crown and back, and on exhaling it goes out to the right meridian next to the spine, only from the right nostril. Then I repeat it from the other side, and like that several times. But Is it possible to fix this with passive qigong exercises only? Without any body movements and no active qigong?

Thanks Phil! I'm traveling most of the time because of the nature of my work - for most of the time, I will be in Moscow (I'm not originally from Russia though).