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Could I potentially run into problems if I don't ever have a partner?


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#1 Taoway

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 08:07 AM

And if I don't masturbate or anything along those lines ? Any blocks emotional or physical that I should be aware of ?

#2 dawei

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Posted 09 February 2017 - 10:52 AM

from a psychological and emotional point of view, what does "if I don't ever have a partner" mean to you and your heart ?



#3 cold

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Posted 09 February 2017 - 11:00 AM

Short answer is Yes of course!


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#4 Gerard

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Posted 11 February 2017 - 12:15 AM

Dear friend, blessings to you if you manage to channel
all the jing to all your mind blockages which are many and located all over.

You won't create any blocks but some blocks will be enhanced if you don't use the jing to open them as this process requires a lot of energy. You must also learn how to channel the excess energy and follow certain hygiene rules (diet, time and amount of practice, type of practice, location, associate yourself with only certain people, so get used to loneliness unless living amongst monastics...).

The main problem you'll face is your own mind attracting females to seduce you (Mara). You'll be bombarded, like me yesterday after meditating in the rainforest and while walking back to the car park and suddenly after a clearing in the rainforest I saw a young girl, around 18-19, long hair and only wearing a bikini with two other companions, walking in front of me waving her sexually appealing backside (I thought right timing now that we are in the eve of a full moon). I knew it was my own mind trying to send me back to the past: a male looking for a female for relationship and mating purposes. Back to the Yin and Yang duality that is so darn difficult to overcome, back to Samsara. No thank you! I am celibate for a reason as well as live alone practising full time. Then suddenly after waking behind these young people got about 10 min, this attractive young girl turned around and with a smile asked me if I wanted her to move a bit so I could get past them. I replied, yes thank you and have a nice day. Until lust is completely erased from your Heart, it is a long battle that will certainly test your patience and willpower. The longer you retain the more frequently you'll be the subjected to female seduction for the only purpose of sexual gratification. Welcome to one of the sensuous worlds (kama-loka), the human one.

Good luck and hard work! You'll need both. It's not an easy path but a very noble one.

:)

Edited by Gerard, 11 February 2017 - 12:46 AM.

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#5 Jetsun

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Posted 11 February 2017 - 02:11 AM

Through retention you will most likely become frustrated emotionally and the backed up sexual energy can put a strain on your kidneys.

Edited by Jetsun, 11 February 2017 - 02:12 AM.


#6 Spotless

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Posted 11 February 2017 - 04:21 AM

Each of us are individuals in the relative physical and how this behavior plays out for you is dependent upon so many factors. The examples Gerard gave are not general examples - it is his experience and similar to some but certainly not all (and I am not referring to the story of walking behind the girls).

It will be far more difficult if you are going on an engineering assignment with this undertaking - attempting to specifically control and move these energies etc. This will do several things that will occupy your doing, constantly remind you of the task of it and have you second guessing every move. It is much more fraught with complications, problems and distress - and much less effective than not engineering in every way.

Seeking a good solid practice that is not an amalgamation of 20 of your favorite flavors but one(s) which bring you from the roots up will be fine. Simple practice will be extremely effective if done regularly and frequently and requires no engineering because the energy knows very well what to do without engineering.

Typically as time goes by you will be less and less haunted by any stress from this practice - it is greatly reduced in weeks and massively reduced in months - if you have already been practicing this then it is probably already clear ( you did not seem stressed in your original post.). Contrary to some popular notions this will not build and build an increasing yearning and building lustfulness - certainly not with the proper mindset and practice - in fact it is the opposite - you are not actively practicing a venting of desire that cannot be quelled and you are not looking over the degradation that inevitable takes place in order for it to continue to be "exciting".

You have given no background on yourself so it is difficult to be very specific here - your background can have a considerable effect on how this is approached - certain religions practically teach sexual perversion (nearly all of Christian and Muslim sects) and this can be problematic but if your mindset is well found with regard to your intentions then this can be overwritten pretty cleanly.

This is far less about the energy conserved than about the general eradication of a great deal of complicating cross currents.

Edited by Spotless, 11 February 2017 - 04:42 AM.

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#7 Michael Sternbach

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 09:41 AM

To attempt a reply to this question, it would be useful to know why you think you will never have a partner.


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#8 Taoway

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 10:15 AM

To attempt a reply to this question, it would be useful to know why you think you will never have a partner.


Because it doesn't seem to be in my cards. It's been years of looking but no one has shown interest in me. So I have to be realistic

#9 Papayapple

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 10:51 AM

Because you've been realistic from the start :)


Always keen on having a skype conversation in English with you about absolutely everything.


#10 Taoway

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 10:56 AM

Because you've been realistic from the start :)


Realistic that not everyone is going to find a partner ?

#11 Seatle185

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 11:08 AM

As spotless mentiones there are many individual factors and everyone is different but i can tell you my personal experience and perhaps it will give you some perspective

When i was a teenager i spent several years looking for a partner in vain, it seems the harder i tried the more disaster followed haha. Basically i came to the realization that fighting against the current isnt good. I took it as a sign i should practice celibacy and i quit trying to force the issue. Now i beleive that celibacy is very valuable only if you can refine the mind first, because otherwise there could be potential blocks causes by frustration, anger, depression. Iv noticed this happens if you see seductive images on tv or if someones flirting with you. The reason this causes blocks is because your conditioned to desire sex but then tell yourself you cant have it. This is unatural and if you try to supress it forcefully it will re manifest one way or the other. When i first started i stopped watching tv and going to places that promote sexuality to a high degree because advertisements on tv are full of seducing images, and almost all television promotes sex in one way or the other and if someone is celibant they are seen as a failure. Haha but after a while i stopped thinking that i needed sex or a partner and just was able to devote full time to my practice. So now when i see a pretty girl in a bikini or sexual images i dont get aroused at all, i can admire the beauty but i dont lust for it and lose control.

There is a brahmacharya practice that recomends you think of every woman in terms of your sister or mom, you admire the beauty and the spirit of the person but do not lust for them. Lust is a hard thing to manage but if your dedicated to the path i think it gets easier over time. It did for me at least
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#12 Taoway

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 12:23 PM

As spotless mentiones there are many individual factors and everyone is different but i can tell you my personal experience and perhaps it will give you some perspective

When i was a teenager i spent several years looking for a partner in vain, it seems the harder i tried the more disaster followed haha. Basically i came to the realization that fighting against the current isnt good. I took it as a sign i should practice celibacy and i quit trying to force the issue. Now i beleive that celibacy is very valuable only if you can refine the mind first, because otherwise there could be potential blocks causes by frustration, anger, depression. Iv noticed this happens if you see seductive images on tv or if someones flirting with you. The reason this causes blocks is because your conditioned to desire sex but then tell yourself you cant have it. This is unatural and if you try to supress it forcefully it will re manifest one way or the other. When i first started i stopped watching tv and going to places that promote sexuality to a high degree because advertisements on tv are full of seducing images, and almost all television promotes sex in one way or the other and if someone is celibant they are seen as a failure. Haha but after a while i stopped thinking that i needed sex or a partner and just was able to devote full time to my practice. So now when i see a pretty girl in a bikini or sexual images i dont get aroused at all, i can admire the beauty but i dont lust for it and lose control.

There is a brahmacharya practice that recomends you think of every woman in terms of your sister or mom, you admire the beauty and the spirit of the person but do not lust for them. Lust is a hard thing to manage but if your dedicated to the path i think it gets easier over time. It did for me at least


Damn that makes a whole lot of sense. Puts everything I'm trying to do in a clear perspective.

I just have trouble taking that last step to commiting to my choice you know ? I do believe in the practice of celibacy and brahmacharya. I feel it is the right thing for me. But I do go back and forth feeling repressed from something. I tell my self I can't find a relationship. I am doing what you said you did looking for a partner in vein.

I have managed to dedicate my self to it for maybe a month straight but fall back. Maybe insecurity plays a role ? Feeling a need to be validated. If that's the case. Getting a girlfriend isn't going to solve the problem. But only more introspection ?

#13 Seatle185

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 01:15 PM

Well when i first started out my mindset was just - i would practice celibacy and if a 'soul mate' found me then whatever happened would. I think thats a good way to look at it, i think masturbation is the problem because its like self destructive in a way because your using fake imagery and kind of wishing you were someone else. Definately adds to illusion and isnt good for your spiritual cultivation. So lust is the worst thing, not sex necessarily. But after a while now i beleive celibacy for the rest of my life is good because i seems most everyone where im from has sex out of lust using manipulation and other wrong means to get it and that disgusts me.

What if i find someone now? I might still keep celibacy, some men in india who practice brahmacharya have wives but are still celibant. But i doubt ill find someone and im completely ok with that now! Because no girl that iv met so far would like my schedule in that i dedicate most of the hours that im not at work to practice and i wouldnt alter it because its just too important to me..

And about your last paragraph, i definately agree with you in that insecurity plays a role. Well it did for me at least, i was conditioned since birth by my parents, tv, friends, school teachers to think a certain way. Like if you dont have a wife by a certain age then somethings wrong with me and im a loser.. haha i think thats how most people in the US are unfortunately. But the point of spiritual cultivation in the begining is to burn off all that artificial conditioning so you can return to the REAL you. Getting girlfriend out of desperation isnt going to help, however if you encounter someone without looking it could work out great. I think non action is better than action in that situation but this is my opinion, hope it helps.
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#14 Taoway

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 01:23 PM

Well when i first started out my mindset was just - i would practice celibacy and if a 'soul mate' found me then whatever happened would. I think thats a good way to look at it, i think masturbation is the problem because its like self destructive in a way because your using fake imagery and kind of wishing you were someone else. Definately adds to illusion and isnt good for your spiritual cultivation. So lust is the worst thing, not sex necessarily. But after a while now i beleive celibacy for the rest of my life is good because i seems most everyone where im from has sex out of lust using manipulation and other wrong means to get it and that disgusts me.

What if i find someone now? I might still keep celibacy, some men in india who practice brahmacharya have wives but are still celibant. But i doubt ill find someone and im completely ok with that now! Because no girl that iv met so far would like my schedule in that i dedicate most of the hours that im not at work to practice and i wouldnt alter it because its just too important to me..

And about your last paragraph, i definately agree with you in that insecurity plays a role. Well it did for me at least, i was conditioned since birth by my parents, tv, friends, school teachers to think a certain way. Like if you dont have a wife by a certain age then somethings wrong with me and im a loser.. haha i think thats how most people in the US are unfortunately. But the point of spiritual cultivation in the begining is to burn off all that artificial conditioning so you can return to the REAL you. Getting girlfriend out of desperation isnt going to help, however if you encounter someone without looking it could work out great. I think non action is better than action in that situation but this is my opinion, hope it helps.


that helps a whole lot ! Thank you!

If you don't mind sharing. Could I ask what practices you do ?

#15 Seatle185

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 02:01 PM

No problem man, if you run into problems or have questions PM me anytime and i can see if i can help, i dont presume to have all the answers but i see a little bit of my past situation in your situation now, why i decided to post..

As for my story, i instantly immersed myself in taoism the minute i read about it because in a way it was a path i was already following, unlike most people around me i beleived God was in spotaneity and in nature.. not in a church obsessed with empty rituals, completely misunderstanding the gospels, and where hypocrisy and judgement runs wild. This is the kind of 'spiritual' environment i was raised in haha.. i read the Bible quite a few times in those days and always knew there was something more, i felt i had a different understanding of the teachings in the gospels and looked for more answers . i started studying the ancient eastern religions, the vedas, tantra shastras, buddhist sutras, while i found truth and spiritual uplift from these important holy scriptures the taoist classics resonated with me most so i study what i can of the nei jing, i ching, tao te ching, these three alone can be a life time of study and you still might be far from understanding completely haha! This is important because when you are practicing celibacy i would recomend filling your empty time with spiritual practice, it really helps out so much to keep your mind off the lower level emotions like lust, greed, anger, jealousy. And reading these spiritual texts uplifts you i feel and motivates you to better yourself on a deep level. So even if you dont have a set practice yet i recomend filling time reading any of the texts i mention.

My practice other than reading is a lot of taijiquan, and other qigong practices that my teacher has taught, or that i have learned elsewhere. My practice also includes zhan zhuang, basic breathing and releasing excercises. This helps a great deal with strengthening the yi among many other benefits.

Mindfullness outside of practice is most important for controlling lust too. I feel like taiji has subtly helped me in that i know my center and keep my center and dont get aroused by externals. Remember the goal isnt to run off into seclusion, but you shouldnt let externals take you away from the path YOU feel is right for you.

Perhaps the greatest achievement of the old spiritual figures is that they could surround themselves with "inferior" people and not be influenced negatively by them. So this is something to keep in mind. at first i thought seclusion was the only way but over time i realized that is not that great of an achievement. Its like rehab, yes it works, when you remove someone from a bad environment they wont be tempted to use, but eventually they have to come back to that environment and the minute they encounter temptation they go back to their old ways. Its easy to stay away from something when your not tempted. Staying away from it even in the midst of temptation is how you test true power

Edited by Seatle185, 12 February 2017 - 02:12 PM.

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#16 Michael Sternbach

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 04:37 PM

Because it doesn't seem to be in my cards. It's been years of looking but no one has shown interest in me. So I have to be realistic

That sounds as if you actually desire a partner, it just didn't work out so far. In that case, going celibate may seem to be 'the easy way out', but actually be tantamount to an act of repression that could indeed mess you up quite badly eventually.

How about first exploring why it's so difficult for you to find someone? You may discover that you have some blockades to resolve - and doing so could take you to a whole new level of personality unfoldment.

But if you eventually conclude that you are simply not interested in having relationships, then it will be a decision based on deep introspection and you will be able to follow that path with confidence, no matter what others may say or think.

Either way - best of luck to you! :)

Edited by Michael Sternbach, 12 February 2017 - 04:38 PM.

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