Hi, I read a post on this site and I think it is very spiritual. Growing up I think I was a very spiritual due to high awareness and loneliness. I don't know if it is my imagination but once time when I was young I would hold my breathe so long that I can see color of rainbow like river flowing down the street. It was very startling and made me feel afraid but the color was very pretty. I only did this once. I was able to memorized a love novel word by word for 18 pages that I read that day. I used to hate life but was to scare to violently kill myself but always tried to hold my breathe to kill myself. I was able to hold it longer and longer until that happened. In my teen my anger loneliness and sexual urge was at it's highest. I didn't have money to eat at school so I make my body feel warm to relief the hunger pain every school day. I then got to the point where i can make it fell like a warm waterfall streaming down from my head to my lower belly. The stream flow downward became bigger and faster as i practice everyday until it become very rapid and my body feels like it's on fire and I was no longer feeling hunger pain. This opened the door for my body to do a lot of supernatural things. I don't know if it is my memory but I will just stop here. What next is a little too weird and I think I had amnesia a few times since I can't remember all the incredible thing I did in my life clearly, so I sometimes feel it's just my imagination going wild. I want to practice abstinence, something that I can't do ever past 28 days after I past the age of 22. It is probably the hardest challenge in my life and also me can't stop smoking mj. I hope I can stop it for as long as possible until I find what I am searching for in the life. I know I will be stronger if I can resist these two biggest temptations. I have a huge heart and believe in god extremely. I still feel lonely. I don't think I'm weird but I haven't found someone who sees things like me yet, so that makes me feel weird. I only say it here because people seems very open minded here.