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No one can answer this question for you. When we die, we will know, or not. We can rely on the explanations of others but what do they really know? You will come to that place completely alone and will be utterly surprised. The power of that little voice in our heads is astonishing. To be surrounded by such beauty, such infinite potential, and to only see it all as failure because of some set of twisted expectations is really something unfortunate and unique to humans, it seems. And it happens to so many of us! You are in very good company. Generally, it seems to happen mostly to those of us who are living in quite satisfactory conditions. Rather than end your life right away, what about beginning to question the judgement of the chatterbox in your head? That one is seeing a very limited and skewed view of yourself, your potential, and the world around you. That one is very confused and to follow its guidance is foolish. It is fundamental ignorance according to Buddhists. There is a place we can find and connect with that is infinitely more supportive, clear, and accessible. Good luck to you

If nothing else, it is heartening to see how much people care. The voice of depression says that nobody gives a damn; this thread demonstrates otherwise. So many wonderful people offering wisdom and support.

Yes I think this is a good point. The 10 day retreats will turn you down if you have some potential health issues. I think 10 days straight for anyone who’s not a regular meditator is a lot to handle, regardless of health issues.

So potent that you are willing to share this. Thank you. For me, there is and always has been only one cornerstone philosophical question. Continue life or not? That's it. All other lines of questioning are predicated on the answer to this one. I've been on the verge of suicide three times. Knife in hand, ready to go. In the third experience, I was leaning against the tree I had chosen to bleed out on, knife was pressed to neck, about to plunge. Amidst the fog, the pain and the voices of ruin and apathy, the following settled in mind so very distinctly, unforcefully and plainly, it cut through the fog. one constant of life is change. what is now can not remain. all is change. Therefore it continued... why this permanent solution for a temporary experience? The voice fell silent, i put the knife away and walked home. I have no words of warning about dire consequences for the deed itself, your life is your life and none can stay your hand if you so choose. However, the impact on those who remain... good god, that is a crushing weight to bear, an acid that does not cease burning. Ruinous. Calamity. So why a permanent choice for a temporary feeling? can always do it later. Why make that permanent decision just now. There's shift in the wind... Change is the real master of life and all find release to death eventually, you'll get to have that peace. I for one, being far from perfected self crave many things... among them, is to share more words, ideas and time with you. Connection is the meaning of my life. This above all others I cultivate am sustained and nourished by... And no matter how you play this, I will be a voice who, you can assure yourself will never blame you, despise you, nor judge you, should you choose to pass. But I will sing from my heart mournfully, how much I am with you, and how dear you shine for me through the momentary connection you offered me through your caring enough to share. I will never judge you, but I will deeply mourn you and in your passing, I will experience my own self as less. That voice led me to another insight eventually. My skin is not the barrier that separates me from all of life... it is the very bridge that connects me to all. Love and respect to you for sharing.

I tend toward the depressive myself. The best way to see my life as anything but a downward trajectory is when I can shut off the mind and be fully present in the Moment. Start with where you're sitting. Is there anything out of place immediately around you? If so, straighten it up. Make it look nice. Then expand a bit. Does the carpet need vacuuming? How are the windows? For me, the trick is to do that anywhere, even if I'm somewhere else. Pick up a piece of trash off the ground. Just something, no matter how small, to do something for someone else, even if that someone is 'the world in general'. It gets us out of ourselves. This life is just a story we keep telling ourselves.

rideforever - you can sit here and pontificate, poke people who actually study the arts, or humble yourself and reach out to the people who might know and go learn from them. I recommend the last part because very few teachers will give the information you are looking for away on DVDs or online courses. The best Yiquan instructional set I've found so far is from Gerald Sharp. He includes mudras, tones, and postures for each of the 5 Elements related to Xingyiquan as they consider Yiquan to be a subset of practices within their art. What spiritual benefit you get from this will entirely depend on whether 1: you have received transmission (yes energetic transmission like reiki) for your lineage and 2: how much you actually practice. I've trained a bit of Han family Yiquan and the spiritual stuff isn't really discussed except as a possible side benefit. Until you get to a certain level (creating a vertical rolling wheel of energy in front of you) it's not of any use to discuss anything with you as you will only be confused further. I've gotten the transmission from one of Chris Matsuo's students. Before and after were like night and day in practice. After transmission my qi sensations and visualizations became much more intense.

He he he ..... mwa ha har ! < starts polishing the bird perch >

Watching the bird feeder: a sparrow flies down, and misjudges its landing on the polished brass bird perch, it holds on with its feet while hanging upside down as it swings back and fourth looking around for the bird seed, finding nothing but open air, in seeming disgust it does a graceful back flip and lands on the ground below.

This trilogy contains a good set of internal practices, with a strong focus on Yiquan as the engine that is used to generate power -- https://www.amazon.com/Warriors-Stillness-Trilogy-Meditative-Traditions/dp/0964997622

I feel strongly both ways. When Harmen talks about a line being out of balance, I hear that as the dynamic of yin-yang, for lack of a better set of terms. Apech's point ( ... that by combining yin and yang in pairs you get four types of lines. ) is how I originally learned to understand yin-yang and seems to fit Harmen's notion of line balance. But balance is a tricky concept. It suggests the midpoint at being balanced and stable, which may or may not be the case. Apech's view allows for range of balance point, if you will, that supports the notion of a continuum of movement within a line. So, that to say that a line is unbalanced or unstable is a recognition that the movement is ready to revert. ... that the compelementary as aspect is nascent. I don't see any conflict at all. And it is not necessary to explicitly cite yin-yang for it to be applicable.

I have been suicidal for a long time due to feeling like a failure when compared to the success that I perceived others having. I have healed that using Divine energy on all issues surrounding success, money, relationships plus listening to awakened teachers on YouTube that point to our True Nature. Fred Davis have nice practices on Being and Paul Hedderman points to not-self so you can see the selfing process in action. Also long walks in nature helps plus volunteering on causes that help others give something back that is not tangible but helps the spirit. Hope you feel better soon.

I never went into a seminar with too much enthusiasm or high hopes. They all tend to advertise miracles and produce less. Thus I haven't gone to one in a decade or so. Yet, I don't regret the ones I've been to. If I pick up a technique or two, its worth it. Meditating with some higher level people is worth it.. soaking up some wah. Also, when the student has a totally bad time, they need to accept some of the blame for it. Teaching is a two way street. I hope the rest of the seminar, if you're still there, goes better for you. A problem I found with Healing Tao is they focused on so many techniques, when to me, going deep is better then going wide. What I'm working on these days in my meditation is 'no intention'.. a paradigm change from the past.

Use Citadelle, a french gin. To me, hands down the best gin. Clean, dry, citrusy and herbal. don't forget the lime either. if you wanna be fancy, give the wedge a half squeeze and rub it around the cups rim before dropping it in. tastes good and protect yuh from the scurvy. lastly, because some find tonic water too sweet, you can add quite bit of ice to it or add 1/3 seltzer. To make it visually interesting you can add a few drops of grenadine on top (don't mix), to make it bloody good. A few drops of blue curacao make it Martian G & T, drops of Chambord or any colored liquor make it a tad more interesting, plus you can buy mini bottles. addon> you could serve it deconstructed, ie little bottles of chilled tonic (Schweppes is good), glass of ice, lime wedges, and shot of gin then have them mix there own. That way they can taste the individual ingredients separately before making the drink. The bar at the Drake hotel used to serve them that way. Very classy. Course I could be over thinking it. Sometimes a gin & tonic, is just a gin and tonic.

Gone with the wind.

I'd like to tell you a story and I hope you take it to heart... On February 25, 2019 I received a phone call that changed me, my life and my entire family. My sister committed suicide. It has been the most devastating loss in my 48 years on this planet. You see, from her journal I found that she felt insignificant, invisible, and helpless. She was very ill for many years and these feelings built a wall around the person we, her family and friends, thought she was. She told no one and sought no help. Even though you may not realize it I hear you screaming for help. I hear you saying you really do not want to die, that you just want what you believe will make you happy. Please try to find one thing each day to live for and to love even if it is just to see the moon one more night. I am begging you to live because you matter and you are worthy! You matter and are worthy in ways to others that you can not fathom right now! The devastation of suicide reaches far outside the circle of family and friends around you. It touches the lives of strangers, their children, their animals, their world is rocked too. Suicide is like an earthquake, only the aftershocks are felt for years not mere days. The pain is far reaching and the suffering is intense. I wrote this shortly after my sister took her life. This is a glimpse of what happens after suicide. Please talk to someone. I will listen and talk with you. I will do everything I can to keep you on this earth so that you can find some happiness and a will to live because people do love you. Please, please, please!

The analysis is not fully correct: the realization of the futility of the world is in fact something to note from a spiritual perspective. In fact, many traditions indicate that this is absolutely essential for any spiritual progress. In Buddhism, it is summarized by the First Noble Truth that there is suffering. It is this very suffering that makes it possible to turn away from the world at all. The issue with suicide is that there is an assumption that death is somehow an end or a cessation. However, nothing really begins or truly ends. The entire cosmos is in constant transformation. From a Tibetan Buddhist point of view, death is not unlike going to sleep. When we go to sleep, there is often a period of darkness and forgetting. Based on this experience during the dying process, we think that is the end. But if death is truly like sleep, after this initial period of unconsciousness, we will rise again in a dream. After the dream, we are reborn again into the world. Similarly, the it is taught that the dying process is the same. An initial cessation, dreamlike experiences, and a rebirth. Similarly, no matter how depressed or how much pain we are in, it is not a part of our true nature. Again, we experience this every night when we go into deep dreamless sleep. We let go of everything. Pain is transient. Because of this, it is possible to find an end to suffering. The only way to end suffering is to remove our ignorance that is the cause of it. Having been born in this time and in this place, with an interest in spirituality, and to see the futility of attachment and playing in the red dust of the world can be a great fortune. The curse can become a blessing showing us the way out. I would challenge anyone on this board who feels the same way as the OP to use this as an opportunity to choose a tradition and practice in it. Whether it is Buddhism, Vedanta, Daoism, or an another practice that has a proven record of liberation. Follow a single path, preferably with a single teacher, and do what they tell you to do. Having come to the conclusion that life is meaningless, please seek out and find a teacher you can learn from. Make it your life. See what happens. The result may be very surprising. I guarantee you will not regret it.

Well, there's another point where we differ. My martial experience began 40 years ago and included a pretty fair amount of Daoist philosophical and cosmological training that included all the things you mention and Yijing. So, to me it's all part of a continuum. My Taijichuan training was deeply rooted in these concepts as well. So, I am not without some understanding. It just does not match up with yours. Noting wrong with that. Like I said, everyone receives the teaching differently. Happy trails!

And seriously. Some guy polished my brake pedal with Armour All once. That was one wild ride home. I felt like a sparrow who just landed on a polished brass perch.

one of my former executives went to work for the obama administration, you know there's no way I'd even try it with globalists at the reins here!

I actually like this post. It reminds me that the Daodejing tells us that the Dao regards us as ceremonial straw dogs anyway. Does it really matter when we live or die? Nothing 'out there' cares at all. We are the sentient being. But this also brings to mind that anything less than pure harmony is of the ego. Depression is of the ego. Pride is of the ego. Anything that embellishes our True Self, any prior conditioning - it's all of the ego. The awareness of depression being of the ego, somehow, is a motivator to me. Excessive ego is something I do not want to possess. when I let myself slip into depression, I'm back into my egoic illusion. Actually, on the path of self realization, depression is a pretty good guard rail.

Its funny how much content is generated by all this stuff going on. Styxnh is usually decently well spot on, he's made an ok name for himself since ripping off Razorfist's jacket and putting out enough content on a consistent basis, lol

You may have already covered this:

it was a bit more than that...go on qmap and go way back towards the beginning when all that stuff was going down for more links on it if you really want to dig - but long story short, the corrupt portion of the saudi family was in bed with the clinton foundation and all the shady shit they were doing and removing them from power was a necessary part of the operation.

remember when mohammed bin salman arrested his family & extended family? very relevant to that - that's why SA was the first side to fall. its impossible to know everything....there's so much shit happening so fast... dr p going off...interesting...

The 2nd and 3rd book are about Yiquan - the 1st is about a sort of Wuji Qigong.

So you think you're trying to do better eh? It is your job to find the meaning you will have. Suicide hurts the people who did care about you , on whatever level they did care. Its a pro-rated vindictive action. Eventually , everybody just goes on with their own life , in which they have found meaning. Or , they find that they have their fair share of happiness without some thing to hang a hat on. I liked several peoples contributions , but you might not be ready for what they said.

Hey Guys Thanks for setting up his site and sorry for. It posting earlier. Being bipolar sucks for anyone wishing to pursue a spiritual path. I am prohibited from attending a Goenka Vipassana retreat. The Tantric Yoga course I attended last year gave me such a blissful experience that I feel compelled to pursue an energy-based approach, however, it catapulted me into a manic state that almost landed me in prison. (Yes I kept taking my meds) Hence here I am at Tao Gardens after week 1 of the Innner Alchemy summer retreat believing that the Taoist path would be safe for me than the Tantric one. Before arriving I have been practising the inner smile and six healing sounds. My long term aim was to eventually attend the Dark Room retreats and experience DMT/Fusion (not sure what Fusion means at this stage). Short term I wanted to accelerate my progress in developing the micro cosmic orbit. Master Chia comes across as a rambling old man who cannot stay focused on a train of thought and continually mixes up the thymus and the thalamus. I have learned some techniques from him which are not in his books but mostly the experience has been frustrating. There are 40+ participants, MC is explaining/demonstrating/story-telling from the stage, randomly replaced by a UHT instructor. There are only 2 volunteer instructors assisting and they have hardly ever checked our performance of the forms on an individual basis. His books all carry the warning: “Readers should not undertake the practice without receiving per- sonal transmission and training from a certified instructor of the Universal Tao, since certain of these practices, if done improperly, may cause injury or result in health problems.” I have spent a fair amount of money to be here and I have a week to go. I do not feel I have received much greater “transmission” than would have achieved watching a YouTube video, although MC did step down from the stage once to check our sacrum wiggling and once to tap us on the head. i expressed my concerns to a UHT instructor who told me that I would have to wait 10 years for initiation. Any advice?

The Goenka schools are in my opinion quite violent in their approach and attract people with unloving hearts. In the UK there is the IMC International Meditation Centre which teaches Vipassana in a better way, but from a neighbouring tradition to Goenka ... it's a good place. Also the recordings of Goenka's 10 day lectures are available online and you can listen to them; I enjoyed them but the school that is set up in his name I did not enjoy. With Mantak Chia, I studied Michael Winn a lot .... anyway Chia has extended and extended the practices so that they are very over-convoluted, and I have found that sticking to the core basics and going deeply into them is better. Better to learn one thing well than several unhappily. Bipolar type things, I think can be well addressed with practices around connecting to your inner child, who is often ractive and fragmented, and I personally do "Inner Bonding".

If there are two things, what separates them? You need a third thing to separate the two.--- Zeno Does one thing exist or many? What separates one thing from the next? Where is the line?-- Zeno

Who in their right mind has a polished brass bird perch? That's just plain mean, Mr. P.

straight up Tang has long been the go-to....lol howya spell that, Tangueray...long ago my younger brother always started insisting that's the one, but I'm not really a gin connoisseur myself lime is a must with any gin recipe and there's simply no reason not to have the gin in the freezer Goya Mango nectar is a great addition if you want to fruiten it up a bit and so are those hardcore Acai berry ones like the Sambazon or...there's a couple others I forget - but just a touch of those are a good flavor-addition if you're adding that stuff then use club soda instead of tonic, or various seltzer waters. winds up being tough to find a non HFCS tonic water, and that stuff is disgusting. lol, or my buddy started drinking these new drinks, what are they, white claw? seltzer and vodka, 100 calories, and a surprisingly faithful fruit representation, although the mango ones are like the half unripe mangoes and not the Jamaican beach ripe fresh but that doesnt fit in the gin category. (he says gin makes him crazy like whiskey does, but somehow vodka's ok...I dont get it, cuz I'm really not a drinker, lol)

I submit that both paradoxes will be solved (I do not pretend to solve them here and now) by assimilating into our Western build of science the Eastern doctrine of identity. Mind is by its very nature a singulare tantum. I should say: the over-all number of minds is just one. I venture to call it indestructible since it has a peculiar timetable, namely mind is always now. There is really no before and after for mind. There is only a now that includes memories and expectations. But I grant that our language is not adequate to express this, and I also grant, should anyone wish to state it, that I am now talking religion, not science.” —Erwin Schrödinger, What is Life?: With Mind and Matter and Autobiographical Sketches, p. 134–135 I find this statement so powerful because of who Erwin Schrodinger was: Erwin Schrödinger was a Nobel Prize-winning Austrian physicist who developed a number of fundamental results in the field of quantum theory, which formed the basis of wave mechanics: he formulated the wave equation and revealed the identity of his development of the formalism and matrix mechanics. Schrödinger proposed an original interpretation of the physical meaning of the wave function

SUPER HUMMAN stunt man keepin it O.G.

Just make a plan for today. Just for today. Let go of tomorrow, of worrying about the world, or worrying about yourself. Just make a plan for today. If the morning goes well, the day will go well. Work on small things.

its actually a sweet sparkly glowy liquid - when you slow it down enough

😂

Besides the fact that you're demonstrating a lot of guesswork as to the mechanics or meaning of Yi Quan and Liuhebafa, you are most likely best able to get answers you're looking for with an actual live teacher of respectable lineage and qualifications. Perhaps you are adverse to teachers and wish to self-learn, perhaps you don't want to pay, perhaps the mirror that good teachers show scares you. Also, regarding LDT and Taijiquan and "spirituality with Yi Quan" as you say--the former is nothing I've ever heard of in my years of training under respectable teachers and the latter is highly speculative. With the latter, as I've found, internal arts and spiritual growth can't be measured by the system itself, but by the individual and how they affect the body and mind harmony--something that is easier to see again with someone guiding you. Otherwise, it's analogous to running in circles in the desert and thinking you've crossed the desert. Terry Dunn and JR Rodriguez are both authorities on Liuhebafa, and Rodriguez is an authority on Yi Quan. The advancement of one's martial skill and overall Being are immeasurable under individuals as highly qualified and recommended as they are. I can not publicly speak for any of the other teachers mentioned on this thread, but I can also say that some of whom are those I would steer far away from, emphatically.

I’d say no. Afaik one is supposed to build from the ground up, like a house. When the house is good to live in and store your reserves in you use it. When you need to dip into your reserves you do so from the top. Analogy: you are human between heaven and earth, you live off the earth and what heaven feeds it to grow. So first you make sure you can stand on the ground, the study yourself while you study the earth and once you have built considerable relationship to the earth you can gain from heaven and study your relationship with both of them. So when you use energy you get it from the sky, through your connection to the earth and it is expressed out of you in a similarly descending direction. This is probably overly simplified and only corresponding to where i’m at and in no way a final thing. I’m still learning from earth and it is slow.

@alchemystical I saw your post some while back and it’s been knockin’round my head since and I’m here to make the voices stop!!! I guess what resonates with me is that - especially now - human beings are a mess (really from any angle, from where ever you’re standing), and surprisingly so. I’ve been kicking around the internal arts scene for some decades and you’d think I’d understand people enough so I wouldn’t be surprised over and over and over. And I’ve a few friends (from various orientations of serious internal looking) who are older than me and better students that I am, and *they*’re surprised. And I guess my question is, “why are we so surprised, over n’ over?”. What false presumptions about the human condition do we hold, that get knocked over time and time again by actual events? What understandings are we lacking? One presumption I’ve found in my own psychology that, “generally, people are good”. Whether true or not (and certainly it is flawed, naive and true), it doesn’t prompt much ongoing discernment as “functionality”. And god knows we’re all flawed and improving at our core levels in the areas we’re not-so-good-at: veeeerrry long term slow work. A friend of mine had a hard knocks interpretation of Buddha’s first noble truth, “life is suffering”, saying that there’s not a solution to it, that’s the fact of it, and to just be able to get through it. Books come to mind: P.D.Ouspensky’s “The Fourth Way” Any of the non-fiction books of essays by Wendell Berry. Someone here on the board, a long time back, mentioned that when they were in college deciding on a major and considering psychology vs sociology and checked out all the professors from each discipline and found that the sociologists were all depressed. Anyway, those are some rambling thoughts, relevance questionable. cheers, Trunk

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Yes today Christianity has been destroyed. And ... just look at the planet. Good is it ? Everything fixed is it !!!! That's good !!!! As for the Inquisition and the burning of pagans and all that .... well I don't know the exact details. People are always killing someone. But what I do know is that in Spain the Inquisition was actually done by the lawyers of that era, who were quite well aware how stupid it was to talk to hungry farmers who were busy staying about such things; and that the Inquisition prisons which were run by the church were so comfortable that ordinary prisoners in the state jails were desperate to be moved to the church prisons. Because in the ordinary prisons 40 people were dying every week. And as for the torturing, apparently it would last 15 mins on average and was almost never done more than once. But there is this nasty little book of instructions for how to torture and burn witches .... but I understand that to be a forgery. You see ... the forgeries and the agendas on this planet are always much bigger than the actual situation. So, it becomes very hard to know who is the good man in the end. Right this moment there is a fashion of British bashing ... and all the fools are just repeating it, reading off the autocue. Don't repeat. Think for yourself.

So I just got back home from work. My dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. Now, my neighbor's kids raise these Blue Ribbon WINNER Rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of their rabbits. So I took the rabbit away from my dog, I rushed inside, washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some ANIMALS play dead when they are AFRAID, I couldn't remember which animals because I was NERVOUS. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages, then I ZOOMED back home. NOT 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming. so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage!!! (random fb joke)

The Ergo21 Meditation Cushion has helped me sit for longer than 3 other meditation cushions that I have tried. It's a flat cushion with pockets of liquid on top of foam. A bit expensive at $127 (excluding shipping), living in South Africa this is expensive for me at least. Their thin shoe insoles are also nice. I fold a little wool blanket and put it under the cushion to give a bit more elevation at the back. https://www.ergo21.com/meditation-cushion/

Yes, real teachers have terrifying power, but are wonderful beings because of their cultivation. Push hands is not a game because it actually has energetic value to it. Few people on this forum talk about it let alone know about it or have quality training and it shows in the level of understanding of posts here, especially nowadays with many former members gone. Fighting itself is a game because it’s juvenile and is the expression of unaware and un-evolved beings. A lad once thought he was tough because he competed in MMA. He met my teacher in Manila and my teacher played with him like a parent and a child throwing a tantrum, which was exactly that based off of that lad’s ego. I did the same to a drunk once two years ago and the drunk cried about how I “was so mean” for “hurting” him when I merely refused to allow him any chance to strike me with his limbs. Sensing hands came out naturally in that situation. Sensing hands is an exchange in energy and great for both control and understanding your own energy projection. Wang Xiangzhai once shook hands with another challenger while walking into a stadium and they maintained their grip the whole time until the opponent fell suddenly. This was just before the match. They were already engaged in sensing hands in a way nobody else could see without that level of skill. So if you have a real adept in your life, you may already be learning without realizing it.

A British ship was floundering off the coast of Germany, they get on the radio . " Hello, hello, is anyone out there ! " " Hello, yes, this is the German Coast Guard ... what can we do for you ?" " Oh, thank God ... we are sinking ... we are sinking ! " " I see .... and what are you sinking about ?"

Makes sense, though metta always seemed to me as much in the head as in the heart. Still, when working with energy, its good to end and settle at the lower dantien/hara.