Hi, I am new student of qigong (spring forest qigong). I have always had trouble with not showing my emotions to others by bottling them up, ever since I was a small child. This is what my sister has told me when telling me of her observations of me as a baby onward. I grew up in an environment in which my parents did not get along, and I had high religious anxiety. Throughout my life I have bottled up my emotions until they burst, I would get angry and upset alone, or at someone else by accident. This didn't happen too often as I was quite adamant on not wanting to affect other people negatively. Whenever I snapped at someone I immediately apologized afterword. My self-destructive tendencies caused me to develop poor health, including a form of eczema, allergies (an allergic reaction that was bad enough to cause me to lose eyesight, and then lose consciousness for 10 minutes), and numbness and throbbing at the extremities. All I wish is for me to be able to help others, and to seek truth, but I cannot do hat unless I first balance myself and learn to safely channel my emotions.
After starting qigong 4 days ago, along with small universe meditation, I am beginning to see some of my physical symptoms disappear. I want to continue to develop myself and treat others positively from now on. I have struggled to treat others as best as I can to my own detriment because I did not know HOW to help myself.
I look forward to being a part of this community, and learning more. The odd thing is, I have attempted qigong years ago, but only until recently has it clicked for some reason (I think the type of qigong I attempted was aimed at a different purpose perhaps). My recollection of past attempts isn't perfect for me to offer a reason as to that, but nevertheless, I am here now.
I'm doing much better now, no panic attacks, no night terrors, no deep depression.
Not sure what's to come, but I know this will be quite the journey.
See you all around, and nice to meet you,
-Spencer
(Of 19 years, California, USA)
P.S. Looking forward to learning from all of you, I know very little of the Tao, but am intent on learning more.
