Shad282

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About Shad282

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  1. well it started when i was young around 10 yo, when my friend drew the shabda brahman symbol on sand, and i started learning more about it, and psi energy balls, and i worked on abilities to heal and i have my hands vibrating at time... then I learned more about spirituality and landed on meditation, which mostly was around vipassana, and scanning the body, and enhancing awareness focus and i felt a lot better and reached a high peak one time where everything around me felt so vibrating and food tasted so good, but got shot down by friends and family for being crazy. then got back but not as that high peak. I meditate now to refine my focus and wake up from losing myself in the micro level of life, kind of like stabilize and restore harmony, especially that where i live it is a huge struggle every day. I do wish to get back to that high peak i reached once, but no attachment to it anyways. but it is nice to live without worry and trust life and be at peace regardless of anything.
  2. Yes, forgot that I have posted similar topic 2 years ago. I m not sure if it is depression or this situation is leading to a depression while in itself is not? Like for example even at work, I find myself having interest in many things but also in nothing, and I can excel and do amazing stuff in most of fields, but yet this is not what i want, especially when it becomes fixed. I have changed many departments in 3 years and all departments want me to work with them, but yet I feel myself everywhere but also nowhere. I feel sometimes that the issue might be between shifting the perspective between micro and macro level. for example, on a micro level, I do love people and their issues, Animals, and feel compassion and want to help, but when i think in a macro level as a whole, spiritual wise, like energy and oneness and all, the micro level become kind of pointless and useless... like rather than feeling compassion toward someone suffering, I feel like, why taking it seriously, it is just a reality without any real purpose, it is like a game, you are just believing it is real, if you die or suffer it does not really matter. it is like the micro level render this reality exciting, while the macro renders it useless like void/nothingness/kind of nihilism. I m not sure if this a kind of consciousness fragmentation between myself before awakening and after, and struggle to find harmony between these two and maybe this conflict is causing indifference that's causing depression.
  3. I agree with what you said, what i m looking for is direction, but I m not sure if it is going to be through a want/desire/need. I need something to motivate me forward something more than the stuff that are eternal, like products or sensations... something that is really meaningful that sets direction? but why do I need something? can't i just flow without a direction?
  4. Hey, lately been feeling indifferent to everything in life. I have been working for a long time on solving my shadows/problems of course they will never end but I reached a state where I kind of feel I lost desires to many things in life. I mean tho things look interesting like tech, other subjects and forms, but I don't feel like this inner WOWness or want to have it and such. Life is more like fine not much excitement, I don't feel happy but not sad, more indifferent, like I m here what's next? I also feel sometimes, that I have let go so much of what made me who I am, what made things exciting and now stuck in a void like kind of 70% identity-less, maybe just a feeling. How to move forward? what keeps you moving forward?
  5. Consciousness Fragmentation Repair?

    I believe that I exist, but existence is a projection. and reality changes based on your perspective. Because the same situation is scene differently by different people, based on their past experience and different perspectives. So essentially there is this subjective reality perceived by the mind. once you cannot touch, see, smell, hear objects. for you, nothing actually exist. I don't resist the voice in my head and I don't see it as something to get rid off or wrong or right. At the end it is pointing to something. My main question is when you have different thoughts that are conflicting, the voices that are conflicting, how to integrate them.
  6. Consciousness Fragmentation Repair?

    But isn't meditation a form of resistance ?
  7. Hi, I have been wondering if you ever experienced the different personalities/perspectives that exists within you. did you notice how life triggers shift you from one to another ? Some consider it as a fragmentation in consciousness, that happens when we experience a strong situation in the past and mostly in our childhood and so your consciousness would escape in itself by creating another self with a specific perspective of for example: fear. When I meditate, i do reach a stage of presence and awareness and also I feel that my mind is empty of thoughts but when I have to some work like create something or solve a problem..., I cannot remain in that perspective of nothingness and oneness and such and my answer would be allow it to be as it is and i will be fired from work hehehehe. I m now more like shifting between different perspective of life (sometimes consciously and sometimes triggers), but my question would be how to integrate them? or do I need to integrate them? What is your perspective about this perspective?
  8. Hi, I believe that everything in life exists in a neutral state. and its usage may lead to both positive or negative result upon intention. I was wondering, what is the positive side of: Attachment, desire, resentment, judgement and escapism. what is the negative side of: acceptance, forgiveness, letting go, authenticity, empathy, awareness, present moment. Also, what is the positive and negative side of your current belief/practice ? I believe the inability to find the positive in what we call negative or the negative in what we call positive reveals a lack in awareness and flexible perspective of life. Thank you.
  9. Accepting futile situations?

    the last time i did that, i got promoted to another department and better package and all. but I guess I need to accept things at a certain point and not easy to find another job.
  10. Hi All, I would to ask you on how is it possible for you to accept futile situations where you have to follow or do everyday a task that you think it is useless or you can do it in a better and more efficient way ? Example: being told that to go from A to B. but do that you should go from A to C then to B. So many times accepting such situation creates self hate since it feels like you are abusing yourself by accepting such tasks and abusing your intelligence. My question is how do you accept doing something not logical and repeat it everyday without getting angry or sad for doing it ? But also without feeling that by accepting and doing this, you are abusing yourself and your intelligence. Thanks.
  11. A New sense ?

    then how to use the heart and not the mind?
  12. A New sense ?

    it is hard as the mind is what we mostly use.
  13. A New sense ?

    Hi all, hope you are having a great day ! So basically recently I have been feel in tune with a certain inner sense/intuition/feeling, i m not sure how to define it exactly, but i will try to describe it. This sense feels like a sense of inner knowing that this is what is going to happen and this is what should happen. this sense feels like confidence combine with heart, connected with life. I m struggling with understanding it mentally, and it is overwhelming me as it feels like it has a big scope and requires a big expansion of consciousness to realize it. Recently many weird things happening suddenly out of nowhere and such, that never happened before. did anyone go through such experience, if yes, can you please explain more this sense to me? and how did you cope with it? Thanks.
  14. Dimension and reality shifters?

    Thank you for sharing your knowledge on this subject. 1) Though doing this for a bit time, it may result in a rise of desire to control and invincibility and thus lead to ego boost, ever encountered this ? How to maintain balance ? And can we help/support people using such tool? 2) Also, this makes me question, that when you shift reality, it means you are leaving a reality to another one, then what happens to your body in the other reality? Some described this as your body will be left on autopilot mode as your awareness shifts into different reality. Because it is perceived that you jump realities rather than you change what is. More like many possibilities are running together and you just jump from one to another. And then opens up the question to what happens to the people you know...