Hi there. I'm new. I'm here because I want to grow and develop spiritually. Wow that sounds cheesy. For one thing I want to connect with like-minded (spirited?) people, and also to get help and advice. As I progress every insight or step forward seems to raise more questions and problems than it solves which leaves me quite baffled. For example I rather like most of my negative thought patterns, they are very comforting. As I watch my thoughts and behaviour changing I worry about the consequences, I feel like I'm stripping away my identity and throwing away my place in society, which scares me, but at the same time I feel like they don't mean anything and I'm just stopping thinking about what doesn't actually exist. But what if I'm wrong? I find mindfulness very confusing too. For example if I'm sitting in a waiting room for an hour should I just sit and be mindful, examining the inevitable boredom, or is it okay to pick up a magazine to occupy the mind. Should I then be mindful of reading the magazine? How can I concentrate on what I'm reading if I'm too busy being mindful of the act of sitting in the waiting room reading? And so on it goes. I will break questions down and find the right forums for them. I don't understand the subscription system. Do I need to subscribe to be able to post or is it voluntary? Happy to pay either way but I don't really get it. Peace out.