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Could I potentially run into problems if I don't ever have a partner?


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#17 Taoway

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 06:21 PM

That sounds as if you actually desire a partner, it just didn't work out so far. In that case, going celibate may seem to be 'the easy way out', but actually be tantamount to an act of repression that could indeed mess you up quite badly eventually.

How about first exploring why it's so difficult for you to find someone? You may discover that you have some blockades to resolve - and doing so could take you to a whole new level of personality unfoldment.

But if you eventually conclude that you are simply not interested in having relationships, then it will be a decision based on deep introspection and you will be able to follow that path with confidence, no matter what others may say or think.

Either way - best of luck to you! :)


You are certainly right. I do still desire companionship but at times I connect that to my lack of practice. I tend to desire having someone fill up my empty space with me when I don't stick to my internal practices. But maybe even that is suppression.

To be honest I just don't think I deserve a relationship. I don't feel the most attractive. Am pretty skinny with out much ability to change it (very difficult to gain weight ). And I don't think I can offer much sexually in a relationship which I tend to assume is pretty important for most girls.

So I tend to find more relief in just letting go of the idea of partnership or finding one. I just haven't been able to stick to letting go of it. That might be another sign of more repression. If that's the case I'm not sure where to go from there.

#18 Michael Sternbach

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 08:19 PM

You are certainly right. I do still desire companionship but at times I connect that to my lack of practice. I tend to desire having someone fill up my empty space with me when I don't stick to my internal practices. But maybe even that is suppression.

 

Not at all, it's perfectly sane. On the other hand, you will find dozens of threads started by unhappy "retainers" running into various problems on this board.

 

To be honest I just don't think I deserve a relationship.

 

And that is perfectly wrong. Everybody deserves to be loved by a partner.

 

I don't feel the most attractive. Am pretty skinny with out much ability to change it (very difficult to gain weight ). And I don't think I can offer much sexually in a relationship which I tend to assume is pretty important for most girls.

 

Girls come in all kinds of different types. I'm sure there are some out there that suit you. However, it would be helpful if you would build up your confidence.

So I tend to find more relief in just letting go of the idea of partnership or finding one. I just haven't been able to stick to letting go of it. That might be another sign of more repression. If that's the case I'm not sure where to go from there.

 

How about asking the board for some relationship advice? There are some here more than willing to help with that kind of topic.


Edited by Michael Sternbach, 12 February 2017 - 08:25 PM.

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#19 liminal_luke

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 08:42 PM

I`m no celibacy expert, but I`d bet it works out better when it feels like a free choice.  We`ve all got issues that show up when we try to get into relationships -- and then sometimes if we do get in a relationship and the issues just get worse.  Deciding to be celibate might seem a nifty psychological workaround: no relationship, no relationship issues.  I don`t think it`s so easy though.  The issues are still there no matter what, and our happiness depends on our willingness to engage with them.  

 

I wouldn`t become celibate because it seems easier.  Almost everybody has issues around sex and relationships so you`re in very good company.  Don`t give up on yourself yet.


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#20 Taoway

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 08:50 PM

You are certainly right. I do still desire companionship but at times I connect that to my lack of practice. I tend to desire having someone fill up my empty space with me when I don't stick to my internal practices. But maybe even that is suppression.

Not at all, it's perfectly sane. On the other hand, you will find dozens of threads started by unhappy "retainers" running into various problems on this board.

To be honest I just don't think I deserve a relationship.

And that is perfectly wrong. Everybody deserves to be loved by a partner.

I don't feel the most attractive. Am pretty skinny with out much ability to change it (very difficult to gain weight ). And I don't think I can offer much sexually in a relationship which I tend to assume is pretty important for most girls.

Girls come in all kinds of different types. I'm sure there are some out there that suit you. However, it would be helpful if you would build up your confidence.

So I tend to find more relief in just letting go of the idea of partnership or finding one. I just haven't been able to stick to letting go of it. That might be another sign of more repression. If that's the case I'm not sure where to go from there.

How about asking the board for some relationship advice? There are some here more than willing to help with that kind of topic.


I'm not sure where to start with building any sort of confidence. I have to first stop resenting my self deep down.
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#21 Michael Sternbach

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 04:25 AM

I'm not sure where to start with building any sort of confidence. I have to first stop resenting my self deep down.

 

Right. Not least, it also seems unlikely that you would get far on any spiritual path as long as you think of yourself as unworthy.

 

There are many ways to approach this. You should find one that works for you.


Edited by Michael Sternbach, 13 February 2017 - 04:32 AM.

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#22 thelerner

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 04:38 PM

Thing is, its a very big world.  There are female versions of you running around.  Very good people with insecurities and body issues.  In truth every one has them, some more some less.  While there is nothing wrong going solo, if you want to find possible hookups/soul mate, then join some classes or activities that challenge your status quo and force you to meet and interact with others. 

 

From gaming, dancing, group meditation, charity work.  Get out of your comfort zone, grow your wtf2 muscle. 

 

 

 

 

2pronounced what the heck


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#23 centertime

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Posted 17 February 2017 - 11:02 AM

Right. Not least, it also seems unlikely that you would get far on any spiritual path as long as you think of yourself as unworthy.

 

There are many ways to approach this. You should find one that works for you.

Maybe you could tell what ways you think there are....



#24 Michael Sternbach

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Posted 17 February 2017 - 02:22 PM

Maybe you could tell what ways you think there are....


I don't 'think' there are ways. I know there are.

But I'm confused by the way you phrased your question.

If you or anybody else asks from a place of genuine interest and openness, I'll be glad to share what I know.
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